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TAM 203: Getting better with women using stories – 1 on 1 client discussion

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Today’s podcast was another episode helping a client transform their real life stories into the kind of story that will engage women.


JAMIE:             All right, so I’m recording now. So, Danny, sounds like you had an interesting evening last night? Tell us about what happened and then for everyone at home we’re going to basically try and do a real life rendition of how we can introduce the fight outside, so to speak.

DANIEL: Well, sort of, right?

JAMIE:            Yeah!

DANIEL: So anyway, I was leaving the bar and I was almost back to my car, like almost home free, and I heard this commotion coming from the parking lot. It was two girls and two guys and they were—some of them were in the car, like two of them were outside of the car arguing, and the girl was complaining that she have scratches, claw marks on her arms. Sounds like the guy had gotten in some kind of physical altercation with her and so I just kind of stopped and they didn’t really see me there, and I was just kind of listening in to see how it’s going to play out because it didn’t sound like it was headed somewhere good. And I must have been watching it for like a minute or two, I almost got in my car because it kind of died down and then I heard it blowing up again and the two of them disappeared to the other side of the car and they were arguing.

Unknown Speaker: [Cross talk] I thought she was the only one.

DANIEL: What? So then the girl started screaming like, aw! You’re hurting me and I go over to the other side, like I ran across the street and he’s got her—

JAMIE:            Anyone who’s not speaking, if you could leave your mic on mute. I just hear a lot of backgrounds. I’m not really sure what that is but it’s a little, Danny it’s a little difficult to hear you, man, and I think it’s a great story, man, so I want everyone else to be like hear it.


JAMIE:            So please, if you’re not speaking, leave your mic on mute. I’m doing the same thing, okay? Okay, go ahead and continue, Danny.

DANIEL: So when I get to the other side of the car, he’s on top of her. Almost like a full mount type of deal and, so I ended up getting into it with him, knocked him out. His buddy starts coming at me. I don’t think he was really wanting to fight me as much but he was just trying I think to protect his friend more than anything because I was trying to make sure that he was out totally. And because there was two of them and I didn’t know what’s going to happen I felt like I needed to eliminate one, right? Like completely. So the other guy and I start wrestling and then I guess his buddy woke up like maybe twenty seconds later and the guy was kind of starting to try to deescalate with me and so he was like standing in front of me and then his buddy walks up and I was like, at this point, I’m like cornered in the back end of the parking lot. It’s like in the industrial part of town, so it’s not like open parking lot and so I felt really vulnerable, like they were both just kind of standing in front of me and so then I sucker punched that one guy, the same guy again, and he went down and then this other guy, like I’ve said that seen it, started breaking it up and as I left one of the girls, I think it was the girl the other guy was thanking me and I was like, hey, you need a ride? And she’s like, no we’re cool. I think they ended up going—my guess would be that they all went home together, and I don’t know if I really helped them much, truth be told, right? It ended up like, messing up my boots. Jason, those winged-tipped boots, all messed up from the asphalt, lost a necklace; and so I just want to get a good DHV out of that.

JAMIE:            It’s a lot of work for a good DHV story, Danny. Jason, I want to let you… if you have any thoughts, but I just want to say, shall we be starting with, hey, guys… real quick, do you see that fight in the parking lot? Is that the remake? Just kidding, anyway Jason, what’s your thoughts man?

JASON:         Yeah, I would almost start it with like—Hey, guys! Did you see that fight in the parking lot? No, what happened? Well, I’d basically seen like ten girls’ lives like now. I mean. I think that’s a pretty solid way of opening it. I’d basically saved some chick’s life. What do you mean? I was just getting here, right? And I hear these people arguing, so I’m like what’s going on here, you know? But then, I’m assuming it’s just some kind of like domestic violence kind of crap, they’re just drunk fighting, but then I hear like, aw, aw, aw, aw! Like help me, stop that, you know? And I’m like, oh shit, like this person is either getting raped or getting their ass kicked, right? So I started looking around and I see some guy like mounting some girl. Right? I don’t even know, I’m not looking to fight or anything but like, my freaking protective instincts kicked in, right? So I run and then I tackled the guy off of her and we started like going at it or whatever. I’m able to basically… I knocked him, I tried to leave and see if the girls are okay.  The buddy comes in and it was like this huge mess! By the way, I would like to try to cut back as much as the violence as I can. Whenever I refer to some kind of violent action I make it like very broad and general. As I’m talking to you I sat there and I stomped in that guy’s face to make sure he was blacked out, you know?


JASON:             That’ll go to the opposite way when you’re trying to DHV.


JASON:         So, yeah! We just tell the story and then of course it’s a lot of, like you said, it was almost for nothing because they ended up going with them, so you can make a joke about it. I’m trying like how could make it up here… okay! So basically I run in there, right? You know push the guy off—this guy’s like on top of her, right? So I come in, push him off, whatever, he stands up and he starts attacking me! So you kind of make yourself look like the victim.


JASON:         He starts attacking me, right?  So you know, I have to defend myself and I knocked him out and then the other guy comes right at me and like tackles me and stuff, right? So we’re like wrestling on the ground. And finally, I’m able to break free from this guy and then I go and I make sure the girls are okay. I helped them up or whatever. You know what the funny sh*t is? I think that after all that, after like risking my life, after messing up my other shoes, those girls just jump in the car back with the same guys and took off.

DANIEL: You saw those shoes, Jason, you know what I’m talking about.

JASON:         Yeah!

DANIEL: They were some damn good shoes!

JASON:         But you see how you can change that story?


