Today’s podcast was incredible! We did a special where we took client stories and improved them live on the call with DHV and humor spikes. You won’t want to miss this episode!
DANIEL: I texted you some additional information on that as well.
JAMIE: Yeah. We’ll talk about that. I am recording by the way as to what you know Danny—
DANIEL: You got the tag.
JAMIE: So I did get that.
JAMIE: And again we’ll wait for Upgrade to come on. We’ll do some DHV stuff which will be awesome. And there he is! Okay, let’s see—Upgrade, and I see you’re coming on. We’re just going to finish a quick topic and then we’ll get on to the DHV stuff, okay? All right! So let’s finish our little topic here then we’ll go on to that. Myself and Jason, we just kind of threw a couple of little things on that. The Whole Foods is a phenomenal place, man. The other thing it’s really great about going to a store like that or as a matter of fact, when you approach in a location rather than on the street you know it creates like this feeling of like kind of a like a safe place. Women will be a lot more open—
JAMIE: To having a random conversation with a random guy there versus on the street. Not saying the street stuff can’t work, they absolutely can especially if your energy is right but—
CASSIDON: I’m on, Jamie.
JAMIE: Heyah, Mr. Cassidon! So you—
CASSIDON: How is it going?
JAMIE: Good. Good to have you on here. So we’ll go through some topics then I’ll give you opportunity like to give some feedback, okay, but—
CASSIDON: All right.
JAMIE: Just stay tuned. So yeah, I’m just going to close up real quick, but Whole Foods is awesome. The thing I would caution you on and it’s very easy to do that and trust me, I’ve fallen for this myself. It’s very to see a girl and if you hesitate to make up a story in your head what you think is her stories. Oh, she looks like she’s married.
JAMIE: Oh, she looks like she’s really busy. Like it’s very easy to do that. You will be amazed how often the women, wants you to actually go speak to them especially a nice grocery store at Whole Foods. Perhaps they’re pretty open to speaking to you. Again it’s a nice perceived safe environment. Most people that are there have a certain level of income. You don’t go there with food stamps that’s for sure so there going to be—
JAMIE: A little more open to you but I think Whole Foods is a wonderful environment.
JAMIE: Jason, you want to add anything to that?
JASON: Yeah. I was going to say it kind of adds to the concept of they’re there for a reason then they’re going to be there for a little while, so when it comes to opening a set, I like to use that criteria. For example, if you’re at a bar or a club, they’re there for a reason and they are going to be there for a while. If you’re at a mall, they’re there for a reason and they’re going to be there for a while, same thing as a grocery store. Now if you’re walking past someone walking down the street, they’re going somewhere. They’re not planning to be on that spot for awhile.
JASON: So that’s kind of create an additional variable to add to that. When you’re opening the game, it creates that like moment of serendipity because they’re not used to someone opening on the day time. It’s a feeling like a romance movie like, oh, yeah. It was so romantic. We locked eyes at Whole Foods while we were both observing a pound of the price of chicken breast and we locked eyes. Sometimes a story like that, you know?
JASON: It creates that moment of serendipity where she feels like, yeah, like it was meant to be you’re something. And then everything else Jamie said was just so—
DANIEL: Yeah. It’s a cool place because I don’t know about y’all but this one actually has like a bar that serve wine and beer so can just kind of like chill out, like given the opportunity instead of wandering around the store carrying a basket, it’s a little bit less awkward. You can walk around, be on the bar chill for awhile so I like it a lot. I think it’s a great spot.
JASON: One more thing about the being married thing, you’re sealing things about these girls. I always check for the ring like from far away I would like scan, scan—no ring approach. Even if they have a ring on, who says you can’t just approach someone to—
JASON: To get them laughing and show them up to stay a little bit during the day.
DANIEL: Have you ever experimented with wearing a wedding ring?
JASON: Yes and no. I did it briefly just to see what would happen. And then I did get girls asking me about it but I didn’t try anything else to actually get like solid date on it.
DANIEL: Yeah. I’m reading the Red Queen, and how women—you know it’s not pretty selected. You know, thing from biological standpoint like most of the women that like in the Red Queen, they are talking about that the women that cheat on their husbands are typically cheating with other married men. So I was just curious. I may experiment with that and see what happens. Why not?
JASON: Because you’re—what I have seen when it comes to that? I was specific example and a couple of other little small ones but the main one is I was at a club one time when there was a guy asking me if I can take a picture of them, you know, kind of timid, quiet kind of guy. He’s like, hey man, can you get a picture of me? So I said sure, so I got my phone and I used that as an opportunity to open a two set that was right next to him. I said, hey, you guys want to jump in? And they’re kind of like hesitant about it and he’s like oh no, no I’m married. My wife would kill me, and that’s when the girl went and jumped in so I can take pictures with him.
JASON: And then too, when I’ve been with married people and they always seems to have some level of attraction being built even if they’re completely not trying, where I’m over here trying to get that same or similar level of attraction.
JASON: It’s the piece of rising aspect of it.
DANIEL: I need to borrow some others kid, take a picture with their baby, whole nine yards!
JAMIE: Hey, I think you’re better off getting a dog, man.
DANIEL: Oh, already got that. Already got that.
DANIEL: So, I actually had, I had—
JAMIE: Let’s do this—Danny!
DANIEL: Let’s go to the DHVs, yeah. That’s where were getting before we’re getting [Crosstalk 00:07:21], yeah.
JAMIE: Yeah. Let’s do the DHV thing. Let’s go to Upgrade. We’ll come back to your thing. I have your information. We’ll go through that, I promise you, okay?
JAMIE: Upgrade, you there? I mean, I see you’re here.
UPGRADE: Yeah, I’m here.
JAMIE: Awesome. Jason, I sent you a copy of Upgrade’s DHVs. Do you have that or do you want me to reforward that to you?
JASON: Yeah, I got the… it says after observation one, after observation two…
JAMIE: Yeah. Awesome! See, what I want to do with you, Upgrade, is so we’re going to go—so today, for anyone listening here, DHV stories, DHV spikes; this is a very critical part of what we do. Because when the idea is you’re meeting a total stranger, if you look like you’re kind of a pretty average run in the mill, you’re five foot nothing, you don’t have a Ferrari, you don’t have obvious social connections, you’re just a normal guy; DHVs, DHV spikes, DHV stories, that is one of our most critical tools to have. So today, what we’re going to do is we’re going to go over some DHVs with one of our callers and we’re kind of give him some guidance on how to move forward. Now what I wanted to do here for you Upgrade is, I want to have Jason, because you and I have already had a few conversations about this stuff.
JAMIE: I want you to get someone else’s feedback because that will perhaps help you. One thing that’s great about doing coaching in general is no coach has all the answers for every single person, right? Certain times you’ll find that one coach says something and then another coach will say the same exact thing, but they’ll say it in a different way and all of a sudden for some reason it make sense. So, you and I had a conversation before, I want to give you the opportunity to get a different coach’s feedback, okay?
