Menu
Textbox Section

TAY 193: Using communication to make friends and long distance relationships

Posted · Add Comment

Today’s podcast we talked how to use pick up techniques to make regular friends.  We also discussed how to handle long distance relationships.

UPGRADE: Well, I have someone over here on Wednesday. Somebody I met when I left after the boot camp. We’ve been—I wouldn’t say dating because we don’t meet that often.

JAMIE: Okay.

UPGRADE: But we see each other occasionally. That’s fun.

JAMIE: Good! Okay.

UPGRADE: Yeah. I actually have a little bit different question for you this time and it has to do more with how to get like regular friends.

JAMIE: Okay.

UPGRADE: If you can because I don’t have many of them that I hang out with. And that’s something I would like to work on, just to build… have more friends to hang out with them and to go out with.

JAMIE: All right.

UPGRADE: So if—

JAMIE: Okay.

UPGRADE: You could give me some advice.

JAMIE: Yeah. If you think about it, what’s great about pickup, is pickup is awesome for just helping people understand very quickly why they should want to align with you. The main difference is in beginning, right? The main thing in the model is you demonstrate value, you make people understand why they would want to get to know you better but the thing is, Upgrade, is that once you get to that work in the road, you kind of decide whether you want to take in a platonic or non-platonic direction, that’s up to you. So, when you’re talking to people, you’re doing a lot of the same stuff. You’ll be fun, you’ll be playful. Hey! You seem like the kind of person who’s into blank. That conversationally is really a lot of the same stuff you’re going to use not just in pickup but in networking, making friends; so it’s going to be a lot of same stuff. I mean myself personally, I do a lot of pickup per se in the grocery store, but the truth is, I make a lot of friends there, too. I’ve made probably just as many friends or people I go out with socially as I do that I go on dates and I start the same way. I kind of go down the aisle, and I’ll just casually get into a conversation about whatever they happen to be looking at, and then maybe three or four minutes into it, maybe at this point, I’m joining them down another aisle and kind of continue the grocery store experience. But at a certain point I might say to myself, you know what? This person is cool but not really into them. At least in that way, but they seem like a cool person to hang out with, it’s another girl and girls are always great to have in your social circle, so I will continue to escalate making it more personal. I just will make sure that’s platonic and not in any way flirtatious per se. You know what I’m saying?

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: I might add a little bit in there just to make it kind of playful but nothing really to be taken too seriously.

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: But a lot of this stuffs conversation is the same, if you think about it. In life in general, Upgrade, you’re trying to show people why they would want you align with you.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So conversationally, that’s the same thing. Now, what you’re going to want to do to give yourself more opportunity to meet people that you’re going to make friends with. You’re going to want to be where your passions are, all right? Like I know you’re into personal development, right? I know that.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Not just because of your boot camp with us, but I also know that you are on Tony Robbins and things of sorts which is a cool thing, man. They have a lot of, like here in the States, they have these meet up groups for example. They have meet up groups that all focus around a lot of different things. They might have a meditation meet up group, a Tony Robbins’ meet up group or others, you can join those. A better way of doing it even a way where you’re going to find more high quality people you want. When I say high quality, let me recur what that means, I’m not trying to talk bad about someone who goes to a free meet up group, but the reality is most of these  people aren’t really making the real moves in their life. They’re not investing themselves like you’re investing yourself.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So, the better ways to really find a people quality wise, and again, when I  say quality, that means—I mean that they treat themselves like a true high value person like you’re treating yourself.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So when you go to example a Tony Robbins’ program. Often times they’ll do is after you’re done they’ll invite you to be part of this group like this Facebook group.

UPGRADE: Yes.

JAMIE: If you’re really involved in that group, there are lots of times these people try and get together. You should try and get yourself very involve in those things. For example in the Tony Robbins’ group you did go to, you should start to get reactive in the Facebook group, start conversing. Hey! Who wants to meet up this Wednesday to kind of go over and to practice some of the things we learned. You should really utilize this Facebook groups that kind of come this far as far as the side benefit with the stuff you’re doing. That’s a great way to meet people to.

UPGRADE: Okay. Yep.

JAMIE: Make sense?

UPGRADE: Yeah. Yes, it does.

JAMIE: They also have something here in the States. Have you ever heard of this thing called, ClassPass?

UPGRADE: No, I haven’t heard of that.

JAMIE: Well, probably you have something like that where you are, I don’t know if they do or don’t, but here I’m just giving you ideas because, again what you want to do is want to be clear about what it is that you want to be doing with yourself. The kind of thing that you’re interested in and then from there find the most high quality groups that do this kind of stuff, right?

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So you like to go to the gym to work out and take care of yourself, right?

UPGRADE: Yep!

JAMIE: Okay, awesome! So, they have this thing here called ClassPass, just giving you an idea. ClassPass is like an app and basically what it is you pay a hundred bucks a month and for a hundred bucks a month you could take up to 10 classes per month. It comes out at $10 a class. And it’s amazing. You can literally, every week, go to different classes because there is like hundredths of groups that are part this network. So one day you could take a yoga class, next day you could take Kickboxing class, I could take some kind of Cross Fit Class; and Cross Fit for example tends to be a very sociable group. So, Cross Fit is—

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: A great one to do. And what’s great is if you do this ClassPass thing, you can now also go to like 10 Cross Fit groups and again all these people, they’re very sociable, so you can go to these places where people are there to work out and be sociable. And what’s great is, you’re probably also meet women that you’re interested in because they probably look kind of good, a lot of them.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: You can do that. You can also meet guys as well to make friends, guys that are also into being physical and doing things outside and take care of themselves. Again, more the kind of people you want to align yourself with because they’re also willing to invest in themselves.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So ClassPass is a great thing. Many groups kind of start to some degree, but really you’re not going to get that level of people you’re really looking for. But again, if you are going—

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: To a lot of person development program which cost money, often times, there’s an opportunity to stay connected to those people. These are phenomenal. I’m a member of like a gazillion to these things.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: And there are always offering ways to meet up with them. It’s just a matter of how ambitious you are.

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: That plus the ClassPass kind of thing, those are a great ways to meet people.

UPGRADE: Yeah!

JAMIE: And again, I would still stick with the pickup type of methodology but remember pickup is just a way. Pickup unfortunately has a bad taste in—bad connotation to some people. I look at it as just being sociable. It’s sociable where you’re like, hey, you know what? I’m going to see if you’re worth picking up. So it that’s really the case I’m still going to approach , I’m still going to talk to people that I might not really be interested in, that I’m not necessarily attracted to them. I’m just going to be sociable because I like to meet people especially when I—

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Go in circles that I know are going to have certain types of people that are interest in the kind of things that I’m interested. Again, in the grocery store, I’m going to be just sociable with everybody and I make friends all the time there, like it’s kind of crazy, dude. And I’ll just make new friends—

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: And I’ll go to happy hour with whoever. I’ll use this to meet another group of people.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: But I’ll come across, I’ll come about it conversationally just like I would pick up. Its just once I get to that fork in the road, where I’m having coffee with this person I’m not necessary being flirtatious, maybe a little bit in a kind of playful way, but I’m not really pulling the trigger on anything. I’m more or less like, hey! Let’s do blah, blah, blah later in the week and when I meet up with them again, Upgrade, I’m setting kind of the rule—how things are very quickly. I mean a lot of these girls that I meet in those kind of places when I meet up with them for happy hour or something, I’m doing pick up then. Then I’m trying to meet other women so they see—

UPGRADE: Yeah!