JASON:         And then, if you’re trying to use it as an opener, you could even cut it short like, did you just see that fight outside? Oh no! Blah, blah, blah. You’re crazy as sh*t,  right? I basically saved like two girls lives right now. What? What do you mean?  Well, this dude was like kicking this girl’s ass basically, like he was on top of her and I jumped in and saved her.

DANIEL:  So you think that she could get away with saying that, with having no marks on you… you know what I mean? Like we’re talking like two weeks from now.

JASON:         Yeah, dude. You’re over complicating it like. Why do you need the marks from your story?  You’re just selling a story. It could even be last week. It was crazy shit. I was here last week and there was this fight outside.


JASON:         Yeah, all of those little details they don’t matter too much when you’re in the present right there, you know. The girls are going to be like, really? That happened?


JASON:         They don’t know the time frame.

DANIEL:  Okay.

JASON:         Does that make sense?

DANIEL:  It does.

JASON:             Jamie, you want to throw your version?

JAMIE:            No, I think what we added was really good, I mean that couple with… to be honest, Dan, the way you said it for the most part was pretty good. There’s no—like one of the things we do is we make sure that we have our DHVs but at the same time we make sure we don’t have any DLVs. And really for the most part, everything you added in there, there were no DLVs per se, it’s all like… look, you saw something happening, you did not like the direction it was going in so you kind of stuck around, you saw in the end some guy mounting some girl like Harvey Weinstein style and you’re like that’s not right? I’m going to get involved here and you did. And in the end you didn’t really take yourself as a hero, these are all things Jason already just said, the entire summary is like…  wow! After all that? I mean I did all that effort for her just to continue on the same course of self destructions?! What the f*ck?


JAMIE:            So you just kind of put your feelings out there. There’s no DLVs in there. So, I think for the most part it’s pretty good, Just kind of an emotional story really like—You know what? The craziest thing just happened to me—and that’s always a good intro, by the way.—Oh, my God! You’re just not going to believe this, this craziest thing just happened to me… and that can be anything.


JAMIE:            That can be a fight, that can be something where you’re just not involved emotionally. So, I guess I think, Jason’s little points of the story are perfect. I don’t really have anything to add there. I just want to may be just kind of reaffirm like whenever you have something happen to you, that’s very emotionally charged like that, you have a really easy segue. Hey, guys! Really quick, oh, my God! Did you see that fight in the parking lot? Oh, my God! The craziest thing just happened to me. And just tell your story. You know it’s exciting, it’s fun, its interesting. There is a final kind of point to the end. We went to all these work.  You kind of put yourself in a really bad situation, you’re kind of cornered in the alley way, all for f*cking nothing, you know?


JAMIE:            It’s almost like a little bit of a, there’s almost kind of a thought in the end like should I really… should I even really bother to do stuff like this? Or is there a grand design in things? Am I trying to interfere with God’s plan? Maybe God wanted her to have an experience or him to have an experience so I’m interfering with what God wants? I don’t know? Did I call the wrong direct here? And then from there you could segue into… I mean stories about there, man. I mean you could segue into some really interesting kind of spiritual, kind of almost like those kind of discussions about like purpose, destiny… the idea of having certain experiences and it’s a kind of an easy segue which that’s kind of thing I would personally want to talk about. I don’t even know if that’s your thing Danny, but I like those kind of conversations so, I’d probably look to segue into something like that, I’m like, did I do good? Did I… should I not be interfering with the divine order, to someone who knew better than I do? Just kind of leave it to that. But I mean those are just… I’m just kind of give you maybe some ideas—


JAMIE:            For some segue points, but I don’t have anything to add to the story itself, I think between what you and Jason had was f*cking perfect.

DANIEL: Yeah. You know, it will be interesting to experiment. I typically try to keep it as very surface level and like douchebag. Like nothing below the surface as I possibly can but maybe that would be another interesting take, try to have a more in depth conversation with somebody.

JASON:         You know one thing to remember when you said not bored anybody, you got to realize you have to calibrate it, if you want to start using philosophical stuff, you want to be able to go back and forth between philosophical stuff and then back to humor.  You don’t want to just stay—


JASON:         Philosophy, philosophy, philosophy the whole time. Does that—

DANIEL: Gotcha.

JASON:         Another way is, when Jamie’s said like, am I interfering with God’s plan? Should I have run in there and help them beat her up? Is that what I was supposed to do?

DANIEL: Dude, you totally need to do Improv, Jason, like you totally do, because that’s like a straight out of the book of Improv, like taking it and escalating it into something absurd, like the exact opposite. Good stuff.

JASON:         So overall, it make sense, right? Basically, try to remove the violence as much as possible.


JASON:         Make yourself seem as almost like the victim like you were just there trying to help.


JASON:         The hero, the victim, protector of loved ones.

DANIEL: I loved that last one. I’m going to use that, like, should I have helped him beat her up?  Maybe I would have made a friend out of it.

JAMIE:            Awesome.


JAMIE:            All right. We may come back to you in a little bit, Danny. Let’s give, Upgrade opportunity if you would like. For anyone listening here, last time we’ve got a really good session with Upgrade kind of going over some of his DHVs and we kind of, you know, with Jason’s help we basically read, DHV’ed a lot of his intros and stories and stuff like that, so I don’t know if you have some ideas since then or you want to talk about something new, but it’s a… some cue, man! What would you like to discuss today?

UPGRADE: Nah, I would just like to keep discussing with. Whenever I’m practicing these, I don’t feel like that I get them to sound natural, and you know how you always tell me that I’m not a good actor. You know, not just me, you to tell everybody.

JAMIE:            Hey!

UPGRADE: And now I’m really feeling that when I’m trying to rehearse it, this set and I try to record myself also and when I listen to it, it just doesn’t sounds good. Does that just come after a while or… I don’t know.

