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TAY 212: How to get your ex-girlfriend back

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Today’s podcast we discussed how to re-engage an ex-girlfriend.

 

AARON:   Yes, so I’ve got this girl that I’ve been dating I didn’t hear about 10 years ago and we hit it off really strong. Things were going really well and I met her at a Christmas party in Florida and we stay in touch and I went back to California where I was living because I was living in Northern California at that time and she came out to visit and was considering moving out there to be with me and I want her to make sure that she stayed at her own place and she wasn’t moving—like she was moving out there for the right reasons.

 

JAMIE:  Right.

 

AARON:  I don’t want her to move out there for just me. Anyways, we stay in touch and then things just kind of died off. I started dating other people and she was dating other people and I never really heard from her again.  And then just recently, I found out that she had moved near me and so I contacted her I was like, hey! What’s going on? I was like, you moved? She was like, yeah, I got a new job and so we kind of caught up and we were suppose to meet up and like she just been really flakey and just ghost seeming lately. I don’t know what’s going on, what happened.  I get, suddenly like the conversation we had was really good and it’s almost like I don’t know if I need to go back and try to build that attraction level back up because I felt like there is that comfort level there between the two of us already.

 

JAMIE:  Uh-huh.

 

AARON:  Yeah, so that’s kind of where I’m at. I just never… just kind of died off like we are supposed to meet up this last Friday. And just, I haven’t heard from her for like the last week so…

 

JAMIE:   Okay. Jason, you want to give a go first?

 

JASON:  Yeah, so what’s your intention with this?

 

AARON: I think that there is possibility for relationship material there and when I got to know her—I didn’t get the chance to know her like we knew each other for a while and we were talking back and forth on the phone so I’d probably say we probably know each other for about a good month, so I definitely think that there was something there and I wanted to see where it was going to go basically. And now that she moved back, she’s like pretty close to me now, I figured well, there is a possibility that you know to work something out.

 

JASON:  Yeah. And then so prior to that one, when you guys would hangout, how would that go compared to how it’s going on now?

AARON:  Oh, before? It was like… it felt like it was on like all the time. Like there is that chemistry there, there was an attraction. The conversations flowed really well, like really good conversation.

JASON:  Mm-hm. Now, this time around, have you communicated with her or anything like that over the phone?

AARON:  I did, yeah. We talked for… so when I found out she had post like a couple of pictures on Facebook or something and then I texted her and then we ended up—I called her and we talked for about a couple of hours.

JASON:  Hmm, she—

AARON:  And, well, it’s like an hour or two. Yeah, it was a pretty long time and then we realize, yeah, let’s get together soon, and then she’s like, yeah and so… I know part of it and I’m not trying to make excuses for her. I know she just started a new job and she just moved and everything. But I feel like if she really wanted to she would make the time if it was important enough of course.

JASON:  Mm-hm. Yeah, definitely.

AARON:  So—

JASON:  Yeah, I mean, the way it seems like it to me? What I’ve noticed a lot of the times until I can get that person in front of me and kind of re-spark that. A lot of the times I’m communicating through texting or even phone call isn’t doing a justice to kind of re-spark that attraction that was there. You know what I’m talking about?

AARON:  Yeah

JASON:  So really, my best advice for this case would really be to try to get in front of her and prove to yourself if either that connections/relationship is done. And being able to admit it to yourself rather than continuing to chase because now you’re just basically putting yourself deeper in this like little… in this one scenario where you are now neglecting like ten other potential girls that want to get to know you, does that make sense?

AARON:  Yeah.

JASON:  So now as far as getting her to come out, you know? There’s the obvious like, hey, giving her a call maybe and be like, hey, look I know you’re busy. I have a couple days next Thursday and Friday. I just found this really cool bar. Let’s go check it out. I just found this really cool place, let’s go check it out; but it’s almost like if it’s not working through text, you might want to amp it up and almost call her out on it through… when you’re talking to her like, hey! Look, we’ve been playing like tag back and forth, but I know this really cool place that we can go check out on Friday. Let’s do it, like he, you good? You get the way I’m like delivering—

AARON:  Yeah.

 

JASON:  I’m saying what we’re going to do. I’m not asking like, hey, can we hangout this week, maybe Thursday? Maybe around 8? Maybe at the bar that you like? Or the restaurant that you like? Versus, hey, I just found this… hey, dude, I’m going to show you the coolest place that’s probably you’ve never been to because you don’t even live here.

 

AARON:  So the way I framed it on for this Friday, because we were supposed to hangout last night. Last week, I told her, I said, hey, I want to be down in the city. I’ve got to get some work done, everything. I said we should go grab a bite to eat or grab a drink or something like that while I’m down there. And that’s how I framed it. And then, she was like, yeah, sure. Let’s do that. And then yeah, so I never heard anything back from her since and it’s been a week so.

 

JASON:  Did you text her prior to meeting up with her? Like as a ping like as a reminder? Or you just text her like at the beginning of the week and then, let it go the whole week or…?

