Today’s podcast we discussed how to go for the gusto when you have a limited time window. Specifically discussed scenarios where you know your time to win over your target is a minute or less.
DANIEL: I’m so—I guess sometimes there seems to be some target. There are, I guess tough to get to just leave the situation. I’ve got a… there’s a medical assistant, I’m taking allergy shots. And there’s this medical assistant at the office that’s cute and I’m having difficulties just getting that kind of one on one time just because she’s on the other side of the glass or she’s with kind of like shadowing one of the other nurses and I don’t know if it’s against their protocol to, you know what I mean? To date or whatever patient or anything like that, so I don’t know. Maybe I’m thinking too much about it but I find it difficult just to… it is not in a bar or it’s more of a workplace setting where there’s like different dynamics when it comes to patients and healthcare workers.
JAMIE: Okay. So I’m not really totally sure what your exact question or what you want to address specifically but—
JAMIE: Do you have a specific question?
DANIEL: Yeah! I mean, so do you think that for instance you can ask for a number of a medical assistant when there’s other nurses and staff like that around and it’d be well received?
JAMIE: Look, I mean, you can do whatever you want and I’m not just saying that. You can always appreciate that you don’t know that other person, the protocol from the other end? So if it doesn’t work out, you can—you never want to take it personally but you really can do whatever you want. You know you remind me of a real good quote, man. I’m sure you’ve probably come through it before but this is pretty good. Let me find this for you here. Because if you think about it and get them, I’ll refer to you as Danny, is that okay? Yeah? So Danny, if you think about it, this is kind of synonymous to life in general. In the end, it’s really never about something being wrong with you; it’s about the idea that there is something about the situation that makes it potentially not okay. So whether it’s with somebody who happens to work in an office like that or if it’s another type of situation that you think it’s not cool, it’s never about you, man, but you always have to think in terms of… now here’s exactly what I’m thinking of, right? Tell me if you remember this or if you’ve heard it before. It’s about understanding that the feelings of apprehension are solely due to the nature of the situation rather than something being wrong with you. Ever heard that before?
DANIEL: I have not.
JAMIE: It’s a good quote, right? I mean if you think about it, it pertains exactly to your situation.
DANIEL: It’s good.
JAMIE: Because the reality is plus in which it cause you to analyze and ask yourself if it’s appropriate, right?
JAMIE: But what I’ve learned when it comes to us having this situations it’s more than you just have to deal with, and two, you can always if the person comes back to you and says something like, oh, this is something along the lines of, oh, this is kind of weird, what you’re doing. If that’s essentially, they say that to you, like oh, this is a little weird or are you really doing this? Something along those lines, you can always control the frame by coming in with a stronger idea on the way you look at the world. For example, something along the lines of hey, I know this is a little crazy but if I didn’t come over here, you and I would not be having this conversation, would we? And you have to agree with that. So it’s your basically saying hey, you know what? I’m going to live the way that I want to live. I’m not going to worry so much about every little finite detail about what’s appropriate or inappropriate. And I’m just going to choose to live my most authentic self. Are you following me?
JAMIE: So the reality is those are the kind of things where you just kind of have to, you just have to do it and recognize that your analysis has really no real bearing on anything except for the fact that you are looking at the social situation saying, you know what? I don’t know if this is appropriate or not but f*** it. So what I would do in those kinds of situations where you don’t have a lot of time and especially because it’s kind of a unique situation, just go for the Hail Mary to some degree. Where the assumption now is she’s gotten, even though it’s not a lot, she’s gotten a little bit of your vibe where you can tell that she can tell she doesn’t know you but she’s like this guy seems like a cool person. You didn’t get that from someone right away within… you don’t have to have a massive experience to know that this person has a good energy about them. And vice versa, you know that person has an idea that you have a good energy, too. Are you following me?
JAMIE: So soon as that is understood you just have to go for it. Like, I remember, and that reminds me. I remember one time I was on a plane, right? And or I was in the waiting area and I search on this girl, real cute, and then something happened basically she got a text message from her friend who’s leaving at the terminal and the friend basically came over just told her and f***ed up what I was doing, you following me so far?
DANIEL: The friend of the girl?
DANIEL: F***ed up your—
JAMIE: Watch this, just… I’m giving the example. I want to talk a minute here, so imagine I’m in the terminal, right? I’m waiting my flight is going to be boarding shortly. I’m talking to this girl just started a conversation. I’ve been talking to her maybe two or three minutes, not long. Maybe even less you’ve spoken to this girl at the medical facility, right, whatever. So, I’m there talking to the girl and all of a sudden my conversation got interrupted. She said oh, sorry my friend just got here. I got to go. Okay, you with me?
JAMIE: So my time got cut short. The girl had a very small experience of me just like this girl at this office only got a very small experience with you. But at this point, I’m just going to bet on the fact that she got enough of my vibe [Unintelligible] cool person, okay?