JAMIE:            Let me—Jason, if you’re okay with it, let me kind of start here on this one. Would that be ok?

JASON:         Yeah. Yeah

JAMIE:             Only because you know, Upgrade is quoting me, so I want the opportunity to kind of address that. So, the idea, you know, see this is—when I say that you’re not a good actor and I’m not a good actor, either.


JAMIE:            Let me be clear here, but there is a potential to make you or I a very good actor. The idea at the core—


JAMIE:            What makes you potentially a good actor is if you’re talking about the stories of your life in a way that you would speak, yet at the same time using the techniques that you know will work.


JAMIE:            That’s when you’re enjoying yourself. When you truly enjoying yourself, when you become your own number one audience, because one, you know you are using the techniques properly and you’re mirroring that up with the stories of your life, that’s when you are enjoying yourself. So at the core, at the undercurrent is you’re enjoying yourself, you’re having fun, you’re your own number one audience. So the way you’ll know—


JAMIE:            That you’re acting in the way like even listening to the way I’m talking to you right now. It sounds like I’m enjoying myself, is it not?


JAMIE:            So at the foundation, you’re doing it in the way it’s supposed to be done but you’re doing it in a way that is enjoyable for you. So, let me give you—


JAMIE:            Some ideas here, so, remember when Jason gave you those kind of revisions?


JAMIE:            He is speaking in his way, he is using his words.


JAMIE:            So what you want to do is you want to take his overall concepts and his words and just tweak it just a little bit so you can sound like you. Let me give you an example.


JAMIE:            We just did—you heard that last thing that Jason just did for Danny, correct? The whole—


JAMIE:            Little revision of his—okay. Now if that was me telling Danny’s story, you saw the tangent I would go on, I would bridge that into did I f*ck with God’s divine plan? Was my intervention not with God would want? Notice, all I’m doing is I’m talking about things, I’m segueing to things that I would actually want to speak about. I’m not—


JAMIE:            Fusing a conversation that’s something that really don’t care about. I’m not really… I’m not going to… some of the other things might not be relevant to me because that’s not what I want to talk about. Make sense?


JAMIE:            You have to take the overall principles and then kind of just tweak it a little bit so it sounds like—I’ll give you another example.


JAMIE:            So, what if Danny’s story was not about a fight but it was something that was absolutely crazy to just happen. And you’ve heard Jason gave his revision of this crazy story—actually it could have been the fight for example. Yeah, you know what? For all purposes it could have been the fight. Watch this, imagine that I was Danny and Jason just gave me a way to redo my own story about fight, okay?


JAMIE:            Now, imagine I wrote down everything Jason just told me because Jason is helping me rewrite my story. Am I cool? I hurried, I had this core story now but of course I have it written to me, I have it given to me in a way that Jason would speak. I know the principles were there, so I know if I follow the core, I’m going to be using best practices.


JAMIE:            The only thing missing is, I want to just tweak it a little bit, so it sounds like the way, I would actually speak. Make sense?


JAMIE:            Okay. So what I might do, I’m just giving you a small example because I want to just give a small example, I don’t want to be over complicate it.


UPGRADE: I might take the story and might say, hey guys did you see the fight in the parking lot a few minutes ago? And then they might say yes, no, whatever. If they said no, you say, dude I want to tell you something it’s going to blow your mind. Now, notice that phrase, it’s almost like a teaser phrase. It’s kind of introducing.


JAMIE:            I’m going to tell my f*cking crazy story. Make sense?

UPGRADE:      Yeah.

JAMIE:            But that is the phrase that I personally would gravitate towards. I love that phrase.  I love personally saying that. It’s something that I enjoyed doing. I’m going to tell you something, Upgrade, that is going to blow your mind. Can you hear how I’m saying it to you?


JAMIE:            So, but the core of the story then, then I would say, for the most part what Jason gave me, but I would introduce it in a way that sounds like me, and in any words that he uses that I would not gravitate towards, I would just simply switch them out with a more Jamie type of phrase. Make sense?


JAMIE:            I wouldn’t draw it out. I wouldn’t make it longer. I’d make sure to keep it nice, succinct, to the point; but at the same time switch out any words he would use that I would not use for words that I would use. That would be more me. Make sense?


JAMIE:            That’s all I’m doing. What you want to do is you want to take the stories and the DHVs that Jason gave you and look at them. So, okay, this is a word that I would not use. This is a phrase I would not use.


JAMIE:            I’m going to put just a little phrase out so I can sound more like me. I’m going to introduce it more like me. I’m going to talk about topics, I’m going to segue then to topics maybe not that Jason suggested because Jason suggesting stack forwards to the things that he would talk about. But guess what? I’m not Jason and I don’t want to talk about those things so, okay, cool! I’m going to take the core and them I’m going to segue or stack forward to things that I would want to talk about. Make sense?


JAMIE:            So think of it, when we gave you these revisions, think of it as just a base line, a foundation. And then just—


JAMIE:            Don’t stray so far away where all of a sudden you’re doing something totally different. Keep the core, just change it so you can be you.


JAMIE:            Make sense?


JAMIE:            You know, I would simply just add that one kind of starting phrase that would make me have a great time. Dude, I’m going to tell you something that’s going to blow your mind. That phrase alone makes me have fun with it. I couldn’t tell  Jason’s story almost verbatim.


JAMIE:            Dude, what should I do? Should I’ve joined in? I mean, dude, I’m at a loss. After all that she goes back home with the guy? I mean, what the f*ck?! I could pretty much tell it just like he did, but use a couple of little changes just so I can enjoy myself.


JAMIE:            So what I would do is to practice your stories again and help it you know probably do it over a little bit to be you and ask yourself, are you enjoying telling your own stories?