JAMIE: I’m not hitting on them, I’m just—and I’ll encourage them, I’ll be their wing guy, so I’ll make friends for those type of purposes.

UPGRADE: Okay. Yep.

JAMIE: Does that makes sense?

UPGRADE: Yes! It does.

JAMIE: Does that give you a good—

UPGRADE: I think that it’s very good!

JAMIE: Okay, awesome! Jason, are you able to patch in there? Do you want to add anything to what I just said? Okay. I know Jason has been having some connection issues so we’ll just kind of leave it at that. In that case then, Upgrade,  are you happy with the answers? I can give you some next steps over the next week or so?

UPGRADE: Yeah! It does.

JAMIE: Okay.

UPGRADE: I’ll check it up with what I have around here.

JAMIE: Beautiful! Okay, so let’s go now with Razz. Razz, can you hear me okay? Razz, are you there? Your mic is off, I don’t hear you.

RAZZ: Yeah! Hello.

JAMIE: Okay. Fire away, man.

RAZZ: So, I have two questions, basically the first one is regarding do you think it should be a 24/7 occupation or we kind of pick up some time when we can do this because for my work I sometime meet with really gorgeous girls but sometimes I’m too occupied with my profession so I don’t feel like that time is the proper time. And again when I have some time that I my might not meet them so, I kind of sometime feel a little bit confused so when to pull the trigger and when to let it go. Do you have any advice in that trigger?

JAMIE: Okay. I’ll need you to clarify a little bit. When you say it’s a 24 hour thing and you’re not clear on when to pull the trigger or when not to pull the trigger, it   sounds like what you’re saying is there are certain situations where you would potentially like to pull the trigger but you think it might be inappropriate, is that is that what you’re saying?

RAZZ: Inappropriate if you are already a little bit low energy, let’s say you already worked for ten hours straight and then you went out from your office and you find someone attractive. That time you’re really low in energy and you don’t feel like doing that but you start to feel that you are missing an opportunity.

JAMIE: Oh, okay. All right. Here’s the thing, man. I don’t want you to look at this like a job. Think of it like kind of a hybrid between some kind of glorified hobby and a personal development ambition. And personal development is probably the closest to really what this is because really you’re working on yourself, the way you present yourself to others so people want to align themselves with you, so you’re developing yourself no different than developing your muscles. Now with that said, if I’m going to use that analogy, if I did go in the gym every day probably not. You need time to rest, you need time to recoup. There’s three components of a physical muscular development program.  There’s the actual workout itself, there’s the nutrition, and then there’s rest and recovery. You following me?

RAZZ:             Yes.

JAMIE: If you’re working out 24/7, lifting weights 24/7, are your muscles going to have time to grow?

RAZZ:             Not.

JAMIE: Are you going to also be able to do live the rest of your life and have a well rounded life or you’re going to be a little centered on one thing that’s probably not what you want, correct?

RAZZ:             Yes, yes.

JAMIE: There you go.

RAZZ: So here’s the thing, like if you want to work out you can go to that especially whenever you like, but here it’s not like a guarantee. Let’s say you put one hour in a particular day and you decide that whomever I meet I’m going to approach but that time you might not find someone attractive, right? So that window of matching has to be there. I mean I hope you understand.

JAMIE: That’s true. So here’s a kind of good way to look at it. Just like lifting weights –lifting weight is a discipline. I know if I had to work out three times a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; well, you know if when I’m not feeling good on Monday for some reason, I’ll say to myself, you know what? I’m going to give myself a day off and I’m going to come tomorrow instead to make up for it. Are you following me?

RAZZ: Yes. Do you recommend I should allocate one hour per—like every alternate day and then go out and just do random pick–up as many as I can? Actually—

JAMIE: I think here’s an easier way to do it. Here’s an easier way to have the discipline

which will allow you to also have a well-balanced, well-rounded life.

RAZZ:             Okay.

JAMIE: Get a goal of how many sets you want to do a week. I say your goal should be, as

a starting point, 15 sets a week. One. Five. Are you following me? This is what that means. If you agree that 15 is a good starting point, 15 sets per week, that means, okay, it’s Sunday, okay. So, Razz, you have seven days to have 15 interactions where you pull the trigger on something, okay. So maybe you don’t get any done today, maybe for some reason today is your day where you’re a little burnt out because you went out the whole weekend.

But tomorrow it’s a Monday, and you know you have to get 15 done and you haven’t done any so far. So maybe you do one or two, but maybe for some reason Monday is still you don’t feel that well—who knows? And you don’t do any on Monday. By Tuesday, you know you got only five more days left to get your 15 in, so what you’re doing is you create a level of awareness in yourself where somehow, by the end of the week you got to get it done. Now, let’s just say on Tuesday, you kill it and you get five or six done, right? So then you’re like, okay, I’m on pace. So, Wednesday if you’re not quite feeling it, okay. The main thing is you set yourself to a standard: 15 sets per week; and whether you do mall on Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever you do, you just get them done, make sense?

RAZZ:             Okay. Make sense.

JAMIE: Because if it’s Thursday, and you got one, you better pick-up the pace very quickly,

understand? That allows you not to give yourself any excuses. Clear?

RAZZ:             Yeah, clear!

JAMIE: Now, let me be clear with you with one last thing, Razz. Here is what I count and

what you should count as an actual, true interaction. You need to go for something. You need to ask for something. It could be a physical escalation like a kiss. It could be to ask her to sit down and have a cup of coffee with you, or in other words a move. It could be trying to set up a day two, it could be to ask for a phone number—you have to ask for something. You know why?

RAZZ:             Why?

JAMIE: Because if you don’t ask for something where theoretically she could say no, well how would you know you did good? You have to have the ability for her to give you feedback on how well you did. She has to have the ability to say no. So if you just say, hey, how’s it going with you?

RAZZ: Okay.

JAMIE: And you talked for about a minute or so, and you’re like hey, it was nice talking, bye.

RAZZ: Okay.

JAMIE: That doesn’t count.

RAZZ: Makes sense.

JAMIE: It only counts if you asked for something.

RAZZ: I have another small question, may I ask?

JAMIE: Yeah, go for it. Fire away man, I’m listening. Razz, your mic is off, so I don’t know what’s happening there. We’ll come back to you I guess.

RAZZ: Yeah. Yeah. Hello, I—can you hear me?

JAMIE: Okay, you’re back. Okay, go on.

RAZZ:             Sorry, I was—I don’t know what happened to the connection.

JAMIE: That’s okay.

RAZZ:             Yeah. So I should do something that way she can’t say no?

JAMIE: Yes.

RAZZ: And that away I’ll know that I have done something wrong or right so that when—

JAMIE: You got to have that feedback because you can’t come on to these call if you can’t say hey, this one went good and this one went wrong. You could only get feedback if she can say no, I can’t.

