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TAY 184 : How to get more courage to talk to a girl

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Today’s podcast we talked how to stay committed to a fitness program so you can accomplish goals to become a more attractive you. We also discussed how to get the courage to speak to strangers.

UPGRADE:  How to get caught and stay when I’m doing something. Because whenever I had to do like say I want to start working out to the gym, right? And it usually works good for like a month or two months. And then I kind of lose interest when like the initial kind of interest wears off and I know… after a while it kind of dies down and if you have any suggestions how to keep the motivation up for—maybe it’s not even motivation or but how to keep going.

JAMIE:  There are a lot of things you do. So do you want to keep this specific to staying consistent in a gym? Is that…

UPGRADE:  Yeah. Let’s keep one thing.

JAMIE:  So to give me just more details here.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Were, does this usually happen to you, where you’re consistent for about sixty days and then all of a sudden you just kind of dropped off the map? Tell me, tell me…

UPGRADE:      I was consistent in, well, I worked out this was in the fall and I was working out and yeah after… I keep going I mean I have like I work a six scheduled and I work out and then you know it’s usually that if I don’t miss a single day then I’m usually fine, but as soon as I start missing one day it’s like I miss another day and then all of a sudden I totally get out of it.

JAMIE:  Okay. So let me ask you some questions here.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  What kind of results did you get while you’re consistent for that 30 to 60 days, how much did your appearance, how you feel—how much did you improve while you are doing it?

UPGRADE:  Probably I didn’t feel like I’ve improved enough. I don’t think I’ve improved that much really.

JAMIE:  Okay, then.

UPGRADE:  I mean I would get stronger so I would notice the difference in the weights, but I wouldn’t notice the difference in appearance.

JAMIE:  Okay. All right. You gave me some good details here. Okay.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So difference, difference in strength but not a difference in appearance?

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Okay. That’s good stuff to know.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Let’s talk about—there’s two things the way the mind works, if you can assign, Upgrade, if you can assign meaning to something it’s always going to have greater value, did you know that?

UPGRADE:  Yeah. Yeah.

JAMIE:  For example, if you really understand why you’re doing what you’re doing, you’re much more likely to stay consistent with it. Right?

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Right? So if you, I’m saying it again, if you can assign that meaning. So here’s your question. Let you see how knowledge you… first and foremost, this work up plan, this nutrition and by the way, Jason is phenomenal at this stuff. And again, unfortunately he’s on the call.

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JAMIE:  Who’s work out are you following? Where did you get your work out and nutrition regimen from?

UPGRADE:  At bodybuilding.com.

JAMIE:  Bodybuilding.com.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  You just took it from there? And you haven’t actually…

UPGRADE:  Yeah. They got a lot of stuff there.

JAMIE:  Right. Right. Just like there’s a lot of stuff in other worlds like the world you just took a training with us not too long ago. There’s a lot of stuff that you can read, right? But have you actually ever I mean, I know you must appreciate this more than ever, it’s a big difference between getting stuff from wherever and actually having someone help you along the way.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Someone who is proven to get to where you want to be. You see where I’m going with this?

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So one of the problems is you’re so…

UPGRADE:  I did about five years ago I tried, yeah, sorry.

JAMIE:  No, that’s okay. How did it work? What kind of results did you get five years ago?

UPGRADE:  Well, I would say it was about the same. I was then working with a personal trainer for I don’t know how many sessions I took. But I took some to come to get started and then I kept it up for awhile and then it was the same. Because I couldn’t obviously have like a personal trainer like the whole time because it’s kind of expensive. But I have one for only for I don’t know if it was ten sessions or something spread out over time.

JAMIE:  So, okay. Let’s just kind of put a couple of things together here. You understand, you appreciate at this point, I know you appreciate the importance of having the right model and having a feedback mechanism. You know how critical that is. Agree?