JAMIE:            If you’re enjoying telling your own stories, the audience is going to probably feed off of that. They are going to feel it from you that you’re really your own number one audience so to speak.


JAMIE:            Is that okay?

UPGRADE: Yeah. I’ll practice again and try to tweak it a little bit.

JAMIE:            Okay.

UPGRADE: So it feels more natural.

JAMIE:   And then once you tweak a little bit, send Jason and I your final version. Let’s go over that like in a week or two.


JAMIE:            Okay?

UPGRADE: Yeah!  Let’s do that.

JAMIE:            All right, awesome! Jason, you want to add anything to that? I just wanted to jump in really because of what Upgrade said about my comment before so, but do you want to add anything to that?

JASON:  Yeah. Upgrade, deliver one of them for me.

UPGRADE: Okay. So, my friend Michelle was just there, she’s an actor and model so she’s always travelling and I met up with her in LA last spring and I’m going back in a couple of months. It was awesome.

JASON:  Okay, so what does it feel natural about it to you?

UPGRADE:    Well, this time it felt, I didn’t say it exactly in the same word order so it felt a little more… again, it’s more natural.

JASON:  Yeah, that’s crazy I was just there. My friend Michelle, she does like modeling and acting or whatever so she’s just like traveling anywhere. Anyway, like she invited me down a couple of months ago and it was awesome like I think I’m going to go back in a couple of weeks.

UPGRADE: Yeah. My friend Michelle was just there. She’s an actress and a model and she is always travelling. Last spring I went to LA to meet up with her and I’m going back in a couple of months.

JASON:  Okay. So first thing I’m noticing is that you’re not leaving any pauses.


JASON:         You’re really like if you are trying to rush read it out in a piece of paper.

UPGRADE: Yeah. Okay.

JASON:         So start off with the first—Oh, my friend, Michele, was just there.

UPGRADE: Yeah, my friend Michele was just there .

JASON:  Okay, and then you take the pause, you’re like—Yeah, she’s like a… and then I  usually change my tone to make it look like I’m just kind of skimming through the part, she’s like a model or something and does like, you know, travels everywhere; like a brief description of it.

UPGRADE: Okay. She’s an actor and a model so she’s always traveling. How’s that?

JASON:  And you could even cut like, just say model or just actress or something, or else she does like… or even just like, oh, she does like acting and modeling. You want to skim though to the bragging part, I guess, that’s where you bragging about her.


JASON:         Kind of want to down put it that to your voice.

UPGRADE: Yes. Maybe—she’s an actor so she’s always traveling.

JASON:         Yeah. She’s like models—

UPGRADE: She’s a model so she’s always traveling.

JASON:         So she does a lot of travelling. Anyway, she invited me.


JASON:         So you cut again there, and then you go back to the rest of the story.


JASON:         Try it one more time.

UPGRADE: Okay. My friend Michele was just there. She’s a model so she’s always traveling, and anyway, so last spring I met up with her in LA, and it was awesome and I’m probably going to go back in a couple of months.

JASON:         How did that one feel? How did you like it?

UPGRADE: That’s much better.

JASON:         Do you see the difference? Do you see what you’re doing different?

UPGRADE: Yeah. I felt like the pauses.

JASON:         Yes.

UPGRADE: That made the difference.

JASON:         So I want you to start focusing now more on the delivery of it?


JASON:         But another thing I do. A lot of DHV stories are not even like real stuff that happened to me.

UPGRADE: Yeah. Yep.

JASON:         I imagine it happening to me. I imagine what situation I would be in, you know like when you’re telling me that I might try to figure out, okay, I have this friend that does modeling, in my head I’m pretending that, she invited me like, oh, okay, cool; she invited me to Vegas.


JASON:         Oh, okay. I’m going to meet with my friend blah, blah, blah; oh, no way, you’re from Vegas? Yeah! Well, that’s crazy! My good friend, Michele, she does like modeling and acting over there, something. So she’s like everywhere, right? But she invited me there like a couple of months ago and it was awesome, you know? I think I’m going to go back in two, three months.


JASON:         It’s just making it conversational.


JASON:         Does that make sense?

UPGRADE: Yeah! Yeah, it does.

JASON:         So you want to start getting off of that reading it like a script.


JASON:         And the first thing is memorizing it well and then the second part is, look when you can add the pauses, when you can like… Oh? No way! My friend, Michele, was just there! Add that like enthusiasm to your voice.


JASON:         Does that make sense?

UPGRADE: Yeah, it does. I’ll keep going through this. Right on.

JASON:         Yeah, so that’s your next task, to work on tonality, pauses, speed of your voice, your tempo, your tone; all that stuff.


JASON:         And imagine it’s actually happening to you, like how would you be reacting? Like imagining you’re telling that story to your mom.


JAMIE:            Jason, would it be okay if I add one thing to that?

JASON:         Yeah! Yeah.

JAMIE:            Upgrade, my favorite thing that Jason said there, and this is invaluable. This is probably the biggest crown jewel that he just gave you, okay? You ready?


JAMIE:            Pauses. Make everything sound interesting.


JAMIE:            Are you following me? You can take anything and if you had some pauses, you can make it sound very, very, very interesting. And here’s why, because pauses equal self-amusement. Imagine, when you really take your time in between your phrases and you’re doing it purposefully, you’re doing it because you’re enjoying yourself. You’re almost like, yeah, I’m creating a little silent void here, and I’m doing it very purposefully because I can’t wait to see what I’m going to do next. You know what I’m saying?


JAMIE:            So pauses equal self-amusement for yourself, and they also, because you’re enjoying yourself and you’re creating these little silent voids in between, you’re creating entertainment value for your audience.


JAMIE:            Are you following me?


JAMIE:            Is this starting to really make sense for you?

UPGRADE: Yes! Yes.

JAMIE:            Do you see what I’m doing right now even as I’m speaking to you?

UPGRADE: Yeah, I know what it is. The pauses.

JAMIE:            Are you having fun, Upgrade?


JAMIE:            Okay, good. So you can do that and that’s incredible. That’s kind of almost game-set-match right there, because if you’re enjoying yourself you’re creating these pauses, it’s going to fuel you to have a good time, and the audience is going to feed off of that.


JAMIE:            Now, the other thing that, I mean Jason tell me if I’m—let me know if I’m over stepping my little bounds here or meaning if I misinterpret your advice, let me know if I’m getting this little wrong here, but the one thing I think both of us will also potentially invite you to do, because remember, a lot of what makes this stuff engaging is expressing how you feel about something.


JAMIE:            Like if you notice at the end of Danny’s story like—Dude, I just wasted my f*cking time and risked my life for nothing? Here, you’re kind of exp… the part that makes it really engaging is like how you felt about it, you following me?


JAMIE:            Take some of that story, the stories that you just went over and if you’d use different words to describe it then go do. Instead of saying I had an awesome time, I personally? I’d probably, in that case would not choose the word awesome, I’d say, dude, I had an incredible time.


JAMIE:            I’m still saying the same as I think, but I’m choosing words that I would use.


JAMIE:            I mean, we would want to give you the flexibility as long as you don’t overdo it,  just switching words out for words that you would actually gravitate towards. Makes sense?

UPGRADE: Yes! Yes, it does.

JAMIE:            Also I’m going back in a few months. You could say, dude, I can’t wait to go back.


JAMIE:            I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight. You following me?


JAMIE:            So I’m still saying the same thing, I’m not getting wordy, I’m not adding, I’m keeping it still very succinct, into the point. And the only reason why I would, I think what Jason gave you is perfect, the only reason that I would personally switch that out it’s because I’m a different person. I use different words. So I would just take his version and I’d basically keep the same thing, I would just use words that I would personally use.


JAMIE:            Okay?


JAMIE:            I think this is a really great segue into one final topic for the day, and Jason I think you’ll like this one, too. I mean at the risk of getting to really foo-foo talk here, the one thing that I think is going to really help you, really deliver in a way that’s fun for you, man? We’re you enjoying yourself?


JAMIE:            Where you can potentially become a great actor? I notice this for myself here, the times I really present my very best is when I get really f*cking present. When I get really present and that’s very easy to facilitate by being purposeful on my pauses as to Jason’s point, when I get really, really present and I had pauses, and I enunciate and I speak even slower than I think I should, that’s when I deliver my best.


JAMIE:            Makes sense?


JAMIE:            So, one thing it’s really good to have as part of this, is having kind of a process, or a method, or at least an awareness; you just want to get really, really present. You want to really enjoy yourself and again pauses, focusing on your breath, these are great things you can do to make sure you’re really in the moment, and again I don’t want to get all Eckhart Toole on you here for example, but if you can get yourself in that place, it’s going to be a lot more enjoyable for you.


JAMIE:            Make sense?

JAMIE:            Yeah, it’s enough.

JAMIE:            I want to give Frank a chance if Frank’s on the call here. Frank, are you on the call now? No? Okay. Jason, what do you think about that topic? You have anything, maybe that you’d gave advise to for Upgrade to kind of explore or add to that? What are your thoughts?

JASON:         Yeah, actually now that you brought it up, the fact about staying present, that’s huge because the opposite of that would be you know, you being very nervous, very jumpy.


JASON:         Shaky or something. When I think of present, I follow a lot of Eckhart Tolle, too, so  I know exactly what he’s talking about, but if I was explaining it to the everyday person that hasn’t  been introduced to that, is being able to stay calm under that pressure.


JASON:         You know?

DANIEL: What did you say? Part two? What is it?

JASON:         Eckhart Toole or Tolle, I’m not too sure how to pronounce it. It’s called, The Power of Now.


JASON:         Yeah, basically if you’re able to stay relaxed and act in a way natural, act natural because if you think about it, when you’re delivering the script and it sounds very scripted you’re probably nervous at some level or uncomfortable with it. Does that resonate with you?

UPGRADE: Yeah. Yes.

JASON:         So if you’re able to stay present or you’re able to stay calm and relaxed, then you can deliver the routine with no pressure.


JASON:         Deliver it while letting your personality shine through.


JAMIE:            You know it’s not an easy thing to do, let me just be clear. I mean if you haven’t read the book like Danny sounds like, you might not have read it, it’s definitely worth your time. Personally, there’s a version of Eckhart Tolle has, he has The Power of Now and he has a few other kind of subsequent books that he wrote that stays on the same topic basically, there’s a one he has called, The New Earth. I personally really like that one, but it’s all the same thing.


JAMIE:            But it’s definitely, if you can get some mindful practices that you use consistently and remember, this is like a muscle.


JAMIE:            Maybe you’ve heard before, but this is something I constantly I remind myself to do. As a matter of fact that’s one of my focuses this week personally. I realize, I wanted to work on my own practice of doing that. It’s a very valuable thing. It  makes life much more f*cking enjoyable too.


JAMIE:            So, if you or anyone who is listening to this call here, who doesn’t have a certain practice or gone a little sloppy on this practices, or again don’t have one, it’s really worth your time. The New Earth book is very enjoyable. Even just by reading alone you almost get put into a meditated state so I would highly encourage both of you to either read it or revisit it.


JAMIE:            One last thing I want to add to anyone listening here, again, if you’re listening to all this stuff we’re talking about here, it’s such a delicate thing to open up a stranger. This is not a f*cking easy task. If you have some scenarios from the previous week or two weeks, one that you wished you’ve just gone a little bit better, we have our 20 minute coaching session. You can get in the call with either myself or Jason or another coach and we can actually go through a specific scenario from the week where we can actually help you to really see how you can take yourself to the next level, so just go to the, go to products and then go to our twenty minute coaching session which is the very first link you’ll see. Sign up and get some insight, man. Stop fucking around, pull the trigger, really make a step forward in your life because remember, the one thing you and everyone here on this call has in common is, we’re limited with our time with this life so there’s no time to waste here. Get the show on the road for yourself, make a real move, and pull the trigger. Anyway, I do want to bring it back to you guys. Is there anything you guys want to bring up before we kind of close up shop here in today’s call?

DANIEL: I think for me, one of the things that I still haven’t had really much success with, I just don’t understand how to do it so much is the isolating part. I’m having a difficult time getting the target separated from the obstacles.

JASON:         Are you approaching mainly two sets?

DANIEL: I mean I wouldn’t necessarily say that. I would tell a lot of them are, but I wouldn’t say most.

JASON:         Mm-hm. See, I guess the hardest part for isolating is when you have a two set and the friend is not letting it happen.

DANIEL: Yeah, that’s what happened the other night.

JASON:         From there comes when you do open a two set and the friend is willing to just sit there, go on her phone, and let you talk to your target. Have you had that happen to you before?

DANIEL: I don’t know. The one I’m thinking of the last time, it’s like I wasn’t really paying attention to her friend too much and maybe that’s part of the problem.

JASON:         So what happened in that last one?

DANIEL: So like I ended up kissing this girl. I got to kiss close in. It’s seems like things were going well and I was like, hey, we should go and go get some ice cream through at this park. And I think one them, the target seem into it but the friend didn’t if I remember correctly. She wasn’t feeling it and so then the energy kind of died down and I felt kind of like I started to feel a little bit uncomfortable, like I was getting in a way of their girls night out, you know.

JASON:         Mm-hm.

DANIEL: And so I just kind of excused myself, I got the number and then her friend was like, why did you leave? Right? She texted me. And then I run into them later that night and basically they were making… they were basically trying to tell me that they’re going home but then I run into them later that night and so it was awkward it was kind of funny, you know, because I knew that they were lying but so, it’s just like I don’t know. It’s just I feel like there’s probably a way that I could have played that because the friend has been into it but the obstacle kind of I think got in her head or something.

JASON:         Why did you leave?

DANIEL: I just felt like, I thought like it was going to be a waste of time, I thought the friend was going to block.

JASON:         But?

DANIEL: And I don’t know how to deal with that.

JASON:         And—

DANIEL: It’s almost like I think my time was probably better trying to get more sets in.

JASON:         Did she block it while you were there?

DANIEL: Like in what sense? I mean outside of not going? Not bouncing?

JASON:         Yeah, because, okay. Well basically, what I’m trying to get across here is that you’re saying you felt uncomfortable or it was… or you thought something. You’re cold reading, you’re not 100% sure that was what’s the truth.

DANIEL: True. True.

JASON:         At this point, now you’re projecting what’s going on in your head.


JASON:         Maybe you’re uncomfortable and you’re saying that the girl was making you uncomfortable.

DANIEL: Right.

JASON:         Before I make a decision, I want to know the facts, I want to know, okay, this is actually happening. This is the truth, she basically told me in my face that she’s fed up with me being there. Especially if the friend text you like, hey, why did you leave?


JASON:         Obviously she was still interested in you and you know maybe they just needed a little bit more convincing versus an absolute no. Did the friend say anything?

DANIEL: Not to me. She kind of was fairly quiet that she looked like she… yeah, I don’t know. I think you’re right, I think I was probably projecting a lot unto her friend. It seem like her friend’s end annoyed, you know? But that could be just me.

JASON:         But the girl was still talking to you?

DANIEL: Right.

JASON:         Yeah. That’s what I’m saying. A lot of times the friend would just kind of like back out of the situation, go on her phone or some other guy will come in and start talking to her because you’re talking to—


JASON:         Your target.


JASON:         See, if you get your target happy and then you maybe give some attention to the friend and up her state a little bit, make them feel good and it goes back. Remember when I told you, you want to go for the number? When they’re at a high vibrational state?

DANIEL: Right.

JASON:         It’s the same thing if you’re trying to isolate or move them. You want them laughing and having a good time because now they’re going in with the… almost with the mindset of like, I’m having a good time. This is just going to make my time even better if I go have ice cream with him.


JASON:         Basically, you don’t want to go logical here. You want to go emotional. Fun.

DANIEL: Okay. Makes sense.

JASON:         So now if you could’ve done that set all over, what would you have done?

DANIEL: I would’ve tried to make them both laugh or… and then have gone for it. Probably just stick in there a little longer, I think I still kind of dipped out too early, you know?

JASON:         Yeah. I mean, there’s not someone there to tell you to get back in like at the boot camp, you know.

DANIEL: Right.

JASON:         That we have to be able to get past that impulse.


JASON:         Sometimes, I go out and I notice I’m getting like a little bit in my head? Like, oh, I don’t want to approach because a bunch of people will going to see me or something dumb. I just be like, you know what? I want to go in there and I want everyone to make f*cking fun of me for getting blown out, let’s see what happens. I basically look at the worst possible situation and I like retell it to myself in a way where it’s going to be like, this is going to be fun. Let’s see what happens with this. Almost like a social experiment.

DANIEL: Right.

JASON:         Let’s see if I can make the worst possible solution actually happen. Do you have another set that you feel you couldn’t isolate either?

JAMIE:            Before we do that, Jason. I just wanted to make sure is there anyone else on the call who has not spoken yet? Is anyone who’s here that has not had an opportunity to speak? I just want to make sure that everyone has the chance before we go a little further. Okay, I’m going to take that as a no. Jason, one last thing before we close up with that, would it be okay if I just give a couple of little comments to Danny?

JASON:         Yeah! Oh, definitely.

JAMIE:            I’m just going to go real quick and then we’ll close up with maybe this last little continuation. Personally, myself Danny, if it’s a two set and she is, and I don’t have a wingman with me, like I wouldn’t even try and isolate that because like to Jason’s point, that’s very difficult to do. Remember, you’re supposed to be engaging in whatever—what I try to do though, is I try to be purposeful about my  interaction and let them know once I’ve hooked where I’m going with it, so I’ve certain sound bites that I will use to parlay that. So one of my favorite once I’ll do is I’ll ask the obstacle, so what do you like about this girl? So essentially what I’m doing by asking that question, so what do you like about this girl? I’m getting the obstacle to qualify my target for me, make sense?

DANIEL: It does.

JAMIE:            So at least I’m being purposeful about what I’m doing. Make sense?

DANIEL: It does.

JAMIE:            That’s… if I do not have the benefit of a have a wing, I wouldn’t even try to do that. I won’t try and isolate. I will move them, sure, but I won’t actually try to isolate one from the other. I will move them around to keep it fun and engaging, that’s a very critical thing to do but I won’t actually try to isolate because that’s just f*cking not easy to do. Often times what happens is—

DANIEL: So you mean physically move them around?

JAMIE:            Oh, yeah. Almost that. Moving as well is critical, most overlooked techniques in what you’re doing because when you move, you give your target the illusion you’ve been in like 20 thousand dates already. So moving is something—


JAMIE:            You always want to do. If you can’t isolate, you do understand the difference, you’re not actually isolating but you’re moving the group. Hey, let’s go over there. Let’s go outside. Let’s grab a drink. Let’s go to the bar. Let’s go get ice cream, whatever. Moving is something you always have to do. If you don’t do that you’re almost guaranteed your set will die?

DANIEL: Interesting. Yeah, I’m not really doing that.

JAMIE:            To anyone listening here—

DANIEL: If I do that on my dates but not when I’m opening, that’s—

JAMIE:            Oh, dude, it’s critical. It’s one of the… Jason you tell me if you disagree here.

JASON:         Yeah.

JAMIE:            I would say not moving your set is one of the biggest mistakes you can make because it then allows your set to go stagnant because it’s like the monkey mind, you know? Like, people feel like if they don’t go somewhere and they’re not doing different things they’re missing something. So you’re—

DANIEL: When do you move?

JAMIE:            You can do it within two minutes, you can do it in half an hour. Just don’t allow too long to go by before you do it. You can have like 20 moves through the night. You’ll be like, hey, let’s go get a drink over there. Hey, let’s go to this bar. Hey, let’s go get some ice cream. You could do a million moves.

DANIEL: Mm-hm.

JAMIE:            The main thing to do is to make sure that you do move. Just make sure that you don’t stay in the same place for too long. Just—

DANIEL: How long do you feel is too long?

JAMIE:            Just have an awareness like—


JAMIE:            In the beginning, like here, I’ll give you a typical example. If you meet a girl in a grocery store, and you’re talking to her in the grocery store aisle for like seven minutes, if you stayed up for three hours it’s going to get a little weird. It’s going to feel a little weird. Does that make sense?

DANIEL: Right. Yeah!

JAMIE:            Like for seven minutes or so you might say, you know what? I’m actually enjoying this conversation. I’m going to join you for two more aisles. That would be a move. Of course you’re inviting yourself, but you are inviting her to spend a little bit more time with you in a different place. That is me being aware that hey, if I’m here for five hours in the grocery store, over by the avocados that’s f*cking a little weird. It’s going to feel weird to her.


JAMIE:           So, I am one, I’m aware of that; and two, I’m allowing her to feel like this is becoming a more personal conversation. So, there’s no one answer to what you just asked. What I’m just telling you to do is be aware that moving is a very critical piece. Moving is something like once you’ve hooked them you’ll want to move soon. Keep it going till you hook. Once you hooked and you can tell they’re clearly enjoying their interaction with you, then go for the move.


JAMIE:            Okay? And the move is not complicated. Hey, let’s go over there. Hey, let’s sit down over here. You’re just creating the experience of it, that they have made a conscious decision to spend a little bit more time with you. They are making a psychological commitment to hey, I’m going to sit down with this guy, five feet away. They don’t have to go that far. You’re creating that psychological commitment, dude, it’s all the key.

DANIEL: Yeah, and I think that that would help because sometimes I feel like I’ll open up a set and I’ll be in a real high traffic, like I was at this club last night. First time I’ve been there it was nuts and there were just like wild, wild people and I was talking with people like kind of at the top of the flight of stairs where there’s lot of people coming and going.

And so I really didn’t feel like I could hang around there and that would have been a perfect opportunity to say, hey, let’s go somewhere where we’re not in the way or something, right? Like—

JAMIE:            Well, you be careful how you present it. Don’t like, hey, let’s go somewhere where we’re not in the way that makes it seem like you’re… Brad Pitt wouldn’t say it like that. Make sense?


JAMIE:            Brad Pitt… yeah, dude, have you been over there? Have you checked out the balcony out there? You just present something, you’d offer value… not like you’re in the way.


JAMIE:            But you have the idea though, the idea is correct just of course, be mindful on how you present it. Does that make sense?

DANIEL: Right! It does.

JAMIE:            Okay. One last thing, one last another idea. Again, if it’s a two set and you don’t have the benefit of a wing, another phrase that I’ve used before, it has worked for me. I will turn—in case I did it, I did it with the sister, there were two sisters. So I turned to one sister and I said, you seem like the parental figure here. So basically, I could say that with a friend, too. You seem like you’re like the parental role of your group of friends here. And the girl might say, yes. She might agree, like she’s the one who protect her friends, you following me?


JAMIE:            So when she agrees that she’s the protector of her friends, I’ll say, well, okay, would it be okay if I flirt with your friend for a little bit? I’ll kind of let her know straight forward, almost in a cute kind a way, getting her permission of to flirt with my target, right in front of her. Make sense?


JAMIE:            So I’m having some fun, I’m being a little playful but I’m also being purposeful. That’s another thing that I might do if I know it’s not just the best situation even trying to isolate.

DANIEL: I actually did that, because I remember we talked about that on a call that we had. I think before the boot camp. And I had just gotten done with one of my Improv shows and it’s like this cute girl came up and started talking to me and she was like, oh, that was awesome, whatever. And so she was there with one of her friends, and then after I’ve done through a good portion of the stack, I did that basically, that same thing you’re friend and then her friends, yeah, she has a boyfriend just so you know. So, it didn’t work out the way it was supposed to but she was like, I like how bold you are. That’s what she told me, like she found it cute.

JAMIE:            Okay, well, you get the purpose though. You can’t really… I mean if the friend wants to offer something like that, the friend’s going to do what the friend’s going to do. Right?

DANIEL: Sure! Sure.

JAMIE:            But you understand, the main point is you’re still able to continue the conversation in a way that is purposeful. You know, look, I mean, remember, a lot of stuff we do is not a foolproof, right? There’s always like you know a percentage of it not working due to logistics or various things. But you could see, I’m sure you can still appreciate how in another scenario the friend might be like, yeah, go for it. She’s a little tough or whatever.

DANIEL: Totally.

JAMIE:            Do it. So that’s the main point. So, we see we have some tools to work with if you’re not in an ideal scenario.

DANIEL: Yeah, I was trying to convey that point that it didn’t work in that scenario but you could tell that the friend liked the way that I’d presented that, you know.

JAMIE:            Yeah, you could just stack forward and in light acknowledge it knowing that, I mean, so I don’t know how you want to look at it whether its fortune or unfortune, you just continue and not even dis-acknowledge her comment and just stack, just continue going forward knowing that if you present yourself as a better option to who she’s with, she’s still going to probably consider you. It’s the truth. It just is what it is.


JAMIE:            Can’t really fault the rules of the universe.

DANIEL: Right.

JAMIE:            Most people are looking to better their situation, so, I mean you know I heard a funny little sound bite once, something like along the lines of—Oh, my God! Is she married? No. Oh, is she madly in love? Well then tell me why she can’t have a little just an innocent little conversation here? Yeah, you can just play with it a little bit. There’s a lot of a million sound bites.

DANIEL: Right.

JAMIE:            But again you can just totally not even acknowledge it and say, cool! Just continue forward knowing that if you present yourself as a really awesome option to what she currently has, she’s going to mis—I mean I had many women that like have… basically told me they don’t have any relationship at all later on finding out they were engaged or something. So just this is what it is, you know?

JASON:         Yep.

JAMIE:            But you get it. At least you have some more tools. You’re kind of like, ooh, what do I not? What do I do here? So these are just some options for you.

DANIEL: Cool. Thank you!

JAMIE:            Yeah! No problem. Jason, you want to add anything else or continue that last little topic and then we’ll kind of close up shop?

JASON:         Yeah, I mean a couple of funny—just, it reminded me of a couple of funny once that I use when they say, oh I have a boy friend or she has a boy friend. I’ll be like, oh that’s perfect! Then he can make us breakfast. Another one too, it’s like, when it is a two set, I’ll be like, hey, can I borrow your friend for a second? Okay, cool. As I’m grabbing her hand and pulling her away, just to acknowledge a friend as I’m isolating. Does that make sense?

DANIEL: Can you go over that one last time? The last one?

JASON:         So basically like let’s say, it’s a two or three set or whatever. And you want to isolate your girl? You tell the girl, hey, let’s go do something or whatever. And as you’re grabbing her hand to take her, then I would acknowledge the friend like, hey, I’m going to borrow your friend’s hand for a second? Or I’m going to borrow your friend for a second. And then as I’m grabbing them and pulling them already—


JASON:         It almost sure shows like, hey, look, it’s almost like showing the friend like acknowledgement.


JASON:         That might portray like, oh, he’s such a gentlemen. He asked for permission.

DANIEL: Okay. But you’re not really asking though. You’re telling like your saying, let me borrow your friends hand.

JASON:         Yeah. Your just putting up a show for the friend.


JASON:         To feel like you acknowledged her.


JASON:         So does that clarify what you were asking about isolating? Or do you still need more input on it?

DANIEL: Well, I think that that’s a very useful tip and I’m sure that I’ll have more questions as I work on this in between now and the next call.

JAMIE:            Okay. Awesome. Two great call, guys. Jason, thank you as always for some amazing feedback and I love what we’re doing now, you know. A lot of people just coming on with their material and we just kind of give them some ideas on how it represent it a little bit. So we’ll continue doing some more of those in upcoming calls. So that’s it, everyone! Have a great rest this Sunday and we’ll speak soon. Probably, we might resume going back to every other Sunday. We might start doing that, but I’ll let you guys know. So, we’ll speak soon, okay?

DANIEL: All right.

JAMIE:            You all take care.

UPGRADE: Thanks.

JAMIE:            Bye.

JASON:         All right, guys. Take care.

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