RAZZ:             Okay. Make sense. And I have—

JAMIE: You could be like hey, you know what? I know it sounds kind of crazy being I just met you but I was just about to grab a cup of coffee, come join me. If she goes, oh, I can’t. I’m in a rush, I got to get back to work; well, cool. You asked her something and she said no.

RAZZ:             Okay. Make sense. Okay, so I have another question for you, is that okay to ask?

JAMIE: Yeah, that’s fine. Your first one was relatively quick.

RAZZ: Basically, last week I meet someone but she left the city I’m living. She’s actually coming out from another part of country. So how does… I mean I have her phone number and stuff, so how does this long distance thing work literally? I mean to pursue this thing. Does they work or is it like a mostly you should try to meet someone in your neighborhood and just progress to a proper way that’s what you guys have recommended.

JAMIE: You know you should actually—you know it’s all about the experience, man. You should try to meet as many people as you can. I think I’ve personally done a little—I definitely dabbled in cross country stuff and even further. Who gives a sh*t? Go for everything. Have an experience. Don’t take things too seriously. The idea is you create so much abundance in your life that it really doesn’t matter and whatever happens to work, it works organically and you let life unfold as it’s meant to unfold but don’t put any rules on anything. You want to go for it a little bit with this girl who’s from another city or another state, or whatever, do it! But don’t let, don’t stop, don’t let that or anyone stop you from still trying to create other form of abundance on a weekly basis doing your other interactions. So go ahead and play with that one who’s kind of left your city, but at the same time still keep doing your 15 sets, keep trying to meet new women that you can and keep growing your skill set.

RAZZ: Makes sense.

JAMIE: Then the mistake will be focus on one person, you don’t want to do that. You don’t want to focus on any one person until you’re damn sure that’s the person you really want to be with, and that person—and you should not want to be doing that until she’s basically telling you she wants to be with you. Then you think about that kind of stuff.  But in the mean time, until that happens, you should just be exploring, experiencing and just creating as much opportunity for yourself as possible.

RAZZ: Okay. Make sense.

JAMIE: But yeah, go for it! Why not? One thing I like to do when you’re talking about women that are in other cities, states, countries, whatever; Facebook, where sometimes social media is also a great thing to have as well. And the reason for that is this, it’s going to happen sometimes, you’re not to be able to connect with that person if she knows that let’s say it’s going to be say six months before she sees you, it might not be a personal thing, but she might not be as responsive to you because she knows you don’t live in her city. Right? Can’t really fault her for that.

But what if three months down the road you went to visit where she’s at? Well, you could text her from your number which is fine, but oftentimes you get that kind of oh, who is this person? I don’t remember them, who are they? But if you’re Facebook friends with them they can quickly re-familiarize themselves with who you are. They can see you; they can see your post, so it allows you to still almost create a sense that you’re still connected with her. So in general, what I’d like to do is when I get a phone number of somebody else I like to get their social media, too. And that is not just for when someone is in a different city or state, it’s just in general. It’s a good practice. But especially when you’re travelling, it’s a really good way for you to stay kind of familiar to them.

RAZZ:             Okay. Makes sense?

JAMIE: Okay?

RAZZ:             Okay.

JAMIE: All right. So let’s go on to George. George, can you hear me?

GEORGE: Yeah, I can hear you fine. Yeah.

JAMIE: All right, man.

GEORGE: I have been seeing this girl now for maybe two weeks now.

JAMIE: Okay.

GEORGE: So yesterday she was over  and we had—she basically brought up something called the talk which is, she is like—it’s almost as if she sensed that I don’t have a back bone because she is like I am very easy going and very chill, and then she is like, “Why are you like this all the time?” then she is like, well I mean… and then she gave me the examples of how her ex-boyfriends were very dominant and very into themselves in their way.

JAMIE: Then?

GEORGE: And it does kind of caught me off guard because in my mind everything was kind of rosy, I mean, we’ve really been physical, what, a couple of times now? I just feel that, I don’t know if it’s her insecurity because she’s like the last guy she was with, he broke with her after three months, and he brought about some decisions that maybe she made for the two of them and it’s almost like she doesn’t want that to happen. So I am just trying to understand what is going on? I mean, so I don’t know? I just feel like I am just—I’m like well, is she feeling insecure that I want to break up with her because I am not standing up for more of what I want or she is saying I am being too nice. It’s very, I just—I mean we are having sex regularly but it just came out of nowhere. So I don’t know what you think or what your interpretation of this is and maybe as you’re hearing me, more questions I can answer about this relationship in [00:22:10]. Because she knows, I’m still—I told her that I am still dating other women and, but I don’t know if that is her way of trying to tighten that we should stay together, I don’t know—I don’t know. What do you think?

JAMIE: Okay. So let me—so this girl… so what is she trying to get out—I’m a little…  just clarify it for me.

GEORGE: So, yeah. So—

JAMIE: What is she asking it for? What is her purpose of whatever she is saying here? What is the ultimate thing she’s asking for from you?

GEORGE: She is asking that I am being more upfront with what I want when we go on dates and things to give her.

JAMIE: So tell me, does—

GEORGE:         That is—

JAMIE: So when she is with you she is like saying, I want you to be more upfront with me about what you want on these dates?

GEORGE: Yeah. Yes, so it sounds like… so a lot of the dates should be going on. I guess I can agree—

JAMIE: Okay.

GEORGE: With the flow and it sounds like she is interpreting as me being not standing up for I want. It’s almost as if she feels like I am being too nice, maybe? And—

JAMIE: So it shows does this mean like okay, you are still hanging out with her tonight, and so tonight when you are like, “Hey, what are we going to do?” you are like, “Yeah, what do you want to do?” Are you telling me she is critiquing the fact that you’re kind of like you don’t really care, you are just kind of like going with the flow that night?

GEORGE: Correct. So it’s like when she proposes things, I don’t see much of what I don’t like about it so I go with it. Like yesterday we went to an amusement park, so I toured her well. There’s a soccer game or we can go do the amusement park, I don’t really care either way.

JAMIE: Okay.

GEORGE: So prior to that we went to a Hans Zimmer concert which was that was a 100% me. So I told her, you know, does she want to go because that was something I really wanted to attend. So I guess there are no questions getting that vibe but then just… it seemed I don’t know why she is getting that vibe that I’m not standing up for what I want and I am just doing what she wants to get her approval kind of thing. That’s kind of how I sensed it, so, yeah. Does that make sense?

JAMIE: Yeah, I mean it make sense.

GEORGE: Or reason?

JAMIE: And she brought it up like—

GEORGE:         So because I can get—

JAMIE: She brought it up after yesterday? Like when you said, “Let’s get talk—

GEORGE: No, no!

JAMIE: When did she bring it up?

GEORGE: No, she brought it up yesterday while we were watching a movie. Maybe the best thing I can say is, I’ve noticed that when she’s always proposing things to do, I almost feel like she’s testing me. I feel like she’s well, what is she going to do when I say this? What is she going to do when I say that? And I almost feel like she’s , I don’t know, she’s trying to like lock me in, or control me but I tend to just deflect the test in a way that mean she doesn’t expect.  And so it’s like—maybe she is like I’m not keeping real with her or I’m being extra nice because we’re having sex together. I don’t know where this whole thing is coming from for her.

