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TAY 187: How to stay congruent with who you are

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Today’s podcast we discussed how to take control of your emotional state to maintain peak performance throughout the day. We also discussed how to maintain that same state in relationships to always remain congruent with who you are. Also, we go into what it would take to pursue a career in coaching.

MIKE: Heroes to be present.

JAMIE: Okay. All right. So, Mike, do you want to give it a go?

MIKE: Okay. I’m a little bit caught off guard too but I will I think I can ask something that might go with the theme of this call. I did go on a date, somebody I was very interested in. However I kept making mistakes, well, I didn’t keep making a mistake I did make it a couple of times where I looked down a couple of times. It’s this kind of personal development thing. There are still some lingering things like the person I was with before. I was with her for 11 years. And I went in as a strong alpha male and overtime, she’s very calculated very, highly intelligent woman and she got that out of me and turned me beta and there’s still those lingering effects there and I’m slowly getting them out. The real me is bubbling up to the surface but this girl I’m seeing she’s taller than me, she’s determined , she wants a strong man. I am a strong man I just have to, I don’t know, a little coaching on keeping that alpha behavior in front of her.

JAMIE: Okay.

MIKE: All the time.

JAMIE: So, let’s do this actually. We’ll make an exception today. We’ll do this call instead of a normal dating science’s call, in that case I won’t come after you. we’ll do the second one just like this. Just for today. But normally, you guys understand what this call is about, okay?

MIKE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Okay. I get it. What is the specific question that is not really—what is your question with that?

MIKE: Okay. I did have a question that relate to more to the next call so I’ll save it for that. However, it’s just that in the personal development in developing myself, I keep on having—I’m working so hard in the personal development part and I’m evolving upwards but I do sometimes make these minor mistakes that are showing weakness or whatever or things just start rolling off my tongue properly. I get a little shocked, I was, a little while ago. Two beautiful girls that were with my friend who was playing on the band and I had—I was there. I could just talk to them like I was just like one of the guys in the band. However for some reason I just reverted back to—I just talked to them for a little bit then I pushed out then I just like collapsed and then I was like getting the f**k out of here. But how do you keep moving forward with yourself? What kind of things can I practice to get better at that?

JAMIE: I’m not sure how I’m going to answer this or answer exactly what you’re asking but I’m going to try.  My answer to you from what I think you’re asking, it would be a type of meditation or active meditation. Here’s what I mean. Have you ever heard before  Mike, that meditation is like reprogramming your mind?  So when you step back to your body it’s like your body has been reprogrammed for the day. Have you heard that before?

MIKE: Yes.

JAMIE: Okay. So when you’re meditating, one of the idea is you’re almost reminding yourself or reprogram yourself of the type of behaviors and actions and emotions that you want to live by as opposed to the ones that don’t serve you. So we look at that in terms of dating, there’s obviously certain actions and behaviors that’ll serve you and certain actions and behaviors that are not going to serve you! One thing that I personally like to do every day when I start my day, I kind of almost review the type of person I’m going to be that day. Sort of well spoken and take my time and then see.

Those types of behaviors and actions in line with a company guy, I remind myself of what those are so that when I engage in life, again like in meditation, I reprogram myself or I’m reminding myself of who I’m going to be that day. So for example like the morning when I’m starting day, I was going to review the type of person I want to be the way I want to present myself to the world. So for example, okay, I’m just going to give an example here so one of the things that we struggle with is approaching, doing things that a lot of guys don’t do because they’re afraid to do so.

Maybe I might remind myself in the beginning of the day like hey, feeling fear is normal, so rather than fight that I’m just going to accept it I’m going to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. So just by reminding myself of those kinds of things, those kinds of monsters in the beginning of the day, it’s just like I’m preparing myself so that when life happens, I’m ready. Does that make sense?

