Today’s podcast we talked about inner game and next level strategies.
JAMIE: All right, man. Record button on! Tell me what the latest and greatest is? What’s the experience from like the last week or two that we can discuss?
JOHN: I went to the mall the other day and there was this girl like in the middle of the mall where they sell stuff, there was this girl that I saw a week ago. I went with my roommate and he was trying to get his glasses, long story short he gave her his phone number and he was like not asked for dating or anything, I just need you to call me when you get his glasses in but he was like this is my friend, John, by the way. And then she was like, can I write down John’s number, too? But I was leaving already. And I didn’t hear that part. My friend had to tell me that part but then he was like—Bro, you know, you walked away and I was trying to hook you over there. And I was, oh… I was like that. I was on my phone or whatever. So I went to the mall again this Monday and I saw her there and I was like, long time no see! And she opened, really receptive like that and she was like, hey! You’re John, by the way? And I was like, yeah! I was—Middle and last name. And she started laughing and then she was like, where’s Dante, No, I was, you know, to get some pants or whatever and then she told me she was like, yeah, I’ve been really busy and then I nagged a little bit. I was like, by the way your nose wiggles when you speak. And then she touched it, and I was like, why did you touched it. It doesn’t going to change anything.
JOHN: And she’s laughing some more and then yeah she started asking me a bunch of generic questions like how do you do? Just told her that I just moved from Georgia, she was asking why and then you know that’s how the conversation started off, you know, just back and forth, exchange of information and then… yeah! It was just an exchange of information, back and forth, back and forth and then I was trying to move the conversation so we can meet up. And then I made another mistake, and I asked her what she’s doing this weekend instead of just telling her like, this is what I’m doing this weekend, you want to tag along?
JOHN: And then yeah, she gave me like a piece of paper and pen to write my number down. No, not just here. Just put your number on my phone. But she was working, so I guess you know, I don’t know, if she was comfortable like type in her name and number on my phone. She said, no, I’m just going to write your number down. And I was like, that’s a little trick girls do, and they never call or they forget because they had bad memory. And she was, well, we will see! And that was Monday. She hasn’t called yet or texted.
JAMIE: Okay! So are you looking for some ways you could have done it better? Is that what the question is?
JAMIE: Okay. And what it’s like—
JOHN: You know, like I asked the opening—
JAMIE: What’s the last part you said, what did you say to her? Where that’s a trick girls do when they are not really going to call?
JAMIE: What did you say that she was doing that is essentially a trick that she’s not going to call? What was it that you said she did?
JOHN: Well, I asked her I was like… well, I know you’re busy working and I got to get going, I was like also, do you have any ideas of how we can contact each other? And then she was like—well… and then I was like, a number exchange, right? And she was like, yeah. And then I was getting my phone out, and while I was getting my phone out she gave me a piece of paper and a pen. And then, when I asked her to put her name and number in my phone she was kind of resistance towards that. So I know she was trying to like get me to leave or you know, like she was generally just didn’t want me working you know her stuff on my phone.
JAMIE: Okay! So for the most part, man, you did pretty good! A lot of the interactions are pretty solid. It’s playful, used the nag in a kind of fun little way. You did pretty good, man, for the most part. And the other thing, too, John, is that you already self-diagnosed, kind of dissecting what you did. You kind of already know what you did, what you could have done better, right? Even what you said on the call, you’re like, hey, I could have offered something rather than say, hey, you know, you want to kind of get together, what are you doing this weekend? You already know that to offer something is a better way to go so you kind of already have a pretty good insight on where you could have done things a little bit better, right?
JOHN: Yes, sir! Yeah.
JAMIE: Now, the other thing too is if you look at it even deeper, when you say, hey, I’m going to do this, want to come along? Want to bring your friends, whatever? What you are really doing when you look at it a little closer is you’re offering something. You’re not taking something, you’re offering something. Hey, let me give you… hey, let me invite you to this party. Hey, let me introduce you to some friends. Hey, let me give you my phone number… rather than ask for hers.
JAMIE: You know, being in the state of giving, rather than taking is a good place to be. You following me?
JOHN: Yes, sir.
JAMIE: So, in the future one of the things you could have done is say, hey! Some friends of mine are going to do blah, blah, blah. Why don’t you come join us? If she says yes, then she can’t hesitate on the phone number thing because how the f*** you’re going to do that unless she’s already agreed. So the idea is you want to come into it giving something, offering something that’s enticing so she’s going to want to do it. Then the exchange of contact information is no longer a big deal. It’s more of an accounting detail.
JAMIE: But again, that’s already going along the lines what you already kind of know. You want to be offering things, you want to be giving things not to be asking for stuff. You don’t want to be sucking value. See the difference?
JAMIE: Does that makes sense how you could do better in the future? Again, a lot of stuff you already kind of innately knew, you’re already telling me before I even start talking so and good for you on that, but is that kind of just helped maybe solidify things a little bit for you?
JOHN: Yeah, for sure! And I also have, my biggest fault was not opening or closing or nagging… it’s just like what story am I going to say? Like ask her, I open? And I give like a false time constraint? Whether I say, I’m kind of in a rush, but you kind of distracting me, whatever. I just relate it back to my opener. Like the story that I’m going to use next, sometimes I ask or hesitating, like what am I going to say? But I try to keep it as playful. Sometimes when I go by, I just keep it playful, you know? I’ll give good reactions of humor.
JOHN: And then you know I just kind of embed it, so is there any tips? Like you think I should have like how many stories should I have ready? How long should I be pushing the idea about?
JAMIE: How many? What should they be about? What I’m saying… and Sam, by the way, I see you on the call. We’ll get to you in like a couple of minutes, okay?
JOHN: Yeah, sure.
JAMIE: Not yet! But in a couple of minutes. I want to mention from the last piece you and I were just talking about John, is the only area… I was going to say, you know what? You already knew some things you could have done a little bit better. If there is only one mistake you made that I would like to offer to you, your be… remember you want to avoid needy reaction seeking, low value behavior, right? That sounds familiar to you? To avoid those types of actions and behaviors?