 

AARON:  I let it go the whole week. I didn’t remind her. So normally, I do remind. Like I’ll  maybe hit him up say, hey, what are you guys going on? Or not what you got going on but like, hey, I just want to hit you up and make sure we’re still on for—

 

JASON:  Mm-hm.

 

AARON:  Tomorrow or whatever, you know?

 

JASON:  Yeah, yeah.

 

AARON:  But this one in particular, I—this time in particular, I did not. And I think it was partially because I wanted to see some initiative on her part, I guess?

 

JASON:  Yeah! I know exactly where you’re… yeah.

 

AARON:  You know what I’m saying? I don’t wanted to be all on me, trying I guess, push for it.

 

JASON:  You know I’ve… to be honest with those situations, I’ve done that before. And looking back at it, a lot of it was ego, because I was like, no, I put in the effort to set up the date so she should text me back. Well, what I’ve noticed? Here’s one reality, all these girls have like they have literally let just d*ck being phoned at them like freaking 20 miles an hour nonstop. Yeah. If you can’t like differentiate yourself and stand outside of what every other guy is doing? They’re going to forget about you because they have enough stimulus coming in from every direction. So typically, if I tried to set the dates, maybe two, three, four days tops ahead of time because if you wait too long, then they start getting that buyer’s remorse, like, oh, men! I don’t know about this guy. What would I think? What’s going to happen? Is this going to be good? Where, if you do it like, you know two, three days ahead it’s kind of like, hey! Let’s do something like Tuesday, you down Tuesday? Yeah, okay, cool! And so Tuesday. You know it feels like more like it just kind of happened?

 

AARON:  Yeah.

 

JASON:  And then along with that, I don’t want to live too long not texting. Basically, like let’s say I set up the date on Sunday for like next Friday, maybe Tuesday, I’ll send a little meme or some message that just to kind to get her laughing? I call them pebbles. So I’ll send like a pebble just to get her laughing maybe like Thursday, I’ll send something else or and sometimes I’ll send a meme and like a conversation will just naturally start and we’ll go back and forth for a little bit and then I just let it die off and then I’ll wait like a day or two and then I just re-spark it again to keep myself fresh in her mind. Does that make sense?

 

AARON:  Yea totally.

 

JASON:  And I don’t ask, like hey, are we still on? Blah, blah, blah; because that comes off as like needy. Like hey, are you going to still spend time with me? I just like not even talk about it and then maybe if I get her on the phone like a day or two before, I just bring up a little detail about the place like oh, sh*t, dude! I just found out that place we’re going has the best freaking… I don’t know, cookies or cake or whatever. Just something, but I won’t—I just assume the sale completely and then even right before just to confirm, I’ll text her maybe like an hour or two or earlier. And I’ll be like hey, I’m running fifteen minutes late, I’ll see you tonight.

 

AARON:  Okay.

 

JASON:  Does that make sense? I’m just kind of keep—

 

AARON:  Yeah.

 

JASON:  Keeping the excitement there the whole time and then right before I’m confirming in a way that I’m not directly asking her if we were still on.

 

AARON:  Yeah. For sure.

 

JASON:  But other than that, I mean I think adding those little things this date would have increase the chances of meeting up with her, but then also, you can’t let one girl just run your life. You got to realize that and you also have to make it known. You know that you do have plenty of options and not directly. You would do it through DHVs like posting on social media that you are out being social so this girl does not think that you are like… she’s the center of your world, you know. Because you guys just met.

 

AARON: Yeah, totally. Okay.

 

JASON:  Do you need any clarification or Jamie, do you have more input on this?

 

JAMIE:  I do, but Eva, do you want to try them in?  I mean, if you like?

 

EVA:  Yeah, I mean I just pretty much agree with Jason about successionally  if I was travelling or like a long distance and someone is like, oh, when you’re back in town, let’s hang out. I’m like totally into the idea, it’s not like that but sometimes I just like so much going on, I come back; oh, what did I do? I got to start to recall things that might have planned and then unless someone is like consistently keeping me entertained or keeping me in a good mood throughout my week. Most likely going to hang out with them, you know?

AARON: Yeah.

EVA:  Maybe if it’s a friend.

JASON:  Did you hear keeping me entertained and keeping me in a good mood throughout the week? You know that’s where you spark with the little pebbles that I was saying.

AARON: Yeah, totally. Gotcha!

JASON:  That was good.

EVA:  Mm-hm.

JAMIE:  Okay. So I’ll just have a teenie bit of things. I think most part, Eva and Jason gave you some good stuff. I just have a few maybe… okay, remember like I told you before a little bit ago, Aaron, sometimes when you work with us, you oftentimes hear the same thing but it just said just a little bit differently and that hence gives you the opportunity to let something really quick. I just took a couple of notes and I want to hit on a couple of things here. Jason already said the idea of let’s get together soon versus having a specific plan. Remember from a personal development standpoint, the type of quality that you are trying to parlay is someone who’s decisive, clear, knows what he wants; not just hey, so I think we should hang out… like Jason did. Like a pretty clear direction. Women—being a leader, is a very attractive quality. So the more you can parlay that you’re just going to look more the part. You can understand what Jason has already basically told you. Yeah, he has, he will check out the school plus having a specific plan in mind. Now, the thing that I really liked that Jason mentioned about is you know you said you kind of… you made the date or you made the plan for the date like five days ago and you let five days go by without engaging her because, you in your words, felt that you made the effort to make the date and she should make some effort along the ways. Now, I’m just going to give a little something different to this one. I’m going to add some little philosophy here to some degree. Your role is to escalate. When you’re on a date you’re the escalator. You’re the one who needs—it’s not her job to go try and kiss you, right? It’s your job, classically as a male to make the moves, are you following me?