MIKE: Yeah. That’s pretty much exactly what I was kind of looking for. I didn’t lay it down the greatest. My brain is a little scrambled here. That’s no excuse but I got a concussion from last week, that’s a lot of help. That’s something I can practice and work on to—

JAMIE: Like yeah. Give yourself a type of active meditation or a type of process you do. First thing in the day like to remind yourself how you want to live that day, how you want to present yourself to the world. That new man you want to be, right? I think that’s a great way to do it and again I will take for me a classic type of methodology and things like from one of our coaches for example, like one of our coaches James, he says, I’ve gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable. I still feel approach anxiety but I’ve just gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable.

And Erik, another one of our top guys, he’s a founder, also said very simply, you are going to be afraid, but instead to win you have to accept and if not embrace that adrenalin release that will take place. The secret is not to fight that fear but to accept it and give the illusion of confidence. So speak slowly, pause and then see. Do you think all things Mike that we all did before I even start my day. This way I’m prepared in advance for what needs to happen, what I have to do, and how I’m to present myself so when I’m presented with this opportunities I’m ready. I can’t expect myself to do it on auto-pilot so I have this acclimatation process to prepare myself for the day before it happens. Does that make sense?

MIKE: Yeah, absolutely. It’s something I haven’t been doing and I know how important meditation is and how it affects us and I feel like if I did do this every day, provided I have the time, it would be a big benefit to me.

JAMIE: Well, if you don’t have the time just wake up a half an hour earlier.

MIKE: I only get three and a half hour of sleep then, that’s what everything… I’ll find time in the day.

JAMIE: Okay.

MIKE: It may not be the start of my day but it’s… if I took hypnosis and all that and I know how important it is, I just haven’t been doing it. I’ve been moving forward unto many other things, right?

JAMIE: But, then I’d say something else, you don’t do it, that’s going to be a problem because for you to think that you’re all set to be on some kind of auto-pilot mode without this type of process, that’s almost ignoring the fact that everyone that you’re aspiring to be, does do it in telling you. For example in professional speaking, there’s no one out there that’s really good that just goes out there without some kind of priming process, or preparation process. The best speakers in the world have that.

So if also one day you might want to be this professional speaker yet you’re not going to observe the best practices of people that are like the crème of the crème, you’re just looking for disaster. So if you understand that the people that go out there and really perform have a process to get themselves ready for the day or ready to engage, you don’t make time to do it, well you can’t expect to perform at their level. It’s kind of as simple as that so what I’m telling you is if you don’t do it, there’ll be a penalty. You’re just not going to perform at the level you’re want to perform at, so I’d find a way.

MIKE: Would YouTube videos be good to do or I’ll just do it on my own and silence in my head.

JAMIE: Well, I don’t think you really want to do it in silence because there’s a difference between a sound meditation and an act meditation. You’re in act meditation, you’re getting physical body involved and you’re in a good physical state you can get yourself physically engaged. You literally become a different person because you’re releasing endorphins, you’re… it’s a different to world to be doing it in your head. It’s like there’s a difference between doing this step and running and doing it and speaking out loud versus just sitting silently. I highly encourage you to do an active meditation where you’re physical, you’re in your body, you’re speaking out loud rather than just sitting by yourself. You’re just going to feel like a different person when you get those endorphins going.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: And the conversation is good to but kind of serves a little bit of a different purpose.

MIKE: Got it. Thanks, man.

JAMIE: Try to take a jog first thing in the morning and do your mantras and your affirmations and remind yourself about this mindset out loud as you’re running. Try that. See I’d like those for you.

MIKE: Okay. Thank you.

JAMIE: Sure. Jason, what do you think?

JASON: Yeah, I mean as far as meditation I highly would recommend it and even if you don’t have time, it’s could be as simple as like setting your three main goals for the day but like really putting yourself in that situation where you’re fully imagining yourself doing it as far as let’s say your goal is to have an amazing interaction with someone, go to work, and finish X amount of paperwork and whatever you set you almost imagine yourself already completing it so you start your day feeling the feeling that you would be feeling as if you already have completed that task. Does that make sense?

MIKE: Absolutely. It’s hard for me to do in the morning because that’s my busy time but I do have like—I work 18 – 20 hours a day and I have like somewhere like 6 hrs in between where I do nothing so…

JASON: I mean it could be like three minutes first thing in the morning. The simple one I mentioned, you know. Now, does that answer your question or you still want input on the relationship thing and that being alpha or you’re going to save that for the next call?

MIKE: Well, on the next call I was going to ask you about something to do with this escalating dating I have going on with someone specifically. The alpha stuff I’m solving on my own. Obviously coaching is the best way to get help on that. However, I just been doing endless research like if I’m not working or whatever, I’m just learning all the things that I have been doing wrong and the things I let go so that never, ever happens again, right?

JASON: Well, do you know the traits that you want?

MIKE: Yeah, I do. I was just going through the motions of practicing it every day all the time so that it becomes hardwired in me, right?

JASON: Exactly. You just reprogram yourself. When it comes to relationships I feel like a lot of the times people will give up or turn off a certain part of themselves in order to do what they feel is going to please the other partner which really that’s what ends up back firing because by you giving up a part of yourself to accommodate for the other person, this is different than like compromising on something. This is like you really giving up. Let’s say you’re a social person, an alpha person, and you turn that off, you’re turning off what initially attracted the other person, also I’ve noticed that sometimes you get lazy and you get tired of being the leader all the time so you let your guard down but then you’d let it down too much where now she has the reigns and it starts to become like a role reversal so staying alpha and staying focused it all kind of plays hand in hand where you want to wake up with that mindset and always be that person you want to be from the start of the day.

MIKE: Like I always will. Now when I talk to a woman I reverted back to the person that I used to be and I noticed significant results. Like I tell them instead of saying where do you want to go for diner? I’m like, I’ll just say, we’re going to go to the boat house or maybe I’ll tell them it’s a surprise, or whatever we’re doing and go for seafood. I just want to make sure that I know what they like first, but having these traits of being the leader has significantly changed things for me in the last couple of months since I really started to get to that part of it, right. That’s one thing I’m conquering till the next thing comes up, right? Practice, you practice.

JASON: Well, okay.

ALLISTON: I have a couple of questions as you guys were talking about becoming a live coach or/and a professional speaker. It’s something that has always been in my mind and the desire. And lately I have been feeling the fire in my heart to chase after it and I’m not familiar with the steps or the path that I should go. At least from learning how to become one, so in your experience especially since you are coaches on this call, you practically are doing that in the dating scene but you are doing some kind of mentorship or leading people or professionally speaking, what are some suggestions that you would have for me for this path?

JAMIE: Okay. One, know your niche. To be all over the place like Tony Robbins for example, he started very kind of niche-based. He wasn’t trying to be like now, he’s like the personal development coach strategist, and he covers a wide range of areas about health and wealth. When he first started, he was much more niche-focused. So first thing I’d suggest is from my perspective is know your niches. Like what are you the expert of? You following me?

ALLISTON: Yes.

JAMIE: Perhaps something particularly that you see yourself as a potential authority where people are coming to you for. That’d be the first step. The second one is get yourself out there and start talking about it. You’re going to create a YouTube channel, a Facebook page, anything like that and just get a small following. Get people talking about what you have to offer and kind of singing your praises. That would be the first two steps that I would take if I were you. That’s really what we did. We have a niche, right?

Granted that we’re trying to expand beyond that niche now, with Venusian Arts, is trying to expand into much more that overall personality development company. But our niche, what we got noticed for was dating sciences. So you can see and kind of real time that’s really what we’re doing.

ALLISTON: Got it.

JAMIE: And then from there you get your small following just like we had ours. You’ll feel like, wow, you wanted to learn more on how to meet women check up this website, check out this TV show. That’s really what we did too. But you can absolutely, it’s amazing that it’s what you can do the same thing, just create your own YouTube, focus on one thing, I just hope it’s a one thing specifically but be damn good at it, where it’s going to come out one topic, you’re the one they want to go listen to.

ALLISTON: Okay.

JAMIE: So get some clarity on what your niche is and start getting your word out there.

ALLISTON: Got it. That’s actually good advise.

JAMIE: You’re already in, Jason, what do you think?

JASON: Yeah, I was actually going to say the exact same thing. You got to pick something that you’re either really, really passionate about and willing to put in the work. Even if it’s not going to give anything back to you at the beginning, if you’re passionate about it and you pursue it to the point where you become an authority figure, where you’re just good enough to talk about it and people want to listen, then yes. Same thing you build your audience and all I would add is really put yourself in front of people whether it is a YouTube channel or try to get on some public speaking engagements. Try to go out there and see if people need your service.

ALLISTON: I’m writing it down if you can’t hear. Yep. Thank you!

JAMIE: And probably you want and again we’ll make an exception this time, you want to hit on the dating sites with this question?

ALLISTON: I mean I can, I did want too—I know you said you can give the allowance but I can also wait till three o’clock. I don’t have—as we talk, things are coming up to mind on like for example—

JAMIE: You can get it now and you can get another one at three o’clock just support, okay? Let’s take some minutes off your time.

ALLISTON: Okay sounds good, let’s see. So yesterday I went out to a brewery and I walked up to a mixed set and did the opener for… Hi, guys, I wanted to come over here and introduce myself. You guys seem to have good energy. I’m Alliston. And they got really, really uncomfortable. Usually when I go to an all girls set it really blows wide open. And I felt uncomfortable walking up to mixed set so this is the first time, I braved myself to do it but the guy was very threatened when I walked up to the mixed set and I opened with that opener. I felt the energy kind of sapped out and I said, okay, let’s see what I can do here and I asked their permission to sit down and when I sat down, I started engaging the guy and then eventually turned him into—won his approval and then the girls really, really opened up and we all chatted as friends. Both the girls we’re taken so that was something I learned later but it was a great set in the sense that I won it over but the—is that typically what happens when you open up a mixed sets with that opener from your experience ?

JAMIE: It depends on the energy. If the energy is good, usually they’ll be hospitable so that’s a little bit more the exception rather than the rule. I mean you come in just as a cool and friendly guy and you’re going to be dead where you engaged group and you’re extra kind of like a guy which is awesome like that. You are more  likely not going to get a positive response back, so what you got was kind of more of an exception but its going to happen, you’re going to get some people that are just a little bit stand offish or something that’s not necessary ideal. So it’s going to happen.

ALLISTON: Okay.

JAMIE: But dude it sounds like you didn’t break.

ALLISTON: Yeah.

JAMIE: We live in an interesting world. Not everyone is very comfortable with just engaging strangers or those types of interactions. It is what it is.

ALLISTON: It’s definitely building my confidence as I push myself in the uncomfortable zone because I knew I was uncomfortable going there since I was attracted to the two girls and there was a guy there and I was I got to do this that’s I did but it definitely boost my confidence knowing now that I have that experience unto my belt and I can draw on that experience the next time I feel uncomfortable in a set and when I’m thinking about approaching another mixed set where I’m attracted to the girls that definitely helped out but I didn’t know if that was the norm or not and like you said it may be the exception. The one thing I’ve noticed about myself and set is I need to use nags more often and I get uncomfortable when I know that I have to use a nag and I just don’t use it sometimes so that’s something I need to work on and any advise you have on that would be very helpful.

JAMIE: Well, I mean I guess first one—by the way, you want to tackle this one first? Because you know it’s kind of a little bit more your channel I guess. We’re kind of intermingling the dating sciences call with the other one. You want to go first on this one?

JASON: Sure.

ALLISTON: Sorry, I don’t mean… I don’t want…

JASON: Yeah, first I was going to say usually when it’s a mixed set, I typically address the guy first and almost like ignore the girls or the target. Okay, I have an example. One time there was a mixed set and it was like three guys and one girl and in my head it’s like, okay she’s either related to one of them, or friends with one of them, or dating one of them.

ALLISTON: Right.