JAMIE: Are you with me? Yes?
DANIEL: I am.
JAMIE: So now what happened was now we board the flight. Now this girl’s in the back of the plane, oh sorry! What happened was, I’m sorry. I boarded first and… how did it go? No, sorry. Okay, so at the end of the flight I made a little message for her. I wrote it down in a piece of paper and I basically just put out there like I’m like, hey, you know what? I’m kind of curious about you. Blah, blah, blah. Here’s my number. So at the end of the flight, everyone starts disembarking she comes off and I just gave her this little piece of paper. Honestly, it’s been a little while but I forgot if gave it at the beginning or the end, but what I did was essentially a Hail Mary. She’s with her friend, I never knew if I can get a chance to really chit chat with her. Everyone was coming off the plane, it wasn’t a good position and you can almost say is this really appropriate to do or should I just let it go because the situation makes it weird, still with me?
JAMIE: Sometimes you just have to go for kind of like a little bit of a Hail Mary. There’s no risk on your end. She might have her protocol but you don’t have one that you have to abide by in those kinds of situations. So you just kind of have do it. Just bet on your vibe and say look, you know hey, I know we don’t have a lot of time here and this might be a little different for you but I like your energy and I’m curious about you. Would you be up for having a cup of coffee? Something small just go for it and let that be that. And even if she turns you down doesn’t mean that in a later time she might say yes. It’s just one of those kinds of things that you understand that your mind is f***ing with you because it’s just because of the nature of the situation. Is it appropriate? Is it not appropriate? And you just have to understand that there… it just… it’s a mind f*** and you might not get that opportunity to really sit down and chat with her. She is behind that closed glass. So you just got to have to throw a Hail Mary and just almost kind of bet on your vibe a little bit. She did get a little bit of an experience of you and you are just got to hope that that’s enough. In certain situations with this stuff, sometimes the situation is perfect, sometimes it’s really conducive for you getting to know someone, sometimes it’s not. So you just kind of accept it for what it is and you make the most of what it is. And that’s kind of that. I mean, all I’d do in the future with that girl is next time you see her, you get a little two second vibe and maybe make a funny little comment whatever but in the back of your mind you only have your plan. She laughs, blah, blah, blah then all of a sudden you know, hey, I see you all the time. I like your energy, I’m curious about you and kind of leave it at that. Make sense?
DANIEL: Is that to do with, so what you just said you would go for like you said, hey, would you want to get some coffee sometime? [Unintelligible] JAMIE: that? Kind of put the ball in her court and then—
JAMIE: Yeah! I mean I have a plan. Like nothing gay like, hey, let me get your number. Like, hey, you know? You know what… have you ever heard let’s do lunch? Let’s just have a coffee, let’s have lunch or something. Let’s get to know each other a little bit I’m just kind of curious. Live it at something simple like that but yeah, it’s good to have a little bit of a plan, something that’s not too—something that’s very clear and clear-cut.
JAMIE: It’s not always presented in such a way like hey, I don’t really know you, but I’m definitely curious about you and I just want to see if there is something to this. That’s it! That’s kind of the attitude. It’s not like you’ve been [Unintelligible] practice you don’t really know her that well. But the idea is you’re curious enough about her to say, hey, I’m curious enough about you, too. I’m willing to do a little coffee for twenty minutes and just see if there’s something here and that’s kind of it. You don’t make it a bigger deal than what it is but you recognize the fact that your time there is kind of short and you’re just going to see if you can make something happen out of nowhere. But you’re going based on your vibe, the idea that you established a good vibe, she’s smiling, and then you just go for it. And you don’t take it personally because you don’t know what her protocol is. That’s it!
JAMIE: Eva, you want to add to that?
EVA: Yeah, I was just curious about how the relationship worked? I thought you’re in the medical field so I was curious if you were working with her but then I heard that you’re a patient?
DANIEL: Does anybody else getting an echo right now?
EVA: Yeah. It’s a hell of an echoey. Oh, now it’s not! That’s crazy.
DANIEL: Now, it’s not. That’s better. Go ahead. [Crosstalk]
JAMIE: Okay. Good.
EVA: Yeah, like I was just curious about if you guys have like a patient, so you have a patient relationship? Like you’re the patient and she just work there?
EVA: Yeah. Because I figured you were in the medical field too so then you worked with her but you’re just in a different like section of the place or something?
DANIEL: No I’m going in there for allergy shots, it has nothing to do with my job which is medical related but—
EVA: Yeah, what are hourly shots?
DANIEL: What are what? I’m sorry?
EVA: Hourly shots?
JAMIE: Allergy shots.
EVA: Allergy, ahh! Okay, sorry! Sorry.