JAMIE: Right? So we want to summarize what that really means, that is basically presenting yourself like you’re some kind of high value guy, like you’re the prize. You are Brad Pitt! Now, if you’re really the prize, you’re really the Brad Pitt version of you, do you think Brad Pitt would say something like, oh, I know that’s probably what you’re doing to kind of blow me off. Where I know this is probably a way of trying to avoid giving me your contact information. Kind of like what you said there.
JAMIE: Do you think Brad Pitt will say something like that? Do you think Brad Pitt might assume the business?
JAMIE: So you want to avoid anything where it sounds like she might be doing you a freaking favor.
JAMIE: Is that—
JOHN: It signifies… you know, it kind of just indicates, oh this has happened to me before, a lot!
JAMIE: What’s that?
JAMIE: You understand my main point on that one, correct?
JOHN: Yes, sir.
JAMIE: Instead of negative interpretation go for positive misinterpretation. She looks at you at a certain way, are you trying to seduce me? You know, those kind of things.
JAMIE: Look to positively misinterpret rather than negatively misinterpret. Because the truth is that it might that even mean what you think it means, right? You’re not like the guy from, Lie to me, like you are this human lie detector. You don’t really know?
JAMIE: So if you don’t really know, why not give things a positive spin rather than negative spin. Why not assume that you’re Brad f***ing Pitt, and she should want to do these things, okay?
JOHN: Yeah, right.
JAMIE: So in the future, catch yourself before you say something that assumes something negative rather than assuming the business. Is that good?
JOHN: Yeah, sounds good.
JAMIE: Beautiful! Now as far as your… the next piece that, the biggest problem, which really is a big problem, for most people, because opening is challenging. It takes a little bit of an inner state control, but it is not hard to do. Opening is just opening. You have one opener, you use it all the time, you get good at it, so be it! The part that makes it kind of more of an art form is when you start kind of doing the multi-threading, you’re weaving in and out of stories and you’re really getting an engaging conversation going. So, to your question, how many stories, how long, what should they be about? In general, what you want then is you want to be in a state of curiosity.
Well, you’re genuinely curious about her. Where is she from? What does she do? You know, what’s your biggest fear? What’s your biggest desire? Whatever it is that you’re… whatever it is that you are in to. So, the idea is if you’re… if one thing she’d like to talk about genuinely is where is she from, that might be one of the kind of things you bring up in the conversation. Now, of course, you might not say it in a way that everyone else says it like, hey, so where are you from? You might say something like, you have this West Coast vibe. You seem like someone who spent a lot of time on the East Coast, or whatever. But you kind of make almost an assumption. You do what we call a cold read. So notice, I’m not asking a question, I’m making a statement. You have a West Coast vibe. Now of course she’s going to… there, more likely than not, she’s going to affirm that that’s correct or not correct.
But if it’s not correct, you say, you have a West Coast vibe and she says, I’m actually from New York, the idea then is you’re going to have certain stories about places you’ve lived, place you’ve travelled to. So for me personally, that might be one of the… that is one of the kind of things that I do sometimes. I’ll say, hey! You’ve got a West Coast vibe. You seem like someone who spend a lot of time in the Midwest. So if she says, yeah, actually I’m from Ohio, I might then have a story. Get this, I just got back from Ohio. I got a friend from there, blah, blah, blah. I’ll have a story from the Midwest, I’ll have a story that relates to the East Coast, another story that relates to the West Coast.
JAMIE: So I have three stories about where she may or may not be from. But the main—
JOHN: So you—
JAMIE: … topic is you know, where is she from? Where she grew up? Where she spends a lot of time? Something about her locale, so that’s, you know, the classic question is where are you from, but instead of saying where are you from, I’ll make… I’ll do a cold read of take a guess basically based on what I think her vibe is.
JOHN: Got it. So you take a topic like whatever you asked, you know, whatever you want to talk about, you play ahead. If this scenario can happen and then I might have this story and if this scenario happens, I have this story.
JOHN: Is that how I kind of do it?
JAMIE: Exactly. I cannot like, in the real world scenario here, when I do that myself, hey, where are you from? In other words I’d like to say, hey, say you have this West Coast vibe. I didn’t prepare to give up to four stories. If she says she’s from the West Coast, I have a West Coast story. If she says she’s from the East Coast, I had an East Coast story. It always starts with, oh, my god, get this! And then I transitioned to it. I have a Midwest story…
JAMIE: Then I also have a story in case she is local, because obviously that’s going to be a big percentage, too. There are going to be a lot of people, John, that you’re going to meet that have never really been anywhere. So you’re going to want to say, you’re going to want to have a story about wherever it is that you are from.
MIKE/ANTHONY: Hey, Jamie. Anthony’s on the call, too. Just wanted to say hello.
JAMIE: Okay, awesome! We’ll do Sam then we will do you. Okay?
SAM: Jamie, can I add on to what you said just now about the stories? I have one point here that I was just doing—
JAMIE: Yeah! Go for it!
SAM: For field testing. So, actually, because he was asking about DHV, right?
SAM: So one of the best DHVs that I found out lately is I just go open a set and when I asked what are you guys doing around here, she just tells about herself, and then when she’d ask about me, I generally tell them that I’m an entrepreneur, because I have my own open—like I’m a software developer and my open so is software, so yeah, some kind of entrepreneur spirit to it. Whenever I say entrepreneur, and you know, all the girls are pretty much into me. They just start talking about me, they get excited and I just have to say that I’m an entrepreneur, I do this sh*t, that’s it. And they are like they are into me.
So you can make up story then and there. Like she was telling me the other—yesterday night, I went… I just broke up… I’ve break in a set and she was into like the medical device company and I told her I’m an entrepreneur and she herself started speaking. We can come out—you can take my device, sell it, and all that stuff. Still, the conversation went on. Then I was doing some nagging and other stuff. So if you want to make a good DHV, I think entrepreneur thing might be a really good one. So this is worth. I was just testing it recently and it just worked out.
JAMIE: Wonderful! Wonderful! John, is that helpful?
JOHN: Yes, sir!