JAMIE: All right. Jason, I want to read this to you if you haven’t a chance to read through them, whatever. Otherwise, I can start, but I’d rather give it to you because I’d rather give Upgrade a chance to really get something a little new. But I think these things are pretty short so hopefully you have some obvious stuff to kind of you want to talk about.
JASON: Yeah. I was just thinking I’ll go through each one. It looks like there’s four.
JASON: Okay. So the first one—oh, that reminds me, my friend blank, told me she was just there. She’s an actress and model so she travels around quite a bit. She invited me down last spring, and it was awesome. I’ll go back in a couple of months to visit again. Can you deliver that for me?
UPGRADE: Okay. I’ll give it a try—Oh, that reminds me. My friend Stacey, was totally she was just there. She’s a model and actress, and she travels around quite a bit, so she invited me down to a lake last spring and I was there and it was awesome and I’m going back in a couple of months again.
JASON: Okay. So in your opinion, if someone told you that or if I told you, oh that reminds me. My friend, Eugene told me she was just there. She’s like an actress and model and so she travels around quite a bit. She invited me down last spring and it was awesome. I’ll go back in a couple of months to visit again. How did that sound to you? And then it’s not bad.
UPGRADE: I was—
JASON: It just needs further refinement, but it’s not bad.
UPGRADE: Maybe it kind of feels a little bit out of context.
JASON: Yeah, so let’s say I’m talking to you, right? And you’re like—Oh, I’m from LA. Oh, no way! That’s crazy! My friend, Hughes was just there. She does like acting and modeling or whatever so she travels around and she invited me awhile ago and it was so cool. I think I’m going to go back in a couple of months.
UPGRADE: Yeah, it sounds pretty good when you tell it.
JAMIE: That’s why he’s a coach.
JASON: So what I’m trying to stress there is get rid of a lot of the wording and explanation, like I take out as many words as I can.
JASON: And then also the delivery. Remember fun, playful, nonchalant. I’m not trying to shove back down this girl’s throat, you know. I’m trying to trigger an emotion.
JASON: I’m trying to trigger something. So by you telling—Oh, no way! You live there? My friend, Stephanie, was just there. She’s like an actress and model or something and travels around a lot so she invited me last spring, and it was so cool, you know, I think I’m going to go back in a couple of weeks. Anyway, so what do you do around here? And don’t say model, okay, or something like that.
JASON: Does that make sense, what I did to it?
UPGRADE: Yeah, I think so.
JASON: Can you deliver it for me in a way where it’s more, I guess when it’s more natural?
UPGRADE: Okay. I’m not good with that but I’ll try. Oh that reminds me, my friend Stacey was just there. She’s a model and an actress so she travels around quite a bit. And she invited me down last spring and it was awesome so I think I’m going to go back and visit again in a couple of months.
JASON: Okay, so does that feel better for you?
UPGRADE: It felt about the same as the first time.
JASON: Okay, what I can do is I can tweak a little bit and just get rid some of the words.
JASON: For you. You have to remember though that it’s not just the wording, the wording is a big part of it and knowing the words is important, but it’s also the delivery.
JASON: You know, like the next one. Let’s see. Normally, I’m all business. There’s another side to me as well, so get this: I’m teaching my niece how to play pool in this day in age when everything is superficial. I want her to be confident because she got skills, not to mention how cool it will be when she gets older and beats all her coworkers. What do you think about that one?
UPGRADE: It’s probably too long.
JASON: All right.
UPGRADE: And I don’t know if it gets like, I was trying to do kind of a protector of love ones kind of—
JASON: Mm-hm. Yeah, I see that.
UPGRADE: Something like that. Yeah, but maybe it doesn’t come through the way I hoped.
JASON: Yeah. So by too long, what I think you mean by that it’s too wordy.
JASON: It almost… like a lot of these it almost feels like I’m reading an encyclopedia or some kind of textbook.
JASON: You got to keep in mind that these are communication tools that will be used in an everyday conversation versus you know, like a reading script that’s going to trigger certain reactions.
JASON: With this, you’re adding protector of loved ones? I would add this kind hearted, light tone to it. Playful tone to it.
JASON: That should be your head space when you’re delivering it. You could even add humor in there. This would be perfect for different types of you know, little humor scenarios like normally I’m all business. Dude, it’s crazy so I’m teaching my niece how to play pool, right. And you know I want her to like, walk around knowing that she got skills, you know, like let’s say someone comes up to her they’re like, hey girl! I challenge you at pool. She’ll be like, bring it, you know and put down 20 bucks or something.
JASON: And she’s five by the way. Do you see the difference?
UPGRADE: Yeah. That’s good.
JASON: Were you able to write that down?
UPGRADE: No, I couldn’t write that fast.
JASON: I heard typing so I figured someone was writing, but—
JASON: But do you see how I redid that one? So I can add the humor and the tonality, and all that other?
JASON: All those other things I mentioned. Is this making sense?
UPGRADE: Yeah, Yes it is.
JASON: Okay, now, what do you do? I work in finance. I’ve been interested in the capital market since I was a kid. Does she know what capital markets are?
JASON: No, probably not.
JASON: The best part of my job for the last couple of years is to train people. It’s fun to see when they go from struggling to getting the big picture. So what do you train people with?
UPGRADE: Like to do the job, like if somebody called directly from school or something, then they usually don’t know really what’s going on, and then I have a couple of training sessions and we try to, just try to make them understand what the job entails kind of what it’s all about.
UPGRADE: But what I was trying to get was some kind of leader of men type of thing.
JASON: The leader of men, okay.
UPGRADE: Trying to get out of.
JASON: So for career I have like two or three typical responses. One of them is a completely far out joke.
JASON: Another one is something funny that hooks her into wanting to find out more about what I do.
JASON: And then the third one is I actually say what I do but I skim right through it and dismiss it like it’s nothing.
JASON: So let’s say—Oh, what do you do? I train people how to make money.—That’s going to create that hook like, what do you mean by that? Or you could just be like, oh, I train people how to make money, and then you cut and you stack into something else.
JASON: The other one is—So what do you do? You’ve seen Wolf from Wall Street? Yeah. That’s what I do, dude. Just cocaine and strippers all day. And they’re like, what? What do you mean? You tell me! I’d say no. I’m in the money market and I help people make more money.
JASON: You see I was just kind of like doing that joke. It’s still related to what I do.
JASON: And then afterwards she said—What? No!—You’re going to create that hook, point, and then you can follow up with like, no, you know I’m in the money market and I train people; I do my own investments and train people how to do it too.
DANIEL: Hey, Jason can you go over these three examples again? Once you’re done?
JASON: For responses of work?
DANIEL: Yeah. There’s one that was a joke, one was dismissive—
JASON: Oh. Yeah, one of them—
DANIEL: And there’s another one. And then you kind of gave examples.
JASON: Yeah, one of them is complete BS, like, what do you do? I’m a sidewalk entrepreneur so I stand outside the freeway, hold my anything help sign and you know if you’re good, I might invite you over to my tent and we can have a nice couple of wine maybe some canned tuna and watch YouTube on my phone.
JASON: So, that’s a joke, like completely BS. Then there’s like an in between. So what do you do? You’ve seen Wolf of Wall Street, right? That’s exactly what I do, cocaine and strippers all day. And then you get that laugh, no, really what do you do? She’ll be like, what? I’m just f*cking with you, right, and then you transition. I’m in the money market. I do some investments and I train people. That’s what I really like doing though, just training people; and then you cut.
JASON: The next one could be just—What do you do? Money market, you know. I invest, help people; help people make more money. It’s very rewarding. Anyway, I was—and then you cut and you stack. So it’s basically you use a complete BS joke, you can use a joke or a hooking point and then tell her what you actually do. In short, you don’t want to do too much explanation because they don’t know what that means and stuff. Or you can just tell her what you do real short and then cut and stack off of it.
JASON: Does that make sense?
DANIEL: I like it. It does.
JASON: Remember that I like to say just enough so that the other person can understand what I’m talking about and be clear and then just stop.
JASON: That way they could do away with the details—
DANIEL: Because, yeah, you don’t want to tell so much about… you don’t want to talk much about the job, nobody likes that conversation anyway.
JASON: Yeah. I have that—
DANIEL: Unless you work as an astronaut.
JASON: I have—even if I was an astronaut, I’d be like—Dude, what do you do? I f*cking battle space aliens all day. I want—yeah, I dude I go to spaceship, I battle it out—you think I’m playing? Like really, you think I’m kidding? Dude, check this out. Then I’d pull out a picture of me getting in a spacesuit or something.
CASSIDON: Jason, is it okay if I give Upgrade some feedback?
JAMIE: Absolutely. Go for it, Cassidon.
CASSIDON: All right, perfect. So, Upgrade, one thing that I would like to know from you is in general, do you want to get in fast with the character that you portray? You know what I mean?
CASSIDON: Like you want to really come alive with DHV stories and believe in them in a way you want to be humored and I don’t want to sound weird when I say this, be turned on by your DHV stories itself. You know what I mean?
JASON: Yeah, be yourself.
CASSIDON: You really want to get inside of that character.
CASSIDON: I just want to say it. It might help.
UPGRADE: That is good feedback.
JAMIE: If I remember correctly, Cassidon, you trained with James, right? That was your coach?
JASON: With me.
JAMIE: What’s that?
JASON: He trained with me.
JAMIE: Okay. All right. I wasn’t sure if it was you or James, only because as I’m listening to Cassidon talk about the character that’s like James all over the place, and you know with how he’s like really into the theater and the character development. I just kind of watching on that one little keyword so I wasn’t sure but okay, cool!
JASON: Yeah. I know.
JAMIE: So I just like you—two things. Frank, I know you’re there so I want to give you a chance if you want to give some feedback to Upgrade, but also Jason, I love this [00:23:06], man. What do you think about the idea if we do another episode where we kind of come back on a call, we go over this again, and we see how it’s kind of developed? Maybe with a couple of back and forth’s with you and Upgrade, or maybe two weeks from now we do another call or we see how things have progressed? What do you think about that?
JASON: Yeah. Definitely. Right now I’m like getting ready to or I opened up an email to start maybe giving them some re-wordings.
JASON: And then have them practice it, refine it, and then come back and we can critique how he’s delivering them.
JAMIE: Yeah that would be—
JAMIE: Plus you’d—
UPGRADE: I like that does work.
JAMIE: Gives them the chance to and for everyone listening, right? It gives you a chance to showcase your personality, gives you the chance to have fun as kind of Cassidon is referring to, gives you the chance to just enjoy yourself, become your own number one audience. And this is a really good opportunity for you to not—it’s not about like, yeah, you’re supposed to upload this. Erik would say these DHVs or these high, very strong qualities about you, at the same time it’s a great chance for you to really showcase your personality and enjoy yourself. And so yeah, I think that would be an awesome call if we can do that again maybe after like one back and forth and then we just come on a call and see how things have progressed.
JASON: I’m definitely for that.
JAMIE: Frank, do you want to, I know you’re there. Do you want to say anything? You want to add anything to what we’re doing with these DHV running exercise?
FRANK: To be honest, I didn’t hear everything. I was just—
FRANK: I was working on something outside, sorry about that.
JAMIE: No, no. It’s okay. I just want to get—I see you’re there and I appreciate it. I love having you on the calls so I wanted to give you that opportunity but yeah, we’re going to the next topic then.
JASON: All right.
JAMIE: Okay. Upgrade, anything else? Because I wanted to spend some time with you here. So can I give you another chance, is there anything else about that topic that you want to talk about otherwise we c an revisit this in about two weeks.
UPGRADE: Yeah, I think let’s revisit this. I think I got some good feedback. We do this a little bit and practice the delivery also.
JAMIE: Okay, wonderful. Uh, so then Danny, are you there?
DANIEL: Yeah, I’m here. So, there’s two things and maybe we can decide if we can cover it all tonight and if can’t figure it out may be do it on the next call. So, the one thing was the matrix, right? Which I don’t know if you guys have the time to go through that, did you get any much feedback. And then the second thing is, I had a date with that girl that had flaked on me and I wanted to talk about that. So what do you all think? How do you want to just—
JASON: Let’s try with you on the date.
DANIEL: Yeah. Let’s go do that. First off Jason, awesome advice on the reconfirming tweak. I used that and I had to use that and [Crosstalk]—
JAMIE: Danny, tell us. For everyone listening here, say what that is so people listening actually know what you mean by that reconfirming technique.
DANIEL: So, instead of, like the first time around with this date with this girl, the morning of I texted her, hey, are we still on for happy hour and then she flaked out on me and said, oh I got to work late, blah, blah, blah. So it didn’t happen. So, Jason’s advice was to instead of doing that, wait till an hour to before the date and send a text something to be effect of, hey, I’m going to be running fifteen minutes late, just want to let you know. And so, that’s what I did and it worked for the second date that I set up and I felt that the date went well in a lot of respects. I had this happened to me many a times now where the girl shows up late and the way I handled it was I actually had left.
Because she texted me about five minutes past the time we were supposed to meet up and told me that she was almost there, and then fifteen minutes later, I left because she was pretty much twenty minutes late at that point. I’m walking down the side walk, going to catch a Uber and I run into her and I was like, hey, I didn’t think that you’re going to show up. I was just about to leave and we walked down the sidewalk back to the bar and I basically… I told her, hey, as a personal policy, I don’t wait on anybody for over twenty minutes. So, you get the first round and then we’re cool. And kind of take it from there. I’d be interested to see if you would have handled it differently, or what’s your feedback on that part is first off then I’ll tell you how the date went from there.
JASON: My question is, okay, you show up. Where was the date at?
DANIEL: It’s at a bar.
JASON: At a bar. Okay. See, I don’t know about everyone else, but I feel like majority of the girls are never on time.
JASON: Some of them are like right on time which kind of like surprises me and it tells me about—
JASON: They’re punctual, whatever. But majority of them are much like and especially the really hot ones for some reason they’re—you heard the term hot mess, right?
JASON: For some reasons, a lot of the girls that I picked up are just the hot mess. They’re hot as hell but I don’t even know how they’d make it out in a real world situation, you know?
JASON: But with that being said, actually there’s a lot of girls are often late ten, fifteen minutes, twenty minutes. That’s kind of like expected of me. So usually I get there waiting out of my car. They tell me like I’m here already then I’ll just go in right away. Usually I’ll get in there, I’ll get my stuff ready whatever, take a deep breath.
DANIEL: So what, you wait in your car until they get there?
JASON: No, this is like five, ten minutes. I just get there, basically take my time walking into the bar. Then when I walk into the bar, if she’s not there, like let’s say she tells me, she’s like—Hey, I’m twenty minutes away. The GPS says twenty minutes.—Everyone’s always blame the GPS. She’s like hey, the GPS said it’s twenty minutes. Okay, cool, no worries or cool see you here. And then I literally go inside and open another set. That way—
JASON: I’ve had times where the girl show up and I’ll be talking to like a set or a two set or something and I will like Instagram her number, close when I like. Well, if she shows up I play like social media. Hey, you got the social… yes, that’s pretty cool. You guys have social media? Oh yeah? Here put it in, and then I’ll turn around and I’ll be like, hey, how are you doing, Stephanie? How is… you know I always open my date with a hug.
DANIEL: Yeah. Yeah.
JASON: Just set the tone right off the bat. Hey, what’s up, Stephanie? How are you doing?
DANIEL: What kind of a hug? What kind of a hug do you do? Because you know there are different kinds of hug. You can do a kind of a half-hug, like a nonchalant hug, you can do big-bear hug, like a playful hug; what kind of hug did you do? This way—
JASON: I do a mixed of like a half-hug and like a full bear hug depending on how her energy level is. If I see her kind of low energy like, hey, what’s up? Hey, come here. And I’ll just like hey! And if she gives me like a weak response or something that show low energy… hey, come here. And I’d put one hand out and I’ll just go for the hug to make it… it almost like assert my dominance like, hey, I’m stronger I can move you, I can grab you but subconsciously like, hey, how are you? And I’ll reach over and I’ll grab her. If she comes in a little bit higher energy, then I’ll come in higher energy and give her like a super hug.
DANIEL: Yeah. Just a little bit higher than wherever she is.
JASON: Yeah. And that depends on the level of interest she has, how the interaction went while you were picking her up the first time.
JASON: So, sometime girls be like a little bit more conservative and more reserved, then they’ll just want to do the half-hug and be a little bit low energy. Some girls are just ready to party and they’re like—Yeah, hey, how are you? Hey, what’s up? They just go in full hug, blah, blah, blah.
JASON: It’s like opening in the dance floor when you just do that high five opener that I think I’d showed it to you.
DANIEL: Yeah! Yeah. The spin, I do that one.
JASON: Yeah, so basically that’s kind of my approach. I show up early enough because remember, by you getting mad, you’re reacting.
DANIEL: Oh, I didn’t get mad.
JASON: Well, basically—
DANIEL: I just stood ground. You know what I mean? But I wasn’t like I didn’t get really pissy.
JASON: Let me ask you—
DANIEL: I hope I didn’t come off that way.
JASON: How important is that situation for you?
DANIEL: It’s not—I actually, let me tell you where I’m coming from with this. What I’m actually trying to do is use this as an opportunity like I actually almost like it when they show up late because it gives me an opportunity to show that I’m not, just got to let them do whatever they want like most guys were just kind of beggars out there. And so that’s the effect that I’m going for by doing that. I’m not just trying to get into counting things. What I’m trying to do is be like, hey, you know my time is valuable. You can’t just walk up twenty minutes late like it’s nothing like give me a drink and were cool.
JASON: Let me ask you something, your approach and my approach. Neither of them seem like it would be from a needy guy. Let’s say—
DANIEL: From a what?
JASON: From a needy guy like you’ve told it. For example, let’s say she comes in and them you reprimand her like, hey, you know that was really disrespectful, blah, blah, blah. I don’t wait for people. Or if I’m just like she was like kind of be late and I said, hey, where are you? Oh, I’m inside. Oh, sh*t this guy doesn’t care, he’s already inside. She comes in, say how are you doing? Blah, blah, blah; meet my friends. Oh sh*t, this guy just goes anywhere and talks to everyone.
JASON: Yeah, here is it guys, put in your social media. You seem pretty cool, add me on Instagram and hey, how are you doing? Blah, blah, blah. Do you see what that self-communicating?
DANIEL: Sure, and funny enough I was actually talking to… it was pretty, it was like 3:30 in the afternoon. So there wasn’t really any sets for me to open but I was talking to these older guys, kind of biker-looking guys. They were sitting next to me and we had some rapport going and then I ended up kind of combining that set with her for a brief moment or whatever. And so I was able to kind of have that effect light given the circumstances. But you know what I mean, it wasn’t like a happy hour type of situation where I could just be bouncing from set to set.
JASON: But that doesn’t—
DANIEL: But I totally get the point of it. That you’re just like—
DANIEL: Don’t give a sh*t and she’s actually missing out on an opportunity maybe met another girl, because she didn’t get there on time.
JASON: What do you think is the stronger communication? Reprimanding her for it verbally?
JASON: Or just showing her?
DANIEL: Showing her. I totally get it.
JASON: Mm-hm. So that was the point.
DANIEL: So, did you want me to tell you how the rest of the date went? I do have a question about like as we get further along—
JASON: Yeah because I was kind of curious—
DANIEL: Kind of what happened.
JASON: Because I was curious about what happened when you told her you get the first round and we’re good.
DANIEL: Yeah, I mean she just, I didn’t make a big deal out of it. I didn’t push it, I just said it and then we just started. I just wanted to—it was pretty good vibe. I mean we had a good vibe throughout most of the date it was… I felt it went pretty well in the way I would have wanted it to, but I got pretty far. So, what I did was we had a couple of drinks, and I was like hey, you know it’s kind of lame here. We can’t—I don’t know if it was you who told me to about the people watching game, like making up stories. They weren’t a lot of people there.
DANIEL: So we just walked around, and I’ve done this before on other dates where I take a girl to buckle [inaudible] I’m like hey, we can go in there, deuce each other out like put each other in the worst clothes possible then make other people like go to other people and ask their opinion, right? And she was like totally digging that. She talks about being spontaneous. She’s like, oh, this is great! It’s not like a typical happy hour dates that I go on. We get in there and I put her in this like sweat-shorts with these mismatching cowboy boots and like this dishy shirt and a hat that has a cock on it, it have like a rooster and she kind of wuzz out. She was in the dressing room and she didn’t go over and talk to somebody. I ended up kissing her in the dressing room and then when it was my turn, the people that worked there has kind of caught on that we were just jacking around, and she’s trying to put me in like women’s stuff because I kind of [inaudible] thing so she was trying to get me to put on this sequined top. The lady that worked there she was like… I think she was the Manager or something and she was like—So, is this for… are you putting this on? Or she is putting this on? Oh yeah, it’s totally her. And then I go into the dressing room with this stuff and she’s like—You two!—she basically kicks us out, right!
DANIEL: We go a little bit embarrassed, definitely not on the doesn’t give a f*ck level that I’m on even though that’s kind of a vibe that she was putting out there with [inaudible] not quite. But I played it cool. I was like, hey, that was awesome. We just got kicked out of a retail store as our first date and things went well. I used that opportunity as an excuse to—well, we went to another bar, had another drink, talked for a bit and then I was like, hey, I need to let my dog out and we talked about the dog. She likes dog, sounds like you want to swing by for a minute. I get her back to my place. I have no couch. So I just take like every girls straight to the bedroom where I got like the TV, then I just chill on the far end of the bed and let them hang out with the dog like it’s nothing. And that’s been my strategy. So we did that. She was kind of cuddling up with the dog and we ended up making out but it was like… I wasn’t getting a whole lot of reciprocation on the kino. I just didn’t feel the energy there. I don’t know if I—that’s why I didn’t choose to escalate it further, you know? Like I didn’t take off any clothes or things like that. The farthest thing I got was just the hands on the butt with her kind of straddling me on the bed, and then I just got her vibe and try to do the stepping back, and kind of lost some frame control in the process, just kind of joking around and just didn’t get it where I wanted to get it with the last minute resistance, like those stuff. So, my question to you based upon what I told you, is do you think that if they get back your place, do they want to f*uck you? And then two, what would you have done differently?
DANIEL: Once you got her back to the apartment?
JASON: Okay. A couple of things. See the difference… Yeah, so a couple of things I wanted you to note is, I like how she brought up like, do you… this is so different than all my other happy hour dates. When you brought that part up?
JASON: Basically, that she is start saying like—Oh, sh*it! I’m doing something different than all the other guys are doing and if this would differentiate and this is what’s giving me the advantage of getting… Do you see that now, how it’s kind of clicking?
JASON: Okay, now you call it a first date? I try not to call it a date at all. I’m like, hey, let’s hang out. Hey, let’s do something. Hey, let’s meet up. Hey, let’s blah, blah, blah.
DANIEL: I didn’t use that term with her.
DANIEL: I didn’t never use that term with her. I actually say when I texted her the first time to set up the first date that fail through? Like I tell people it’s not a date, Like super chill, or I can’t really promise you anything other than a good conversation and maybe some pictures of my dogs if I really like you, you know like—
JASON: You tell them that through texting?
JASON: I would have—
DANIEL: I mean, you know like—what’s that?
JASON: I was telling that to wording if I even tell him because I’m just like, hey, you know, let’s hang out, we’ll be cool. We’ll people watch with some cup of coffee, people watch and try to get kicked-out from freaking clothing stores, trying to get kicked out of stores. Or you know, hey, I’m here to go grab a drink at this bar, come and join me. Another thing you could have post it to her like—Hey! You just got me kicked out of my favorite store. Now I’m not going to be able to buy clothes for the next five years! Something dumb like that, you know?
JASON: Now back to your thing. If they go to your place do they want to f*uck you? They do and they don’t. If they go to your place that means they are comfortable with you and they could go there or they see you as a friend, right?
DANIEL: So even if you’ve kissed them already, they could still see you as a friend?
JASON: Well, no, but they might also not want to f*uck you at that moment, at that point.
JASON: Or they could have made out with you and then lost attraction throughout the date where I mean, I don’t know about you but I’ve liked hanged out with girls where I’d be making out with them and then they’ll do something that I don’t like and I’ll just be completely like turned off of them where I don’t want to be there anymore and you know—
JASON: When you give yourself that like it really comes from having the numbers in place where you’re kind of like, dude, I just went out on a date last week and the girl was amazing. Why the f*uck am I going to deal with all these just to get in your pants that I didn’t even want?
JASON: Does that make sense? So compare—
DANIEL: It does. Where I’m confused with her is that she stayed at may place for a while. I basically told her, because I was going out to the club later and I told her, hey, I gotta meet my buddy. I had a legitimate time constraint.
DANIEL: And she basically pushed that time. I gave her the option to leave because she was talking about leaving something like that. I was like, yeah. Go if you want to. And then she stayed. Yeah. So it’s like I don’t know if she was just awkward or I mean she was probably, I’d probably give her between a seven or a seven and a half. She is pretty attractive, used to be a cheer leader.
JASON: Whoa! What I was going to add to that is you know the fact that she went to your place, right? And you guys made out, let’s assume that she didn’t lose sexual interest in you, it really came down to you setting the mood. I actually got this advice from Jamie which was just f*cking great. As soon as you get her to your place, you want to already initiate the making out. So as soon as you want to pulled her in, you want to really start making out, set the tone like, hey, we are here, I’m dangerous. It could go then you know. So you make out, whatever, you set the tone and then you pull back—
DANIEL: You’re… what was that? You’re here… did you say, I’m dangerous? Did you say that?
JASON: Yeah. Basically, what I mean by dangerous is not dangerous like I’m going to kill you, but dangerous like, hey if you f*cked around, we’re going to have sex.
JASON: Do you get the concept of dangerous?
DANIEL: Yeah. Like you’re there you mean business.
JASON: Yeah. So basically when they come in and you make out with them right away, this was like this huge changer for me because I had issues sometimes where I come in and they sit on the couch right away, and then it will be kind of tough getting them into it. I had like to move them somewhere else or take them somewhere so I create that situation to make out again.
JASON: Where? What Jamie told me or the way he put it is like if you bring them right in and you don’t let them sit down, you take them to move around give them a tour, find the area, recreate that intimate space and then do it like a mate for example, I’ll bring her in now and then I’ll give her a tour. When I’m showing them like my den or my backyard or something, I’m like slow it down and I’ll bring them in really close and give them like a quick kiss and then back off. So I started setting the sexual vibe. From there…
JASON: Then you can do the room thing. You got to remember the push and pull and start creating that tension. It seems like you are too much push, like hey, do your own thing and I’m going to sit back over here.
JASON: Now, when it comes to actually making it happen which is your second part of the question? For me I usually try to escalate, I get them as turned on as I can so that it will lead to sex but I don’t try to ask for sex, and I don’t like to take it. It’s just sex. So basically it’s almost like I’m leaving them to have sex with me instead of me trying to get them to have sex with me. Did that makes sense?
DANIEL: Can you word that in another way?
JASON: Yeah. It’s just a concept. I’m going to explain it but the concept—I’m trying to lead them in to wanting to have sex with me instead of trying to get something from them. Trying to tap un-tap.
JASON: Basically I want them wanting. Did that make sense? Okay. So you’ve been making out, right? You said you got your hand on her butt There’s a lot of arousal spots that start getting her more and more and more turned on and each girl has her own little triggers. Like I had one girl that if I pulled her hair hard she would just blank out and like go straight into sex. I had another girl again if I clawed her back like pretty hard she was into that. Like if I dug my nail in her back she would automatically get turned on. Other girls you just start caressing their back and they start getting turned on. So I do a series of those things like as we’re making out I pull her hair back a little bit and then create that tension and then start making out with them again. Pull them back away and grab their hair and like pull them away from me and just kind of stare at them to create that tension. As we’re making out I’d be rubbing their back. I’m like if I’m grabbing their ass, I’ll grab their ass but then I’ll reach over from behind and like between their legs and whatever and start like rubbing their vagina area through the pants.
JASON: And those are all compliance tests as well as it’s running her on even more where it almost looks like she raped you.
DANIEL: It almost looks like what?
JASON: It almost feels like she raped like she wanted to have sex with you.
JASON: Because now she is so turned and then I’ll grab her hand put it on my dick, stuff like that that’s basically implying we could have sex but I’m not trying to push things on her. Does that make sense?
DANIEL: Yeah. It does. I think that where I went wrong was like you said I think it was the—these are very useful tips, but I think it was that I let the mood die down. I was trying for her to get comfortable, you know? Because that’s what I’ve done in the past, with mostly less attractive girls and then they just get confused when I am not hitting on them. And then eventually I do. Go for it, right? And they like it but she wasn’t—she was just reacting differently to the space that I was giving her than I’ve seen in the past.
JASON: That’s what you need to calibrate and be like, okay what am I doing and what could I be doing differently, you know?
JASON: And you know the fact that you were making out with her. Do you see how you could have escalated the sexuality even more?
DANIEL: Yeah. I could have.
JASON: Like she is letting you rub her vagina while you are making out with her. Do you think she is pretty comfortable with you?
DANIEL: For sure. I mean she is letting me rub on her butt, that’s still pretty—and probably she should have pushed it further.
JASON: You can slide your hand in her pants and rub her butt.
DANIEL: Her rib, yeah.
JASON: See, when you’re in that mode, in that moment there, I rather push and get blown out because really that is what you want. You want to push until you get a rejection. And when you get a rejection—
JASON: Or it’s not even a rejection, it’s like a temporary thing. You pull back, let her re-adjust, get comfortable again and get more turned on and then you keep pushing forward on the same thing until either she slaps you, or she tells you, No, or she like walks away; but no, if she’s there—
DANIEL: I did get that.
JASON: Oh, did—
DANIEL: I did get that in a sense. So, what I did was I whispered in her ear, we’re making out and I basically like whispered in her ear I want you so bad, right? And then I can’t remember if it was right there or… but I kind of back off like I did it, kind of backed off a bit. But it was like at one point, I can’t remember how the conversation went, but she was basically saying that sex was not going to happen today. You know? So I did get that but sometimes I say that and I don’t mean that either.
JASON: Yeah. They don’t mean either, a lot of times, yeah.
JASON: Maybe you projected too much interest like I want you. You could have said something like, you turn me on so much and you taste so good. That’s the kind of sh*t that I whispered to them. Damn! But I can’t stop grabbing your ass. I really can’t. I think I have a problem. I tried to get to get them to laugh, you know?
JASON: I’ll be like—Dude, you kind of turn me on. Stop. That way you’re again changing the blame. Not to blame but you are changing it where it looks like she’s coming on to you. Then if she says something along like, hey, we’re not going to f*ck or sex is not going to happen. What you are talking about? I’m not trying to have sex with you, okay? And then you go back making out.
DANIEL: Yeah. Okay.
JASON: Does that make sense?
DANIEL: It does. Well, it’s good news, man. It was right there. It was right there. I was like… I really think I could have made it happen.
JASON: You should be happy you pushed it.
DANIEL: Yeah? So anyway, does anybody else have anything else? Go ahead.
JASON: Oh, just [inaudible]
JAMIE: Look, let me just give Frank and Cassidon a chance if they want to comment. But I just want to say one thing real quick. To anyone listening here, The Attractive You has hit over a million listens. So, thank you everyone for who listens. We really appreciate all the wonderful feedback we’re getting. So, if there is any specific stuff you guys want to cover, come to The Attractive You site. Send us an email, let us know some areas you want us to kind of hit, we’ll try and do that. Also, as well, if you want to have even more of a true learning experience, join our VIP program. Get a jump on these calls, you get access to a ton of content and a lot of resources. It’s really a phenomenal way to really take control of your future. So, let’s still again come to the Attractive You. In the product’s area we have various—we even have our training and coaching sessions where you can get a lot done in twenty minutes and some $29 you get started. But anyway, thanks again, everyone. So, Frank, Cassidon, do any of you guys want to add anything for the benefit of Danny?
CASSIDON: I have a few things, just a few kinds of things, some things that he said earlier. I noticed that you said that the one who is late, right?
CASSIDON: Okay! So for my personal experience, I’ve met, out of every set I’ve ever had, I’ve met like maybe two, three women that were actually on time. I’m serious, man. Like the women are never on time, like it’s so crazy. What I like to do is, let’s say I set up the day two for 2 o’clock, right? So I’m really, what I’m really aiming for is 30 minutes early, you know what I mean? Does that make sense?
DANIEL: Right. You’re sandbagging them.
JASON: Yeah! I get the—
CASSIDON: Right! See, personally I don’t like to wait so I tell her 30 minutes later so we both kind of get there on time. And even if she gets there a little earlier than me, I was like, I’m just running a few minutes late. You know what I mean?
DANIEL: Yeah! So you get there 15 minutes late from what you told her like somewhere in the middle there since you’re not waiting for quite as long.
CASSIDON: Right, and sometimes, oftentimes, I’ll get there at exactly the same time as her so like nobody’s waiting around and just sitting there idle, you know?
DANIEL: I know exactly. I do it with my uncle all the time.
CASSIDON: Exactly. Somewhat of a parallel in the dating life, you know. And I find it like, yeah, it’s very, very effective for me, personally.
DANIEL: Yeah. Cool.
JASON: If it’s fine with Cassidon—
DANIEL: Have you had any issues with showing up later than the girl and the girl being last?
CASSIDON: No. No issue.
DANIEL: Has that ever been an issue for anybody?
CASSIDON: No! Like I’ve just met them like I’m going five minutes late or something like that and from my eyes it’s somewhat of a frame reversal, you know what I mean?
CASSIDON: It’s kind of like that Hallyu Rockstar, Raise Lee
CASSIDON: It’s somewhat similar to that, but not—
CASSIDON: The exact thing concept.
DANIEL: Yeah, I know. I get you.
CASSIDON: Right. The frame I’m coming from is—I want to talk to you. You’re a very interesting person but all of the stakes aren’t on this place. You know what I mean? Like this isn’t that important.
CASSIDON: You know what I mean?
DANIEL: Right. It’s nonchalant and it’s like—
DANIEL: Why would I care one way or another?
JAMIE: You know actually I have two experiences that have come to mind. They were like that. Let’s see the first one, let’s see the first one, one of the more recent ones, I had a girl, kind of like in your situation Danny, I had a girl who’s almost ridiculous. She would have been 45 minutes late, okay. And by the way—
JAMIE: I’m just going to say I do have my personal philosophy. There’s no right or wrong here and I tell you… in a way I’m going to give to you and I’ll tell you why. I waited, I didn’t leave, I didn’t do what you’re doing and you know some people would say—Oh, that’s bull sh*t, Jamie. You should have left. I don’t agree with that, I don’t disagree. But the reason why I do what I do’s is kind of like this. The first time I’m going to meet with somebody, I will put myself out there so to speak. I mean, what’s the big deal? So, oh you got the better me today. Whatever happened, it’s not a big deal to me. What matters is, to me, matters after that. So the girl, the first one that I thought of, she was 45 minutes late. She did exactly what you said. I texted her when I got there. I’m like—Hey, I’m sitting in the back. Blah, blah, blah. She writes me back, she’s like I’m on my way, I’m almost there. Kind of what yours did, you following me?
