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TAY 200: What to do when a girl flakes or tries to flake?

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Today’s podcast we talked about how to overcome flakes. This included how to make sure the date is solid as well as ways to test her to see how committed she is to the date.

JAMIE: All right, action! Daniel, let’s start with you, man. So how are things progressing?

DANIEL: I think things are progressing well. I am trying to figure out how to overcome with the flaking. Like today I was supposed to have a date with a girl I met at this bar. Man, she’s hot and she sat next to me. I just started talking to her, running through the routines and everything. She got a call and I got the sense that she was meeting somebody, just from what I overheard and so I got her number real quick and then there’s some guy that she’s meeting. They were friends but you could tell that he wanted to f*ck her, you know?

JAMIE: Right.

DANIEL:    So I was doing the whole make a muscle, feel the abs thing like right in front of this dude, he’s getting annoyed and he ended up like [Crosstalk].

JAMIE: Yeah.

DANIEL:    But she was fine with it. He was annoyed because she was paying attention to me.  And I texted her and she actually apologized. She was like, hey, I’m sorry I’d my friend offended you and everything. I was like, I wasn’t offended at all. So we set up this date today and I was sending the means like you had suggested that, Jason, and everything was going good then today I just called to reconfirm. I just shot her a text this morning and I said, hey, you! Are we still on for tonight? And she said oh, she had to work late and then proposed to do something tomorrow night which I can’t and even if I could I probably wouldn’t want it. I think it would not be a good mood. So I just basically said, okay, no worries. Unfortunately I’m busy tomorrow evening. She said okay, if there’s a day that opens up let me know and I just said for sure and she said okay, great! And that’s where we left it off. So I was trying to get your advice on how you would play this here.

JASON: Okay, well, the first thing we noticed, she awkward to have a second date with you, right, but I still [inaudible]

DANIEL:    I’m having trouble hearing you, Jason. Am I on speaker over there?

JASON:      No. Let me see. Can you hear me?

DANIEL:    It just sounds like you’re under water.

JASON: Oh, I mean I have like the hands—

DANIEL:    That’s better.

JASON: I didn’t even do anything. So basically she’s still trying to make it happen by her offering that second date. The fact that you told her no—did you say that that you actually were busy tomorrow or the day that she offered?

DANIEL:    Yeah, I’ve got Improv tomorrow night. I’m going to be out pretty late, whatnot.

JASON: I mean, you could have invited her for to that.

DANIEL:    Well, being that I didn’t, how would you play this from here?

JASON: Well, first I would break down what happened.

DANIEL:    Okay.

JASON: And then I‘ll give you possible ways to make it work. So basically, right off the bat she was interested in you. Obviously, the guy who was trying to hook up with her—I had situations a lot of them where I’ll open a mixed set and I’ll be talking to the guy and I’m going to [inaudible] if they know each other, oh, we’re together, and then I’d talk to the girl and she’ll be like oh, we’re just dating.

DANIEL:    Yeah.

JASON: And I run into that quite a bit actually. A lot of the times I still have that guy that’s like I’m still [inaudible]call it the gay best friend that’s still trying to make it work with him but she’s just not sexually interested in them, you know?

DANIEL:    Yeah. That’s kind of a sense I got from the whole deal is that they weren’t even dating, I don’t think. They’re just kind of friends; because she just referred to him as a friend and she said in her text to me, she was like, sorry about my friend, basically. So—

JASON: Yeah. A lot of the times you will run into that where the guy will be trying to put something but the girl doesn’t even see it [inaudible]. Doesn’t even like acknowledge him as a potential suitor.

DANIEL:    Right.

JASON: So then with that, the texting and all that, that sounds not end up well. One thing about asking is I usually don’t like to reconfirm like, hey are we still on? Because it kind of comes off [inaudible]

DANIEL:    It kind of comes off what?

JASON: Maybe like, do you still want to spend time with me? What I’d do is, hey, I’d probably be five minutes late or ten minutes late. I’ll see you there or I’ll see you soon. That way, I’m telling her, hey, I’m going to be late but what I’m really doing is I’m like reconfirming to that. I’m reconfirming that she’s going to still be on. And all other times I do something like that—

DANIEL:    So you’re setting this right before the date? Like you’re telling her that you’ll be running a few minutes late?

JASON: Maybe an hour or two that way basically it’s my way of checking in that it’s still on.

DANIEL:    Yeah, can you text me like the text that you would send her, basically?

JASON: It’s just like—Hey, Ashley, I’m running fifteen minutes late. See you soon.

DANIEL:    Okay.

JASON: Or—Hey, Samantha! I got held up about ten minutes behind. See you, looking forward hanging out or something. It’s just kind of a statement.

DANIEL:    Yeah.

JASON: It’s kind of like pings her and it gets her to basically check back in there; oh, okay, yeah, it’s still on and she’ll reply like, okay, no worries I’ll see you there or something.

DANIEL:    Okay. So you do this about an hour beforehand?

JASON: Yeah. It’s just—I’m basically just letting her know that I’m going to be like five, ten, fifteen minutes late.