JASON: Or that’s about it. So I go ahead and I approached one of the guys, kind of over the shoulder talked to him. Hey, what’s up, man? How’s the night going? Okay cool. Then as I start engaging into the group I start merging now and get in the other two guys involved and the whole time I’m almost like turned away from the girl like creating that tension where I’m noticing in my periphery that she’s like almost starting to feel like angst to give her input and  start after awhile she starts kind of blurting things out and at one point, once I felt like the guys were going to not be an issue, then I turn around and start involving her but at the same time I started turning my body away from the group where she starts facing away from  the group and almost pull her away so I isolated her off of the three guys. Does that make sense how that works?

ALLISTON: Yeah, this was the sweetest set and it wasn’t a blurry, and it was in the corner of the room so by walking over there, there was no option but to invite myself and to sit down with them.

JASON: No, but what I’m saying is how you address the guy—

ALLISTON: Right.

JASON: Get comfortable with him and then get the whole set where even if the isn’t like you said it could have been like, hey, let’s go grab a drink real quick; hey, let’s go here. And still trying to—

ALLISTON: Okay.

JASON: Get that isolation/movement if they weren’t both been taken. Now—

ALLISTON: And regarding—go ahead.

JASON: Oh, were you going to ask about the nagging?

ALLISTON: Correct.

JASON: Yeah. Do you have a specific type of nagging like a nagging in a group like that or nagging as one—

ALLISTON: NO, no. Nagging is one like sometimes when I’m standing in line with a girl in front of me and another girl is behind me and I because I’m in line I open a conversation and if they are disinterested in talking to anyone or they’re re-chatting with themselves or they don’t show any interest in engaging, I know that I could use a nag. I just feel uncomfortable using the nag.

JASON: I’m assuming you’re already opened them and tried to talk to them but they just didn’t hook?

ALLISTON: Yes.

JASON: Okay. See there’s a little different mindset here when you’re in line. Because when it’s a moving set and there are like definitely, definitely not interested they can walk away. When they’re in line they are stuck right there.

ALLISTON: Right.

JASON: So it either hits and they are like in to it and you can continue that conversation but also, what if you just keep pushing, pushing, and you nag, and you’re just kind of sitting there now like, oh man, I’m stuck next to these girls where this whole time. There are possible things like, oh man, you guys took like three hours getting ready and you’re just going to sit there or something? Just kind of call out what it is but, again, you know if it’s in line personally I think it’s kind of it either hits or it doesn’t. You can keep trying to use like little pebbles and throw little comment here and there and see if it hooks.

ALLISTON: Got it. I did use, this is a different set, I went to on Friday, I went by myself. One of the things I’ve—sorry, but I’m going jumping back and forth. I’ll ask you one question.

JAMIE: Can I comment on that before you move on to a different topic? Would it be okay if I comment to what you just asked before you moved on to something else?

ALLISTON: Go for it.

JAMIE: So, another thing you can try to, somehow it’s kind of like what Jason is alluding to, you kind of have to find that one to do it? That you’re getting a job done but at the same time you’re congruent and you feel good about it. So this is kind of good for you because they know that you value your training. Here’s some you could try, next time you are lying and you’re in congruence because you got this from your training, I was there, so, seeing you’re in line with the girls and you open up and they’re not really responding, you could try to stack forward to some kind of opinion opener that is cached to your neck. I’ll tell you exactly what I mean here. For example, you open, they’re not very responsive. You say, “You know, you seem like someone who has been in a five year relationship before. Hey, let me give a quick opinion on something.” Remember that nag, you seem like someone whose been in a five year relationship before, remember that?

ALLISTON: Yep, yep.

JAMIE: You could say that. It doesn’t seem like you’re not getting weird, “You know you seem like someone from a five year relationship before.” Almost alluding to, almost like saying, you seem wise. Then you asked an opinion opener that’s connected to that. Oh, what you’re doing, you’re nagging them. It’s kind of all you could do with the other one you got up on your training, too. “You seem like a local like you’ve been here 15 – 20 years, let me get your opinion on this.” You’re nagging—

ALLISTON: I like that.