JAMIE: I mean and to add to what Sam is saying, keep in mind really what you’re trying to do, right? You’re trying to demonstrate yourself to be somebody that she’s going to want to get to know. How do you know that you’re creating that image of yourself? Now, of course, we have IOIs, right? But keep in mind certain IOIs that you might be looking for you might not get. But there is one thing that is pretty universal. If a girl is starting to become interested in you, she’s going to start to ask you certain questions. Just like in Sam’s example. Since he mentioned that he’s an entrepreneur—Oh, my god! Hey, I do this and you can help me sell that? You know they start to become much more engaging, start to ask you questions. Now the classic one’s, and you are going to want to write this down, the classic one’s that you’re going to want to always be prepared for, because these are the ones you’re going to get asked, one, what do you do? Two, where are you from? And three…
JAMIE: What’s your name?
JAMIE: If you are doing a good job, those are the three classic ones you are going to get asked. Now notice the first set of DHV stories to your original question, how many, how long, which they may be about; the first set that we are talking about here has to do with the question, where are you from? You better be ready to answer that because it’s going to be asked all the time. That and what do you do. So if I was you, to answer your question, start with six to eight DHV stories and have them all pretty much centered on what do you do and where are you from. Remember, being that you’re not from three or four places, but you are going to have to be able to relate to wherever she is actually from. So if she is from the West Coast–Oh, my god! Get this. I just got back from California and blah, blah, blah. Understand?
JOHN: Yeah. Yeah!
JAMIE: So that would be a great starting point and go from there. But I want to bring one thing to your attention, man. Don’t be… try not to be so focused on routine, routine, routine, you know? What you really want is, is you want to be genuinely curious. Don’t be so gimmicky, like have a couple in the beginning just to kind of get things going, but after that, just be curious about her. Like, dude, if you are really trying to meet somebody, well, what are you curious about? What do you do? Where are you from? How did you get into that? Like these type of questions, don’t be afraid to be a little conversational and be all concerned if you don’t have another routine for her, understand?
JAMIE: Because the idea is you’re going to ask questions you really want to talk about. And that will kind of organically help you have a good conversation.
JOHN: Yes. I mean, that interaction, I asked her actually, is this all you do? This thing [00:18:03] see stuff in the mall because this looks like a full time job. She said, yeah, pretty much. I work 38 hours a week here, and I was like, oh okay. So what else do you have going for you other than your looks and the sunglasses thing? And she started laughing and she was, huh? So I want to get into real estate. Yada, yada, yada. And I asked her, what kind of real estate? Wholesale. And you know it was something that she’s really passionate about. Something for a lot of the back to back interaction she has spend a whole lot of time talking about herself and about you know what she want to pursue in life.
JOHN: And you know, I shut up, I was really receptive and so my question is, a lot of questions to her about what she likes to do is not bad?
JAMIE: As long as you are prepared to talk about it. I want you to think of questions as an opportunity to be curious but at the same time give you a bridge to talk about something you want to talk about anyway. You don’t want to get on the question train. You don’t want to be like, hey! What do you do? Where are you from? How did you get into that?
JOHN: Get that!
JAMIE: You don’t want to start drilling this off. The idea is any topic you asked a question you should want to talk about it.
JAMIE: You could… I would give you another classic example. You would want to write this one down. Another good one to say and this is called a cold read. You say, you seem more like a business type than an artist type. Now, of course, she has the ability to correct me, actually I’m more into art than business, right? But the idea is if she then tells you what she does, what kind of art she’s into, what kind of business that she’s trying to develop, well, I am curious about her that’s true, but I’m also prepared to talk about that topic because why would I bring up something that I don’t want to talk about? If I want to talk about art and those kinds of things, maybe I would want to talk about the mystical and things that are other worldly, who knows? Maybe I want to talk about just an interesting alternative kind of topics. But if I’m going to bring that up, I’m not just going to ask her about it, and listen to her, I’m also going to be prepared to fully engage and talk about it myself. Because why would I bring that up otherwise?
JOHN: Okay. Sure.
JAMIE: Do you see the difference between going into the question train as drilling questions up without contributing? Versus—
JAMIE: Thinking these questions as bridges the topics you want to talk about.
JAMIE: That’s the idea.
JOHN: The concept you laid out is really clear.
JAMIE: Okay, beautiful. Beautiful! So, Sam, we can go to you and by the way, thanks for the contribution. That’s really cool. I think John appreciate that.
SAM: Oh, okay!
JOHN: I appreciate it!
JAMIE: It’s also a good way, you know, we’re a community here. We’re all learning together. It’s… I would love for you guys to… if you have a specific scenario or situation that happened from some time last week or two or a month, like f***ing jump right in there. I want you guys all to think of us just like a club or a community, a team. And we’re all helping each other so if you have something specific that can help someone else on the call just jump right in.
SAM: Yeah, okay. So Jamie, can I go with my question that I have in my mind right now?
JAMIE: Yeah, man! Do it.
SAM: Yeah, so what happened was, I was in the airport like I was going for Boston, so I met this woman, she is a Swedish woman. So we have like a conversation about an hour and it went like her flight was at 7 PM but she was talking with me until 6:45 PM in the airport. So she was pretty much into me and she was like you know, I really… I mean she was… I know that she was into me. She gave me her number, she gave her Switzerland number, she gave her US number, she gave her Facebook contact and everything.
SAM: And then she went to another place and I went to another place so after a week I just texted her. She told me she like some cuisine or something like that so I just sent a picture of the food saying that you missed it and she said that it looks good. She replied me back instantaneously, then I said I made it at home, that’s my next message. And she didn’t look at that message for about 8 hours I guess?
SAM: She looked at that message but she didn’t reply back to me. So I’m not sure whether I should go talk to her, whether she’s really into me or she… So what do you…? Do you have any comments about this situation like is she into me or she thought that I was just attractive at that point of time and now I’m just like any other person or what’s… like can you just talk about this?
JAMIE: Yeah, sure! Does she could have same area as you or she’s traveling somewhere else?
SAM: No, she’s actually a marketing person. She’s from Germany. So she lives in Germany but she comes to US all the time.
SAM: And she also lives in Switzerland, so she gave me her Switzerland number and US number. She gave me pretty much all the contact information that she has. But the thing is when I texted her she replied back—
JAMIE: She has Facebook or anything like that?
SAM: Yeah! She gave me her Facebook as well.
JAMIE: Okay, cool!
SAM: But the thing is I texted her on Whatsapp because she told that’s the most easiest way to communicate to her but she replied back to one of my message because I was just using Jason’s technique of sending memes or picture shot than sending text. So I just send her text—an image, you know?
SAM: Of a cuisine or a little kind of food that she likes and I told her that you’re missing it, something like that and she said, yeah! It’s a good picture and blah, blah, blah. Then I said I made it at home, you know? And she didn’t read that message but she read it after like eight—
JAMIE: So you say you said that you made it at home, is that what you just said?
SAM: Yeah, that’s what I said.
JAMIE: Okay! Alright!
SAM: And then she didn’t replay back to that message so I’m not sure whether she lost that interest on me, or but does she… I don’t know. What do you think? Should I proceed—
JAMIE: I won’t read too much on that one, then. I mean, you know, remember, your… the idea as Jason told you, is you’re making value offerings. You’re offering her something that is going to want her to keep engaging you.
JAMIE: So, if you just write, I just got home; I mean, what do you really want her to say to that? You know what I’m saying?
SAM: No! I said that I made it at home, I said that I made it at home.
JAMIE: Oh, you made it at home.
JAMIE: Okay! Got you, got you. That’s okay. I mean, it still kind of the same thing. Maybe she could choose to respond to that or choose not to. Just that she doesn’t respond to something like that or response on a one to one ratio, doesn’t mean that she is not interested, just you know, part of the thing is dude, she’s in Germany. She’s around the world. It’s kind of like oh, what’s the rush here? And what your… just by the sheer nature of what you’re saying, doesn’t necessarily need a response that she can do right again, you know, something like that. So I wouldn’t take that personally. I just kind of assume it’s a kind of combination of both these two things. Again, she doesn’t live locally to you, so she’s not going to see you like there not an opportunity to see you next week or something.
JAMIE: And what you just said this kind of just… it’s okay, but you know, there’s nothing really…
JAMIE: Well, just nothing that she necessarily needs to respond to. I mean she could put a smiley face if she really wants too but she could also choose not to.
SAM: Am [Crosstalk]
JAMIE: You’re not really engaging her where she’s just ignoring you. Your just… a comment that’s it!
SAM: Oh, okay. Yeah! I mean, because the conversation went so well, I mean, that’s the best thing that I’ve… like I have been opening a lot of sets and I think that woman with whom I spoken, I think that was the best conversation that I’ve ever had because—
SAM: It was more… it was not more about, you know, I was trying to seduce her or anything like that, the conversation itself was so much like… it was so energetic, you know? After that conversation I felt really excited about it because she was into me, I was into her and we are talking, talking. We’re exchanging a lot of stuff. What happened in the US, Germany, and all that stuff.
SAM: So I thought she was really into me but then again, with the messaging thing. I felt like maybe not, maybe… you know, I was a little bit skeptical whether she’s really into me or not. So, yeah! That was one thing that I had in my mind and the other thing is like you said with the routines, right? So I have good DHVs, I have good IOIs, like I throw DHVs all the time. The thing is when it comes to attraction and comfort, right? What kind of questions do I need to ask like for example, I know that you guys have given some questions for attraction and comfort.
SAM: But like you said, it has to be organic, right? You just can’t memorize all of them and just go to the field and just try to practice them so is there, can you tell me the fundamental principle to which I can construct any attraction question or any comfort scenario? You know, instead of just giving me what to say, if you can tell me the principle behind that so that I can construct it on myself.
SAM: That would be really great.
JAMIE: That might be a little too involved for here, but we can definitely go through that at the routine stack class.
JAMIE: But I can definitely leave you some insights.
JAMIE: A few things first. I just want to ask you a question. You said that it was the best conversation—and by the way, to everybody listening here, that’s good stuff, right? I mean, this is someone that took a boot camp with us maybe about a month or two ago.
SAM: Yeah. I do.
JAMIE: And he’s already had the best conversation he has ever had, so I don’t know! Maybe, I have to take, you know, make a move here. Ah, just want to throw that out there.
SAM: The best, man!
JAMIE: But let me ask you and there’s a reason why I’m going to ask it here. I get it, you were so energized, you felt good, it was fun or whatever but what really made it for you, tell me what, tell me some more specifics on what made it the best conversation?
SAM: No. The reason… you see… what made it? That’s kind of… I think I… Okay. Let me… I want to break down the conversation. I initially did that you know the digging thing. Can I ask you a creepy question you know I just want to put my stuff can you just look at it something like that.
SAM: Then I did some, I just opened it and then I just asked her like she was telling me about that she was from Switzerland and Germany. Then I just… yeah, the trigger point was I started appreciating her German culture, her German way of engineering because I’m a Software Engineer by profession, so I just appreciated her culture and that’s it. She was into me, I mean. I just appreciate her because she was telling me like Germans have this… throughout the world, they have this negative thing, what happened during the World War II and she was telling me you’re the first one whom I met in America who’s actually very appreciative about German culture and the whole European stuff.
And she just liked it and we had conversation then it went into metaphysical then I shifted the topic and then she shifted the topic to metaphysical and all that stuff. So it just went to like… I mean there was no seduction. I mean there was no need for me to do any kino or seduction. I know the girl, that woman was into me. She was like you know come with me you’re like the best person. If you ever come to Switzerland, this is my home number you can always call me blah, blah, blah and all that sh*t. The trigger point is I just appreciated her insecurity. Where in her case was she’s from a German background and I just appreciated it and I think that’s the trigger point I guess in the whole entire conversation.
SAM: What do you think?
JAMIE: That sounds great! Just quick questions.
JAMIE: Two follow up questions. First one, give me up to three really cool things you learned about her as a person? Forget the German back and the German culture, that’s awesome. But her as individual, what really made her cool? What did you learn about her?
SAM: No, she was pretty open-minded. I think because I’m from an Indian background, so it didn’t matter for her whether it’s an Indian or American, she just wanted a person who is more… who can have a really engaging, good, stimulating conversation and I was able to find in her and she was able to find it in me, number one. And the number two that I felt really her personality was… I mean, she was curious, you know? When I was talking to her, she was exhibiting that sense of enthusiasm when I was talking to her. So even I felt like to talk more, you know? Like if a person doesn’t show the basic interest or that sense of enthusiasm, then I feel like I should invest my time somewhere else but she was showing me that sense of enthusiasm. So, yeah! These are the two things, I guess.
SAM: You want one more thing?
JAMIE: Do you think you could jump right back in the conversation there like, let’s just say, Sam, you ran into her just randomly in the street. You think you can just jump right back in the conversation and just hello?
SAM: Yeah, I can do that. Right now, I can just… I can talk with anyone. That’s not a big deal.
JAMIE: What I mean is do you think she would feel like you would flow with you where she could just talk to you about whatever? Like she feels like enough of a foundation of who you are?
JAMIE: That she can have topics that you bring up?
SAM: Yeah! She will do that with me, for sure. She will do that with me, I can guarantee that.
JAMIE: Okay, she will do that.
SAM: If she’s here right now?
SAM: If she’s here with me right now in person, then she might we can go out, we can talk all day long. I can do that with her, that’s for sure.
JAMIE: Alright. So, okay! As far as your… like fundamental principles for comfort and attraction, those are two different things, you know. So let’s start with the comfort one, because the comfort one… you know, lot of what we did in the boot camp is a lot of attraction pieces like you know like kino escalation combined with high value; text stories, that’s how you spike attraction. You showed that you have qualities of a high value man. That clause, adding into that, you know the kino escalation… that’s really what… that’s the whole idea of getting attraction. I know you have that stuff down pretty good. That’s what you’re talking to boot camp. The thing you might need a little bit of extra work on and that’s what I’d like to touch-base with you on here is the comfort part. Comfort—
JAMIE: You know creating like this inner sense, like this inner, deep in her sense, that you guys really truly at the core, know who each other is, understand?
JAMIE: So it’s kind of like this. Let me give you some examples. What if this girl told you her three greatest fears, right? You think you might know her at a certain little bit of a deeper level?
SAM: Not that deeper, but I know a little bit of her, yeah.
JAMIE: What I’m saying is if you did ask that and you got that answer, what are your three deepest fears? If she, if you knew that answer from her, would you not agree you might know her in a kind of a deeper level?
SAM: Yeah! I agree with you. That’s true.
JAMIE: So it’s those kinds of questions. Now of course that requires you to be vulnerable, too! Like Sam, what’s your… what’s one of your deepest fear? You know you start exchanging information like that, like she knows what your insecurities are, what your fears are, what your desires are; you start kind of sharing those kind of information, that’s when you’re taking it into another level.
JAMIE: And this doesn’t have to be really intricate questions, like so what are you afraid of? What is your biggest fear?
JAMIE: You know, just being curious about it. It doesn’t have to be some crazily intricate questions, pretty simple. So what is it you… what is your biggest fear? What are you afraid of?
JAMIE: What is something that you really want to experience for yourself in this life? Those type of deep questions.
JAMIE: You’re just taking… you’re just really trying to understand her at her core but to really create that sense of comfort—
JAMIE: And as far as the fundamental principles, you can’t just ask you also have to contribute. You also have to let her know the same for you. You have to be vulnerable.
SAM: Oh, yeah! Yeah. That’s true. What you said that’s correct because it happened with me. Yesterday while I was asking her a few questions, after I asked her a question, she followed up her own set of questions and I just gave her the right answers. Whatever I had in my mind, I just told her so yeah it kind a make sense when you do that. Yeah, it make sense, Jamie, what you’re trying to tell me.
JAMIE: And also, one other thing, too, take this right away. I have a feeling right now you’re better at in-person talking or talking in general than on text.
JAMIE: You know what I want you to start doing, man? Next time engage your… start sending more voice text not so much of pictures and words.
JAMIE: You can send her a voice text, you can do that on Whatsapp.
SAM: Yeah, I can do that. Yeah, that’s true.
JAMIE: When she hears your voice, it’s going to be much more engaging for her. The way… maybe someday this week, you’re going to have something really cool to happen, or a family [00:34:33] insight, or something you remembered. Give her a little voice text. Hey! Jennifer, oh my god! You’re not going to believe this! Blah, blah, blah; whatever! When she hears your voice it’s going to really more cue her of the experience she had when she was with you so that would be… I would shift to do… for you, I would shift to doing those primarily.
SAM: Okay. Sure! And the other thing that I was… just want to add, add on to the entire conversation is like I had this mindset like go get it, but it should be rather something like go give and get it, you know. First we need to give something, something of value, a cognitive or emotional value to her. And once you give her, you can get what you want. So I was… if you go with this kind of mind frame, I think, you’re going to like you’re going to pretty much get the girls. That’s what I felt. That’s what I experienced in my past —in the past month when I was trying to break up and set and do that stuff. So if I give them a value, a sense of value or a sense of you know? Then they’re just going to come to you. And the other thing is, these days I’ve been doing is like…
JAMIE: Stop! Stop real quick! Stop real quick. That’s a very… that’s potentially a very profound statement you’re making there in a way. You know there’s this great phrase I heard once before and this is because we’re on pick-up, of course. What you send, you receive.
SAM: Yes. Yes [Crosstalk]
JAMIE: When you give things to the universe in general, when you’re giving your time, your energy… you’re not expecting anything back and that’s really what the, you know, really the kind of energy and vibe you want to be giving women, right? Just like, I don’t need anything from you. I’m just curious about you but I don’t need anything from you. And I’m just giving, giving, giving, and just sharing and just having fun and I’m giving you an experience and the idea is you’re giving enough of it that they should want to contribute to the energy of the conversation, but that doesn’t mean that there is specifically an agenda there. So, but in general, like what you send, you receive. That’s a good way to come to think about things.
SAM: Yeah, because I was initially, before I attended, like before I came… I attended the boot camp or whatever, like I was with this—go, get it! So I was on the very this aggressive kind of mindset where I just go and grab it, but it’s not going to work out because we all are human beings, right, at the end of the day.
SAM: So if you give something of value, and then if you want to get something out of her, then it kind of balances out. It’s like a transaction, right? So it’s like you do and you get… okay! Does it make sense?
JAMIE: A spiritual and chemical transaction.
SAM: Yeah, whatever. It kind of work for me.
SAM: Yeah. These are a few things that I just… you know, this is something that I was just using it on my own, you know? It’s just something that came into my mind while I was doing it. That’s it.
JAMIE: You made some good contributions today, thank you. Do you have one other topic or question or something? Oh, sorry! I cut you off because I didn’t want you to jump [Crosstalk]
SAM: No! The other thing was, it’s not a question but it’s like making the girl to wait for you. So what I do is, I take a beer. I just put the beer on the table and I tell her could you just please look after my beer, I’ll just go to the rest room. So I just make them wait for about two or three minutes and then I come and talk to her. So it’s kind of making them think about me because I just keep the beer just right in front of her face. I mean, not in front of their face but where they’re sitting, so that they’d know that they have to look after my beer. So subconsciously, they’re still be thinking about me because if someone comes, they’ll be oh, it’s that guy’s beer or something like that. So they still have me in their mind, so it kind of helps me you know, to just break the ice and be more engaging in the conversation. This is good stuff. I just did it for two sets and it just worked. In two different clubs I did it, and it worked.
JAMIE: I like the principle. There’s things that we do or teach that are similar to that. Just be careful, man. I don’t want to say this but…
JAMIE: You can pick the wrong girl. She could put something on your drink and the next thing you know you’re like on the news—Sleepily being walked by an 18 [inaudible] girls all over the place so…
SAM: Ah! No, man!
JAMIE: Maybe be careful of that one.
SAM: Yeah, that’s actually… this idea… actually Jason was telling me like, you know, how to get the girl engaged in you. So I just did the same thing. Yeah, but I need to be careful with that beer stuff, you know? They might add anything in that.
JAMIE: Yeah, I personally don’t like anyone to have a real access to my drink.
JAMIE: So, but it was okay. I mean, realistically you’re going to be good. I’m just throwing that out there, that’s all. Good stuff, man. Anthony, you still there?
MIKE/ANTHONY: Yeah! It’s all right. We can call me, Mike. I don’t care. What’s up, Sam? How have you been?
SAM: Oh, is it Mike?
JAMIE: Hey, Mike!
JAMIE: What’s up, man? Yeah, okay.
SAM: Hey, Mike. How are you?
MIKE/ANTHONY: Good! Good. Sounds like you are doing well.
SAM: Yeah, it’s pretty good. How about you? I saw your picture on Whatsapp, like you just post a picture, right? With a beach view or something like that?
MIKE/ANTHONY: Yep! Just travelling like crazy. I’m sorry.
SAM: It’s okay.
MIKE/ANTHONY: Yeah, what’s going on Jamie?
JAMIE: You tell me! Yeah, you can… yeah! Whatever you want to… whatever that’s been happening? It’s been a while. And for everyone else listening on the call, Anthony, a.k.a. Mike a.k.a. Anthony, did a program with me a few months ago. Yeah, maybe like a month ago, two months ago. We did a type of life strategy, peak performance type of program, basically just focused to really just super-charging your life. So I don’t know what kind of question he’s going to have, but it could be one… possibly a boot camp with us too, a classic boot camps. So it could be from that but yeah! Dude, it’s whatever it is you’re kind of working through right now, that’s all.
MIKE/ANTHONY: No. I mean I’m just really—
MIKE/ANTHONY: I wanted to share how amazing life has been since I’ve done all that.
JAMIE: Okay! Share! Great!
MIKE/ANTHONY: I mean, before I met Jamie, or met with Jamie, I just gone through another bad break up and I was totally heartbroken and then I was in such a scare-city mindset of women, that I was basically meeting, anytime I would meet a really pretty girl I would just create this fantasy in my mind. Oh, my god, this has to be the one because I never meet beautiful women like this. And the you know, anyways, since meeting with Jamie and doing boot camp, I have such an abundance of women in my life now that I literally just told, I mean just… I did date this girl that’s probably the hottest girl I’ve ever dated, and I literally told her, hey, this isn’t going to work out for me because her personality wasn’t what I was looking for. I didn’t say that second part, but she’s having the strength to be able to do that and to be able to keep it real and not deal with this fantasy in my head because I’m now operating from a mindset of abundance.
It’s just been incredible, truly incredible! And just by doing some of the peak performance stuff every single morning, my energy is so, so good that’s just its attractive in and out of itself, the type of energy I’m giving out to the world. So yeah! And I mean you know, everything that you were saying Jamie about openers and cold reads, I mean, really that stuff is just pretty simple once you learn it and you just have it in your back pocket and it’s really just opening the door and past that I found that just being myself, that being curious and just really trying to get to know that girl if she is my perfect ten, do you know what I mean?
JAMIE: There you go!
MIKE/ANTHONY: And I’m writing down, I now have a long list of everything that I look for in a woman and I read it every day during my little morning practice that I do. And so I remind myself on a daily basis of what type of women I want. And that really helps me with asking questions to these girls when I meet them and it really puts me in the position of qualifying them. They are no longer qualifying me because I am so content and confident with who I am as a man, that I’m really just qualifying them and saying are you going to add value to my life? Or are you going to distract me? Or take away from what I currently have, you know.
MIKE/ANTHONY: Yeah. And it’s amazing. So I mean I cannot say enough good things about the boot camp, I can’t say enough because Jason was outstanding. I can’t say enough good things about the peak performance coaching, that was incredible and yeah I just want to share, I mean I literally did a 180 over the last two months. And I just wanted to express my gratitude up on this call.
JAMIE: Awesome! Thank you so much and to anyone listening, just to reaffirm, you know, what Anthony is saying—Anthony a.k.a. Mike a.k.a. Anthony, yeah! So what I was saying… basically he did two programs with us. The first one he star with us was the peak performance life strategies program that we do. It’s completely separate from anything that we’ve offered before. We’ve only been doing it like the year or so, so it’s not part of the classic suite of you know, The Attractive You and our dating sciences boot camps. It’s specifically focused on really creating this like internal furnace of energy that you can use to f***ing go out there and get it.
And also, it’s used to really, a lot of dealing with stress and challenges and coping. It’s really just to [Unintelligible] this powerful self that you can really [Unintelligible] live your highest level. And if you feel like you’re kind of… if anyone is listening to the call, feels like you’re a little bit of a… to use some emotional muscle, right? Some ways to really thrive and live in today’s world. And it could be—it doesn’t have to be just in dating. To be in love, health, wealth, I mean the classic categories. We have a phenomenal program that you are basically hearing about to really give you that kind of super charged day that you really want. And then also, you know, Anthony did also do a classic one of our programs, too. So he’s referring to that as well. The dating sciences and boot camp are two separate things so, if you are interested in getting yourself to the next level, please contact this at www.theattractiveyou.com. Anthony, one quick question though.
JAMIE: I saw this, but to be clear with everyone, and thank you so much for sharing this stuff. I just wanted this to be clear for anyone listening, correct me if I’m wrong here, the break up you had before you and I worked together, that might have been the catalyst but that wasn’t the core of what you’re looking for. It’s just really to just build emotional muscle and be in control… and in control of your own destiny, essentially, in all areas of life. Is that correct? It wasn’t just about pick up for you, correct?
MIKE/ANTHONY: Correct. I knew I needed both, I knew that I needed to build mental and emotional strength and what’s so funny is that when you do? Because the pick-up takes care of itself, that’s what the funny thing is. Is if you’re taking care of who you are and you’re building that mental and emotional strength every single morning.
MIKE/ANTHONY: You are operating on that level, and you’re just so f***ing confident of who you are as a man—Oh, my god! The sh*t happens then that you know, all that sh*t is so easy to discern and so easy to overcome because you’re so well grounded you recognize it for what it is and you can just literally laugh everything off. It’s like hilarious! When I notice and you understand, that when a girl is testing you, she is interested in you, otherwise, she wouldn’t be testing you. She wouldn’t even be talking to you. Women just want to see that you are mentally and emotionally unshakable. That is the most attractive quality that there is in another person is that no matter what they say, you are completely unfazed. And that you’re in control.
And, man! So yes. And what’s so funny is that I own a business and business has been sky rocketing since we did this. I’m working less hours, I’m working way less hours. My business is being was better than it ever has in the past. I am… I have not been waking up to an alarm clock for at least a month now. You know, I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been in my life. I’m happier. I’m closer with my family. I’m ongoing—I’m having deeper conversations. I noticed like it might sound like b*** s***, but this is like so real. Two months ago when I met… when I took Jamie’s thing, I was literally could not get out of bed for about a week because I was so heartbroken and so like destroyed, you know?
And I was so weak and now I’m just like, I literally just walked away from one of the hottest girls I’ve ever dated because she was not personality-wise, who I wanted. Great girl! But just not for me, you know? She was a great person, but just not for me. And she’s amazing, how quickly you can retrain your brain to upgrade at an entirely different level. It’s amazing! You can do it in one day. It sounds crazy but you can literally transform your life in one day if you’re retraining your brain.
JAMIE: See hilarious thing doesn’t sound crazy you know, I’ll tell anyone listening why? When you feel good about yourself, like not just in love life, like in every area. Like you feel great by yourself as a contributor in business, love, health, wealth, everything! You simply have more energy. We simply have more energy. When you have more energy, you’ve got much more to give the world, you’re naturally gravitate towards the state of generosity. You have more time, you have more energy. But you pick the time to be a little selfish and take care of yourself first using the practice I taught you, you really have much more to give people, period! You have more attention.
JAMIE: You have more love, you have more time, you have more energy, and the more of those things you have, it impacts every area of your life, and I love what you’re just kind of alluding to your a second ago to anyone listening here, that—look how much it increased his business. Is that much more energy for his business? His business is thriving.
JAMIE: This is something that will impact every avenue of your life. One last… a couple of… maybe one last question. Have you noticed—like when you’re doing a presentation or business… where you’re doing a sales presentation, have you noticed your presentation skills has that been impacting?
MIKE/ANTHONY: Yeah! It’s so funny. I mean, it is rare. It is rare that I have a bad meeting these days, you know? And it’s very rare that people don’t want to do business with me. And not to sound like have delusions of grandeur, but like literally looking at the statistics of my closing ratio, because I have a team of people that so called, Business Owners and you know, these different people that I’m pitching them and they have never met me, right?
MIKE/ANTHONY: I’m doing web conferences, so you have to build that trust, that rapport, that like ability, all on the phone within a period of about an hour, and if you’re not on point with your delivery for that one hour? Even for the first five minutes? You lost the deal. So what I found is that I’m less concerned about the money and I’m more concerned with helping people. And I know that sounds kind of cheesy, but because I’ve had this like—you can’t… there’s something you can tell yourself, like oh, I’m going to start caring about people and stop caring about money. It’s b*** s***! Because I tried to do that for years and I was like… I’ve always heard that from other successful people, and I’m like, yeah, yeah! I’ll say that but it’s really about money.
But now truly it had shifted because there’s been a shift inside of myself through meditation and through my morning practice and what have you. So where now I genuinely do want to help as many people as possible and because of having that shift and being in a positive mood and doing all that, I mean, literally, people just light-up when they talk to me. They literally just like I can feel their energy rise, and they are like holy sh*t! I don’t know why I want to do business with this. I mean… I don’t… you know the product is cool. You know, I mean the product hasn’t change, service hasn’t change, but what has changed is my attitude and my energy. And now, people are so much more attracted to it. They want to work with me and my company because of the positivity I bring to their life. It’s very bizarre.
JAMIE: Yeah it is hard to explain to people.
MIKE/ANTHONY: But very real.
JAMIE: I mean, you know you’re seeing this yourself now. It’s very hard to explain to people you know how that shift really happens. I think it’s just part of the process of self-discovery. You know, when you’re going down the right path, I think you… at a certain point you start to feel so grateful for how lucky you’ve been. You know and you and I shared quite a bit of during, you know, during the training program, you know, not just me but also from me to you, and when you had some experiences you feel genuinely very grateful that you’re that lucky to be given certain gifts and opportunities. It’s hard to not want to give and contribute in the ways that you can, but it’s hard to really… it’s really… it’s definitely a little challenging to explain to people. They really just kind of have to experience it. You know, when you experience grace and you recognize its presence and you realize, wow! I got all these wonderful gifts that I didn’t have to do anything for? It makes you want to give stuff back.
JAMIE: But it’s experience that’s your best teacher for that one. So I know, a lot of you listening tonight this might sound naughty, but I understand where you are coming from. I think some guys on the calls might start to understand what that is. It’s just like again, you get to a state where you are like wow, I just got really lucky in this life? I got certain gifts that I know were not afforded to many people so I want to give something back.
MIKE/ANTHONY: Yeah! And it’s just so funny because once you take care of that piece, the pick-up is easy. I mean, literally. I used to look at it as, wow! This is really hard, meeting women and building attraction, and this and this and that. Now, I’m like oh, man, like. There’s women everywhere. It’s part of my morning practice, you know? Beautiful women are everywhere and just waiting for me to talk to them. It’s true! Like if you really start top pay attention there, beautiful women—I mean you know I move around in different large cities but there is an abundance of beautiful women everywhere I look, you know? And they literally are waiting for you to talk them.
If you think about it, they’re very single. They want everything that you want. They literally hoping when you approach them, please don’t f*** this up! Please, don’t f*** this up. That’s what they are thinking in their head, because they want you to succeed. They want a man that will be a great fit for them. You know what I mean? They want connection and sex just as badly as you. So, if you’re going to that mindset and just remember that you’re going to strike out plenty but you can’t look into striking out. You look at it like a great book that I just read, it’s called, Models. I really recommend it. I believe that it’s by Robert Greene, Models.
MIKE/ANTHONY: But that’s a really good one, too. It’s about just—you didn’t strike out because you, sometimes, yeah, you messed up and you’re going to learn but eventually you’re going to find is that you’re striking out because the world, that person wasn’t for you. And then Sam, when I heard you talking about you know that girl that you met back and forth, you know, immediately, there are so many, and this is something I remind myself up to—there are so many factors that I think 90% of them have nothing to do with you.
MIKE/ANTHONY: If you nailed it with a girl, you felt this connection and this and that. There are so many things that are out of your control. Maybe that ex-boyfriend got back into her life. Maybe they are still kind of sleeping with somebody on the side. Maybe they’re, somebody from their family just died. Maybe they are not in the right mindset right now to get in a relationship, whatever it may be, you know?
MIKE/ANTHONY: There’s so many factors outside of your control that you may not even be aware of. And that’s what I really start to look at now, is like, wow! You know what? Could I have done it better? Sure. I could have done this and this better, however, there’s also probably a lot that is simply stay out of my control based on timing or whatever, you know.
SAM: Okay, Mike. but that was a good… I mean that was a good add on, like what Mike said because I actually, like I went with the boot camp together and it was a great experience. Yes. Like we went to a lot of clubs, we did bar crawling and bar hopping and all that stuff. So it was a good experience with Mike and the team who are there.
MIKE/ANTHONY: Yeah. It was wonderful.
JAMIE: And Jason’s great huh?
MIKE/ANTHONY: Jason is the man!
JAMIE: I told you guys!
MIKE/ANTHONY: Right, guys?
JAMIE: I’m like dude, you know I’ve been into this since really 2011 and I actually met… you know, I’ve worked with Jason for a long time. I actually met him for the first time in person, really? You’re an [00:57:01] So I, “attended his boot camp.” I learned some good sh*t from him! Like, I mean, Jason is f***ing … he’s awesome! So I’m glad you guys—
JAMIE: Have some awesome experience there.
SAM: And Jamie, I just want to add one thing to the entire conversation that we have, like when you go to the club, when you talk to a woman, and you disqualified her instead of her disqualifying you, and if the other people see that, that kind of like, I opened up one set with two women. And I didn’t like their attitude because they are like more for the partying and dancing, I just want to have a conversation and I just walked off, instead of they walking off, I walked off from their place and this was seen by other people and I just went to the other set, I just hear the same thing, what happened? And they kind of felt that I’m actually, you know? I could see that they are giving value to me, what I’m saying, you know? When I did that?
They saw that I was walking out of their place and I’m just coming to them talking to them and I told them what happened to the other place they were like showing that kind of sense of, I would say respect, I don’t know what I need to use but I could feel that they were showing some value to what I’m saying. So it was like as Mike was saying, if you are the best version of yourself and if you qualify others instead of they qualifying you, then things will fall into place, you know? It’s the same in every aspect of if it’s a job, or you know, whatever you do. It’s just that you need to have that sense of bestness or whatever in you, then I think it will work out. Am I right? I think I should—
JAMIE: Yeah, absolutely. I think there’s a phrase I heard a few years ago. Women are attracted to a train that knows where it’s going.
SAM: Okay. Cool!
JAMIE: So you know where you’re going, you know what’s important to you, you know what you are looking for, and you’re sure of it, you are not going to let anyone rattle you or as Anthony or Mike were saying, you know just being unshakable. You know it’s a very attractive quality. You know, you know and no one is going to tell you any different. So, but I mean, that’s related to the core, if you really know yourself and you’re not going to let all the people rattle you, I mean it’s a very attractive quality. So like people whose world is made of—is basically where someone is staying in a pile of sand, well that sand can be knocked over at any point. That’s where people falter but if you are really starting to become a lot more certain about who you are, what you are looking for, and you are representing that to people, people will respond to that.
JAMIE: Which just kind of know that I don’t know.
JAMIE: Good stuff. Mike, I still want to give you an opportunity if you want, and thanks so much for bringing that stuff up. That’s awesome. I hope other people appreciate hearing that but is there anything, Justin, your—because it’s been a few weeks since we have spoken, is there anything that you are just kind of working through right now, because I do want you to have the opportunity as well to discuss amongst yourself here, anything you are kind of thinking through or working on? Anything?
JUSTIN: I mean—
JAMIE: I mean, I don’t want to force—
JUSTIN: Yeah! No, no, no! I mean it’s hard like. Everything is going really, really well. It’s hard to come up with… like there is no burning desires or—
JAMIE: And there you go.
JUSTIN: About any specific girl because there’s an abundance of them.
JAMIE: So perfect! Perfect. And there you go, that’s fine. And enjoy yourself.
JUSTIN: Thank you.
JAMIE: Consider yourself [Crosstalk] All right good stuff.
JUSTIN: Thank you. Thank you.
JAMIE: Great call, everyone. And send me an email if you, any of you guy have any questions, just send me an email. Otherwise let’s see in about two weeks, cool?
JUSTIN: Sure! Bye, Jamie. Bye, Mike.
MIKE: Thanks Jamie! Bye Sam.
JAMIE: All right.