EVA: I’m sorry about that. Yeah, like I mean it’s kind of hard to find a pen, now it’s just lying around, so you definitely have to have like a note like that on hand or probably like have a [Unintelligible] business card, already have that kind of writing on the back for those kind of occasions because from my experience it’s like, maybe like once in the office or those kind of places there’s definitely easy to find a pen around but then to find her right after you write in it like casually? But it always be—
DANIEL: Yeah, I think definitely you don’t go there with a plan.
DANIEL: And just spring for the pen. Bring a pen or whatever and like Jamie said have that casual kind of plan in your pocket and just go for it.
EVA: Yeah, like this keep that little midget pen like inside your wallet.
DANIEL: There you go.
EVA: You got it in there it’s just so cute.
JAMIE: That’s great you know like I’m not really a big fan of business cards but there are certain times where it is good to have them because if you have something that can slide to the person really quickly. So you know that is good and in general it’s about having a plan and knowing the situation kind of saying, hey, okay, here’s the best way to get things done really quickly and subtly so that’s a good addition.
DANIEL: So I got another question for you. I got a new car and it’s a pretty sweet drive and I’ve never really had like a car that I could use as a DHV like this one. I got an Audi TT. And so I was wondering if you had any ideas as to have you—how do you use cars in the past to get things started. Anything along the car vain that I could use would be nice.
JAMIE: So like a waited kind of allude to your ride?
DANIEL: Exactly! Things that you would do while you’re on the road, like pull-off next to somebody, you know. Sounds kind of cliché—
JAMIE: Yeah, it’s cool!
DANIEL: But if you guys experienced that, I’m always [Inaudible]
EVA: Coffee shop girls, those like bikini coffee shop girls? Those drive up things? Do they have those out there?
JAMIE: Yeah! They have—
DANIEL: I don’t think [Crosstalk]
JAMIE: I’ve seen those on the Northwest, I’ve seen those. Not here.
JAMIE: I know, I guess maybe—Danny, where you are, maybe they don’t have those. I think that’s kind of a little specific to the very Northwest, I’ve never seen them anywhere else.
EVA: Really?! Oh!
JAMIE: I don’t know yet.
DANIEL: That sounds kind of cool.
EVA: I think it’s more casual—
JAMIE: The first [Crosstalk]
EVA: To drive up with your car.
JAMIE: That all bikini coffee shops.
EVA: And just it, hey! I have a cool car and I’m waiting here for my coffee and that takes five minutes so but then I do eventually have to leave. You know, kind of casual thing because like I don’t know I guess somewhere else because you don’t really meet girls at ballet that much. You don’t really meet—in Starbucks you usually drive-up and so they usually have cute college girls there, right?
DANIEL: There you go.
EVA: I don’t know how much you drink coffee but you can now. There’s good frappuccinos.
DANIEL: Yeah. The drive-thrus are like that.
EVA: Mm-hm. I wouldn’t do it really that much like fastfood, but you never know.
DANIEL: Yeah. That’s a low percentage like.
EVA: Yeah. I just thought like coffee, I mean, I don’t know. Maybe Northwest even California I’ve seen them around there just like these coffee shops with bikini girls.
EVA: That’s a good thing and they are like usually super flirty and chill like for a reason. I mean it is a lot easier because they are already kind of thinking towards that way because they are kind of like vulnerable.
EVA: Because they are half-naked.
JAMIE: You know, but before I actually say it, I want to add one thing. To anyone listening by the way, The Attractive You is going to have a series of seminars on the West Coast; Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego; and this is going to be advanced training. It’s going to be the next step. It’s going to be a three-part course. We’re going to focus on key performance strategies. Really about harnessing and managing your energy for having really just powerful, compelling conversations. We are also going to have a segment on charisma. Really, again, going from just routine-based to more of a state of being and then also a smattering of personal development, health, wealth; all those things that ultimately, I guess we’re kind of referring to with Danny here, there are other things that really will allow you to feel and be perceived as attractive. And so these seminars are going to be coming up over the next few months on the West Coast. If you guys are interested, feel free to call us directly or email firstname.lastname@example.org. Continuing though, Danny, one thing you know, this is my take on this stuff. I appreciate you’re very focused, you have been very consistent and there’s a lot of stuff you try quite a bit. Like I remember you went on a Whole Foods run. Like you’re being in that for awhile and I think that sounds great, man. But in general, I would say, really where you want to be in your sweet spot is really just live your life, right? You live your life how you want it to be and you’re not necessarily shifting things in a way that’s really not in line in with what you really want to do. So for example, if you like Whole Foods and pick up there, then that’s awesome like go do pick-up when you’re going to the grocery store anyway. I won’t necessarily go there specifically just for that reason? But I would just allow this dating technique and skills to be part of your everyday life that you naturally want to engage in. My point is this, wherever you drive during you have your nice little sweet little ride with you, then so be it. Just kind of keep what this is in general, just an awareness. Anytime you park anywhere, you never know who’s going to be there and if they see you and if they make little eye contact with you just have an awareness and