UPGRADE:  Yes. Yes

JAMIE:  Right. And you haven’t done that really. To, you know how long do—one thing is really great about working on the gym, going  on a work-out regimen is you can do a complete metamorphosis of your body in eight to twelve weeks. It’s incredible what you can get done pretty quickly, right? So the good news is if you’ve got the right person, someone who actually has the knowledge and consistency, the proven track record to do so, they can do with you…What they’ve done with pretty much everybody. You following me? So the problem is you were… you just haven’t …

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JAMIE:  You haven’t followed what is already been proven. You and I both know if you follow up like…You have a friend, somebody who has done this before, they can take you or anybody pretty much to incredible… as long as you are not like super over weight, but even if you’re skinny or have some level of muscle, as long as you are not too overweight to begin with, they could turn you into Adonis in eight to twelve weeks, so you’re simply lacking the consistency you know. At least now you—especially how important that feedback mechanism is, but you’re  not giving yourself enough time to really get that from like coach, because the promise you read these like programs, those programs are simply guides, but your body is different from my body. You might have more fast-twitches fibers than I do or vice versa. So your body it’s going to take a little bit to kind of see how your body response.

UPGRADE:      Yeah.

JAMIE:  To see what is truly the best work out. What’s amazing is you can find somebody who got to Mr. Olympian who makes set of fifty to a hundred reps, and you can find somebody with the same body that did ten or less reps. Who’s right? It’s not that either one is right.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  It’s about discovering what is best for your body. And who’s the best person, well, who’s the best person to guide you on that journey? Someone who has proven developed trainers.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  And what’s great about personal training is it it’s actually not that expensive being that there are a lot of people out there that, well, a lot of people out there they might not be able take you to the Olympian per se, but a lot of people out there can give you a six pack for sure, Upgrade, so.

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JAMIE:  It would not be more to find somebody and say, hey, I need to be me for twelve weeks. Can you get me into this in twelve weeks?  I’m willing to stick through it all the way but I’m going to hold you accountable. That’s not hard to do. So one, you just need to commit yourself into this.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Like the same conversation you and I had before. Stop f*** around. Fully commit.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  You know what it takes. Eight to twelve weeks. So f***ng do it. Find a personal trainer. I’m going to be with you for eight to twelve weeks, you better get me to this. Oh, okay, Upgrade. Well, you better follow my f***ing regimen. You following me?

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  That’s what needs to happen. The second thing is…

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JAMIE:  And I want you to understand this too because this is important. Do you know why it’s actually very important to give credit to your strength gains? Do you know why when you get stronger, do you know why that’s such an important thing to recognize or to celebrate or just to understand what is happening to your body, do you understand the significance of those things?

UPGRADE:  No.

JAMIE:  Okay. Well, I’m going to teach you something because if you’ve known this you might have stayed more…

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JAMIE:  When you can’t get stronger unless more muscles is being added on your body. They’re one and the same.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So when you’re getting stronger, even we can’t see it, because remember you see yourself every day. You can’t see these.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Changes like your friends can who haven’t seen you in three months. But when you’re getting stronger that is a very clear indicator you’re body is adding muscle so you are in the right track. You just weren’t patient enough.

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JAMIE:  You understand?

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So I’m going to put Jason because Jason’s an expert on this stuff. I get I’m an expert. I mean, again the whole point is because I have a lot to offer in a lot of different areas but Jason is an actual expert, so I’m going to give this to him in a second but I would say until he tells otherwise, you might totally scratch everything I’ve just said because he might have a better way. But in the end, it’s a proven system simply dedicate yourself, eight to twelve weeks, get a trainer who has a proven track record and there you f***ng go. On top of that, understand that there’s a process and we’re getting stronger that is an indicating that you’re building muscle. It doesn’t… you don’t get stronger without more muscle, there’s just… it just doesn’t happen. But I’m going to give to Jason because Jason has going to have some other stuff for you, okay?

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JASON:  Hey, Upgrade. How are you doing?

UPGRADE:  Hi. I’m doing good.

JASON:  So for this, basically everything Jamie said was the right thing to do. I completely agree with that. You know a couple of experience from my end, www.bodybuilding.com, I tried to follow their advice for nine, ten years, with very little results, man.

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JASON:  I hired my first trainer, learned from him that I was able to take my body to a certain level and then I hired another trainer after him that had a completely different look and took me to another level where now I’m just tweaking around movements and dieting and all that to really refine what’s perfect for my body because that’s a huge thing is really just like Jamie said, you got to know what works for your body, depending on your body fat.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JASON:  You know now, I’m at the point where you know I’m competing in this but really I’ve…

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JASON:  I don’t think I would have got in here without having the trainers and you know I didn’t just go up to the trainer at the gym, I went to the biggest guy I saw at the gym, and I asked him, how can I look like you? Do you train people? How much do you charge? What could I do to look like you? That was my level one of commitment to this.