The only thing I can associated it with is she told me that she was dating this guy, they are dating for three months and two months into the relationship, she made a decision of about maybe going to a date somewhere and he never brought it up and he used that as a reason for breaking up with her. And so I’m like okay, is she trying to frame things in a way where she is not a victim of me, maybe breaking up with her, too? Or, is she trying to say that she doesn’t feel and being forward enough of what I want or what I don’t want.

JAMIE: Okay, so let’s just go back one last time here, and then I’ll kind of respond.

GEORGE: Okay.

JAMIE: So she brought this little comment to you while you are watching a movie yesterday, correct?

GEORGE: Yeah, that’s correct.

JAMIE: You are not expecting it, right?

GEORGE: At all! It came out of nowhere.

JAMIE: So you’re watching a movie and tell me word for word as best as you can what she said to you again.

GEORGE: She said, “You know, I know I’m very dominant. If there’s something that I did that I didn’t want, would you stand up to me?” And I said, “Yeah,” and so she’s like, “Well, sometimes, I mean there are times I know when I’m in a relationship with someone, I tend to be very dominant or very persuasive. And I don’t want to do it with a guy who’s not able to stand up to me.” And so that’s I guess the best summary of the initial thing she said. “Then I started digging into why she said that.

 

JAMIE: Okay, so—

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: You can’t really worry, not just her, but just people in general, man. You can’t worry about what their inner dialogue is. Nobody, you never going to know anyone at that level and you’re never going to just—you’re never going to give a director’s cut version of what’s going on in her head. You can’t worry about that stuff.

GEORGE: Okay.

JAMIE: The best thing for you to do is you know innately, you didn’t quite do it, but you know it innately, is to just be nonreactive. I mean if she’s going to have like if she want like have a real chat, like for example like, “Hey, you know there is this other day where you didn’t communicate with me effectively. You told me this and later on I realized that you really meant blank. Okay, that’s a real practical conversation. You can have a real conversation based on actual facts.

GEORGE: All right.

JAMIE: You know, you did this, and you did that. There’s a miscommunication. How can we make sure we don’t have that happen again? That’s a real practical conversation. A girl’s going to have a conversation like that? Like the one you are giving me? Words like, “Well, you know, I want to make sure that you are really willing to stand up for yourself.” That’s not a practical conversation. That’s just complete—that’s just… it’s not—

GEORGE: That’s air. Like air—

JAMIE: So the best thing for you to do.

GEORGE: Yeah. Yeah.

JAMIE: If you could do that conversation again, you kind of fit in a little bit. You kind of ask her a little about what she meant. If you could do that conversation over again, were she’s like, “Hey, you know, I know in previous relationships that I tend to be a little dominant—“

GEORGE: Okay.

JAMIE: “And I want to make sure that if I’d happen to be dominant with you, you are the kind of guy that can stand up for himself. “ The best thing you could have done is to look at her, kind of give her a little smile and go cool, noted. And then you just go on into the next thing.

GEORGE: Okay.

JAMIE: You are not even paying any real attention, you understand?

GEORGE: Yeah, because there’s no direct, there’s no specificity to work. It’s very tiresome—

JAMIE: There’s nothing practical behind that.

GEORGE:         Yeah. But then why did she do it? I mean it just came out of nowhere and I’m like—

JAMIE: You can’t worry about that.

GEORGE: I know. I kind of over analyze it. Okay. [Cross talk 00:29:05]

JAMIE: Yeah, you kind of overanalyze it. You’re just hurting yourself and you can ask her what it’s going to be.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Like the girl ask you, “Hey, do you have to go to the bathroom?” She’s not asking you to see if you need to go to the bathroom, man. She’s telling you, she needs to go the bathroom. She’s wondering if you can be considerate enough to see if she needs to go. You understand? So that’s women—

GEORGE: Yes.

JAMIE: Don’t talk in a very, okay, not very logically, they don’t. So you know—

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: The best thing you can do especially if she is questioning your ability to be assertive and be dominant, just ignore.

GEORGE: Exactly.

JAMIE: Yeah, I maybe a dominant by not really paying any attention to that. I’m going to dominate—

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: By just giving no energy to what you’re saying.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: If she’s saying like she actually wants to talk about what is an actual outcome, okay. Let’s have a little bit of a conversation.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: But, at the same time, it is good for you, which it sounds like you’re doing anyway. It is good for you that oftentimes when you offer things, make it look like you’re looking out for her, sure, but, at the same time—

GEORGE: Yeah! Yeah.

JAMIE: It’s like you have an idea what you want to do, like a—

GEORGE: Yeah!

JAMIE:  “Hey! There are two great movies out there, this and this, both movies that you want to see. Are you—do either of those interest you?” So this case you should be showing like, “Hey! I do want to make sure it’s something that’s going to be enjoyable to you. These are two movies I personally think look really good.” If she mentions a third movie that do you think it’s terrible, you could say, “Look, I don’t really want to see that, I will see it to make you happy.” If it’s not something I really want to see because you’ve and—

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Usually you’re doing it just to be kind of nice one time, that’s okay. We’re also making clear like, “Hey! That’s not a movie of my choosing, but I’ll do it this time because you’ve been pretty good the last time or so. That’s okay. You are still being assertive, you’re still being clear. At the same time you still showing that you have… you are really looking up for her interest as well which is really great.

GEORGE: Absolutely. That too.

JAMIE: So, those are good things to keep in mind in general that you do want to come across that way. But you know, if she’s going to put some like weird stuff about making sure the you’re that kind of guy, best thing you can do is show how you’re going to be so assertive that you’re not going to even pay attention or even be concerned because it’s high value behavior. In other words, be non-reactive.

GEORGE: Okay. That’s awesome. Yeah, okay, make sense. Well yeah, and this is why when it happened it was… it is, yeah. Now it clarifies the web of confusion I had in my head because I was like everything seems cool you know, kicking it and then you know. So this is good stuff and thanks for breaking it down in the guy’s language.

JAMIE: You’re welcome. Because we’re just logical creatures, they’re a little more emotional. They conversed a little differently. But—

GEORGE: Correct.

JAMIE: Good! I’m glad that is clear for you. So Ron, can you hear me okay?

CASSIDON: Yeah. Is it okay if I chime in?

JAMIE: Yeah! Absolutely. Mr. Cassidon, go for it.

CASSIDON: Okay. So, yeah, man. In general you want to… just in general you want to get used to leading in the interaction, you know what I mean? I mean not to say like, “Oh! A woman can’t have an opinion or she can’t suggest places to go. But just in general you want to get used to leading the interaction, like, “Oh! Hey, let’s go here,” or “Hey, let’s go there.” You know what I mean?

GEORGE: Yeah. And I think, you see one thing that I’ve learned from my other relationships is I was in—maybe this I’ve now moved a little bit too much direct. I was extremely dominant in that everything revolved around my schedule. What I wanted to do, how I wanted to do it. And so, my exes, what had happen was this was part of the reason why they couldn’t stay together. They felt I was too much into myself only. And so I told myself okay, so I’m trying to now learn how to balance it where I’ll do maybe one thing that by all means I have to do. And then maybe the next time it would be hers. And that kind of playing tag team here in better. So, maybe that’s the thing I’ve moved and I’ve become so chill that maybe she senses that, okay where are his boundaries? When they’re there is just hasn’t been anything like very raw.