JAMIE: You’re nagging but you’re not doing it the way it sounds like it’s rude. It’s just like, oh, you looked like you’ve been here 15 – 20 years, let me get your opinion on the area. You look like you’re local.

ALLISTON: I really like that one. Oh my God, that’s amazing. I am going to, sh*t, I’m going to blow that up really quickly.

JAMIE: And, Jason made a point really well because you’re like going to be with them  for a while. You have to find its way to your congruity to feel good about it but at the same time getting the job done.

ALLISTON: The… out on Friday by myself and I went to—

JAMIE: Are we going to . . .

ALLISTON: No, no. That is good. I like that.

JAMIE: Okay.

ALLISTON: When I say I’m going to blow that up I mean I love it and I’m going to be using it mercilessly.

JAMIE: Okay. All right. Wonderful.

ALLISTON: I went out on Friday by myself and I went and talked to a girl sitting by herself and introduced myself with a regular opener. And immediately as I did that she said that it was fine that I could join her but she had a boyfriend and I used the,  oh, that’s great you have a boyfriend, but I’m not ready to talk about your  relationship problems right now. And it was playful but she didn’t react to it. That was the first time I’ve used it so I didn’t know if women are supposed to laugh, or if the none laugh but she didn’t react negatively is common. I haven’t used that again, but that’s the first time someone said they have a boyfriend immediately so I didn’t know if when you use that nag before if that is the reaction that you get?

JAMIE: Let me say one quick thing and I’ll let Jason address that first. I want you to think it’s important when I try to… anyone listening to this call here, we have a cruise. We do once a month and who’s into right now this is a really good testament as to why you want to do our cruise. When you do a boot camp, you learn the mechanics. You start as I’m sure you start until you finally get results, you started that consistency. But the struggle for a lot of people is how can I take this mechanics and really make it me? Where I go from thinking, to doing, to truly being where it’s not like you no longer have to necessarily think about it.

It really has become who you are. So a lot of talk here is creating that fully congruent presentation. That’s really why that is one of the biggest things about the cruise, truly an advance level, that next level of presentation, dating sciences, and not to mention also we’re going to hit on a lot of new types of new dating and seduction technique. It’s really going to be a phenomenal experience for anybody who’s already at an intermediate level and really want to take that, those techniques and really ingrain them in their heart and soul.

So if you’re listening to that little back and forth we just had, I think you’ll really start to appreciate why you’d want to do our cruise. So, we are almost going to be booking up for August and so September be the next one to be available. So if do have questions about that, feel free to email us, email me directly; jamie@venusianarts.com or the number its: (702) 606 2232. Anyway, yeah, Jason, you go for it, man.

JASON: First of all, what was your wording? Can you repeat the wording cause I want you to see something.

ALLISTON: I don’t remember the exact words I used, but it was like, “Oh, that’s great! You have a boyfriend.” And then I said, “That’s great you have a boyfriend but I don’t have time for your relationship problems right now.”

JASON: And then, how did you deliver it like that, or did you deliver it like in a laughing tone or with a smile, how was your delivery?

ALLISTON: I delivered it with a smile, I was like, “That’s wonderful you have a boyfriend but we don’t talk about relationship problems right now.”

JASON: Cause, I mean, one of the things I try to shorten it like, “Hey, we just met,” or if she says, I have a boyfriend, “So sorry to hear that. Anyway, blah, blah, blah.” You just kind of joke around it, does that make sense?

ALLISTON: Yeah, and I’m going to try that, “Oh, sorry to hear that,” and then talk that about something else.

JASON: Yeah just kind of stack, more times than that she would actually have a girlfriend, other times she will have a girlfriend and still give you her number because I don’t know why. Why, I kind of know why but just joking around or it will just be a good conversation and it won’t go anywhere so I just kind of cut myself out of it and pull myself out.