AARON: Yeah, for sure.

JAMIE:  Yeah. So the third, well, let me just tell you this real quick. There are certain things that are always going to be your role as a guy. It’s just is what it is. So when it comes to taking the initiative to see her, I’m not saying women won’t do this, but classically that is the role and you should pretty much embrace that. So it is your job to make a move, go over and talk to her, to set up the date, to go for the first kiss; that’s classically going to be your role, so it’s better you just embrace that. Now I—trust me, I really get what you’re talking about about wanting to see an effort. My advice to you is when it comes down to the first time you get the girl to show up, do not worry about that so much. Be a little… be to some degree without crossing the line of being needy, to some degree be a little… let her know you’re interest and take some initiative. Don’t be so kind of aloof about to some degree because like Jason was saying you just got to get her out that first time. If you didn’t get her out and have her to get her having an experience with you, now you’re building value in the horizon. Now she has a reason to make an effort in the future. If you want to test her on effort, test it after the first date. After you do, I mean, after the first date I can get that a little bit, okay. You took all the initiative, you approached her, you made plans for the first date and with all these things. Okay, at that point you can potentially require her to start showing some real interest. I mean I had two dates in the last week and a half. Two, well, more than that actually but then two of them actually asked me, they took the initiative to make a plan for a second date, you following me? Women that are really into you will take initiative at that point. But they might not do it before they’ve actually had an in person experience with you, you following me?

AARON:  Yeah, totally! And I think—

JAMIE:  So let go of—I’m sorry. Just let me finish this and I’ll let you go. Let go you want on the first date after that, then cool. If you want a girl that’s going to make a real effort which you should have, because if you’re the Brad Pitt of you, you should require that. That is justified because you’re a high valued guy, you’re the prize so to speak, right? So, if that’s the case, they should make an effort to spend more time with you. But that really is more earned in their eyes after they see why they should do that.

AARON:  Okay. Yeah! I see what you’re saying and I think that that is definitely something I’ve got to work on and one of my issues with this situation in particular because I think part of the thing was moreso that we have that history there and so my thoughts were that well, try to pick-up right where we left off when in fact I probably should have spend a little bit more time and pushing and escalating things back up to where they were again. Because like Jason said they are getting d*ck on them all the time so it’s like, oh! So I guess I was under the impression that I didn’t really necessarily need to that because of the history we had before but yeah.

JAMIE:  Yeah! And you know, it’s not that you—I want you to think about this a different way here. It’s not necessarily that you need to work on this or other things. What we’re doing for you and what we’re going to continue doing for you is start to bring awareness… to bring to light awareness on things you just didn’t know before. Just no one’s ever truly told you. So that’s really what a lot of this is. You can’t beat yourself up over things you’re not doing if you didn’t know better. So a lot just comes down to an awareness. And by the way, on that note, to anyone listening on today’s call, we are having a series of advanced programs we are going to have in California. They are going to be next level for anyone who has ever done the program before, it’s really looking to take things to the next step as far as really building a core of an attractive you. We are going to have… our course is going to include advance topics such as really building your state, peak performance type of coaching, developing that charismatic delivery, beyond just routines. And also the other areas you’re like as well that really helped you to feel and be an attractive individual such as health and wealth. So if you’re interested in hearing more about that, please send an email to jamie@theattractiveyou.com. A couple of last things I want to mention before may be cut this one here, Aaron, is you mentioned you’re on this call with this girl for hours, right? And it went two hours?

AARON:  Yeah. One or two hours.

JAMIE:  Okay. At a certain point you just want to cut that sh*t off. It’s almost like hey, you know what? I’m going to save some more thought of that little stuff for… it’s kind of like hey, I’m having such a great time here, what are you doing right now? Try and get… try and make them feel like what you have in the high point—see, a lot of what dating sciences is is about creating these high points because if you didn’t create  a high point where she is enjoying your presence, you are essentially are creating a window of opportunity to get her to ask for more. See when you have her at the high point of these conversations where there’s in person on the phone, then she’s laughing she’s clearly engaged, that’s an opportunity for you, for you not to take advantage of that is a serious de-service to what you’re doing.