So I mean, I’ve told her. Biking? I won’t bike with her because I just don’t like biking. Mini golf? I just don’t like it, I’ve done it before but I don’t enjoy it. Climbing? Frontier mountains appear in Colorado, I wouldn’t do it, that should do by herself. So then I told her, well there are things I just won’t do. There’s just not many of them so, it may seem like I just go the flow but I’m just open to trying new things. But that’s the thing maybe I need to shift back into driving more of the events rather than being more reactive. So that could part of the two calibrations. It could be that also.

CASSIDON:  Yeah. I mean, definitely, man, that’s some good ideas, too. But in general, you just want to get used to leading, you know what I mean?  Okay. like you said, you know, those aren’t bad ideas. So yeah.

JAMIE: All right. You good?

GEORGE: I’m sorry?

JAMIE: No, no, no… You’re very welcome. Cassidon, are you good with that? Anything else for that?

CASSIDON: I’m good.

JAMIE:            Okay. Awesome!  All right! So, Ron, can you hear us okay? Your mic is on mute. I hope you can unmute it. Okay, beautiful. I see you. Ron, yours okay?

RON:   Can you hear me okay?

JAMIE: Yeah, yeah. So I know this is your first in the call.

RON: Yes, sir.

JAMIE: I’ll just give a quick rules of engagement. Basically what this is is, this functions as a group sticking point session. The idea is everyone has their goal, a weekly goal which is 15 sets per week, and then of course, some of them are not going to go so well. So the idea is you come on to this call, with in interaction that did not go as you would have like. And the idea is the opportunity to kind of dissect what’s the next steps might be. So, I know you just joined our little group.

RON: Yes.

JAMIE: But maybe you have an interaction from the previous week that we can kind of go through for you?

RON: Yeah, I actually do. About two weeks ago I meet a woman in the grocery store. And she gave me her phone number, we set up a coffee date, it went well. I set up number two, she cancelled. Spoke to her and she’s looking at maybe next week, which is fine and I’m just wondering, being new to this group and getting the right procedure or plan in place. Yeah.

JAMIE: Right.

RON: And from watching a few of the videos, not a lot of them is that I don’t want to be in that position again where she has a choice of cancelling it. I’d rather be in that position because I felt like all of a sudden she’s saying, I’m the prize kind of thing.

JAMIE: Sure.

RON: So, I spoke to her again today and—no! Maybe set up just a friendly conversation. So that’s where I haven’t had one.

JAMIE: Okay. So here’s a good way to go about that. If you—it is very important to be aware of that kind of cut off point where you’re starting to look bad, right? The idea is you want—

RON: Yeah.

JAMIE: To maintain your high value. You’re the kind of person people want to hang out with. They’re seeking your attention, you’re a busy guy—that’s the kind of image you’re kind of putting across, plus the fact that you’re not going to take shit. I mean if you are a Brad Pitt, Brad Pitts are you know kind of a high value guy kind of reference, right? If you’re Brad Pitt, and the girls are just playing these kind of games with him—you think he’s going to come back for more? Obviously not! Right?

RON: Yeah.

JAMIE: So the whole idea of what we teach is really kind of creating this Brad Pitt version of you. Now one thing you can do when you are aware—but that is… you’re vulnerable to going in the non-posse direction, is what you can do is you can invite that girl for something that looks like a group outing. For example, “Hey, me and my friends we’re going to go do blah, blah, blah blah. Come join us!”

RON: Mm-hm.

JAMIE: If she decides not to show up or cancels at the last minute it doesn’t matter. It’s something you’re going to do, you are doing anyways so you lose no value.

RON: Right.

JAMIE: Like I myself have kind of different groups of women that I’m kind of working with. One group or one set, I am trying to get kind of a one on one thing going. And then there’s others that they’ve show themselves quickly to be a little on the flaky sides. So those I don’t ever put myself on a one on one thing with them. But I do even almost kind of a group chat where when I’m doing something sociable, all by like f**king ten of them, and maybe two will show up. You know what I’m saying?

But they’re constantly being—I’m constantly and I have great interactions with all of them. You know I might talk one of them like ah, whatever but she’s little flaky. And she might not show up three times, but on the fourth times she will. And then when she does show up then I’ll kind of go about it as planned but the idea is I don’t put myself out there for these women where it’s kind of—they’ve already shown themselves to be a little undependable.

RON: Okay.

JAMIE: So, I just invite her into group things where it looks like I’m being sociable. What’s great about that is again one, if they don’t show up it’s not a big deal. It’s something you are clearly doing anyway.

RON: Hm.

JAMIE: And if they do show up which they very well might, it’s a new pressure environment because they can, they had the plausible deniability, by the way it’s a great phrase by the way. Plausible deniability, Ron, is our friend, where she can basically say to herself, “Well, I’m not going on a date, you know, I don’t know. He seems like he’s doing something cool with a bunch of people. They’re going to show up.” But then one thing leads to another. The next thing you know you guys are going to open and it’s going to the direction you wanted to go but she has the ability to say it wasn’t planned, so, it’s nice.  There’s no pressure there.  It’s not like some stuffy dinner where you decided to meet at 8:00 o’clock that night, blah, blah, blah.  Like it’s just a very casual type of thing you are offering.

RON: Yeah.

JAMIE: So, if you are all concerned about that with this girl then don’t even go for the one on one. Offer the sociable stuff. Let her invite you to something. In the meantime, you make yourself kind of scarce, where it’s like, hey, you want to see me? Well, I’m a busy guy and I’m just doing, I got my date. My calendar for the week is full, and you’re welcome to join him, whatever. And you can even do this kind of crap, where you are like, “Hey, me and some friends are doing blah, blah, blah. Come join us, bring a friend.” Now she’s kind of almost been wondering herself, does this guy even like me anymore?

RON: Nice.

JAMIE: One of our founders has a great phrase where the main thing, the main objective really of what you are going for, is you’re trying to keep her suspended between hope and doubt. I think he likes me. I think, I’m not sure.  We have even sound bikes and almost like verbalize that. “Oh my god! You’re the coolest girl I’ve met in the last five minutes.” So it’s the thing, is that’s really count what you were doing where you’re always kind of keeping your calf on the fence.

RON: Nice.

JAMIE: So, but yeah. If you’re all concerned and she does have a very good track record and you almost kind of want to put her in her place a little bit, then don’t even go for the one on one. Just invite her to sociable things. Remember, she’s not stupid. She can always invite you to something too, if she wants to.

RON: Nice, too.  Very nice.

JAMIE: You can just do that.

RON: Yeah.  Nice, I like it. Very nice, yeah.

JAMIE: You can also keep yourself a little experience, too. One last thing and then absolutely, Cassidon.  You know, you can also keep yourself scarce, is well, where when you do these phone call conversations, either one. Don’t stay on too long, quick five minutes then you got to go, or two, for example on whatsapp or if she uses an iPhone you can send her a voice text.  Where she still hears your voice so it’s still a little bit more personable, but at the same time you’re still kind of all over the place. You’re not making yourself too available.