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JASON:  So with that agreed, second thing. Yeah, the strength is important, but if you’re not liking what you’re seeing in the mirror right away?

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JASON:  Is that going to keep you motivated?

UPGRADE:  No.

JASON:  No. But then again, like Jamie said, I like to see changes every two, three days I want to be able to look in and be like okay, I brought up my shoulder, okay, cool. I’ve got more detail to this muscle. Or I made this bigger, you know?

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JASON:  But even if you’re starting out it’s like oh, I have less fat in my stomach, oh, I’m getting this new definition in my arm. So really, you want to be seeing results like every two, three days.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JASON:  That’s when you know you have a solid game plan and you know when you find yourself losing consistency is do you know your why?

UPGRADE:  I guess the why is becoming more attractive.

JASON:  More attractive. So as soon as you reach that becoming more attractive like automatically you’re going to be done working out?

UPGRADE:  Well I guess I would have to keep working out to maintain whatever I have gained also. Otherwise I would just fall back to where I started from.

JASON:  Yeah. There’s this technique called, Value Solicitation, where you can really figure out what are your values in this and why you’re doing it.

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JASON:  I’ll give you my example, I feel like I’m at the point where women can tell I work out, you know?

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JASON:  I’m actually a little bigger than that. Well what I have noticed it’s actually, I get  guys, like last night I got at least three guys come up to me and like either tried to grab my arm, shake my hand for it, or like just congratulate me on it where maybe one girl like rubbed my abs a little bit.

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JASON:  It’s really… a lot of it you think it’s for the women but after a certain level it’s really the guys that you’re impressing so being aware of that, your why in my opinion should be, I’m doing this for my health, I’m doing this because if I work out its going to make me feel better and I’m might be able to go out to the world and present a better version of myself.

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JASON:  You know, if let’s say your ramp was doing good and you needed to go work for a week straight to pay it or else you’re going to kicked out of the house. Would you go that week straight and not miss a single day?

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JASON:  So then if your body looking good is at stake and you had to go to the gym eight week straight would you go?

UPGRADE:  Yeah. I guess.

JASON:  But you didn’t.

UPGRADE:  No.

JASON:  You see what I mean? It’s knowing your why and being able to put it as a priority in your life.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JASON:  That’s what’s going to keep you going, but it’s also figuring out how to manage it into your life because yeah, I can give you seven meals a day, two hours a day regimen and six days a week. It might not be ecological for your life and whoever you’re working with might you have to tell him like hey, look I could only like three or four meals and I could only go four or five times in order for me to fit this into my life. And so that’s another thing. If you put too much expectations on yourself in anything, if you come in and you’re  like I’m going to do everything to the T and then you mess up, that’s going to make you feel bad about yourself and not continue to do it versus if you come in and you’re just like you know what? I have all this tools and techniques, I’m going to do 100% of my effort but if I don’t hit it, if I don’t meet the mark in one or two days, doesn’t mean I failed it just means that I can do it for one or two days but I’m going to come back in that third and fourth day. Does that make sense with the health?

UPGRADE:  Yeah. It does.

JASON:  And then to get specific stuff you know, work with the trainer, you know but what you need to do for that, just find someone that’s quality. Even if they’re not the personal trainers at the gym, I usually find not a lot of them look good.

UPGRADE:  Okay.

JASON:  I went up to whoever looked like I wanted to look.

UPGRADE:  Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That’s good advice.

JAMIE:  All right. Awesome! So I think, Paul, are you there? Can you hear us okay?

PAUL:  Yeah. Can you hear me?

JAMIE:  Yeah. I hear you just fine.

PAUL:  Hey, Jamie.

JAMIE:  Hey, man. Yes, shoot. What topic can we chitchat about today?

PAUL: Well yeah, as you may know it’s my first time on this kind of a call. I guess my issue just kind of relate to the other rest of the callers is the finding I mean, getting the courage I guess to speak to people that I don’t have a reason to speak to.

JAMIE:  Okay.

PAUL:  Does that make sense?

JAMIE:  So getting the courage to do that. Okay.

PAUL: So for example I mean I can easily just to talk to you if I’m at a bar I can talk to a bartender, if I’m in a shop I can talk to the you know the guy or the girl at the store. I can talk to colleagues, no problem but if I just meet someone just on the road like I guess you did earlier. I could never speak to them. I just, I guess I lack the courage, the most blunt way to play it.

JAMIE:  Okay. But this is something you want to do?

PAUL:  Yeah. I like.

JAMIE:  Okay. So again just to re-affirm like with this call the modernize you call this is not dating sciences that’s the other one. More oftentimes I kind of handle that stuff later, but I’m going to hit, I’m going to come out from this from the angle, actually I’ve seen this one individual who’s on, who has some videos now, about how to approach just random prospects who he’s doing kind of the dating sciences stuff, but he’s doing it as he says, for just approaching strangers to propose his products. So I’m going to come in from that angle. So.

PAUL: Yeah. It doesn’t have to be anything dating related, it’s just me just even for conversation.

JAMIE:  Okay. So let’s talk about lack of the courage. A lot of people, actually I’ve got some really good stuff for you man. A lot of people, one of the reasons why they, this is actually going to relate to us talking about earlier but one of the reasons why people don’t do what you want to do is because they either have perceived barriers or perceived limitations. Like, oh, this person is not going to want to hear what I have to say. Oh, I’m not trust good enough for them to take me seriously.  I don’t feel the courage yet. Does this sound familiar to you?

PAUL:  Yeah. I have read about this as well.

JAMIE:  Yes. Well what you’re going to do and this is, you got to be patient with this process I have done this myself, I mean I’m pretty straight forward to you guys. Like I’m a human being, I’ve been through all this stuff that’s why you know we do what we do. And when I’ve taken like, you know, I’ve taken a long time off, I will find that it is possible those types of barriers kind of creep back in a little bit to some degree where our bottom line is I’m just not executing. And then you have to start asking yourself these powerful questions which surely can be summarized as why? And then you got to be patient enough to listen to the answer and that’s what’s going to help you to listen with those b*** s*** limitations or perceived barriers are. Now let’s talk about like one on one’s you’re talking about right now. I can relate to this one. I don’t have the courage, I don’t feel good enough to talk to this guy, girl whoever, right? You following me so far?

PAUL:  Yeah. Yeah.

JAMIE:  Right now, you the assumption is that you should have this feeling of courage like I should be able to feel really excited I’m going to go talk to anybody. That feeling is a myth. You’re never goanna feel courageous or realistically you’re never going to feel courageous about it. Your body is a survival mechanism, Paul. Your body is not meant to, your body is not going to try and facilitate and put yourself in danger or what your body will consider danger situation is there protect you, right?

PAUL:  Right.

JAMIE:  Speaking to strangers is not something that’s going to help you pursue your, preserve your body, you following me?

PAUL:  Yep.

JAMIE:  So the idea, you’re going to feel courageous about this? Or should you have more courage? That’s b***s***. Instead you have to, instead what you want to do is realize a few things that and this is truth, if you’re only approach anxiety or feeling nervous about speaking to strangers is actually completely normal. As a matter of fact, Paul, it will never go away. So instead like the classic phrase, you just learn to dance with the fear. You learn to embrace it instead of… instead of beating yourself up over a feeling you don’t have, you just like you know what? I’m just going to do it anyway. And that’s really where it comes from. So first things that’s going to help you is realize this feeling you’re looking for, this feeling of courage it’s never going to show up. I can assure you from my own perspective, I’m sure Jason would agree with this and I know many of the other people in our little world that would tell you the same exact thing actually it’s a great quote from one of our coaches where he says, a person’s anxiety I still feel it, the thing is I’ve become, and write this down by the way because if you remember this from an expert of this stuff, this might help you. He says that “he is just uncomfortable with being uncomfortable”. You following me?

PAUL:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So but what I’m really doing for you here, Paul, is I’m leading you on a journey where you’re going to start to ask yourself what are these perceived barriers? What are these limitations that I think are there? And again I promise you, every single one is either b*** s*** or can be alleviated. So what we just did for you is we alleviated one. I am helping you realize that this feeling of courage that you think should somehow appear will never appear. And instead you just recognize its okay. Things in your life don’t have to feel good for you to do them. There’s a great book I want you to read. You ready for this?

PAUL:  Yep.

JAMIE:  So, and by the way this is going to great for anyone listening to this call because this will also help with your approaching anxiety and there’s another side thing. Again, that you can hit this from many angles. We also do NLP coaching. So if ever you really want to really delve into your mind and really and we can do this in one session, man, where you will kind of work back to these moments where that kind of help you create a pattern of anxiety, we’ll help you kind of work on it so you can actually alleviate that preprogrammed state in your mind but that’s something to you know, that’s something we offer, just threw that out there but another angle is there’s some good reads there, too. One of them is called, The Five Second Rule. It’s not the three second rule by the way. It’s a five second rule and it’s by a lady named Mel Robbins. Have you ever heard of her?

PAUL:  Nope.

JAMIE:  So there’s this…

PAUL:  Mel spelled M E L?

JAMIE:  Yeah, just M E L and then Robbins almost like Tony Robbins.

PAUL:  Okay.

JAMIE:  So here’s what she says, I’ll tell you the short end of it here, but it’s worth reading the book, just throwing that out there.

PAUL:  Yup.

JAMIE:  But what she says is this, she says, that one of the reasons, and she also says the same thing. She has a video actually titled, Motivation’s Garbage. When I first saw it Paul, I saw her video about a year ago, and it say Motivation’s Garbage, right away I said, f*** you you’re  garbage, because my life is totally motivation is real. And it is but with the caveat that motivation is a product of having the right strategies. Just like in fitness, if you knew you have the right strategies you’re just going to keep going. You’re going to keep eating chicken breast six times a day because you know for a fact you’re following a top trainer who said, hey, Paul, I’ve done this for f***ng ten years. I promise you you’re going to have a ripped mid-section in about three more weeks. So you’re going to follow that stuff. When you have the right strategies, that’s when you get motivated.  So anyway when I saw this video from this lady, saying that motivation is garbage? My first inclination was to say motivation aren’t garbage, you’re garbage. Like what the f*** are you talking about. I thought she was almost creating controversy, you know those kind of people they almost say something just for the sake of getting a rise.

PAUL:  Just to get a rise. Yeah.

JAMIE:  But I was wrong. I was wrong. I finally watched it very recently and I actually listen to video and if get passed the first five minutes which she talks about, where  she talks about how your brain will actually interpret like a pattern as like a dangerous sign. For example when you’re tying your shoes in the morning, Paul, you don’t feel any all of a sudden trepidation, right. You’re just tying your f***ng shoes. You don’t feel any weird impulse or all of a sudden like some kind of state of alert like its def con two or something like that, but all of a sudden when you see a stranger that you want to talk to, if you let that simmer for a second to also feel this fear going to your head like ooh, you feel like, ooohhh. Oh, my god. What if? And what your brain is doing is your brain also interprets like, wait! Hold on. What was that? Ohhh… that must mean something bad, don’t do it. Abort! Abort! Abort! You following me?

PAUL:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So she has a technique in there where basically what you do is count down. Five, four, three, two, one. Blast off. And Jesus, just by doing that count down right away, what you’re doing is interrupting that negative brain pattern.

PAUL:  Okay. Interesting. Okay.

JAMIE:  It’s very interesting. I want to watch videos like wow, she’s done her research. She’s got a 45 minute video you can watch for free on YouTube. I would say watch that, that will help you. But again also just really do the exercise I’m telling you. Be pace with yourself in the next two weeks or so. Try and do your approaches to strangers, give yourself a goal, I’d say15 a week, but if you don’t do it, ask yourself this question. Why didn’t I not talk to that person? What was my perceived barrier or limitation? Was I not dressed good enough in my head, did I feel like they weren’t going to want to talk to me for some reason? What was it? And then as you start to uncover these things you can start to address them. Because again I promise you, they can all either be addressed or alleviated completely. That will give you a lot of insights.

PAUL:  Okay.

JAMIE:  Make sense?

PAUL:  Yeah. It makes sense.

JAMIE:  But yeah the courage thing, that’s not going to ever happen. I’m telling you right now. You just learn to be okay with it. You realize when I spoke on the street, I just, I’ve gone, I’m just it just doesn’t bother me. I’m just like you know I’m not going to feel cool about it, I’m going to just enjoy it, have a good conversation and but I’m not looking for some magical feeling that I know it’s never going to come. I just do it, I just do it anyway.

PAUL:  Yeah, I really want to…

JAMIE:  I get that same feelings too.

PAUL: Okay. Before when Jason were saying about the gym, to the biggest guy and just you know, started to talk and saying, hey, I’ll handle that quite you. Even something as simple as that I don’t really think I could ever see myself doing that. I mean I’d love to be able to, but I just wasn’t camping hours that oh wow, okay.

JAMIE:  Well what you’re doing is saying to me right now is just some identity you’re telling me about, is actually not true. You can totally redefine yourself anytime you want. You can be that guy who will talk to anybody, you know. Start seeing yourself a different way.

PAUL:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Anything at all, anyone else has created for themselves before you, I mean my slam dunking ball if you’re five foot three, anything else is fair game for you. Other people have done this, you can do it too, man, so this favor, don’t talk you kind of refer to don’t make references to an old identity that’s not serving you. I’m not the kind of guy that would do that. The f*** is that? Like you can just think about the future and this ideal self that you are working towards being. You know rather than the past. You can be anybody you want to be.

PAUL:  Right.

JAMIE:  But the first way to get there is again, you know, you want to create this, you want to have these models of people that have them what you’re looking for and again you’re starting to uncover that right now. This models will tell you again if I might be even using myself here I mean, I’ll just give you a quote from arguably one of the top maybe five people in the world as far as approaching strangers. And even said, approach anxiety, I still have it. I’m just kind of comfortable with being uncomfortable. I have another great quote from our, you know Eric, who’s arguably the number one guy in the world. And he’s and let me see if I can find it real quick and I’m going to read this to you because it’s worth writing down. You’re ready?

PAUL:  Yep.

JAMIE:  Give me about twenty seconds and I should be able to find it for you because it’s such an awesome quote. I read this every day, man, because it helps me just kind of, it’s like meditation. Meditation is about reprogramming your mind so that when you step back into your body it’s like it’s been reprogrammed. So basically every day I go to a process where I reprogram my mind with how to be my best self and live my best life. And so I think this is such a great quote because it reminds me of you know, it reminds me of ways to look at things that are just going to serve me. Rather than just some b*** s*** expectation that nobody can live by. Okay this is from Eric. Ready for this, Paul?

PAUL:  Yep.

JAMIE:  So this is what he says. This is the number one guy as far approaching strangers. Here you go. “You are going to be afraid, but for you to win, you have to be able to cope, to accept, and if not embrace the adrenalin release that will take place”. Did you hear that s***, man?  You are going to be…

PAUL:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  This is from the top guy. You are going to be afraid, but for you to win you have to, the secret is to be able to cope, to accept, and if not embrace the adrenalin released that will take place. So do you think it is fair for you to hold yourself to the expectation feeling of some kind of wave of courage that even the top guy doesn’t feel?

PAUL:  No.

JAMIE:  No. Do you think that’ll be a little helpful when you remember that in the future?

PAUL:  Yeah. I’ll read that I’ll keep the writing right here next to me.

JAMIE:  And yes, he has an extension that says, “The secret is to convey confidence when you are in that adrenalin induced state by speaking slowly with pauses, slowly, succinctly, giving the illusion of confidence”.

PAUL:  Okay.

JAMIE:  Interesting, huh?

PAUL:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So think about that, but again over the next week or two do that exercise that I’m telling you. If you try and open 15 strangers a week, anyone you don’t do. Just ask yourself, why didn’t I do that? What was my perceived barrier or limitation and you’re going to come up with some interesting stuff. Okay?

PAUL:  Okay. And what was that video on YouTube? Do you remember what it’s called?

JAMIE:  Yeah, just put on Mel Robbins, Motivation Is Garbage. And watch all things about 45 minutes long. It’s worth it.

PAUL:  Yeah. I got the time. Cool.

JAMIE:  Good. Do you have anything to ask?

PAUL:  Thanks.

JAMIE:  Yeah, you’re very welcome. Do I have anyone else on the call? By the way, that has not spoken yet?

JASON:  Just… Upgrade.

JAMIE:  I think that’s it. Okay. By the way, Jason, did you have anything you wanted to add to Paul or any other suggestions? I’m just trying to make sure we didn’t run out of time, but you have anything you would like to add to Paul?

JASON:  Yeah it was a quick thing. You know you’re talking about this feeling that’s like courage feeling, right? Have you felt that before where you’re completely confident about approaching a set, do you do it?

PAUL: Well, yeah, I mean, if it’s something I, for example, something I really come to know about, I’m usually very, I guess I want to say over eager to talk about it and to speak to someone about it, but you know, for example, what were you said about go—in the gym, just to walk up to someone and ask a random question. I mean I wouldn’t say I’ve never done it before, that would be lying and exaggerating, but it’s just not something I’ve always been comfortable with them. I’m just trying to get more comfortable with it.

JASON:  Well my question is, so if there’s a topic that you like, you are able to feel positive and talk to basically anyone about it?

PAUL:  More people. Not anyone, but more people, yeah.

JASON:  So can you just throw one thing out there? Just to kind of take this example.

PAUL:  Yeah. Aviation.

JASON:  Aviation? Okay. So if I asked you to go up to like the hottest girl, or this wealthy looking guy, or just a business professional, and I’m like, go talk to that guy about aviation.

PAUL:  Yeah, a lot of people might find that not as exciting as I do.

JASON:  But what about…

PAUL: I mean it’s like if I told you I enjoy talking about, I don’t know, mathematics or something, I don’t know.

JASON:  Well that’s fine, but I’m saying like in your part how would you feel?

PAUL: A little more confident, more confident than say talking about something else maybe.

JASON:  Okay so, what I’m trying to get you here and this is from my experience with this, when I have, when I feel overall positive, what you could call you know being in a state, I can literally like go up to anyone and talk to them without any hesitation, right?

PAUL:  Right.

JASON:  But what’s going to happen to those days that you’re kind of low energy?  You don’t feel like talking to people. You’re more in your head that day. Then what am I going to do? You know? That’s when this internal battle starts building where in your head and  in my head, I know like, man, I don’t want to talk to that girl, I don’t want to talk to that guy, there’s no pint for me to do it and again you know I have no purpose to do it. No why. It’s really me telling myself like, okay, cool man. Thanks for sharing, now shut up and go do it.

PAUL:  Kind of yeah.

JASON:  That’s really my approach to my internal dialogue where I don’t want to do something but I’ve done enough of this personal development stuff where I know whatever my brain is telling me is not real. It’s probably some kind of mixture of chemicals that are making me feel some kind of emotion or anxiety, whatever you want to call it. So in my head, when I have enough external evidence to prove to me that if I interact with someone and more than that it’s going to end in a positive way. Does that make sense?

PAUL:  Yeah. Yeah.

JASON:  So sometimes I’ll come in to the interaction and I’m feeling really bad and it won’t do as good. But then other times I’ll come in and I’m not feeling good, but it will start picking up and then I’ll feel amazing afterwards and then I get into this talkative state and then I can talk to anyone afterwards. Have you experienced some of those situations?

PAUL: Yeah. I think what you’re saying is it’s kind of like what state of mind you’re in when you go, when you’re  talking to someone. Correct?

JASON:  Yeah. And you can control that, so let’s say as soon as you step out of your home, you start a conversation with security guard. Oh, how are you doing, man? How’s your day gong? Okay cool, you know. Right there you just bumped; you just basically bumped energy with someone. You raised their energy; they raised your energy, right? Now you walk in your big conference and you talked to two or three other people, so by the time you get to your main meeting or whatever you had to do, how are you going to be feeling at that point?

PAUL:  A little more upbeat, optimistic, confident maybe even.

JASON:  Yeah. So a big secret to it is really forcing yourself to do the initial interaction that you don’t feel like doing to eventually after you interacted enough you get in an interactive state and you feel like interacting with people. So yeah, you’re not going to feel that way all the time, like I don’t think there’s one person that, I mean like maybe Tony Robbins  have to doing half an hour of warm ups and stuff he can do it. Does that make sense?

PAUL:  Yeah. No, it does. It makes sense.

JASON:  It’s really just getting over your mental chatter and just doing it. Even if you don’t feel like doing it. And that’s what’s going to…

PAUL: I know. Yeah. He used me to stay here and say it then all of a sudden you know, if push comes to shove and but I’ll give it a shot.

JAMIE:  All right! Excellent! So, all right guys. So I’m going to turn off the record button.

 

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