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So really what you want to do in the future is when you get this great call going, it’s going like ten, fifteen minutes and she’s laughing her ass off and just having fun with you, so you know what? I’m really just enjoying this, what are you doing right now? What are you doing tomorrow? Try and get her out as quickly as possible. Use that demonstration of how much fun she’s having to make her want more. And basically let her know, like hey if you want more, you’re going to have to meet up with me in the real world. That’s really what you want to do. So again, really what I’m doing here, don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re just creating awareness like holy f*** I had this girl who’s really just laughing and just enjoying yourself for two hours. Next time in the future comes to be a lot more aware that when I reached this high points in the conversations, hey, you know what? I do need to do some stuff, but you know I’m enjoying these. What are you doing, what’s your schedule this week? Awesome! Hey, this is a great place, let’s check it out tomorrow. Try and get her out as quickly as possible. Letting her know that if she wants more she’s going to have to step out of her safe place and meet up with you in the real world. Again such—

AARON:  So—

JAMIE:  An awareness that this whole conversation’s go on forever.

AARON:  Yeah and I was going to actually ask about that because I know when I mentioned that to Jason, Jason was like, damn! It sounded like he had said, yeah, like you noticed he reacted to that and so one of the questions is then, what… I know it’s no set rule but how long would you say it’s a long enough time where you are like, okay, we’re going to maybe cut this a little shorter, let’s go ahead and set something up for whatever. I mean thirty minutes? [Crosstalk]

JAMIE:  I mean there’s no hard and fast rule. I mean—

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Maybe a minimum of ten to let her know it’s kind of establishing it’s very easy. Usually when you first kind of getting to know someone or reacquainting, it might take a few minutes, maybe ten, fifteen before they start to feel the flow, where they start to feel some level of familiarity. Once you’ve established that, that might happen like ten, fifteen minutes or so especially when you’re trying to re-churn things again. But once you got that then the idea is just be aware of how the conversation—dude, she’s laughing her ass off, you know she’s there to some degree. Or she’s starting to ask you a lot of question you know she’s investing in you. When she is starting to react emotionally to you, then that’s when you start to know that she’s starting to invest and it might take ten to fifteen minutes maybe twenty, but don’t… if you went for an hour that’s way too long. So it’s hard to say what the exact amount was but an hour is definitely over doing it.

AARON:  Gotcha. Okay.

JAMIE:  One last thing. This is really a great concept for you to know. Really, people, many people are emotional creatures that is really kind day by day. You might have had a history with her but that doesn’t mean you can just f***ing mousey on in and just be mister boring guy and she’s going to just be bowled over by what you have to say. You still have to re-establish that what she used to like is still there. So one of the concepts we bring, one of the concepts that we introduce even just in standard dating sciences, is the idea of a buying temperature routine. A buying temperature routine is a routine which all that really means is it’s something you… it’s some kind of verbal overture that you make over and over and do interactions that you know has a really good chance to elevate her emotional state. The reason why we do this in conversations to women that we don’t know its because were trying to demonstrate very quickly that this conversation might just be a little bit different and they probably want to be aware that in front of is an opportunity. So it’s a differentiator. Does that make sense?

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Now, when you have a girl that you haven’t seen in a while or you’re kind of try to reestablished things, you still want to be aware that you want to come in energy. Remember people feed off of your energy. You don’t want to just come in there like, hey, so what’s up? That sucks! So, you want to come in there like hey! Oh my god, you are not going to believe what happened to me today. You remember years ago? Remember when we talked about blah, blah, blah… You want to come in with energy. That’s essentially what the idea is, a buying temperature. Though the awareness, this is something that needs to be re-established. Even with someone you have history with. You remember, you are trying to remind them why they used to like you. So don’t think that you can get away without doing that energy.

AARON:  Okay.

JAMIE:  Make sense?

AARON:  Yeah. Definitely.

JAMIE:   Yeah, that’s it, man.  I don’t—I’m just going to ask one more time. Daniel, are you there? Are you guys there? And if you guys called in just give me one last shot here.

EVA: Mm-hm.

JAMIE:  Okay. Do you have one last question and then we can kind of cut-off for the day? Aaron, do you have anything else you want to—you have a great opportunity here. You got three opportunity for feedback from three people so I think the best part is—

EVA:  I can say I just wanted to ask about… I kind of going over what you just said to just like this happens a lot of time passing like ten years and I don’t know what particular ten years pass by because it kind of like changed the way you even just consider who you date. I mean, the boys I had crushes on like in high school or something, wouldn’t be the same guys I would ever like re-live and talk to today. If that make sense like—

AARON:  Oh, yeah! Definitely. We are in our late 20s and in our mid-30s.

EVA: Oh yeah!

AARON:  So—

EVA: Wow!

AARON:  Yeah, well, mid 20s, mid 30s, yeah.

EVA: Yeah, so I don’t know what happened to you guys to not continue it. I think it was because just started seeing other people you made it clear that you didn’t want her to move in. Was that like kind of disappointing to her or do you think or?

AARON:  To be honest, I don’t remember because it’s been so long. I don’t recall that being an issue like I don’t remember because I think we were both on the same page.

EVA: Okay!

AARON:  In case, for whatever the reason it didn’t work out. She wanted to be able to have her own place. I know she was looking for a job and she was trying to apply to different jobs and when she came out to visit me, she—we went to some places for her because it looks better when you can show up to the job in person. And so, but I think she just had a tough time, had a difficult time and then she ended up getting involved in a relationship and then I got involved in a relationship and then it just kind of… we just kind of lost touch and then we kind of just touch-base every now and then you know I would hit her up or she would hit me up and so over the years that was about it.