RON: Yeah. Very nice. I like that.

JAMIE: These are always kind of send a message to her that hey, I’m interested, kind of.

RON;    Nice. That’s very good, very good.

JAMIE: Yeah, Mr. Cassidon, go for it. Chime in.

CASSIDON: Okay. So, man, picking up in a grocery store is my absolute favorite place of all time to pick up. Anyway, something you can do like those numbers I’m sticking to or maybe she said, she’s kind of flaky or whatever. I mean, I’m not saying this as a direct reflection on you, but something that’s very, very effective is when you lead her on an immediate experience, you know what I mean?  Like, what I’d like to do is I’ll meet up the woman—like let’s have a meeting on the how. And I will take her to go smell candles. Then I’ll take her to go pick up an outfit for me.  Then, let’s go get some Starbucks or something like that. Then you know, I’m constantly leading her on an experience and often times they involve different emotions.  You know what I mean? Hello?

RON: Very nice.

CASSIDON: Yeah, I mean, different senses: smell, taste, touch; I’m involve in all of these phases so a lot of times that’s going to make her one more invested into have a better time. So, a lot of times that’s very effective in getting the number to sticking, you give an action to keep moving forward.

RON: Very nice.

JAMIE: Yeah. That’s a really great point that Cassidon is bringing up. In general, your best bet whenever you can, don’t go to forward the phone number or go for an immediate move or bounce. You know, the more time you can spend with her? Well, guess what happens, you’re making the interaction much more solid where you can meet a girl like in the grocery store and the next thing you do, you know, just like Cassidon’s suggesting, you invite her to kind of continue the grocery shopping experience together. So now you walk a couple of aisles then you’re like, you know, I was just about to grab a cup of coffee, come join me.  That’s almost like you have two dates already.

So, but the idea is one things we do classically in our models we always get information. “Hey, what you’re up to?”   You’re basically trying to find out where she’s going, what she’s doing. If she’s basically telling you, or she basically tells you, that she’s kind of—in her own time, she’s not pressed to go somewhere else, then sky’s the limit, man. You should always keep that interaction going as long as you can. Why hit the eject button and go for the phone number when she’s right there in front of you and she has already told you she has nowhere to go. There’s a lot of advantages there. So always get information, find out kind of what her current situation is. Is she pressed for time? If she’s not, continue the experience. You make the interaction a lot more solid, so that when you do talk to her on another time, you’re going to be that much more memorable to her. Plus, it’s a lot easier to keep thing going which is right in front of you. To get in the habit of trying to what we call instant dates going, you know that term?  Right?

RON: Keep it going.

JAMIE: Yeah. It’s like in Cassidon’s example. You have a funny little conversation, you open her on one aisle, next thing you know, “Hey, I was going to check out this, come join me.” And then you talk about scented candles or whatever you’re doing. You’re having a fun conversation, you’re like, “I was just going to grab a cup of coffee, let’s keep this energy alive.” Now you’re inviting her to go do that. Don’t let her go if possible. Part of your brain is going to sometimes tell you, “Oh my god! I’m scared of going for too much, don’t do that. Don’t eject. Go for it as much as you can. Like in the bars, great example. You meet a girl in the bar, you’re having a great time, something like hey, let me get your number. F*ck that! Let’s go grab a drink, let’s go check out this other bar. Keep it going. Let her tell you—

RON: Nice.

JAMIE: When she’s kind of limited or she has that kind of time constraint of her own. But other than that, until she hits the breaks or tries with the breaks, keep it going, man.

RON: Very nice.

JAMIE: Good stuff, Cassidon. Thanks for adding—

CASSIDON: Hey!

JAMIE: That stuff in.

CASSIDON: Wow, great!

RON: Great stuff, wow! Nice. Great!

JAMIE: Okay, so is there anyone else who’s not gone already? Is there anyone else who I’ve not called on? Okay. I guess that’s a no. I can take one last question from whoever speaks first if anyone who would like to touch on any other topics. Otherwise we’ll close up shop for today. Any other questions? George?

GEORGE: Yeah, so I guess one thing and maybe this is something the other guys may  have experienced this, I have been trying to really work on my frame on just like doing a lot of things. So I’ve started golf lessons, I’m doing the martial arts, I’m going to be travelling the next weekends; what is a good way—how can I use that to really spark attraction even during my conversations, right, because I can sense doing all these things but if it’s not demonstrating higher value then it can be pointless, right? So—

JAMIE: So your question is so you’re doing all these things like you’re doing martial arts, you’re travelling and stuff like that.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: You want to bring this into real conversation where it’s adding value to her conversation. Correct?

GEORGE: Correct. In a way where it then reduces the fakeness because I think I may at least I know my challenge is anytime I’m in a conversation with a girl, I’m always like trying to find the similarities; what we share in common, it’s kind of built that comfort and whatnot and maybe the fear maybe there is something that the other guys have run into is when I’m at the bar and I’m trying to do that, depending on how loud it is, maybe I’m in the conversation and then it just goes—the conversation just get’s dry and then that’s when now I pull and say okay, let’s maybe hang out and then pull out the phone number thing, right. I almost feel like I run out of material and so this is what ends up happening in that the follow through that is when she starts flaking out and so I’m like what else can I do to improve my frame so that if I have stronger frames, Mystery says that if you have a very strong frame you’re going to see her again.

JAMIE: Okay! Well, I just want to let you know, it sounds like you are using the terminology improperly. A frame—

GEORGE: Okay.

JAMIE: You’re setting the frame versus creating rapport and commonalities, these are two different things. When you create rapport and commonalities, and you show her all the things you have in common that’s giving her a reason to not flake on you, reason to understand all the things you guys have in common and all the things you guys can talk about. That’s not the same thing—

GEORGE:  Okay.

JAMIE: As setting the frame, for example, that you’re a high value guy, you’re like a Brad Pit. Setting the frame that you are the high value guy and you’re in charge and you’re the price that is a separate topic. You can set the frame that you’re a high value guy but have nothing to talk about with her, understand?

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: I could set a frame—I could drive up in a Ferrari and be—

GEORGE: Okay.

JAMIE: And own the club, be there when I talk to her, kind of be like—

GEORGE: She can connect. Okay.

JAMIE: And then in all sense she feels like she has nothing to talk about me. Those are two different topics and you’re not using them correctly. Does that making sense?

GEORGE: Yeah! It makes sense.

JAMIE: Let’s talk about both of them, though. Because I want it to be clear for you. Now, it sounds like, it’s—the real intension is you don’t want women to flake out on you because you feel like they don’t feel that they have a lot to talk you about, because you  have not  established rapport and commonality. That’s what it sounds like you’re actually looking for from this question, would that be correct?

GEORGE: Yes, because then it drives the follow ups. Yeah.

JAMIE: That’s really what you’re looking for your question. Let me tell you this.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: The things for you to do to get that done.

GEORGE: Okay.