DANIEL:    Yeah.

JASON: But what I’m really trying to do is basically confirm that the date is still on.

DANIEL:    Yeah.

JASON: Without asking if it’s still on.

DANIEL:    Right. I like that because in the past I would set up a Tinder date and I would not reconfirm it at all and then they would no show. And then I drove out you know what I’m saying? Out of my way so—

JASON: Yeah.

DANIEL:    I started doing this just the day off but I think I like this.

JASON: It has to do that like that nonchalant where you sound like you’re not even trying. Hey! I’m kind of late. I’m still—does that make sense?

DANIEL:    It does.

JASON: Okay now the next part, it was about you offering a date to hangout and her not being available. Now, if you’re basically, if she tells you like hey, I can’t make this day, I think from working together that it’s still triggering that like the sense mechanism that you had when you were talking to that girl with the [inaudible]

DANIEL:    Yeah.

JASON: It might be triggering that where you’re taking it as rejection and then you just close off rather than you being able to just kind of non-reactive to it and roll off. And more times than not, when the girl suggests a second date like, hey, I have to work late or I have to do this, but how about this day? Typically, there’s still interest there. They just might genuinely be busy that day I mean, doesn’t that happen to you? Where you’re just like, oh man, I have this planned and now I got held up doing this.

DANIEL:    I mean, it could. It could.

JASON: I know it. I’ve counseled a lot of DHVs because other stuff came up. So now the next thing is potential options, right? You could have—now if you’re real busy, you could have either skip Improv and gone to that close, or you could have—

DANIEL:    Yeah, I can’t. I can’t in this instance because I’ve already had one absence from going out there for the boot camp, so if I have two then I have to retake that course.

JASON: Okay.

DANIEL:    Unfortunately that—

JASON: The next one would have been to actually invite her because now you’re in your territory, you’re in your area of confidence, so you bring her into your world. She’s going to see you running things. She’s going to see you performing. She’s going to see you interacting with other people. She’s going to see you as you would have meant. Does that make sense?

DANIEL:   Yeah, this is a no way performance. This is more like a class where it’s just students in the class. She couldn’t really come in and watch it. But I understand what you are saying. I understand the point.

JASON: It’s like me bringing in girls to boot camps. It’s still making me look, oh, this guy is badass. This guy could pick up any chick but he is with me. You see how self communication that they can [inaudible]?

DANIEL:   Sure.

JASON: Is that a sure or a yeah?

DANIEL:   I mean, I see what you are saying with the boot camp. For the improv stuff I mean, as long as you know, if I was performing I could see that. Yeah, man, I get it. I get what you are saying. It’s kind of a DHV, because you’re doing something that they can’t do.

JASON:  Mm-hm. And you’re doing something that’s you.

DANIEL:   Right!

JASON: You’re basically bringing her into your world. Like hey! I do this and I would do this regardless of you but I’m bringing you in. Now the next part is how can we make it work still?

DANIEL:   Yep.

JASON: Well, you’re talking about the main track. The student communication is still set-up. You said, let me know when you have an open date. I would just text her like maybe start the conversation with something funny, like typical texting conversations that follows similar model to the in-person approach where you’re going to usually want to start with something funny and then maybe two, three messages of like, damn, you’re funny stuff, and then go into conversational. So if you’re going to do it that way, maybe start it off with something funny or just something—Hey! You know, I just saw this and it totally reminded me of you—And just keep the conversation going like, hey, by the way—

Speaker:     You know, Stephens [00:12:21]

JASON: Huh? Oh—

JAMIE: Did someone just tripped on the call? Okay. Yeah, just keep on it, Jason. I apologize for someone jumping on.

JASON: Okay. Basically you just reit—that conversation stream is still open.

DANIEL:         Yeah.

JASON: So then you would just keep going the same way you did it the first time, just do it again like, hey, I’m free Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night if you’re available or I’m free Wednesday and Thursday soon, if you’re available.

DANIEL:         Yeah.

JASON: Just kind of like, hey, I’m—

DANIEL:         Would you wait for any period of time or would you just…

JASON: No! I mean—

DANIEL:   Do what—

JASON: Yeah, to wait, my mindset to it always—I will close as soon as possible because here’s my thing, you need a girl and you know like basically shook it up typically, not all the time but typically, she will put up a front like she’s trying to be this good girl and live up to certain standards so freeze out what you want so that she can act that way. Now, I feel like once you have sex, it really let’s her open up her weaker self. So for me, I try to hook up as soon as possible just to get the white elephant out of the way.

DANIEL:   Yeah!

JASON: It said, why are we talking? Well, I just want to f*ck. So I try to squeeze that right off the table, have sex as soon as possible so I would pursue it because also you had to keep in mind there’s a buying temperature. So you’re going to be excited about it as well so maybe a week or two, so if you don’t do something with that week or two, I’ve noticed everything just kind of loses—

DANIEL:         Sizzles. Charge.

JASON: Yeah.

DANIEL:         Yeah.