EVA: Okay. Well, sounds like you—she was having you as a really supportive person like whether or not just knowing what was out there for that new city and just having that trust with you so I’m sure it’ll be fine. Rekindle that.

AARON:  Thanks.

JAMIE:  So before we all get into the giggles here, so Aaron, do you want to maybe hit one last topic before we kind of call off for the day?

AARON:  I think I’m all set. I’m good. For now, I mean I’m sure eventually later on I’ll definitely have more things to cover.

 

JASON:  You going out tonight?

 

AARON:  Not tonight. No.

 

JASON:  What?

 

AARON:  I’m so sorry, man. My situation, I explain—I was talking to Jamie earlier. I’ve got a lot going on right now so it’s a little difficult for me to head out and go out as much as I used to. Before, that wasn’t a problem but with what I’ve got going on, I got some things going on, where it’s a little different now.

 

JASON:  Gotcha.

 

AARON:  So for the next few months I’m going to be occupied with what I’ve got going on but, yeah I want to be changing that eventually at some point so.

 

EVA:  Well, I think Danny has some Whole Foods game if you’re interested.

 

AARON:   Very [Crosstalk]

 

JASON:  Yeah! Because what she’s talking about is the fact that it doesn’t have to be like this sacred set of time, set a part time that’s, okay, this is my going out picking up time. You know what she’s referring to.

 

AARON:  Oh, okay. It’s that.

 

JASON:  You should implement it to everyday life. So basically if you’re at a coffee shop, why not make the chicks at the counter, you know, just start laughing, practice some of your game and your charisma just to see if you can get people laughing.

 

AARON:  Gotcha

 

JASON:  More times than not, when I’m out in my every day business just running errands or whatever, I tried to make old ladies at the grocery store laugh, I’ll try to make the cashiers, guys or girls. I try to make… of course the girls that I want to hit on, I try to make them laugh. But does that make sense? I’m just trying to stay in a general positive state as much as I can. In every aspect of my life.

 

AARON:  Yeah, definitely.

 

AARON:  So I do a little bit of that but not to the extent I probably should. Like I do where it’s like smaller interactions. And I guess I kind of tried to gauge it to see because I’ve had a certain scenarios where that kind of thing did work out. Like one time, one of my ex-girlfriends a long time ago, I met her on the way to another date. I was at a bar with some friends and we’re both—me and my friends were going to a table and her and her friends were going to the table and we ended up chatting it up and I got her number before I left. But it wasn’t necessarily at—like Whole Foods. I need the—that is one of the things I think I could definitely work on is trying to get more practicing game in like those kinds of scenarios either at the coffee shop or at Whole Foods.

JASON:  Yeah, because here is one thing, just the way you call it practicing game. What you really doing at the core level is learning how to communicate in a way that’s goanna give you a desired reaction, right? And this desired reaction is getting laughter, interest, and attraction from the other individual. So basically, it’s—it goes beyond practicing game. It goes really to the point where you’re restructuring your communication patterns; the words you say, how you say them. To the point where you refined it so well that everything you say is going to be funny and everything you say is going to be interesting and if even the content of what you say is not interesting, at least the way you say it and with the conviction and confidence that you say it, that’s going to be a huge role in this. So you know, this is just forwarding like months and years of practicing, where really ultimately you want to get to. It’s where–it’s you. Who people are naturally attracted to you and you are that person that if you want to call it that person that has game, it’s no longer like a character for you, it’s really who you become and who you—the skills you embedded in yourself at this point where they became part of you. Does that make sense?

AARON: Oh, yeah! No, truly. I could not agree more. Yeah, when I say game, that’s what I was referring to. As the underlying structure of what it’s—the core values are what it’s coming or what it is about. It’s not about, trying to use a special alliances or material whatever. It’s about trying too, you know, convey that like you were in saying. And I guess, basically two, to get to the point where I’m its causing me to be more consistent. Is that what you are saying as well?

JASON:   Yeah, it’s really about you being happy, man.

AARON:  Yeah.

JASON:   Because this whole thing, if you want to look at it as a battery, right? Your state, your mood. If you’re going out and you know just talking to people, just generally being genuinely a kind human that has it in your heart, it’s in your best interest. You feel good about making everyone laugh. So you know I’m going out, Starbucks check. Hey, what are you having? I’ll take premium unleaded. What? What is that? [Inaudible] stuff like that. Yeah! Premium unleaded, dude. Like, give me the strongest stuff you have? They’re going to be like, what? Yes, seriously, I like my coffee like I like my man. You know coffee, black and strong, and they just started laughing but you get it? That’s just me being me.

AARON: Yeah.

JASON:  I’m not like pulling up routines, I’m not like… the routines are great I have them. I have tons of them. But I also have that natural happy, good state and you’ll notice that when you go out and you do tons of approaches, don’t you feel really good?

AARON: Yeah, most the time.

JASON: Yeah, I mean the good night.

AARON: Yeah. And I say routines and things like that, I should… like I really try not to use a canned liner, anything like that. I really try to look at situation by situation. If I see an opportunity and trying to be as observant as possible and trying to notice what’s there that I can comment on or to help me have an in.