ALLISTON: Okay. Then the set went really well. She had a boyfriend, the boyfriend came in, and we talked. Then more of their friends came into the group. Five of the group was not my kind of thing but I used them as base, and then I started going into the other sets. And then coming back, if I needed to, and then going back to then open up to the other group. And in the end of the day, you know, the boyfriend liked me, he shook my hand when I told them I got to leave. The girlfriend gave me a hug. And then I went to another set and started talking to them. The set went well, that the focus on the nag, I didn’t feel good about it. After I delivered it I was seeking that reaction from her. Maybe laugh but I am going to try the, “Oh, sorry to hear that,”

JASON: Yeah, other than that, I mean her boyfriend was actually there, so kind of, can’t really do too much with that.

 

ALLISTON: Nope, not too much with that and yep, that’s fine, I’m grateful that I’m end up and walked over to her, took the opportunity and then when the situation happened the way it did, I made it a comfortable situation where everyone looks comfortable with it. I don’t have anything else for now unless something comes up in my mind. I’ll let you know. Oh, yeah. I’m not good at this and I forgot how to process for this so looking for the best process of asking a girl for her number.

JASON: Asking the girl for her number?

ALLISTON: Yeah, I can easily go up to a girl and say, “Hey, give me your phone number.” but I remember we became—

JAMIE: Let me hit that one because I want to remind you directly from the boot camp and by the way this is a good time to say this. Anyone listening to this call, our program VIP also includes access to our virtual boot camp which actually is footage from our boot camps where you guys should watch some of the live videos the answer, all about the answer right now. So it’s really a phenomenal program. VIP includes two live coaching calls a month. We get to  partake any kind of calls so you get that feedback mechanism plus some just phenomenal content. So on that note, Al, I’m going to tell you exactly what that video said which we do post on our modernizing new portal, the step one is—have her put your number in her phone, you are getting her to comply. Right? You remember that?

ALLISTON: Yep.

JAMIE: The step two is getting her to text you. Again, that’s more compliance. I’m just telling you this, I’m just and Jason, my apologies. You want me to do this? Alliston’s bootcamp? So it’s giving to him exactly as he learned it before?

JASON: Yeah. No, that’s fine.

JAMIE: So second one, you remember this? Does these sounds familiar, Al?

ALLISTON: Yes, it does.

JAMIE: The video, you know, again I set up like months every month or two. So then second step is if he ever text you because this still is being compliant. Then step three, remember you actually call her, remember that?

ALLISTON: Yes.

JAMIE: If she picks up you say, and she sees that’s you, you kind of signal like in a kind of joking way, and then she picks up the phone, you go like, “Hey, “ and your script there will get the first awkward phone call out of the way. And you sit there and make it all awkward. And then you even make it more awkward, you remember that?

ALLISTON: Yep. Okay.

JAMIE: If she doesn’t pick up then what you do is pretend like you’re leaving a message to your friend. Pretend like you’re leaving a message for your friend wishing him a happy birthday. Hey, I wish my friend a happy birthday, blah, blah, blah. And you give her the phone… she’s actually speaking to you, she’s actually giving a message for herself. Remember that?

ALLISTON: No, I don’t but I’m writing it down now.

JAMIE: Yeah, she first inputs her number on your phone, compliance one. Compliance two, she texts you, then you call her. As she picks up you get to offer a phone call away or she doesn’t pick up, as soon as the phone picks up, “Hey! I want to call you and wish you a happy birthday, blah, blah, blah. ” and you give her the phone. You just leave some stupid message for herself, then at the end you, “Gotcha!” and you’d hang up. But the idea is she’s going to come back on a phone call with her on her own voicemail.

ALLISTON: That’s really good, I like that.

JAMIE: Yeah. That’s right from your bootcamp. Okay?

ALLISTON: And before you get the number you set up a time that you guys are going to meet, correct?

JAMIE: If it’s something that you’ve already talked about. Jason, sorry about that, you want to give it a fresh perspective? I was at his boot camp. I know what he already got so I just want to reaffirm that to remember but Jason I’m sure has another fresh perspective something else you can try, too.

JASON: Yeah, because that’s pretty spot on. Stuff I would add would be when you are asking for the number, make sure it’s at what I call a high vibrational state; when she’s laughing, when she’s having a good time. You don’t want to go for the number when the conversation’s kind of stale. Does that make sense?

ALLISTON: Yes, it does.

JASON: Other than that I usually just tell them put in your number for I, if that sometimes I just hand them my phone as I’m still talking to them and it’s like their brain automatically knows to put in the number. That’s a different method. This one is like getting them to comply. Sometimes I’ll be like hey, put in your number before I lose you because my personal thing, I try to get the number as early as possible especially if I know that I’m going to be talking to a lot of people and moving around and whatnot. Does that make sense?

ALLISTON: It does. The question I have for you is do you schedule, do you set up like in their head a meeting place like, “Hey, let’s meet for coffee on Sunday at ten o’clock,” and then get the number or do you get them to put your number then you schedule it afterwards?

JASON: It really depends on the set for me. Sometimes I’m talking to them and then we  hit a really good conversation topic where it’s like common interest, no way you’d do that, hey we got to check out this blah, blah, blah, like tomorrow or something. And she’ll like laugh and go actually I could or can’t, and then we set up the date right there. Other times we’re just talking and I’m hey, put in your number before, in case I lose you and we just continue and end the night and it doesn’t get there but I still have the number as you show. And more times than not, I get the number and I text them right away, that way I start that interaction and more times than not they’ll be texting me as we’re getting home or like hey, drive safe, or it was cool meeting or whatnot. Depending on their investment level that the—

ALLISTON: Okay.

JASON: So those are some other different techniques and approaches and again when you  get the number early on that’s just a compliance test. If she gave me her number now will she make out with me later? Will she come home with me by the end of the night?

ALLISTON: One of the challenges I’m having is finding people to go out with. Finding a good link. So I’ve been forced to the last three weeks I’ve been going out by myself, and opening sets. Sometimes they laughed, are you sure your not with anybody? And then I would tell them, no, I’m flying solo today. It doesn’t get awkward, they just kind of intrigued that I would go out by myself but it really sucks when you can’t break up or you can isolate somebody in the group without having to wing. So have you been in situations where you gone out by yourself not have a wing, and done some magic like that?

JASON: Yeah, all the time.

ALLISTON: Okay. So give me some advice then.

JASON: Okay, well—

JAMIE: One quick thing. After this question let’s take a quick break, okay? Jason just to give you the about ten minutes before the next call okay?

JASON: Okay. All I could add to that, it’s really… I go out last night I show up to the bar around 12:30. I have a couple of bars that I frequent. So one thing I did to is I created little social circles inside of the different bars what you would call the regulars. Does that make sense so far?

ALLISTON: Yep, it does.

JASON: So I show up and I’m bound to know one or two people. So I show up, I need one guy, he left early so then I’m kind of just standing there walking around socializing with random people so when I do open the sets it kind of looks like I’ve already been talking to people and also they asked me, oh, are you here with friends? Yeah, they just took off, or they’ll be here later, or they’re around here. I just kind of addressed it quickly and dismissed the whole friend’s thing. So again last night I went out. There was a mixed set, a guy and a girl. Opened it.

The guy just took off and I kept talking to the girl. Number closed her. I couldn’t pool and it’s typically like that. The only time I do have an issue is if it’s two girls and I just keep running that two set for awhile. A lot of the times one of them will kind of seclude yourself like whoever your target is for example you can just number close her and then I kind of drop the set if it starts becoming too much work and I go work on another set that will have higher probability of maybe taking someone home or someone that I also like, just to get more potential people I can meet that same night.

But the two sets with two girls are more difficult because one of the girls isn’t going to leave him. I had times where I opened someone at the bar like a group of guys or something and I introduce one of the guys to the new girl that I met to her friend and he was able to wing for me and I was able to isolate who I wanted.

ALLISTON: Got it. We’ll if you want to take a ten minute break.

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