JASON: It’s like if you want to buy a car and you go to the dealership and you go I want it, I want it. I’ll go off to get my down payment, I’m going to drove back home and bring it together and I’ll be back in one, two, three days. Are you going to be as excited when you come back?

DANIEL:         No. No, I get you 100%. So we’re probably, I think I met her Friday night, so we’re five days or so into this. So would you try to hang out this weekend? Would that be your…?

JASON: Yeah, I would do this as soon as possible.

DANIEL:         Yeah.

JASON: And chose a location that’s close to your place.

DANIEL:         Yeah!

JASON: Worst case scenario somewhere between both of you that you can bounce her back to your place like—

DANIEL:         Yeah.

JASON: I always go in with the intent that I’m going to suppose that we’re going to end up in my house and have sex and that’s my thought process. I come in with that.

DANIEL:         Yeah.

JASON:           But I act in a way like I don’t even want sex. Where I [Crosstalk]

DANIEL:   You act in a way that…

JASON: Yeah, well, I have her like [inaudible] to me—that comes from the qualification—

DANIEL:         Yeah.

JASON: Having a standard, it’s all that stuff that I spoke about.

DANIEL:         Yeah. Okay! More than—so would you text her later today? Even? And just try to set it up, or would—you know what I mean?

JASON:           Yeah.

DANIEL:         If we’re talking about Saturday, right?

JASON: Yeah. Yeah.

DANIEL:         Would you set it up now or would you wait until it gets closer to Saturday?

JASON: Well, honestly, if it’s a new girl I’d probably try to get her out like on Wednesday or Thursday just because I want my weekend free to find new people.

DANIEL:         Yeah.

JASON: Every Friday and Saturday to go out and find new people. So I try to set up all my dates during the weekday where it’s kind of slow. I’m like hey, let’s go check that [inaudible] on Tuesday. Hey, there’s a Mime Wednesday here. Hey—[Crosstalk]

DANIEL:         Right.

JASON: Thursday, let’s go hit this bar. I make up like some kind of fun playful thing about it, you know?

DANIEL:         So, if you’re looking at it because Wednesday’s out, right?  Tomorrow, I already told her Thursday’s out. Friday right I’m going to this Halloween thing and the tickets are sold out so my only option would be to then go back and tell her I actually can do it tomorrow night after I get through with Improv.

JASON: What time does your Improv ends?

DANIEL:   It ends at like 9:00 o’clock.

JASON: Oh, dude, that’s still early. Yes, so you can run it either try to set it up after 9 o’clock tomorrow or then Saturday and you can tell her like—Hey, you know? I just found out that my class is going to be shorter. I’ll be out by like 9:00 if you still want to do something. If not I’m also free Saturday.

DANIEL:   Okay! Gotcha.

JASON: Remember, tell don’t ask.

DANIEL:   So just say—Hey, let’s hang out afterwards, if not let’s hang out Saturday?

JASON: You already told her that you could, right? So you got to go back and be like—Hey, they’re going to shorten the class, or like I get to take my test earlier, or I going to go up earlier, so I get out earlier. Some situation happened where you’re going to be available now.

DANIEL:         Yeah, I gotcha. Okay, that works. So, I’ve got a funny story to tell and then I’ll—

JAMIE: Before we do that, Danny, before we do that, I guess I want to give Gabriel a chance to go, you know.

DANIEL:   Yeah! Yeah, go ahead.

JAMIE: Say that when we have time later on, is that cool?

DANIEL:   Good!

JASON: Jamie, don’t you have input?

JAMIE: Yeah, I’ll threw in a couple of quick things, too, but I want to definitely make sure  Gabriel gets a shot tonight, and Frank is on the call and I think he might want to give some feedback, too. So I want to make sure that everyone gets a chance. Jason, one quick thing, man, I’m so happy you’re on the call, man. Your voice does still sound a little muffled, just so you know. I can hear you but I don’t know if there’s anything you do on your end down in your connection but it’s… anyone listening to the call after is not going to get the full benefit of what you have to say which is really a shame because it’s really awesome.

JASON: Let me see.

JAMIE: So just letting you know, okay? And to anyone listening to the call, you know you hear the back and forth between our coaches and our client’s, you can’t do this without a feedback mechanism, that’s just the bottom line. If you’re really are getting frustrated having certain… whether you’re having women that are flaking on you, whatever is happening, try to pull the trigger. Let’s do something new here. Let’s stop putting yourselves through all that pain and really consider giving us an opportunity to show you what we can do pretty quickly. You can go to theattractiveyou.com and find out a little bit more about what we have to offer. We have a twenty minute coaching sessions where if you want to just talk about something for a little bit of time we can absolutely do that, so check us out at theattractiveyou.com. Now the couple of things I want to mention really quickly, Danny, and I really like what Jason did, because really what we want to do is we don’t want to get you in a fire fighting mode. We want you to understand the root cause of what the issue was. Jason and I had both had our own personal mentor, James. He had this great expression, man. He would talk about how he is so key to hit rapport out of the ballpark. I mean think about that for a second, man. If you really hit rapport out of the ballpark where she’s like, wow! I think I really met someone were you’re hitting all the circuits. She’s not just attracted to you, but she also feels like she can talk to you forever. You following me?

DANIEL:    Yes.

JAMIE: When you’ve crave that experience for her, you’re not going to have this kind of  problems. I’m not saying—

DANIEL:    So—

JAMIE:       I’m not saying specific to this one, I’m just saying flakes in general.

DANIEL:         Yeah.

JAMIE:       I’m just talking in the generic sense. Flaking is a big part of that results from not creating that because it’s like when you were with her in person while she’s having fun with you, you’re exciting, she’s attracted at you; but after that the next day, those emotions have… they’ve subsided. But if you still—

DANIEL:         Right.

JAMIE: But if you still had the ability to create such a level of rapport and commonality with her, where she just loves talking to you, she’s going to go way more out of her way to keep contact as well as go way more out of her way to make sure she makes good on whatever promises she made, you following me?

DANIEL:         Right.

JAMIE:       So now—

DANIEL:         Right. I mean in this instance a lot of that was out of—I understand what you’re   saying not in this like in general, yeah. In this instance—

JAMIE:       Yeah. Just in general. [Crosstalk]

DANIEL:    Because I only have ten minutes with her—yeah.

JAMIE:      A lot of people in the call are wondering are we having those issues of flakes and their situations—

DANIEL:    Yeah.

JAMIE:       Cannot be yours but I want you in the general sense as well as anyone else to know that there is a very strong relationship between flakiness and not creating… and lack of rapport creation. Make sense?

DANIEL:    Right. It does.

JAMIE: Okay. So that’s the main thing I wanted to hit for you there. And I really want to reemphasize what Jason said about don’t necessarily go for the date or the meeting right away. Get some conversations going for just a little bit say a couple of funny things. Get the buying temperature out. Think of it this way, if you’re kind of like, I could exaggerate here because sometimes exaggerating a situation makes a simple point. What if she said, oh I can’t make it tomorrow. And you’re like, okay, what about Friday? Oh, what about Saturday? Oh, what about Sunday? Monday… Tuesday… You sound desperate. So when you’re constantly throwing—you’re constantly casting your line out to try and catch something, it sends the wrong message. But on the other end of it when you look like you’re just comfortable, there’s no rush where you’re almost enjoying the courting experience it sends the right message, you following me?

DANIEL:    Right.

JAMIE: So I really want to emphasize what Jason had already brought to your attention. Kind of warm up a little bit first. Get through a couple of funny things, get some conversation, make her want more of you. Make sense?

DANIEL:    It does. It does. So, you know…

JAMIE:      I do want to compare—

DANIEL:    I’m trying to balance that with the texting, right?

JAMIE:      Yeah.

DANIEL:    Because we’ve only texted and Jason was kind of grinding it into my head that it’s only for flirting, right?

JASON:     Yeah.

DANIEL:    And logistics. And so, I could perhaps call her, would be the other option to try to build more rapport there, I didn’t really do that because it was all just text after we met the first time. Do you have any suggestions on that piece of it?

JAMIE:       Yeah, absolutely, man. You could just call for the sake of calling, just add value. You don’t have to ask for anything. Hey, it’s Danny, call me when you get in. You could instead, hey, oh my god, you’re just not going to believe what happened—and tell a quick funny little thing on the message, voicemail; where you’re not even asking for her to return your call. Now, obviously it’s insinuated she very well could or whatever, but you’re just offering value. You’re just offering stuff you’re not asking for anything in return. You can also do if she has an iPhone, you can also do a voice text, which are always phenomenal because then she gets to hear your voice and it’s a lot more personal. So you can do stuff like that. The main point Jason, I believe was trying to get across was kind of warm her up a little bit first. Don’t show like it’s all about the outcome. Enjoy the courting experience a little bit.

DANIEL:    Okay.

JAMIE:       All right. Frank, do you want to add anything real quick? You kind of jumped in towards the end there but I know you’re in the call. You want to add anything for Danny?

FRANK:             That’s the thing, I joined a little bit late so I don’t know the whole situation.

JAMIE:       Then let’s get you on the next one.

FRANK:             Yeah.

JAMIE:       That’s cool. All right, Gabriel. Fire away, man!

GABRIEL: Awesome. Can you guys hear me well?

JAMIE:       Yeah, you sound good.

JASON:      Yes.

GABRIEL: Okay. Great! So this week my question is a little bit different from all the other weeks. This past weekend I had this huge let’s say conference thing which my group was organizing. I was one of the main organizers going in front of all these people obviously like super accomplished people talking, and anyway, one of our speakers was this girl and from the day before we were practicing a lot on how we are going to present some stuff and she and I kind of hit it off, so I wasn’t really running game on her because it was just weird because we had all these coworkers, and all these friends, official friends; but as much as I could I tried like at the end of the night’s show she asked to give me a ride home and which I accepted and we talked a lot so I didn’t try the kino escalation routines too much because it was like the rapport building stuff like the white room or all these psychological test and she loves them. And then the day of the conference, I’m constantly going up there organizing people and I think it’s a DHV and after the event we had like this dinner for all the organizers and I was really, really tired so I didn’t really try to do anything, but at some point she came beside me and we started talking again. And I tried a little bit of the kino escalation too, just like palm reading, very low risk… Anyway, one of my friends said that she might have a boyfriend but she never brought it up. And I never saw him and at the end of the night she said, I’m going to see you very soon but we didn’t plan anything and I have her on Facebook send a message to her on Monday, just a video from America’s Got Talent. I thought it was funny so I figured maybe she would find it funny too, and she found it funny. It was just that it her three hours to respond to me, and even then during that three hours, I could see that she was online at some point, but she was not getting back to me. So anyway, that kind of got on my nerves a little bit and I  think the reason why is that I kind of feel like I’m developing feelings for her which is weird for me. And on second, that I really can’t read the signs when it comes to texting and so like I have no calibration when it comes to texting and that bothers me. So I feel maybe that’s why this really got under my skin. So I was just wondering what you guys have in mind about this?

JASON: Okay. So basically—can you guys hear me better?

JAMIE:  Yeah. You sound a little bit better now.

GABRIEL:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Yep.

JASON: Okay. So basically, what I got a bit is you hanged out with this girl at this event and yes, you’re talking, not a lot of kino and then she dropped you off at home.

GABRIEL: Yeah. That was the first time. That was before the event. During the event we also hanged out a lot and there was a party after, we talked quite a lot again bonded a lot there more.

JASON: Now, what was the reason for you not kino escalating at the party?

GABRIEL: Because at the party again it was all of our coworkers and really good friends. It was just really weird. I couldn’t do it.

JASON: At the start. No that make sense. And is she a coworker, too?

GABRIEL: She’s not my coworker. She used to go to my school.  She lives really close. Like fifteen minutes away but she’s not a coworker now.

JASON: Okay. Well, one option would have been to isolate, right? Hey, let me show you the balcony. Hey, let’s go outside real quick. Like, hey, it’s pretty hot in here, let’s go breathe.  Does that make sense?

GABRIEL: Yes, that make sense.

JASON: Now as far as the texting and her reading your messages and not replying your what not, there’s a series of possibilities. One of them is it’s not engaging enough for her. Another one, there is not enough attraction, she might, you know, you might be more invested than she is because I’ve had this like once and because of it I had to restructure my whole game because I thought it was me and sometimes the girl is just really like just not into it, like they’re just being nice to be nice so then it’s up to you to pull back and be like okay, I got to build more attraction. I got to test to see if she is just being nice or if she’s trying to be in some kind of sexual relationship with me. So does that make sense?

GABRIEL: Yeah. That make sense.

JASON: Okay. So basically if she’s really a text message waiting three hours to reply or whatever it’s just not that level of commitment like Jamie said in the previous one, it’s that little seduction, courting courtship process that you’re going through right now. She might need more courting. Now I can send—you know what? I’m going to look for it. I can send you examples of times when I have to build rapport through texting, and then examples where I just kind of joked around and set a number right away and set up a date right away.

GABRIEL: Yeah.

JASON: And sometimes in texting it’s going to be really similar to how it is in person. Where you open a set and the set first opened?

GABRIEL: Yeah.

JASON: Other girls are like very dry texters, like right now I met this girl yesterday and I’m trying to set something up for early next week, so right now I’m texting her and she’ll be sending like one reply answers like, yep, yeah, and ahm. You can call her out on it like hey, I can’t reply to one word answers which of kind of what I did and she said, well, you take a long time to reply and then I just told her, dude I’m busy all day. And then I just cut that stack and then I send her like a video of me doing something cool. Just end that conversation and just cut and stack, cut and stack.

Does that make sense?

GABRIEL: Yeah. That make sense.

DANIEL: So you’re telling him to respond to her one word text by telling her that you can’t reply to one word text? Did I hear that correctly?

JASON: Yeah. Basically like she’s like—What the hell it is? Yeah, I had it on snapchat so I erased it. I was like in the moment you know you type it.

DANIEL: Yeah.

JASON: She was like, yep. And I’m, dude, how am I supposed to respond to yep?

DANIEL: Yeah, okay. I got you.

JASON: But then I followed up with like, and then she replied, well you’re—you take a long time to reply, which I do because a lot of the times I’d take two to three hours to reply just because I’m really just running around doing things. So then I followed up with like, hey, I’m busy or I might have said a joke like, hey, I’m busy. Like someone has to hustle something, I don’t know what I said, and then I followed with a video of me doing something cool. You just cut and stack after that. I just called her—

DANIEL: Okay.

JASON: And then I cut and stack off of it. And then if she’s not replying after two or three hours, you got to also have that abundance mentality where if this girl doesn’t reply I really don’t care like I really kind of hope that they don’t reply so I don’t have to keep pursuing because I already have like two, three too much on my plate already.

GABRIEL: Right.

JASON: Does that make sense?

GABRIEL: Yeah.

JASON: And even if you don’t have too much, you still want to get in that head state of acting and feeling like you have too much.

GABRIEL: Mm-hm.

DANIEL: Kind of like your Tinder account, right?

JASON: What about it?

DANIEL: You know when you’ve got a bunch of girls that you’re talking to and it just you want… you really do want a couple to fall off because right now—

JASON: Yeah. Yeah!

DANIEL: You can’t juggle so much at one time.

JASON: Yeah, I lose a lot of my Tinder stuff because I go like two, three days without even checking it.

GABRIEL: Yeah. So maybe to give you a little bit more context with this she didn’t see the message and then not respond to me for three hours. She just didn’t go to that thread you know?

JASON: Mm-hm.

GABRIEL: And when she responded it wasn’t like a one word thing. It was actually a very nice message with a lot of emojis and stuff. It just took her three hours—

JASON: Oh, it’s that—

GABRIEL: And I noticed how in between she came on line. I don’t know maybe she was talking to her mom, I don’t know, whatever. But, and again during the courtship when we were talking, it was super nice like I didn’t… maybe she is a nice girl, like she’s nice to everyone, which I got, but at the same time maybe you’re right. Maybe it was just me reading the wrong message but how do you think I should go from this point with this girl? To find out more?

JASON: Okay, so basically the texting thing? Again, I have some girls that I text like I text paragraph. So, yeah! I purposely don’t look at their messages on Instagram or any of the social media or Facebook, whatever you’re using, because it’s going to say that I’ve read it and I don’t I’m not in the headspace, I don’t have time, whatever it may be, I don’t want to give her a half-assed response when I want to give her a full response. So those are different things that go through my head for me not to reply to a message right away even though I go in there, check it, I post something and that message leaves on stays on red until I’m ready to reply to it with full attention. Does that make sense? That could be a possibility of why she took a long time to reply.

Remember you can’t take this personal, you don’t know what’s going on into people’s—in their world. You could use past reference experiences and compare it to that, so be like, okay look she’s acting like this, this and this.  This girl in the past acted like this, this, and this and this was the result of it. So basically, based off of these four, five situations, I think this is what’s going on. But you can’t have certainty unless you asked.

GABRIEL: I see.

JASON: And then of course if you asked you might come off as needy or whatever. So my recommendation for this one would be the set up another date. Basically lead her through the funnel again, right? Right now you’re back to texting. So you were in person, you went backwards, now you’re back to texting. Now you want to move forward again and to meet in person and then keep moving forward to the funnel to see at what point she reaches that level of uncomfortability and that’s when you back off, build more attraction, build more comfort, build more rapport, and then you move on forward till you can close that.

GABRIEL: Okay.

JASON: Does that make sense?

GABRIEL: Absolutely.

JASON: Remember like everything that they do all the actions, it’s really just you’re trying to take an educated guess based off of past experiences but you don’t know what the truth is until you actually ask. Now you don’t necessarily have to ask with words, you can ask, to me asking or knowing the truth and asking for the truth is… is she hooked up with me? Will she hook up with me? So that means that she’s interested at some point and that answered my question.

GABRIEL: Yeah.

JASON: She agreed to go on a date with me. She’s interested at that level.

GABRIEL: Mm-hm. It make sense.

JASON: Jamie or anyone else?

JAMIE:            Frank, you want to give it another shot? You’ve heard that whole bit.

FRANK:           Yeah. I heard it. First of all, I think you just, Gabriel, I think you said that you sent a video, right?

GABRIEL: Yes.

FRANK:           Yeah, so basically it’s a video. Maybe she was busy or she was doing whatever, so it took her a few hours to check the video out, so don’t take it too personally. That’s number one. Number two, you said that she replied. I think you have to get from this point to setting up another date. If you want to do it maybe just say hey, I heard about this cool place I’m going to check it out, you can join if you want. You can even invite her if you’re going out with your friends or something. I think… and that’s how you know if she’s interested or what’s going to happen next and not to be awkward. But I don’t think you have to think about it too much. Because at the end of the day you send a video—

GABRIEL: Yeah.

FRANK:           And she replied. You said she sent a long reply, a nice one. So I think you did well there.

GABRIEL: Okay.

FRANK:           But you need to take it to the next step. You need to ask her out. All you have to find the right way of doing it like I’ve said before. I go to this pizza place which is a jazz bar as well. And the way I’m saying it is like, oh, you know what? Every Monday, I just go to this place with my friends and it’s amazing. They have the best music, the best pizza in Dubai and it’s just amazing! And that’s what I do, and most of them, they’re like, oh, yeah, sure! We’re going to be there, yeah. Cool, yeah, all right. You know what? Just give me your number so I can text you on the day.

GABRIEL: Makes sense.

FRANK: Maybe just do something like that. That at least will, I don’t know, test the water. See what’s going to happen next.

GABRIEL: Okay.

FRANK: That’s it for me, Jamie.

JAMIE: All right.

FRANK: You want to add something?

JAMIE: I just had one quick thing. Again, to anyone listening here, we have a thing called the twenty minute coaching session. You want to just do a quick kind of… hey, here’s my current situation. What do you think? We offer that! So, again, come to our site at theattractiveyou.com. In products, there’s a 20 minute coaching session. You would  have the opportunity to have that ability, to have that back and forth with a coach, as well as we have our VIP program which is phenomenal because you then have the opportunity on a regular basis to jump on this calls and do what you hear the callers doing.

Gabriel, let me just add—when I was like, man, when I have something that does not go very well, rather than take the damage control mentality, I always like to think in terms of I first and foremost always kind of instead of thinking about damage control, okay, I rather almost let it go to some degree where it’s not that big of a deal. If it works, it works; if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. What I’m always more interested in is okay, how could I have done this better in the future? Okay?

So I’ll give you an example here, like again, I think you all do a pretty good job here, to be clear that this isn’t some kind of exact science. There is no perfection here. We all fail from time to time. So I had this girl that I met in this coffee bar a couple of weeks ago, and no question, I got attraction from her. I mean I laughed a lot, she had a great time, it was a great experience for about half an hour or so. But the thing is she lives about an hour from me, so to actually get her to meet up has been a little challenging. She’s very receptive, and again it’s very clear because she’s been very receptive to my flirtatious speak, so it’s very clear she’s attracted at some level.

She’s definitely very responsive to me but you see the thing is, when you don’t have, when you didn’t—or more specifically to myself here, I didn’t do the best job, to be very straight forward with you, really establishing rapport. So I understand the reason I’m not getting, I’m having a little bit of a harder time getting her to commit is because, dude, I’m an hour away. That’s a commitment! I mean most women especially today’s day and age with all the convenience, you can Tinder people within one mile from you. You’re going to go an hour to see some guy or girl you just met? I mean you really better have something to offer. So my point is this, I didn’t get the final intended outcome that I would have like to have gone.

Instead of thinking about damage control, okay, what can I do now? The first thing I focused on is okay, how could I have made that better? Because I’d rather focus on how I can do better in the future rather than think about how I can fix the situation I didn’t do quite as good. So as a coach, I would like you to think like that, too. And I again, I appreciate you still want to make things work out but I really want you focused on how can I’ve done this better in the future? How can I make sure that there’s a small chance of this happening again, you following me?

 

GABRIEL: Yeah.

 

JAMIE: Yeah, so that should always be your first and foremost focus and that can actually work really well to the abundance mentality Jason has bring into your attention. Because for me, I don’t need to make any special thing work out, it’s okay. This girl I’m telling you out that’s an hour away, when I look back, I’m like, you know what? I just didn’t get as much rapport as I really need to get because I’m not close. I really have to have a very high value proposition, so, okay. In the future, this is something I really need to re-emphasize in my game. That’s fine. But I don’t need to push it with her because that abundance mentality allows you to say, you know what? I don’t need to make any one special interaction work out. It’s okay. I have enough going on where one is not working out another one is. It’s kind of like this, I’ll give you one of my favourite little analogies. Do you like to gamble? Do you play Poker or Black Jack, or anything like that, Gabriel?

GABRIEL: Yeah, I like black jack.

JAMIE: Okay. Now, imagine you’re Bill Gates and you’re playing Black Jack, and you’re playing a hundred dollars a hand. You think he really gives a sh*t if he loses for like two hours or straight?

GABRIEL: Yeah.

JAMIE: No, because during that time, he made probably a million dollars. It doesn’t matter. So if one disappears, but is—myself and Jason like to refer to, if your marketing funnel is strong, who gives a shit? Let it go! You don’t need to force it. Ironically, sometimes the best strategy to do is to show because it’s really real and it’s not bullsh*t. They don’t really give a shit. It’s not a big deal. Y’all touch base when you feel like it. That’s kind of that.

DANIEL: Hey, I got a question for you, Jamie, because I’m doing the NLP stuff and we talked about rapport. And so I just want to make sure that you and I both have the same ship—that I’m going off of your definition of rapport.  When you’re saying that you didn’t have enough rapport with her, what are you talking about?

JAMIE: I’ll tell you what I’m talking about but I’d actually like Jason to hit that because Jason is our NLP guru. Only because you’re making the reference to the NLP class you’re involved in. But the way I’m referring to is the way that my coaches as well as Jason referred to it. Hitting rapport out of the ballpark is kind of like this. Where you connect on so many different topics, so many different commonalities where she now feels that she can just jump back into a conversations and talk with you forever, or you know all these things about her, she knows all these things about you, and there’s so many threads that are of interest to both of you where it would not be okay if I have to spend two hours with Danny, what are we going to talk about?

DANIEL: Right.

JAMIE: She doesn’t have to be concerned. She’s like, holy f*ck! Danny knows that when I was a kid I learned how to hot-wire a car.  He knows how passionate I am about cars. He also knows I’m really into martial arts and he’s into it, too, and oh my god! I can’t wait til the UFC fight next weekend where this being fight so and so, oh my god, I can’t wait to tell him what I saw—that kind of thing. Where you catered at so many different—

DANIEL: Yeah. I gotcha.

JAMIE: Do you get it now?

DANIEL: Yes, 100%.

JAMIE: Okay. Good. Hit rapport out of the ballpark. You do that and you become that memorable, you don’t have to… game is hard. You’ll find a lot more of that effort coming your way, because they don’t meet people like you every day. And I want to be clear that’s not always the easiest thing to do. I’m letting you guys know, I had a situation from just a couple of weeks ago, where I did not do quite as good of a job as I would’ve liked to have done or I needed to do especially with the fact that logistically, the girl is not in a very favourable place for me. So it’s such a critical piece and it’s something that takes work. And that’s why one of the things you want to do is you want to be very clear for example like with what your qualification questions are and stuff of that sorts because your qualification questions often times set the framework for building commonality because you’re  bringing up topics you really give a shit about. With the hope that these are things that she is also going to be interested in, but that’s the idea. Okay?

DANIEL: I know.

JAMIE: Okay?

DANIEL: Yes.

JAMIE: Jason, you want to add anything to that cause you’re our NLP guru, so anything you want to kind of add to that with the NLP context? I don’t know if Jason… maybe Jason had to jump off the call. But is that… Danny does that work for you? Did that clear things up?

DANIEL: It does.

JAMIE: Okay, beautiful! Do I have anyone else? And Frank, did you want to add anything else? You’re good right?

FRANK: Yeah, I’m good.

JAMIE: Okay. Beautiful. Is there anyone else on the call that I’ve not addressed yet?

JASON: Oh, they just let me back on, right now.

JAMIE: Okay.

JASON: It’s like they kind of cut me off for a few seconds.

JAMIE: Is there anyone else on the call? I know there was another gentleman who was expecting me on the call, I’m not going to say who but is there anyone else on the call who has not had an opportunity to speak? Okay. Jason, now that you’re back on, you want to maybe just give one last address with what Danny was just asking specific to—

JASON: The rapport?

JAMIE: Rapport building in the NLP context?

JASON: Yeah. So, you know the first thing, rapport is just an understanding between you and her, right? So what I like to do, I like to take typical questions that you will find out about each other over months, and I like to compress that into one or two nights. Basically the whole seduction process that would take weeks and weeks of people getting to know each other, I like to compress it into one or two days whereby my first date they’re already like falling in love with this kind of things. The way I do that is several ways. I told you about those three questions that you do the progress from careers to passions, and then you bring up childhood and attach yourself to a happy memory in childhood. Other things is figuring out what her core values—

DANIEL: Do you—hey, do you have that… I ended up—I’ve had like two phones since we… I’ve had a phone drowned, so I think that might have been on my phone. Is that in the boot camp material?

JASON: No, that’s just a video on YouTube.

DANIEL: Okay. And what was that video again?

JASON: It would just have been like, NLP three love questions or something.

DANIEL: Okay. Do you guys look for basis on it? You know what I need to be looking for as far as the name of the guy.

JASON: No, I mean, he’s wearing like a little vest, black vest and like a maroon, reddish brown shirt. It’s going to be…

DANIEL: Three love—

JASON: Yeah, you’re going to see—

DANIEL: Three love questions?

JASON: Or three questions to make her fall in love with you, or something.

DANIEL: Okay.

JASON: And it’s going to be one of the few things when you type in NLP.

DANIEL: Okay.

JASON: Okay, now, you know that’s one thing. There’s another thing I started using, it’s called the 36 love questions. Which is basically like a series of questions that if you asked are supposed to trigger emotional responses of her falling in love with you, and I usually use maybe four or five, you know that? Like, you know what? So like, if you could describe your lie, who you are as a person based off of your lie past experiences, what’s the way you would tell me? Or like, hey, so I wanted to know like, what makes Jasmine, Jasmine? Like what past life experiences got you to be who you are now? So when she shares that and then you share that, it creates this deeper feeling of trust and bonding; like you guys known each other for long years. Other things I like to do, I like to figure out what her core values are. So like one of the girls I just met earlier this week, she’s an adrenaline junkie. She’s like skydives, bungee jumps, does all these crazy stuff so I have to bring out my like oh yeah, you know climb Mt. Baldy, I sky dive, I bungee jump, I scuba dive, I used to drive motorcycles. I bring out all the adrenaline stuff and it excites me and I just really amp up the excitement level on it.

DANIEL: These 36 love questions, is there are link to these?

JASON: I would just Google it too.

DANIEL: Okay.

JASON: Does that make sense? That you accentuate certain characteristics.

DANIEL: Yeah.

JASON: This is the exact same thing Jamie was saying just from a more my perspective and—

DANIEL: Yeah.

JASON: Way of explaining it.

GABRIEL: Nah, I gotcha.

JASON: Yeah, it’s just accentuating your traits that match hers and figuring out what her traits are more than ask her.

JAMIE: All right!

JASON: Does that make sense?

DANIEL: It does.

JAMIE: Excellent. Dude, great call everyone. Fantastic! Well, the next one sometime in I don’t know, next week or so whatever, but until then, everyone have a wonderful rest of their Wednesday afternoon, and we’ll speak soon, okay!

GABRIEL: All right. Bye-bye guys.

FRANK: Bye.

DANIEL: Bye.

 

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