JASON:  Yeah.

AARON:  Or even if it’s whatever. It could be anything but it seems like the coffee thing? That was funny.

JASON:  Well, see that’s great having that and I’d recommend being able to keep your brain fluid to be able to do that but sometimes you don’t. Sometimes I’ll be walking and I’ll see a chick and I’m just like, ah… f***! What do I… Guys, quick question. I just snap into some kind of material. Other times I’ll be walking and it’ll just flow so naturally. You checking me out? What’s going on here?

AARON:  Yeah.

JASON:  I’m kind of like mocked and I feel like I’m being perved on right now. Do I have to change my shirt? Am I too revealing? And the girls just cracking up. But you know sometimes it just opens immediately like that. Other times there’s that slow winding like, hey guys! What are you guys doing tonight? Oh, really? What do you guys celebrate? It’s like a very slow where you have to build up that momentum to open the sets, but if you’re building up that battery throughout the day, throughout your everyday life; those feelings of being lonely or being sad or not knowing what to say or whatever. This start going away because your batteries are just so charged from all the, I guess stimulus, of interacting with so many people. Does that makes sense?

AARON:  Yeah, definitely.

JASON:  So just because you’re working—

AARON:  Where it starts… you start to—it flows.

JASON:  Yes!

AARON: You don’t have to think about it as much anymore.

JASON: Yes, so just because you’re working a lot and you know? I’m seeing that as an excuse. It’s like, oh, I got to work a lot so I can’t feel good about myself and be cheerful. You know what I mean? You can be cheerful and do the work.

AARON: Yeah, totally. I completely agree. With the working, it’s just the certain things I mean I try to do get out as much as possible, but, yeah.

JASON:  And it’s just little things. It’s every single little thing that you do adds to the bigger thing, you know?

AARON:  Yeah, totally.

JASON: If you freakin’ made a girl a laugh at Starbucks at like seven in a morning and then went to work and whatever, and you get out at freakin’ nine pm. That’s still going to be there like, oh sh*t, yeah, that girl was laughing. And then you kind of like have that little extra little charge in your battery.

AARON:  For sure. I actually see what you’re saying.

JAMIE:  Eva, do you want to add anything else?

EVA:  Eva.

JAMIE:  Eva. Secret Agent Eva.

EVA:  Why? Yeah, I guess. What I was thinking about was, yeah, about being natural helps to like be in the zone when you’re communicating to people but sometimes he does not going to read people right away or they’re going to give you a different impression so having that dialog that the program has for you is kind of been proven as far as over and over. It definitely gets what other people aren’t saying over and over. Like where are you from? How did you get here? It’s just like something different.

AARON: Yeah. Definitely, it’s not as dry basically, right?

EVA: Mm-hm. And as long as you know the concept and you start practicing what it’s like to kind of have an outside of the box kind of conversation and especially when people are just really drunk and just trying to like get the same information over and over again and not even—like you can get the same information from someone just in a different way. Like asking how they know their friends? Or like when was the last time they hang out like this? Or like… I don’t know. Just like things like that.

AARON:  Or are they celebrating something?

EVA: Yeah. Or just like, oh, my gosh! Isn’t that tiara ready? If it’s someone’s birthday. And then they could have make some feel like, oh, you’re part of that stuff.

AARON: It reminded me when you were saying something of it then as a normal dry material or just like how are you doing or just the basic stuff, the more boring things.

EVA:  Mm-hm.

AARON:  Reminded me of a season stories, Master of None, when he was going on the second season, when he’s going on a date, and he’s talking about how… what was it like the girls are like… that’s all they say it’s hi. Hi. Like she’s got tons of people on her dating app that were just saying hi to her. And that was like [Inaudible]

EVA: Like I would never really need a key cupid stuff that was like only three words like the ones that are paired [Inaudible] so I’ll actually take the time to read it and stuff. They have something to say about like San Francisco or the City or anything like that. So those are the things I kind of like.

AARON:  Sets you apart?

EVA: Yeah, totally! Sets you apart and you’re not just some friendly person who just expects me to respond to really completely no material. I’m looking at your face, how am I supposed to engage someone with no keywords or inspiration, really.

AARON:  Yeah.

EVA:  But how do you feel about the conversation? Have you been talking to guys for awhile?

AARON:  To who?

 

EVA:  To Jamie and Jason.

 

JAMIE:  Oh yeah!

 

AARON:  I think that the conversations—

JAMIE:  [Crosstalk] Aaron’s new.

EVA:  Oh!

AARON:  Yeah. My very first time yet. Yeah, I’m a virgin, so.

JASON:  Me, too!

EVA:  Oh, my!

AARON:  Yeah, I think this is awesome! I think that you guys gave a lot of really valuable feedback and it was really helpful and I appreciate it.

JAMIE:  Awesome.

 

JAMIE:  Totally. This is a bonus. I’ll give you a couple of honest things then we’ll call in a couple of days. Is that cool?

AARON:  Sure.

JAMIE:   Alright. So I’m bring—again, I’m just going to add to what you guys—you know what Eva and Jason has already basically said. Just to recruit [Inaudible] things. You know we talked —

JASON:  Eva.

JAMIE:  Yeah, Eva. Secret Agent Eva. So, you and I talked yesterday about the idea of how important getting into state is, right? State, is definitely there’s definitely a process to it. They can be very helpful and that’s an interesting conversation itself, but I want to give you one thing that would be very helpful. Remember, how good of a speaker you ever, ever become, Aaron, you will always need some level of a warm-up process. The best speakers in the world have a process to allow the neurons start to get fiery and get themselves kind of primed for a conversation. So the question I have for you, is if the best speakers in the world recognize how important it is to have a priming or warm-up process, or getting in the state process. For their speaking, well, why would you not have that? You following me?

AARON:  Yeah, totally.

JAMIE:  So when the really easy thing you can put into practice starting tonight, because you’re going to go out tonight, right?

AARON:  Yeah.

JASON:  No.

AARON:  Okay, yes.

JAMIE:  Go for an hour! Go kind of like an early night and just have a couple of conversations at the bar. Just for an hour. It’s not a big deal. But anyway, tell yourself this and remember this. Write this down. The first three sets don’t count.

AARON:  Okay.

JAMIE:  You allow yourself the opportunity to fail the first three times that will give you the opportunity to get yourself in a place we start to feel good. Even if they don’t go well, you’re just getting your—your just getting everything kind of fired up. And you never know, they might go well actually. Sometimes by putting that outcome aside, it allows you to actually have a great outcome. That’s the kind of irony in that one. But can you imagine how much difference it might make if you really start to live by that one rule alone?

AARON:  Yeah. Giving myself room for failure.

JAMIE:  Yeah. Student for life, man.

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  The best speakers in the world have a process to warm up. Why not take on the same world class best practice? Okay, that’s the first thing. The second one is, I also was very clear with the issue you decide to work in which you did. This is not easy to learn. It’s going to take some serious work and time, commitment from you. I made that clear to you over and over again. So I’m just going to basically add a little bit more of what Jason just said. If you go down this path with us and you’re not consistent, every week then you can never come back to me and ever complain. That’s the arrangement.  And let me tell you what consistent means. I give everyone a kind of modest yet reasonable and no offense to you, I’m sure you’re busy but I know people busier than you are. And almost anyone can commit to this if they are committed to their own development and learning. All that combined with just looking at your day differently will start to become more efficient. So the minimum every week should be fifteen sets. When I say fifteen sets it’s not, hi! Bye! It’s like where you’re actually engaged and you actually asked for something. It could be as small as asking them to move with you like, hey, let’s grab our—hey, you got your coffee I got mine, let’s spend a few minutes together, let’s sit down over there. Whatever! It could be in the grocery store or you’re meeting or you start chatting with a girl in aisle three and you’re like, you know what? I’m kind of enjoying this conversation. I’m going to join you for another aisle. You have to ask for something where in theory she could say no. That’s what counts. You got to do fifteen a week. And really, this is not a massive undertaking. I mean in theory if you did go out two nights a week you could easily get five sets in a night. And I’m not talking like a night where you’re out for like hours. You could be out like for an hour or two and easily get into five sets. Do that twice a week you’re almost there. The other part requires you to be much more, as Jason was saying, just aware of your day. Dude, you’re getting coffee in the morning why not just add an extra awareness there like oh, I felt warm here, might as well talk to that cute girl over there. It’s just about making the most of your day. You going to go to dinner, you’re going to go food shopping; why not use those as opportunity while you’re there anyway and have a couple of fun conversations.

AARON:  Gotcha.

JAMIE:  A lot of—

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Your attention is just awareness. Like you have a lot more time than you think you have. So fifteen sets a week.

AARON:  Yeah, definitely.

JAMIE:   Fifteen sets a week. If you’re not doing that you need to let us know because whatever b*** s*** obstacle or barrier you think you have in your head is not real.

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Okay? Last thing—

AARON: Okay!

JAMIE:    Two, and this is a big part of what we train too, you mentioned and I’ve talked about this before. Like being the best salesman, being the best in this kind of stuff; there’s a proved methodology behind it, being the best entertainer. These performers, all of them are very prepared. They are not winging it. The only allusion of that is you see somebody who’s a great performer and it looks like they are winging it the reality is that person is doing that for years. They have developed a massive archive of proven material. Do not be fooled and think that person is improving it with you because they are not. So for you to think that you should be improving it is a serious mistake. Hence, when you said, oh, I see this girl and I try and analyze the situation and see there’s something I can talk about with her, you should never be dependent on that.

JASON: Yeah. It makes you get in your head.

JAMIE:  Yeah. So as soon as you get in your head, it’s f***ing over. Your brain will f*** with you. Again, there’s a science behind this. When you have the idea, the thought in your head to tie your shoes, your brain is, oh, cool. Let’s tie my shoes. If you come in the idea, ooh that’s a really hot girl, maybe I should go talk to her. All of a sudden, as soon as your brain starts analyzing that, there is something that’s going to happen like 99.9% of guys, where they all start to get fearful. Those are the ooh, what is that? And as soon as you start to feel this undercurrent of unease that’s your brain freezes you the f*** up, it’s like oh, sh*t, I’m hesitating. I feel some negative emotion to my body. That must mean something. Wait don’t! Don’t do anything. Let’s fully analyze this situation. I mean there’s a great two word phrase. Analysis-paralysis. You do not want to do that.

AARON:  I open and [Unintelligible]

JAMIE:  In your presence, write this down. In your presence is your power. And as soon as you start analyzing them [Unintelligible] think about the future.

AARON:  Mm-hm.

JAMIE:  Make sense?

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Remember that mantra. It’s amazing. As soon as you start getting in your head you’re not present anymore.

AARON:  In your presence there is your power.

JAMIE:  Yep!

AARON:  Yeah. The approaching things like that that—I don’t know, I don’t feel like that’s the problem for me.

JAMIE:  Okay.

AARON:  Because I’m definitely not afraid to go up and fall on my face. I’ve done that several times.

JAMIE:  Okay!

AARON:  I—there’s been a few times when there are really hot as in oh, sh*t, but I still usually go up nine times out of ten. One of the things though I did want to ask is like, I think one of the other things that I want to work on personally is being quick with things. You know like how Jason was talking about the unleaded thing at the coffee shop and stuff like that. I’ve got some friends of mine who are just naturally really good at that. And they are naturally like I’ve had a lot of my good friends growing up who were really good with women naturally, and I learned a few things from them here and there. And after spending time and reading and doing my own work and studying and trying to get better by myself, I started to see the dynamics on what’s happening, what’s actually taking place. And why it was working and why this doesn’t seem to be working. But for me, sometimes I’ll end up leaving and I’m sure this happens to everybody is where I’m like, damn, I should have said this or I could have said that. Like I get to that point where I’m like damn, I forgot to say this or try to come up with something funny and witty like on the spot, boom! You know? And it’s just like I think that’s one of the things and I guess maybe that comes with like you guys were saying, just getting out there and doing it.

JAMIE:  Cool. Well, yes and no. I mean, remember I said yesterday, practice versus practice. Practicing [Inaudible] not the same thing. You can practice from now until 2028, if your form sucks, it doesn’t matter. You’re saying you have to have the right mechanics.

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  And I would bring some to your attention. You might be looking at some of your friends or maybe having a little bit more success that you’re having, but thinking that they are natural or something along those lines, would be a mistake on your part. It’s when people are a little bit better with people or a natural if you want to call that. The reality is that person is not natural. That’s like saying a waiter who has a million or a stripper, someone who has a million interactions every day, with guys, girls, whatever the situation is. That person is so conditioned and has had so many interactions that they have literally learned and programmed themselves on how to react. That person is not winging it either. They are simply a product of their environment. A lot of these naturals that you think are natural the reality is they are simply a product of their upbringing. Waiters are a great example. See a waiter makes you laugh because he’s so charming and he has his funny little jokes and stuff like that? Don’t think for a fucking second that he hasn’t tried that joke before, hasn’t fallen flat on his face. At least over the first few months before he finally got a little sequence of things that get’s a nice charming conversation with the patrons. But for you to not recognize that there is a past that allowed you to experience what you just saw would just not be—you’d be doing yourself a de-service.

AARON:  Accurate?

JAMIE:  Because you’re in fantasy land. That person is literally been conditioned over years. You’re only seeing the final end of it. A person has this massive masculy physique. Wow! They’re so strong and they’re so big. That person has been in the gym for years. You’re only seeing them now. You’re seeing a glimpse of where they are at their present state. You didn’t watch them work out for all the last few years and some people in some ways get lucky because of their upbringing in a very sociable kind of atmosphere. Or they are put in certain situations where they are able to really amplify the manner of social interactions they have. If you become a waiter, Aaron, you’re going to be having interactions all day long. You’re learning curve is going to be ramped up tremendously. Can’t compare yourself to that waiter. Waiter is not being put in it. You’re, dude, you are right now working on your company, that person’s out there having interactions the whole day.

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Is that person really natural or are they simply a product of their environment, you tell me?

AARON:  Yeah. No, totally. I was a server for three years.

JAMIE:   So you can’t compare that. Yeah you understand [Inaudible]

AARON:  Yeah, I was a server for three years. It was different. When I was serving it was definitely different. I remember the interactions definitely flowed a lot easier.

JAMIE:  Yeah. The idea of a natural that’s a façade, that’s not real. There is no natural. You either had the opportunity to be socially conditioned or you do what you are doing right now. What I’ve done, right? I did the same thing as you. So it’s one or the other.

AARON:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Nobody just pops out of a womb and is all of a sudden this charismatic soul. They have to go through the process.

AARON:  Cool.

JAMIE:  All right. Awesome. Great! Dude, phenomenal check, guys! You know it’s kind of nice to hear and probably we’ll have this kind of more individualized, the thing for you is kind of nice for you because you’re just getting started with us so you had a little bit more of an experience today. But yeah, good stuff, man.

AARON:  Yeah! Thanks everybody.

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