JAMIE: One of the things is your DHV stories. When you have these really great DHV stories where you are able to tell all these things you do, all the stuff you are involved in and they’re entertaining, very important, they are entertaining, they add value and she’s like—and you’ll know they are entertaining when she starts kind of responding in an emotional way like, “Oh my god, that’s crazy! Dude, did that really happen to you?” When she starts responding those kind or she’s laughing, when she responds to you—

GEORGE: Okay.

JAMIE: In an emotional way that’s when you know she’s being hooked on your stories and she’s enjoying listening to you. She’ll then start asking questions such as, who are you? What’s your name? And what do you do? Where are you from?  When she starts asking you questions and she starts acting emotionally, that’s how you know you’re baiting her. Make sense?

GEORGE: Yes.

JAMIE: Now, the way to do that with all these wonderful things you’re doing, which I think is amazing by the way, good for you. So all stuff you’re doing; Martial Arts, travel. The best way to let her know via your DHV stories, all these great things you’re doing is take her into an experience. Most guys talk in terms of facts, where you and I are factual creatures. “Hey, I went to a Martial Arts Studio today, I broke two boards, impressed?” She doesn’t give a sh*t about that. What she wants to know and she wants to be taken into an experience, an emotional experience.  Like, “Hey, oh my god! Craziest thing happen me today. So, I just started Martial Arts two months ago and I was forced to fight a black belt. You know what, I was just a blue belt but it’s like, you take her on something where you can take her into an experience where it’s not fact space. I’ll be honest, I was a little nervous. This guy was the most feared guy in our class but I was like you know I’m going to do it because I’m going to learn something.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: When you take her into an experience like that where she emotionally is being kind of driven then she can kind of more appreciate what you’re doing. But the idea is you’re not giving her a bunch of facts, man, you’re basically alluding—

GEORGE: Right.

JAMIE: To these things you do with these fun, playful stories. The most core thing about your stories is they’re fun, their playful, and their enjoyable to listen to. But while she’s listening, she obviously can extract the facts. It’s kind of like this. You start talking about travel, maybe she say she’s from Vegas and you’re like, “Oh my god, I just got back from Vegas, get this. Have you ever had blank experience before?” You’re taking her into an experience, you’re not necessarily bragging or going to this fact list like I’ve been to Vegas, I’ve been to California. You’re just going to jump in right into a line to a story that happened to you. See the difference?

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: But you obviously going to extract from that. Okay, this guy’s been to Vegas before and he stayed at the Cosmopolitan and he’s gotten dance floor table before. She’s extracting that from your story. “Oh my god, so get this, I was with a friend of mine, we got a dance floor table, you’re not going to believe what happened to me.   Blah, blah, blah. So, when she’s listening to you, all sound that you’re emphasizing the story itself, she heard you. She heard your little facts that you got a dance floor table. She knows damn well that cost $10,000 to get. But you’re not emphasizing, you’re almost like throwing it away.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: You’re more emphasized in the crazy story that happened. So, the most important thing to do is, as you’re going about your life man, start to kind of almost take note of these really fun, playful thing that happen during the day. Again, if you’re first taking martial arts like, “Oh my god, you’re not going to believe what happened to me today.” So I’ve been doing martial arts for two months. I can do a sidekick but I’m learning but dude, they made me spar with the baddest guy in the class like this black belt. Oh my god, I’m so nervous. You’re getting into something with her. You’re more focusing on the emotional, the humor, the story aspect. That is really what you want to do. So you want to look at these experiences you’re having and you want to start asking yourself, what kind of this emotional, fun, playful, humorous stories can I extract from this experience? Because that’s what she wants to hear about. She doesn’t want a checklist of facts that you’re involved in.

GEORGE: Make sense.

JAMIE: That’s what you want to do. Now, the other thing that you’re going to want to have is this things called qualification questions. Qualification questions, you know what these are?

GEORGE: Well, basically asking her in something that she can handle or deal with. Am I on the right path? Basic qualifier, so maybe I can say well, can you handle being with the guy who knows how to defend himself? Something along those lines, maybe not exactly those words.

JAMIE: Yeah, I mean if you have a f*cking story about like, “Hey, I’ve been in martial arts for 3 months, but you actually held your own against the black belter, the one everyone was so afraid of. That might be a fun, little example. Or you know, but the idea is you have an actual story where you can allude to these things.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: That’s the idea. For example, let’s just say you have your own business, right, and a very successful business, you’re a multimillionaire.

GEORGE: Uh-huh.

JAMIE: You might now want to see me by the way, just in case you’re wondering I’m a multimillionaire. I have my own business. You might not want to do that. A better way to do that maybe something like, “Hey, so get this. So this morning my marketing team came to me and they presented to me how they’re going to get for me another—this big client, Coca Cola,” You’re telling her these whole team presented in front of you—

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So she can extract from that. Clearly you’re a successful guy, understand?

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: And then I’ll further ask questions but the idea is you’re focusing on the story itself.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: That’s the idea.

GEORGE: It’s not easy. I mean this is—you really have to think through and sit down and ride it out because that’s—it’s like bragging but not bragging. It’s kind of an   under tone in the background but you have to present it in a humble way. If I’m under—you know, so, okay.

JAMIE: You are, and let me emphasized this to you here. You have the basic idea but even that is not easy. That’s why we do boot camps and stuff. You’re going to try—

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: To do this stuff by yourself. It’s not going to come across like the way you wanted to. I promise you.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: You think of it this way, actors don’t write their own scripts usually and even if an actor can write his own script that’s because he’s actually been taught and been mentored by people that are capable to do so. For you to just go on and think you’re going to be some kind of famous movie script writer without taking a course,  without been mentored, that doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. Make sense.

JAMIE: So I promise you when you try to write these stories?

GEORGE: Mm-hm.

JAMIE: It is not going to come across the way you wanted to. That’s why you’re working with us, understand?

GEORGE: Yeah,  absolutely.

JAMIE: On that note, have you scheduled the date for your boot camp yet or no? I forget your record.

GEORGE: No, I haven’t. I’m still working on you know benchers where I can make more in part time stuff. But it’s something that I’m keeping in the close future because I can already tell the difference just in the few interactions  we’ve had so it’s definitely my plan to do it within the year is the goal so I’m working on different things, you know, new job positions, and the promotions and all that so, but that’s the plan. Within the year is my goal.

JAMIE: Okay. Well, then let me, all this new then to every—by the way was that helpful to you? Did that answer the question?

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. It did. Definitely.

JAMIE: So, between DHV stories and qualification questions, actually I did not complete it. So qualifications are very key part of what we do. Qualification questions, I think about them kind of like interviewing perspective employee. If I’m interviewing you, I might say something like, “Hey! So, George. I looked at your resume, wow! Very impressive. Looks like you work from Facebook, for a year as an intern. Tell me about that? That’s a qualification question. I’m essentially qualifying you or screening you to see if you have the type of qualities I’m looking for, understand?

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Those type of tools are what helps make the attraction real and solid because if you get any good answer, if you tell me that when you’re in Facebook, all these things you did, I can then reward and say wow that’s actually kind of incredible if you’re at blah, blah, blah company or actually to do something very similar. I’m now rewarding you, for your unique self, as well as showing you, you and I have something in common working towards a common goal. Qualification is very similar to that. Qualification in our world is basically asking her questions that seem she has certain action, deeds, or qualities that line up with what we’re looking for, understand.