understanding that you’ve already uploaded a little DHV and you might as well, that might be a great opportunity for you to start a conversation, that would be an ideal time for you to just walk ahead and say, hey, you know what? I just want to come over and say hello. Just thought you seem like you have great energy. Now you know she just saw you in your car so she already probably has a certain perceived level of your value but so really what you’re doing is you’re just going about your life the way you go normally, you’re driving your car doing the things you do and when you happen to, no pun intended, kind of pulled in to these certain situations where that girl that you really want to talk to happens to be right there, then you just have a certain level of awareness. You’re like hey, I know she just saw me in my car. I know I look good right now, and f*** it! Now is a great time to leverage what I got. So that’s how I’d go about it. I wouldn’t necessarily start driving around and doing like old drive by’s in certain places, you know? For that I’d just, you know it, I’d go about my life, I’m just going to be more aware there are certain situations that are really conducive for what you want and if you happen to make a kind of a pit-stop somewhere where a girl is aware of your presence, go for it! That’s kind of a… like an example of that in a different way, like you’re just aware of certain situations where a lot of what this is just being aware in certain situations you have a lot more odds in your favor. We go back to Whole Foods, a place like Whole Foods is a wonderful environment. Why? One, it’s a kind of place where people in general that likes to take care of themselves happen to go. Two, also a perceived safe environment. If you start talking with stranger there as opposed to talking to a strangers in the middle of the street, girls are going to feel a lot safer in Whole Foods talking to you because she feels that she is in a safe environment, you following me?
JAMIE: I can open up with a lot of stuff. I mean, I probably one of the things I do all the time is I’ll be walking down an aisle and see girls staring at something and say, oh my god, that’s a terrible product, you don’t want to get, oh don’t get that one, get this one. I would just leverage I’d be looking at but for the sheer fact that I have an awareness that at that grocery store is a good environment for me to try and leverage, then there you go. Same thing now for you, when you’re driving somewhere and you happen to park somewhere and you know that girls saw you or is aware of your presence and you’re now just aware that she’s automatically going assume that you have a certain level of value that’s a great time to just open up and that’s my thought on that one.
DANIEL: Yeah. I totally feel you on kind of started getting away from like going out just to run pick up and everything like that. I’ve had a lot of my recent good interactions at the dog park which is where I go with my dog on a regular, anyway. And then I’ve got things in common with the people that are there. It’s much more natural feeling so definitely, yeah. As I’m progressing I’m kind of going more into like you said just trying to living my life. And do you think it’s where there’s an opportunity as opposed to—
DANIEL: Just hammering out as many approaches as I passively can.
JAMIE: Yeah! Look at your car just another element to this opportunity that’s it.
JAMIE: I want to add want to make stories about them. You can, hey, oh my god. I’m so excited. Best day blah, blah, blah or whatever, I mean you could do stuff like that. I just kind of let it be what it is where you’re going to continue like you’ve been doing with the dog park, give her things that you do anyway, so you’re going to drive to a certain place and when you happen to go there if the situation presents itself, great!
EVA: Yeah! I think those kind of situations are always best when they are presented as more of a surprise and then they are just like, oh like when you like to go pick them up like before dinner or something. It’s like, oh! I like this car, oh my gosh!
JAMIE: That’s right.
EVA: But also I was going to say, yeah! I was talking to one of my girl friends, Chiney [Unintelligible] the other day and she was just like curious about the West Coast and stuff and I was just… she really was like looking at finding guys and stuff and then I was telling her about, and she was like interested and hope high profile guys and stuff like that. And then I was telling about one of my girl friends who that was like her thing. She would just go to like all the real estate kind of meetings and stuff where people are investors or developers and like just like literally volunteer, hand out pamphlets or whatever but then she get to meet people and stuff and that was like a circle that she was like targeting.
DANIEL: The goal was really the stakeout, huh?
EVA: Totally, yeah! I mean, you figure out what you’re interested and you go to those things which is just like oh, okay, cool. While looking up at all the charity events on the Bay Area for that month, we are going to go on those, I’m like, yeah. That’s a way to kind of be a way more casual about it and… did that make sense at all? I don’t know what your interest are and what kind of women you’re trying to—because sometimes if you’re going to go to the club every weekend that kind of get old. I mean its good practice because it’s definitely like the same mood and same vibe and stuff consistently but it can be like pretty draining; you’re drinking every single time too and stuff like that.
DANIEL: Yeah, totally. Yeah, I think that would be a good idea. I think it would be a good idea to try to find some other interest groups with potential targets where you can have things… well, more things in common. What’s so via just kind of luck of the draw if you get someone else like mind and—
DANIEL: And share interest.
EVA: Yeah. I feel like I’m trying to… especially people who go to [Unintelligible]. What else, I mean even if you’re just volunteering like dog-walking or something. You’re meeting tons of girls here like just volunteering just walk dogs. There have to do it [Unintelligible] because you’re around all these puppies and dogs, right?
EVA: Person who are volunteering your time like oh, well, I have a dog and I just want a dog help for the next couple of weeks and you decided the person who’ll be taking the time to I don’t know? There’s so many things. Everyone has like another job it’s not like [Unintelligible] that’s like their whole time thing. You know.
EVA: There’s this thing about dog-walking.
DANIEL: Sure. I guess I’ve been having some good interaction in everything. I feel like it’s still I’m not at the point where I’m putting it all together, all at once. And I think that’s just going to come with time but that’s like most of the time. You know I was just there in Florida. And I was having this conversation with this girl at the pool just right on the beach and I didn’t isolate. I should’ve gotten her to go walk on the beach. I thought about asking her back and little things like that where it’s like oh, I should have done this and I think it just comes with track. That’s what I think it’s like hard for me at this point, it still not unconscious, the process. It’s still something that I have to think about; how’s my body positioning? How’s my matching? Am I doing enough DHVs here? Am I isolating? How’s my [Crosstalk]
EVA: Yeah! Actually adapting to the reactions of things is always like takes some time. Personally, for me, when I would go out for nights I’d be talking to at least like ten different people and running my conversations at night. Sometimes it will work and sometimes it won’t work. I could talk to them for like 30 minutes then, it’s, “Oh, you’re a dud.” Sometimes you just have to go to the next person and keep talking.
EVA: Yeah. So it happens but you just have to kind of start figuring out the stories that you develop to or just thinking into listening to what they have to say so then you have key words to kind of pull on when it’s time to actually have them realize that you’re really going to get to know them and stuff so they are more interested in being around you, you know?
DANIEL: Can you elaborate on that?
EVA: Let’s say—
DANIEL: Can you give me an example?
DANIEL: Can you give me an example?
EVA: Let’s say they are with a group of like… maybe they are with their cousin and then there are two friends from college or something and they are all hanging out and you’re just like oh, hey, that’s awesome! How do you guys all know each other by the way? And they are together just to kind of like mingle. Maybe they haven’t been together in the last months, maybe they saw each other and [Unintelligible] but it’s definitely been a few months because one of them came into town and so it’s been a while for all the four of them to be in the same room together like this and kind of hang out and it kind of brings back all the good memories like right now instantly they are just like, oh, how do you guys know each other? Is like a good thing that I usually say to people and in groups especially and then they are just kind of elaborating. Oh, well, you know. Like I’ve known this person forever! We are on the same water polo team and then like, oh, well, my cousin here, she doesn’t come out much since she’s a little bit younger than me but now she’s twenty one, she’s here and then we just kind of keep this kind of happy giggly vibe already because they are talking in kind of feeling good together and that was the whole point of them going out and then they feel good about being around you because it looks like, why though play paintball together if they have someone like you who’d kind of makes them feel like there you know feeling good together. You know, if that makes sense. They kind of like bonding, that’s the word, to get like with each other because of you. And you don’t notice it and then they’re just like, they like it, you know?
EVA: And then they start trusting you because if their friends approve because they’ll just saying, oh, yeah! He’s interested in how we all like our friends and stuff, like in a really happy way. Usually that works like 90% of the time. Unless there like 10%. It’s the once that are really being rude and saying the most outrageous stories and it seems like it’s really hard to keep up with because sometimes it throws me off or whatever but that’s just me. That’s definitely [Unintelligible] get to met either go back and forth with or not.
JAMIE: Jason, are you on the call? I’ve seen text messages from you I’m not sure if you’re on or not. Danny, have you ever seen the original Karate Kid?
DANIEL: It’s been a long time, but yes.
JAMIE: Okay. I know you remember this part even if it’s been a long time. I’m going to give you an analogy for what’s really happening. Remember like in the beginning when Miyagi was teaching Daniel or but Daniel didn’t know he’s being taught. He first been coming into his house and wash all the cars, wax on wax off, paint the fence; remember all that stuff?
JAMIE: When he walked in he thought that he was being Miyagi’s slave. Oh, I’m just being your slave. You’re not teaching me anything, blah, blah, blah. But that, surprise! Surprise! Little did Daniel know, the whole time he’s being taught stuff and they all seem to came together when he challenged Miyagi about you are not teaching me anything, you just teached me how to be your slave and that’s when they had that crazy moment when all of a sudden Miyagi is like, show me paint defense, sand the floor. You remember that whole thing, right?
JAMIE: That’s how I look at this whole deal, man. It’s life in general. Just enjoy the fact that learning all these different pieces and tools. Eventually it’s all going to come together, man, where you start to appreciate even just the lessons, the experiences, the blue burrito, the things that took a little while and even the things you don’t quite understand yet. The idea is that eventually it is all going to come together. That’s what makes this all exciting. You don’t have to know everything right now. Just focus on your progress, focus on trying to be the best you can and have faith then surely it will all come together. And when I say—
JAMIE: All come together, it never gets all done. You just reach a new understanding of it. I’ve been, you did your bootcamp within the last year or so. I did mind a few years before you and I assure you, this will be your experience too, you’re just going to have new levels of understanding. It’s never going to end, I mean, I’m still blown away by how often, even just when the last few weeks, my god that’s something I didn’t really fully get until now. So it never ends, you know?
JAMIE: The one that—
DANIEL: I think that…
JAMIE: Go ahead.
DANIEL: Go ahead? So I was going to say I think that while I’m still not seeing the numbers that I’d like to see and that kind of thing, I can definitely see a marked improvement just in the quality of interactions that I have with people in general, not necessarily to the end of getting laid and that kind of thing. But I was talking to this guy on the flight back from Florida and I was… we were talking to… we were on the exit aisle and the flight attendant was cute and so I just started going through the routine stack with this flight attendant and ended up getting a free drink and a friend of this guy on Facebook. You know, instead of just seating there and you know what I mean? Having very surface level interactions with people in general, I think that I’m getting more richness out of day to day social situations. I could say that’s where I’ve seen the most progress.
JAMIE: And then there you go! And you’ll continue to see more as you reach this new new levels. The one good advice that I would give you is probably the most universal one, probably the most [Inaudible] one, the most, at least for the first several months to a year, is don’t ever give yourself excuses saying, oh, this is good enough; hey, nice meeting you, bye! You always should go for it as much as you can, meaning, you should always try to keep that person with you doing something if it’s possible. Unless they have a real reason why they have to go? Don’t ever just excuse yourself. The biggest mistake you can do is do that. Give them as much as you can of an experience with you because the more you are able to do that the more solid, the more they start to invest in you. So with that girl at the beach, what I’m talking about, the biggest thing you probably could have done if it was possible, would just say hey, let’s go grab a cup of coffee. Hey, let’s go do this. Like don’t let her fucking go. Try and push the interaction for as long as you possibly can because the typical thing people do is make excuses. Oh, it’s nice meeting you, all right, bye! Don’t do that unless you have to unless that really is the only option because she really has to go.
JAMIE: Because you’ll be make—
DANIEL: Yeah, I think—
JAMIE: Most people, I’m sure probably you, I know I used to do this. We tend to make excuses; oh! This is good enough. Oh, this is too much for today. It’s not. If she’s enjoying her experience with you why not keep it going?
DANIEL: Yeah. Yeah I think that between now and the next call that I’d really try to work on going to as a failure on each and every one, you know what I mean? I think it’s tough. It’s definitely tough because it puts you in that zone of un-comfort—discomfort, right? But that’s what it’s all about, right?
JAMIE: Don’t go all weird though!
EVA: It is yeah. I was just thinking about, Paula, one of my girlfriends, she is an absolutely gorgeous like blond hair, blue eyes, hourglass shape, great butt, and you’d think like she just get guys all the time and stuff and she’s just like very insecure so she just never talks to people and thinks if she just waits around, the right guy is going to talk to her but then sometimes you guys don’t want talking to her just going to take up her time and so she’s like practicing talking to these guys and then this loop of like having them being charged and then she’s not like actually putting the conversation in the right direction where she needs to have the conversation going to get what she wants and then she just ends up wasting her time because she’s just like very scared of being rejected and being turned down and stuff, and so she just doesn’t like trying to approach people and it happens to everybody. It’s not just people who think like all these other insecurities and you could be the most beautiful person in the room like everyone would think and then just that person is really like really insecure. So you’d see her practice pushing out of it and she’s been doing that a lot more lately which is good I think. I was getting one of my girl friends to kind of talk to her about it and she’s like this lesbian who doesn’t give a f*** so she’s just like, yeah let’s f*** it, let me just talk to him, who cares! They say no, f*** him! Go talk to the ex-girlfriend.
EVE: I guess it kind of helped her, because she’s kind of bisexual so I think she kind of like that female energy of just being like, f*** it, whatever.
EVA: So it kind of helped her kind of understand more. It’s really not a big deal. Well, what was I suppose to say? Oh, yeah! Another thing! I’m glad to hear that you’re getting other relationships going because sometimes I’ve been friends with even crazy, obnoxious girls where I’m just very casually, like, all right, yeah, we’re hanging out but… because I’m cool with them, I’m level with them and stuff. It’s not like I am like working with them directly or really like that close with them but I’m still like they still lead me to new adventures and experiences that I want to be part of. Does that make sense?
EVA: So you could always be friends with crazy, obnoxious girls at the bar wherever you just have to be friends with them and then they have either friends or they either know certain places where to go because they are in that area more than you and then they can have some stuff scoped out for you that you probably have [Unintelligible] emotion about.
DANIEL: Right. Just networking.
EVA: Yeah, networking, basically, yeah! But yeah, if you had a friend who is at the hospital or like it just would be easier if you can have something to talk about to like an intern like that to understand where she’s going, what she’s going through and I mean is there a way to see her or is it just a one in a million chance again to kind of pop in there and kind of like, I don’t know. How do allergies work? I don’t have allergies, so. You get shots like once a month or…?
DANIEL: Right now it’s once a week.
EVA: Oh, wow!
DANIEL: Next week I’ll be there and just I’ll just go for it. Try to strike up a conversation, crack a joke or something. I’ve come in quite pre-prepared and just go for it. I mean I think that the hesitancy is also, oh, because I got to be here every week. You know, get your head up! Bar, clubs and you blow out a set, you don’t ever see them again. Done, right?
DANIEL: But this is a situation where it’s like it’s going to have a crowd because she’s always there with two or three other medical assistant and nurses and I’m going back every week. So she has—it’s all in my head type of thing. It’s like oh, I’m going to come back. If this doesn’t go out I’m going to come back, take this for another three months or whatever, but it’s really not that big of a deal.
EVA: No, I mean, I think it’s anything else it’s not the end of the world just to be friendly and just see how it goes really casually like jokes and stuff so she knows you’re funny and eventually like this might be—lead to the right direction of other people. You never know. I’m just saying that it doesn’t always have to be like a dead end. You were saying earlier you’re gaining other networks of sorts even if they are not for dating.
EVA: And then, yeah. What do you think, Jamie?
JAMIE: No, it’s great!
EVA: Do you have any, for this kind of situation or you guys said about the ride and the note thing?
JAMIE: Yeah, I mean. If you’re ever in a Hail Mary situation, I am just going to go based on the vibe. One thing I think I’m pretty good at? If something that doesn’t go well which happens, you know? I’m pretty good at just, like if I ran into that person again, like I’m pretty good at, remember you’re… things will not be weird unless you make them weird. I’m pretty good at making the… like making me seem like everything is totally cool and it was not a big deal.
JAMIE: And so let go of your fear of like, oh I’m not going to see them again. Well, it’s not really a big deal if you decide that it’s not weird at all. Do you understand? It’s only a big deal for you if you decide it’s weird. If that’s really—if you decide—
JAMIE: At your way of being… if you’re just going to talk to people and you’re going to be outgoing, you just love to talk to people for the sake of talking to people, and you talked to somebody who doesn’t really buy into that, who doesn’t see things the same way. The only way to be weird is if you allow them, if you allow yourself, to decide that their way is correct. But if you decide your way is correct and this is how you think is the way you should live your life then it’s never weird. You know I think—
JAMIE: For that like, I’m in a certain social group said, get in the f*** let me go for it. And somewhat it’s a disaster but didn’t really it didn’t either and when I see them again, I’m completely normal with them. Hey, what’s up? Hey, nice to see you. I don’t like to over harp on things or to keep it going for that forever. But I’d like to let them know that as far as I’m concerned, everything is fine. Then it’s not weird as far as I’m concerned. It’s never weird unless you allow it to be weird. If you decided to just—
JAMIE: Guy that pulls the trigger and you’d—take those words that I gave you before. Hey, I know this may sound a little crazy but if I didn’t come over here, you and I would not be having this conversation, would we? If that’s really how you decide to live life where you’re the kind of person that does stuff like that, then there’s nothing weird about it, is there?
JAMIE: No, exactly! Because the only way to become weird is if the other person, you vye into their frame. I never—here, let me give you another story. Watch this one. I remember, this is a few years ago actually. I remember having a drink with this girlfriend of mine, this was before I’ve been going to VA but this is still a great example. I remember having a drink with this girl that I used to have a big crush on years ago and this is when I started getting really interested in this kind of stuff but I have not taken a bootcamp or anything like that yet. But I knew at least, at some level, some things that I didn’t know before. And I remember we were at this bar in New York and I just, probably what I did but I just started talking just to a bunch of people around us like this guy, this girl; I was just being very sociable. And the girl I was with, that I have this crush on, she just came on f***ing didn’t come a very nice person anymore and she kind of tried to challenge me on the idea that what I was doing was weird. And eventually, she even said to the couple that I was talking to, isn’t this weird? And I just fucking cut her off. I go, I forgot the guys name of course, it’s been a few years. I’m like John, come on, you’re having fun, aren’t you? And he goes, yeah, I am. So don’t listen to her. You know like I just kind of decided that how I live life is the correct way and anyone who thinks otherwise they can go f*** themselves essentially. And the long story short of that, this couple knew this girl. It was really awesome! This girl I was just attracting this woman that night. This couple knew this other girl, who’s as cute as hell, I want to go on a date at another time. She was even there at that time and I remember maybe two hours later when this other girl came over, I was walking arm and arm with her, my new girl friend, and I saw the… my… the other girl, the one I came with, she was with this other guy that I guess was part of the group, and she looked at me with this disgust but I don’t give a sh*t. I’m arm and arm with this cutie and she can sit there with her look of disgust. That’s up to her, understand?
JAMIE: But does that make sense?
JAMIE: You’re all to decide what’s weird or not or what’s going to allow as a weird moment or what isn’t and if you really truly believe that this is the way you want to live your life then it can’t be weird.
DANIEL: Make sense.
JAMIE: So better start and go for it, man! F*** it! You did a great story.
DANIEL: That’s right. So yes, I don’t think that there’s anything else. Does anybody else have any other stories or have anything to ask?
JAMIE: Do you want to… is there anything like, again, we are all students and learning in our own pace. Is there anything that you wanted to talk about or discuss or just kind of bring up a good story from like the last couple of weeks?
EVA: Try to think of a good story. I swear it’s one more. I don’t know. A lot of things that really just comes out—I don’t know if it really makes much sense but it just it’s just mostly like talking about like if I’m talking to—like I’ll say like a sandwich or barbeque? Or not barbeque like Super Bowl Party, like the other day and it’s kind of like a barbeque, that kind of thing, shindig, whatever. And me and a couple of girls or whatever like the youngest girls in the group and everyone’s pretty, established or whatever. They’re someone’s girlfriend and things like that. So we are all hanging out and chilling, and the guy who owns this house is like beautiful and stuff but he has like some sort of thing with some other chick there and she was just like kind of getting worked up about the whole situation. It’s even like existing in the house and then just having to deal with like tip toeing around, weird relationship kind of thing I guess… but I guess it’s kind of always have to understand where everyone is, I guess? Like before, you really take a pressure I guess you shouldn’t care obviously. What it is, like what you are saying earlier, a person is going to make the decision to kind of like approach you and stuff like that and then yeah, go for it. It doesn’t really matter if they have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or not. Is it obvious where I’m kind of going with? So that story. Just ignore it actually.
EVAN: Like really sleepy still. I’m lying in bed.
JAMIE: I mean I had a date over the last week. A date and a conversation are about the same thing.
JAMIE: Because I had this theory and I don’t need a theory but I think it makes sense to me, like when I hang out with someone the first time, I do whatever I can if possible to avoid any kind of situation where I’m seated at the table with them. When I’m in a bar, I like to be, I mean if I met at a place that has a bar, I’d rather be at the bar than at the table, you following me? Or if even possible, sometimes it’s a little challenging to pull off, if I can, if it has to be in a restaurant or something like that, then if I can, I like to make it where I can seat next to them like in a booth or something. You following me, Daniel? Danny, are you with me?
DANIEL: Yeah. I’m following you.
JAMIE: Because what I do is… the point is, why do I even do that? I tell them, I’d say, hey, it’s been proven that when you sit at the stuffy dinner table, that ruins the opportunity to bond and for the good of our future relationship, let’s sit there in the bar.
DANIEL: Oh, I did!
JAMIE: What’s that?
EVA: Because you’re right next to each other?
JAMIE: Right next to each other and there’s no barrier.
JAMIE: You with me?
JAMIE: Then so—not everyone agrees, but I think it’s true so that’s what really matters. So my point is, just in general; the approaches you do, the people you speak to, how you want to look at the world—you just have to be sure of yourself and I honestly don’t want to have stuffy dinners with people. I don’t almost, never do a dinner. I might do lunch, sometimes, possibly. But if I do happen to have a dinner date or whatever, then I’ll try and sit at the bar. Or if I go have drinks with someone, I try to do it in the bar. I want to make sure there’s no exaggerated space between me and the other person. And that’s true. When you’re in close proximity with someone, it’s just easy to feel closer to them because literally, you can feel closer to them. But some people don’t necessarily agree with me but I don’t care. I agree with me and that’s kind of that. So I’m just giving you another example like the time where you just got to have to decide how what you believe and if other people have different opinions, so be it. There’s a great quote by, I don’t know if you like this guy but, Joel Osteen. Here’s a really good quote where he says, how does it go? To those who disagree with your opinion, accept them where they are, treat them with respect, but you don’t need—he didn’t curse by the way, but I’m going to curse here—but you don’t need their f***ing approval to live your destiny. Are you with me?
JAMIE: There’s all the same thing. You decide what’s important to you, how you want to live and I know this is sometimes easier said than done, but you just have to make this concentrated effort to be true to yourself and that’s kind of it.