JAMIE: Twenty minutes later I’m like… she writes me back again. Yeah! I’m almost there, just got stuck in traffic. So she kept giving me reasons. Clearly, she’s on her way. You don’t keep writing—I’ve never in my life had someone writing sh*t like that who didn’t eventually show up.
JAMIE: So somehow I kept getting this so I’m like, all right, I’m just going to f*cking stick it out and in the end she shows like forty five minutes late and I’m like okay, whatever. I mean, yeah, sure, I could have done what you’re doing, I could have done other things as well. But my thought is like this. I’m like you know what? It’s the first time, it’s kind of like first time shame on them, second time shame on you. First time, f*ck it! Whatever.
JAMIE: Note to self: This girl is f*cking terrible when it comes to time.
JAMIE: So the only difference… so my calibration is this—We had a good date. It was really awesome. She acknowledged that she’s fucking late as hell, but whatever, we had a good time. My calibration was this, the next date, I said to myself I’m like, I will never wait for this girl again, she’s just fucking terrible. So for our next date I said, hey! Stop—I made the date at a place very close to me. I said, “Hey, stop on my place and we’ll go together.” So this time I don’t have to wait at all and if she—
DANIEL: That’s smart.
JAMIE: Going to flake, then cool, it’s not a big deal. I’m at my home, in other words I would never make myself vulnerable for her again. She shown herself to not be very courteous with time so I was like, hey, come in my place, we’ll—
JAMIE: That’s easy. My calibration is after the first date. First date, f*ck it, you know. I mean kind of like—
DANIEL: Do you say stop by my place and then we can go together, that way I don’t have to wait. Do you say that I don’t have to wait or…
JAMIE: I don’t say… I don’t give her a director’s cut version of why I’m doing what I’m doing. She only needs to know basically what she needs to know.
JAMIE: I’d said, hey, we can go to whatever. Oh, it happens to be right by my place, come by my place and we can walk over together.
DANIEL: Okay. I got that.
JAMIE: So I just make it sound like it just make sense because I’ve already got her to agree to the place, well, I strategically picked the place that’s very close to me so it’s not a big deal.
JAMIE: And it make sense, why not walk together.
JAMIE: So that’s my own personal take. They’re all just different—it’s whatever works for you. My own personal philosophy is whatever, you got the better of me today, big f*cking deal.
JAMIE: I find lots of times if you put your ego aside you learn something even if the girl didn’t show up. It’s not—like to Jason’s point, I’m still going to be sociable, I’m still going to have fun, I’m still going to enjoy myself; it’s not that big of a deal.
DANIEL: So women is… because it seems like that there’s a benefit to putting a girl in their place gently, right? So when do you find it beneficial to do that? Like when is a good time to kind of take a stand and slap them around mentally a little bit?
JAMIE: Let me do this and let me get that back to Jason and also, but before I give to Jason, again, Frank do you want to say anything? I want to give you one last shot because I know you took the time to be here.
FRANK: Yeah, I mean it’s exactly the way that you just said I think about the time and she was late for 20 minutes. It’s not a big deal. Everybody does that. I mean, where I lived? I live in Dubai, everybody is late over here. Nobody shows up on time.
FRANK: Nobody. And it’s—you just kind of get used to it, but if she already texted you and said she was on her way and whatever, that’s fine. She’s coming anyway. I wouldn’t leave, but that’s just me. But maybe for the next time I would mention it or I would set a time and I will go a little bit late, like ten minutes late or something, that’s one thing. The second thing about when you lure the girl to your place and you kissed her and everything… yeah, maybe she didn’t want to go all the way to the end but it’s fine. You kissed her, whatever, and sometimes the girl is not ready from the first time she comes to your place. That’s fine, you made her comfortable, you did well. That’s what I think.
DANIEL: Yeah, I mean, I never heard back from her. I called her the next day and I was like, hey, I’m watching, Stranger Things with my mom but I just wanted to say hi. Shoot me a text or give me a call. Never heard back from her so something went arises somewhere but I felt good about getting her back to the house, like back to my place and making out, all that kind of stuff so I feel like it was a good step.
JASON: You should be like celebrating your success instead of looking at the negative.
DANIEL: I’m not looking at the negative, I’m just looking for areas to improve, Jason, you know?
JASON: You know what? One thing I do when I ask, that just popped into my head is, you know how I always—I guess to clarify what I was talking about how you were like… I was saying you would escalate trying to get her more aroused and whatnot. I don’t know about you but when I get really horny, I would just, even if I didn’t want to originally do it, if she like arouses me, like wouldn’t you probably just end up hooking up with the girl, anyway, if it’s there? Like, if she starts getting super horny and you might or might not have been too attracted to her at the beginning, but she try to find some way, the way she touches you maybe, something about her. Wouldn’t you—
JASON: Your brain just kind of turns off and you just go ahead and do what feels good.
JASON: I think the same applies when you have someone over and you have some of the last minute resistance. That’s what I was saying you do these things like pull her hair, create the tension, grab her ass and behind and reach her vagina, whatever. Because you’re arousing her even more, you’re elevating her state where by the end of it you would hope that she’s just so horny that she can’t help it but to have sex.
JASON: Do that make sense?
DANIEL: It does.
JASON: That’s kind of what I was trying to get to earlier. Basically—
DANIEL: This is the confidence to push through, you know, keep going.
JASON: Well, not just that. I mean like let’s say… like I’ve said, I don’t know about your sex drive but for me like if I’m at a bar and I see a girl that I’m not too interested in but then she’s like doing something that turned me on or we’ll start making out and we start doing something. For me, I guess it’s a point where I’m like, oh, man, yes. I’m really horny right now. It’s going to be this, sure. Does that make sense?
JASON: I’m getting like assurance that I’m like, yeah or no.
DANIEL: No! I mean I get it, I just—I don’t think that most girls have the same sex drive that I do or you for that matter. So it’s like… you know what I mean?
JASON: Girls have a crazier sex drive than guys do. I think that might be a limiting belief in itself. Does that makes sense?
DANIEL: Well, yeah. That’s for what you’re saying that there’s more obstacles for them but the drive is there behind it.
JASON: Oh no! I mean they want it more than we do. Like it even feels better for them. There’s like two types. There’s like girls that will just do something and then worry about it later or these girls that are like set there in their thing and they’re like I’m not going to do it at all. And then they don’t do it no matter how much they want you.
JASON: So I’ve had girls where it was just no. I had them in my bed, bra off, everything off, naked almost; and they just didn’t want to go and they just didn’t want to have sex. They’re like no, I’m not comfortable, blah, blah, blah. Don’t worry about it, I’m not trying to have sex, you know. I just want it. Then I’ve had girls where, they’re like no, we’re not going to have sex, and I’m like no, we’re not. And then we end up just having sex because we got too horny. Does that make sense?
JASON: So don’t underestimate that the girl will get horny because she will get hornier than you.
JASON: Now, your question was when to put them in their place, for me it’s when there’s like a deeper level of investment where now what she does actually affects me. And that could be if I start getting invested in the relationship or it could also be if she’s crossing one of my boundaries. If she’s crossing one of my boundaries—
DANIEL: Give me an example of that.
JASON: Okay. I can actually give you an example—freaking almost every single girl I date tells me I would have never dated a guy like you. They tell me, oh! You look like, you’re just a flirt. You look like you just this… and I get so much craps from women about… I’ve had times where they’re like, dude, how do you even know Jason, you seem like such a nice guy and you know him? I had girls tell me that stuff. And it’s really because I come out a certain way where I’m seen more as that like fun, funny guy and then that provider guy. And so one of my pet peeves is when I have a girl constantly bringing up stuff about how they don’t trust me, how even if we’re hooking up and everything’s cool and they’ll be like oh, I know but we’re not together like that. The whole passive-aggressiveness like nitpicking, that stuff, for me that’s annoying. So I had this girl and she was like—Oh, well, you’re just like every other guy and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, you know what? I don’t appreciate being called like that. You know nothing about me. You don’t know who I am. We only just met and blah, blah, blah. And I told her a couple of things but for me that was something that was irritating me. That would make me not want to continue that relationship. Does that make sense?
DANIEL: Yeah, so I keep there? If it’s a like a personal attack kind of deal?
JASON: Well just whatever your personal boundaries, you know, like you can have—
DANIEL: For me punctuality is a big thing, I’m very punctual, but I can be flexible with that. From what I’ve heard today, it doesn’t seem like it’s a realistic expectation.
JASON: Yeah, like I’ve said until you have something that they’re invested in, there’s like a higher level of investment. I commend with the mindset, dude. I don’t care what happens, I could or could not go to this date, and I really wouldn’t care. It wouldn’t affect my day. It wouldn’t affect my life. I’m just completely nonchalant detached from the situation. It’s not until we have sex and a relationship starts building that things really actually matter at that point like, oh, well when we we’re dating, I mean when we were just hanging out, she is this and this, but I really don’t give a sh*t about it. But then now when she’s like, oh, okay, we’ve been dating for three months, and I want to pursue something with her. Hey, you know by the way, I don’t like this, this, and this. But if you don’t really care where it’s going, that’s what I run into a lot. A lot of girls they’ll be like… they let me get away with everything I do. My dating coaching, my picking up other girls, talking to other girls, flirting with other girls; but then when they started getting attached more, that’s when they start nagging and trying to get me to change certain things from whatnot. And that’s when I have to put my foot down, but until we’re just keeping it light-hearted and open and nonchalant, the whole relationship, I personally don’t care too much what they do, as long as they don’t give me some kind of like STD or something. I don’t really care what they’re doing. I assume that they’re probably hooking up with other guys. And that’s where how I place my boundaries. Does that makes sense?
DANIEL: Yeah! I gotcha.
JASON: To recap, it’s just if you have certain pet peeves that are just anyone that does something’s going to piss you off, then if she does them obviously you should step up for yourself. You also have to be realistic about it, so punctuality is so huge for you with everyone, yet this girl showing up, you gotta go back into that abundance mindset like well, I’m just here doing me, presenting myself to a new situation, and if she does or doesn’t show up it doesn’t really matter to me. Then when stuff becomes more serious, I guess we could use that word, then that’s when you have to reassess it and be like okay, this girl was cool for dating but I mean this girl was cool for just f*cking and you know having up the relationship, but is she going to be cool for dating? Like am I going to be able to pull up or deal with the same stuff in the dating context versus just hooking up context. Like you see she has a lot of friends, male friends that she hangs out with and they do borderline sexual stuff but not really where you’re like it could go like usually. You know that’s obviously, that’s why it’s going to be an issue. When you’re just hooking up because you don’t care, you could be one of those guys that she just spends with. But then as she’s going to be like your girlfriend-girlfriend. It might be like, hey, you know, I won’t feel too comfortable with you going on weekend getaways just you and one of your guy friends even if she’s not fucking around. Did that last example really like clarify it?
DANIEL: It does.
JASON: Do you have any input or anything you just want to add to?
JAMIE: This is definitely a—this has been a great call. Let’s definitely close up shop. We can have a continuation of this, which I think we should have especially the DHV stuff next call but yeah, any last things that’s just kind of wrap up today?
FRANK: Yeah, I’m going to add one more thing to it, because I used to have a dog myself. And the dog, it’s just perfect. It gets people over to our place all the time. But the problem with the dog, what you mentioned is, you got the girl to your bedroom and then the dogs was in the bedroom; you really just end that it happens from experience, when there’s a dog in the bedroom girls are not really comfortable to have sex when there’s a dog around.
FRANK: I swear to God! It’s like for me, they come to my apartment, everything is perfect. My dog, Ferendi in the living room, they play with them, but as soon as we go to the bedroom, that’s it. Shut the door, dogs are not allowed there. I mean because it’s… I mean I don’t know. You’re kissing the girl, touching her, doing whatever, and then the dog is just there, trying to play or do whatever. I mean, I don’t know about your dog, how well behaved your dog is, but the one’s I had—
DANIEL: She’s a real sweetheart.
FRANK: Well, I don’t know. The one’s I had are a little bit crazy, so—
DANIEL: Yeah. She’s real shy but the problem with her in that she loves the attention so much. Like I’ll get on the bed and the dog will be like between me and the girl. You know.
FRANK: That’s our problem.
FRANK: That’s our problem then.
DANIEL: Right. So, I’ve been able to like be patient and waited out but I may have to figure out another strategy using the dog, but not letting the dog derail—
JAMIE: All right.
FRANK: That’s it. That’s all.
JAMIE: Awesome! Dude, this is a phenomenal call, guys. This is actually one of my favorites. I love the DHV piece and Jason, thanks! That was awesome. And yes, some of stuff, dealing with flakes and really some great topics today, so maybe we even do like, continuation of some of these things, but I guess I’ll maybe just end with Danny, for you and I know you’re coming at this from the right place, like you’re just trying to get better. But at the same time, to Jason’s point, don’t forget to celebrate. Do these are f*cking… you know, it’s you to start really consistently improve and have these great stories. The art of celebration really, really taking the time to say—Wow! This is f*cking kind of awesome! Very important thing to do, it keeps you in a state of gratitude. And when you’re in a state of gratitude you’re much more likely to have more such experiences, so, I know you’re coming from a good place here. You’re trying to just move forward and improve. But you know, keep remembering each day. Dude, these are problems you were not having before. You know what I’m saying?
JAMIE: But awesome call, guys. I will do another one on the next week or so, and yeah, you guys enjoy the rest of your Thursday afternoon.
CASSIDON: Thank you, all. Have a good one!
UPGRADE: Thank you.
DANIEL: Take care, everyone.
JASON: All right, guys. Have a good day.
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