GEORGE: Yeah, I mean and just to wrap up little quick, just so I don’t drag but there’s one gal that I’ve—actually we had dinner on this Friday night and I mean one thing, so I told her that I want to go and move to Paris and live there. And so I basically asked her, “Well, can you see yourself living in Europe?” And she kind of said not really because of a friend so, just from that, I don’t feel like pursuing it with her?

Just like you said, she’s not aligning into what I want for myself. And so, I’m probably not going to see her again just because I don’t feel the energy is right where just on different planet. And so, I guess I should just learn to do it more often just like you explained, but I think I get the ideas just the execution I just need to do it more consistently.

JAMIE: Well, you need to do more consistently that’s true. And you also get more of an understanding of how to do it but, again, as far as the actual execution.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Let me see is everyone on the call here. You know anyone listening your name well listen to this is the pod cast. You know, the problem is when you read these books you’re trying to your stuff in your own silo, right? You’re going to try and write your own DHV stories. You’ll try and create your own qualifiers.

GEORGE: Right.

JAMIE: The problem is you’re subject to your own interpretation of what you think this stuff needs, I mean look even at the clarity of getting here on this call. So I promise you when you operate in your own little silo, where there’s no feedback mechanism, it’s not going to be executed in a way that needs to be done. That’s the problem. So you can try. At least it’s a step in the right direction having that awareness but ultimately, again, if I want to become an actor, then let me go to acting school. If I want to become a surgeon I’m going to get mentored by a surgeon who’s going to show me the things I’d never understand in the book.

So it’s like if you want to be a professional writer, you got to be surrounded by other people that have already proven to be professional writers so we can actually show you and critique your work, otherwise you’re not going to know why your stuff is not hitting. It’s only when working with someone who’s already at that level that you want to be, where you can say, “Well, actually, George,” when you wrote this line, that’s not a DHV spike. And actually you should have put it here and actually should ask this type—issue this kind of statement first to kind of intrigue her.

There’s going to be all these things you’re not going to be aware to do, that’s why a boot camp, like an actual program, where we kind of immerse very quickly, that’s the only way to go. Otherwise you’re just kind of spinning your wheels. And again, every time you do these calls you’ll get little insights and what you need to do is a real immersion because otherwise you’re just dabbling, understand? And on that note.

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: I know you’ve got stuff going on. I know this stuff is not cheap, but neither is Harvard. So, you have to start asking yourself, well if I’m really this high valued guy, when am I going to start treating myself like a high valued guy? I just gotten to Harvard. I have the potential to go to Harvard, Am I really going to put off my life for three years? Or am I going to find a way to expedite my life and give myself what I deserve. These are the kind of questions that you have to start asking yourself. And if you didn’t start saying well, okay, now I’m asking myself that question, yeah, I do deserve to be at Harvard. And I don’t need to wait five years. I’m going to find a way to get there earlier.

So here’s my advice to you. Don’t give yourself this ambiguous kind of well in a year or two, or I don’t know, at some point. Set a date. You can always change it later. You know what, I’m going to go for March 2018. That’s six months away. You never know, because once you set an actual date, and by the way, this is not just in this ambition, it’s in anything you want to accomplish in your life. Life is going to be full of challenges. Until you hold yourself to an actual standard, like hey, this is what I’m going to get done. And this is when it’s going to get done. Until you start setting actual dates and setting real goals and not being kind of just kind of wishy-washy yourself, you’re not going to get the kind of results that you’re looking for.

So set a date, man! Make it sound a little scary for you like, you know what? March sounds a little ambitious but, dude, six months is just going to go by before I know it. That’s why I would suggest to you man, don’t make it some years some kind of way off in the distance time. Because remember you’re Brad Pitt, you’re not going to do that stuff. You’re going to find a way or make a way. You know that phrase?

GEORGE: Yeah.

JAMIE: That’s high value behavior, man, its high value action. But ultimately the thing you really have to understand is, until then you are just spinning the wheels, because when you operate in your own silo you just don’t know what you don’t know.

GEORGE: Yeah. Okay, well. I—yeah. I well, yeah…

JAMIE: Hey, just think about what I said. Let it resonate. If it doesn’t resonate with you then let it go, but it’s worth thinking about, okay?

GEORGE: Absolutely. Absolutely.

JAMIE: I say this from someone who did the same thing you guys are doing, right? I still reign this up back in 2007. I didn’t do a boot camp till 2011. After 5 years of just thinking I was one book away from figuring it all out, because it is not easy. After 5 years of just kind of spinning my wheels and getting so close, I had one date that I couldn’t—I had met this girl on the plane, had one great date with her. Second date she flaked on me, and I never heard from her again and I couldn’t believe it. After all the stuff that I’ve read, after house smarting, and for all the videos I’ve watched, I was like, I can’t take it. It’s unbelievable.

How can I just have this happen again? And then I finally did boot camp because I was just so frustrated with no consistency and having no idea where I was missing things. And then when I did my boot camp, I learned how much my interpretations were off and that’s when I realized that basically the last 5 years I kind of wasted my time. I couldn’t believe how much I’ve learned that I was doing wrong in one weekend compared to five years of self-study. At least you know what, time is the one thing that is not on your side.

Time is the one thing that’s the most expensive thing in your life. You will not get these years back. And again the more you start to research other people that accomplished great things, the quicker they get with a mentor, the quicker they can start to get sh*t done. So I’m just letting you know that it’s not just for this, in general. I mean let’s just say pickups not even that important to you. That might be fine. You want to become a professional; you want to become a top salesman? Get a mentor! Take a sales training course. You want to become a doctor?

Go to the best med school you can get to. Do it now, don’t wait. But you have to—mentorship, modeling someone who’s got the school that you’re looking for, that’s the way to go. So if this is not a priority for you, it’s okay. But I’m just telling you in a general sense, these are the kind of practices that you want to get into because it is proven the quickest, fastest, and most efficient way to get yourself to a level you want to be that is on par with the people who have already accomplished that is to align yourself with an in-person mentorship because otherwise you’re spinning your wheels. So let my message to you be from just an overall standpoint not just for pickup, okay?

I mean I wish I knew that sh*t five years before, so, but that’s it, great call everyone. If you guys have any little caught aside, whatever, email me, but otherwise we’ll speak in about two weeks, okay?

PUA isn't the same: Its' evolved into something greater.

Now a days, It doesn't just cover the scope of improving your success with women. People learning these skills realized it gave them a statistical advantage in all walks of life, from women to lifestyle, business, sex life, relationships with friends, work, the list goes on. Find out how PUA will change your life by getting more serious and taking the necessary steps to get a real coach, get involved, and learn from the best. Having a legendary coach can jump you light years ahead of what books and videos can teach you.

""
1
THIS WEEK'S GIVEAWAY

Get our e-Book on How to Get Any Girl and our Premium Step by Step videos on how to open girls. ($180 Value, no credit card required)

Name
Phone #
Tell us about youYour struggles, strengths, questions, anything
0 /
Previous
Next

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *