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TAY 181 : How to reinvigorate a long term relationship

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Today’s podcast we talked how to create passive income. We also talked about how to reinvigorate a marriage or long term relationship.

 

JAMIE:            Is fair game. Wealth building, health, personal development, relationship management, business… anything just to supercharge your life. Energy—anything where you’re going to make, you know and make yourself get in the next level.

CASSIDEN:  Perfect that’s what exactly what I want to talk about.

JAMIE:            All right.

CASSIDEN:  Okay.     So, I was really—are you familiar with passive or residual income?

JAMIE:            I am.

JASON:           Yes.

CASSIDEN:  I didn’t hear you.

JAMIE:            Yes. We both are.

CASSIDEN:  Okay. Perfect. So I was wondering what would be some good ways to earn some passive or residual income besides affiliate marketing.

JAMIE:            Well, I’m going to give you a really good one that’s not you know, not affiliate marketing. I mean great if you have some kind of business where you can set up a website and you’re selling products. That’s always awesome. Like, I mean for example, you have a product, service, or a lot of people these days are creating online courses. Not like this course, this course does require some manual, obviously some manual work. There’s a lot of live coaching component. But there are a lot of courses there that are purely on line and there’s no live person you just literally go through it at your leisure. So, but there really sky’s the limit, man. You know membership websites are a great way to do that.

Obviously one has to have some kind of server course but it’s, there’s… I would say look what your passion is, who you’re in to. When you know who you’re in to and you know you have to offer the world, there’s probably some way that you can monetize that intro a course. But the other, problem with invest—you know ways of getting passing income, Cassiden, is just investing. Investing in stocks, investing in bonds, those things pay you every, well, it depends when the payment terms are. But they pay every month, every six months, every year. And you don’t have to do jack s***. You just get paid 24 hours a day just from what you earn. There’s real estate, there’s honestly a million things. But what I would strongly suggest is, because Cassiden, come in just a broad category.

You know what are you in to? Like me, personally Cassiden, I loves stocks. I really love stocks and finding investment vehicles like that. I like researching and inviting companies that I want to hold on to for a long term or short term even. I find certain companies that they’re actually very stable that also have a dividend and you can trade them too. I’ll give you a great example of that. A great example of a company where you can have passive income with doing f***ing nothing is a company like Nokia. You know Nokia, the mobile communications company?

CASSIDEN:  Yes, I’ve heard of it.

JAMIE:            That’s a great example. Nokia is a very, is not an expensive stock to earn. It is a very stable company, they have a great balance sheet. You can get in like I think it’s five and a half dollars a share. So even with a little bit of money, you can start taking ownership of a very reputable firm. They also have a very good dividend, too. So every, I think it’s every quarter, you’ll get paid money from Nokia and that’s from doing nothing. There’s, that’s your passive income. And you’ll make money as the stock increases in value. That’s something I particularly like.

Obviously, Cassiden, I also like creating courses, right? But you can create a course like we, you know I’ve created courses where there is no live coaching. It’s just purely on line and that’s it. So that’s a good one to do but you first want to ask yourself what do you have to offer the world? What are you passionate about? Do you like researching investments? Do you like teaching people? Find out what it is because there’s probably, once you answered that, then you could kind of… then there’s—then you would come to the logical, okay, this is what I like doing, how can I find a way to make money 24 hours a day doing what I love? Buy my stocks or increase year over year doing nothing? It requires very little, I just have to you know kind of keep an eye on them every maybe couple of weeks or so to see how they are doing. If you have a course, you can start creating one, but first ask yourself what is it that you are passionate about? Once you know what that is then the next logical step starts to unveil itself.

CASSIDEN:  That’s perfect. I’m also interested in stocks and investments, wealth fitness as well.

JAMIE:            Do you have a stock training account?

CASSIDEN:  Yes.

JAMIE:            What do you use? American trade? Etrade? Who’s your, what do you use?

CASSIDEN:  I’m a champ share builders

JAMIE:            Dude, fantastic. So that’s a great place to begin. You know, there’s a lot like I said there’s a lot of good stocks that… there’s a lot of upside. I was recommended by a company that is financially stable. It’s not like a fly by Night Company. Nokia is a company you can count on, it’s not going to disappear in the next few year. A company that has good cash flow and you can find some of these particularly in the communications industry where they’re going to give really good dividends. See make money regardless of what the stock does.

CASSIDEN:  You know what’s so funny? Right now as we speak, I just see like you look like a hundred dollar bill plan. That’s crazy. But another thing Nokia’s like five dollars a share is… that’s really cheap, man. I was thinking like you can do like a split or something?

JAMIE:            No. It didn’t do a split. The idea—the worst thing to see is a reverse split. That’s f***ing even, that’s terrible I mean the company’s going in the wrong direction. No, it’s not done in a split or reverse split or anything. It just, it’s, look you’re not going to get rich awfully Cassiden, most likely unless it gets bloat out but you know I wouldn’t recommend investing with that purpose in mind. You invest because it’s a good company, it has good growth potential, it’s doing good things and they’re stable. Also there’s the dividend, you know I’m not trying to recommend you do risky things but I’m trying to get you to do things that will give you again what you want, that passive income. So great, you’re interest is not stock. I highly recommend you to do your own reading research. You know you find out if Nokia is a company, example a kind of company that you believe in long term. And look for other companies like that as well. But it’s well worth your time to do some research and finding company’s like that and share about those great, great ways to start.

CASSIDEN:  All right, man. Thank you. I appreciate it.

JAMIE:            And look, look and see you know if you’re clearly into coaching and teaching people, maybe you start to find a niche of your own that you really want to teach people. Maybe create your own course. Put that on line. You can, every time someone downloads it goes to your course, access it through a website or whatever, you’re going to get money passively from doing nothing. Well of course you have to first create it and it needs to be valuable but you know but if you find something you’re really passionate about, there are templates on line you can literally upload your content and it will create a course for you.

CASSIDEN:  Wow, I never knew that, man. That’s awesome!

JAMIE:            Yeah, you don’t even have to be technically savvy. You just have that, the course. And you can find these templates on line and they will actually take your content and present it in a way that is consumable. But again, you know the most important thing first stocks, courses; you need to be in for the long haul. So do a course that you actually are really passionate about. That your interest—a course that you would do even if you don’t take any money. That’s how much you believe in it. And if you’re in that level then you’ll see it through till the end.

CASSIDEN:  Okay. That makes sense.

JAMIE:            Jason, would you want to add anything to that?

JASON:           Yeah. So let’s say stocks were your main thing, right? I’m just jumping off of what Jamie was saying, you’re sitting there doing maybe hour or two hours of research for company, well, you can actually take that research and post it as a blog. And then as you’re getting deeper and deeper and learning this whole stock thing, you could start taking everything that you learned and using it to the course. So you’re basically building your company as you’re investing in getting more involved in the stocks. And I’m using stocks, but you could replace the words stuck is anything that you’re passionate about.

CASSIDEN:  Okay.

JASON:           Basically, you provide the knowledge that the you acquired in your journey and it might not be, it might be like okay you already went through this, but someone else out there might not want to go research now and they’d rather read your article in fifteen minutes and learn it. They’d rather go pay you twenty bucks for a hundred page course on how to get set up in stocks and make right choices. You know whatever you choose. I have a friend; he makes a good income off of eBay drop shipping. It takes a lot of work and figuring it out from what he’s told me but he makes money out of it. I’ve seen this other concept where let’s say you have that product and you can run it through Amazon as fulfilled by Amazon program that they have. Basically you ship on the bulk of product something that you would like of course. It’s Almost like if you start building yourself a little mini company with one product and you start… there’s like a system they have in place or whatever, but basically you can take advantage of the services like fulfilled by Amazon to have Amazon basically take care of everything. And you give them their cut and you get your cut passively.

CASSIDEN:  Well, this is the first time I’ve heard of that one.

JASON:           So I would add those two things, eBay drop shipping and the fulfilled by Amazon. Those are just ones that I’ve seen worked for people that I can like tell okay, and then as far as like the business and meeting thing, I mean the doing the research and providing your own contents, start building an audience for your business and at the same time learning and growing in your stock business.

CASSIDEN:  All right. I’ve got it.

JAMIE:            Another thing you do Cassiden, is just create like create a following for yourself, right? You know, you know you can. You might have something to offer the world as far as something entertaining, something teaching. We can teach people something; create a YouTube channel for yourself. If they’ll find you and they likely have to say and you create a real following, you know the money will come. You know so I mean that’s what are all those YouTube personalities are all about. They just have a channel where they just talk about something, maybe it’s not even really that fascinating per se but it is just the way the presenter presents it. But these people get these incredible subscriber bases. Like I suggested to you in the other call check out this DOS TV guy. He’s not selling anything but dude he’s getting millions of views every single month. You can bet he’s making a lot of money, man. I mean once you have like a following and you have a real audience, it’s very easy to monetize that. That’s another thing you can look to do as well, starting your own YouTube channel. Okay?

CASSIDEN:  All right. Thank you, Jamie and Jayson.

JAMIE:            And one last item or two there. There are companies out there like I’m trying to remember what the name of this is but again passive income. Things you can do very little work and big returns and that stuff is I think the name of the website… There’s this business out there that you can create like different types of artistic designs, you upload your design… oh, Copy Press, that’s what it is. When you upload your design, you’d upload on to t-shirts, pens, all types of stuff. And again once you’ve created the design you upload it to the website, people who order your products, you are making a commission every single time. Have you ever, Cassiden, have you ever considered writing a book?

CASSIDEN:  I did actually.

JAMIE:            Dude, you can write your own script, write it on a word document, upload it to Amazon, Amazon will actually publish it for you. People can actually order your book, you’ll be printed, shipped, everything is covered by Amazon you don’t have to do f***ing anything. You just have to do the initial leg work. Just like if you’re writing a course, you do have to write the book, it’s not going to write for you, but a lot of people make a lot of money on these different types of you know teaching, ways of teaching people. Books, courses, that’s another idea. So you can go to Amazon, write a book, Copy Press design your own t-shirts, pens and all kinds of stuff like that. You can create your own YouTube channel, create a following that way, and you know a lot of these things require some level work but its very minimal compared to the up keep is very minimal. You create a course one time, you create a book one time, and you could in theory have thousands of people download it or access it. So but then again, I kind of come back to find out what your passion is? What do you have to offer the world? What do you think people… you can teach people, you know, that they would want to consume. But if you get that audience it’s inevitable you’ll actually find a way to monetize it.

CASSIDEN:  That’s most of them from far . . . a lot of those things I never really heard of, man. I think that idea was good.

JAMIE:            Okay, good. So start with that and bring that up, you know tell us on the next call just what you kind of doing. I want to have one last thing then we’re going to go off to our next caller, we have Jeremy. The last thing to mention is you start building your investment portfolio. Don’t invest—stick with good companies first, man, don’t—it’s very tempting to start investing in penny stocks and things of that sorts. You don’t… you invest in penny stocks when you’ve earned the right to do so. Penny stocks are a lot riskier, you know. You first create a good portfolio first where you’ll have thousands, tens of thousand dollars saved before you start investing five hundred dollars in the penny stock.

I just want to give you that little air of caution, be very careful about investing in something just because it’s a very small dollar figure. So first build a strong foundation before you start looking at those cheaper companies. Very often, Cass, and the reason why they are cheaper, is for a reason. It’s not a coincidence. Nokia might be one of the few exceptions of a company that is a legit company that’s not going to disappear tomorrow. So don’t think just because a company is really cheap that you know, there’s usually a reason for that so be very careful about risking money on those types of companies. Better in the beginning you buy companies that are clearly here to stay. You following me?

CASSIDEN:  Yes, I’m following.

JAMIE:            Okay. I just want to make sure that’s clear. But anyway, man. Jeremy, can you hear us?

JEREMY: Yeah. I’m here.

JAMIE:            All right, man, your turn.

JEREMY: So we can talk about relationship…

JAMIE:            Relationship, management.

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            Wealth building, health; anything to help you in personal development.

JASON:           Yeah.

JEREMY: Okay. I am in a relationship and I having struggles with—I’m hearing this echo. Hold on one second—With how to communicate my romantic life with this person is not just happening and I don’t know you know I said things and I’ve done things but I’m not quite sure what I’m doing on my end or this is just something that I need to let go and it’s basically like the romance of the relationship is not happening. And I’ve done a lot of research. I’ve looked up you know hotter, you know safe, that type of situation within a relationship and you know everything I—basically from what I’m seeing it’s like it’s on her end and I don’t know if there’s any more action I can take other than work on myself as I’m doing and try to take care of myself. So I am attractive which she told me she’s attracted to me. So I don’t know like I don’t know where the block is. Is this person or it were, if its me or if its her so that’s I’ve been struggling with this and I’m not sure where to go with it, honestly. And the challenge …

JAMIE:            All right. Let’s talk about that. Before we begin, I would like to tell you something, Jeremy. It’s always on you.

JEREMY: Okay. I like…

JAMIE:            Like a… it’s always on you. Now Jason is on a call. I am sure you can attest to this, he’s very fluent in NLP, right? And he would I am sure would back up on what I’m about to say here, there’s no such thing as somebody who can’t get the message. There’s only so much thing as inflexible communicators. So someone’s not getting the message that is purely reflection of your inability to be flexible. Let me give you more of an idea of what I am getting at here. There’s this classic book out there called, The Five love languages. Have you’ve read that before?

JEREMY: Oh, man, yeah. I was supposed to buy that yeah. Is it good?

JAMIE:            It’s phenomenal and it’s sure—

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            I can actually give you the summary right now.

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            But even if I give you the summary, I’ll give you the summary. It’s really quick, it’s a very basic book but still buy the book it’s worthwhile. So this is just an example in getting at her. The idea is that everyone has their own preferred type of communication, right? So for example I’m in a long term monogamous relationship, I personally have my own way that I prefer to feel, that I prefer to be told that I’m loved. For me it could be being told that I’m loved. Or it could be getting gifts or could be that my partner spends time with me. There are five languages according to this book.

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            Gifts, hearing it, spending time, touch I think is one of them, like affection. I forgot what the fifth one is, but the bottom line is there are five. Now here’s the problem. If I have my preferred communication, for example let’s just say, hypothetically, the way I feel loved is this someone tells me they love me. But what if I’m dating a woman who she feels loved if the person is affectionate with her. So when she wants to tell me she loves me because her communication style is affection, she tries to give me affection, but she never tells me I love you.

JEREMY: Oh.

JAMIE:            So even though she thinks she’s been telling me she loves me, in my eye, in my mind I’m not because I want to hear it.

JEREMY: Right. Wow.

JAMIE:            But so that’s the classic miscommunication. She thinks she’s telling me by showing me she loves me because she’s giving me affection, but that’s not what I want?

JEREMY: Right.

JAMIE:            For me to feel loved I need to hear it. And so hence you have the miscommunication. I say I don’t feel loved because I’m not getting what I want and she thinks she’s telling me she loves me because she’s giving it to me the way she wants it. So it in flux of a communicator will recognize that there’s different ways, there’s different preferred ways that people want to be communicated to. But a flexible communicator like the one that you’re going to become, recognizes that not everybody communicates or wants to be communicated with the same way that you prefer. Make sense?

JEREMY: Yeah. Completely. This is my issue.

JAMIE:            Well, it is a nonissue. It’s simply—

JEREMY: Well sometimes…

JAMIE:            It’s a challenge. It’s a challenge.

JEREMY: Yeah. It sure is.

JAMIE:            So I would highly recommend that you get that book because that will give you ways to be more—

JEREMY: I will.

JAMIE:            Flexible communication.

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            Because it’s always on you if the person’s not getting the message that’s simply requiring you to be more flexible in your approach.

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            So and then again NLP speaks a lot to that which is basically saying, hey, if you’re not making a connection with somebody it’s because you’re inflexible on the way you’re trying to communicate with them.

JEREMY: Mm-hm. Got it. Okay.

JAMIE:            So now let’s go a little further into this here. So what is it that you want to communicate? What are you having—specifically what are you trying to communicate that’s not being received?

JEREMY: We just don’t have a sexual relationship and we’re not romantic with each other and I don’t know why? And I am trying to resolve it and I don’t know how to fix it and she’ll blame herself about it. Or she’ll just say, I don’t know. We got we went through a big situation in the past that’s why. In the past like six months, so I think she’s slowly coming back in me but for me you know I guess my love language or whatever is to be shown. It’s an action for me. You know what I mean?

JAMIE:            Yeah. Yeah.

JEREMY: Instead of just saying I love you. I guess that’s how I feel it.

JAMIE:            Yeah. Definitely read that book and…

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            Let me ask you this, man.

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            To try and get that intimacy going, what have you tried so far? What have you tried that’s not worked?

JEREMY: I’ve bought flowers, I’ve brought her home, and invited her into my life with all the things I do. I work with kids; I invite her to all our shows. I share with her my day, I… what else?  I asked her about everything she does and I show her true interest in her life. And I try to be there for her in every way. And, you know I reached out to her through the day, tell her I love her you know. Ask her about her day, what else do I do.? I guess that about sums it up.

JAMIE:            Well that’s great.

JEREMY: I did everything I can think of to be quite… honestly.

JAMIE:            That’s okay, you’re doing fantastic. Let’s kind of lower this all here. So you brought her flowers that’s a gift, remember the love languages, buying gifts.

JEREMY: A home.

JAMIE:            Is that a kind of a gift too? Also you’re assuming if your reading it to her then you’re giving her the verbal too. You’re inviting her to your shows you’re spending time with her, that’s another love language. So you’re hitting a lot of that stuff. The one I haven’t really heard you really do so far is the affection.

JEREMY: Right.

JAMIE:            Like what did you try to do when you kind of set the mood?

JEREMY: I got to cuddle with her and then you know that’s as far as she’ll let it go. So she, I don’t know what’s going out with that but I’ll, you know I’ll hold her, when we watch a movie and I’ve even done this, I catch that question, I say would you like to cuddle tonight, while watching a movie and blah, blah, blah. And she won’t respond to it. She’ll avoid it. And that…

JAMIE:            It’s okay. I sound like she’s not really as responsive to the words. She sounds like she wants to…

JEREMY: Yeah. Yeah.

JAMIE:            Feel it and to see it. Don’t… that was a good attempt, but I would kind of maybe see her often I think you know, for example like, relationships in general, Jeremy,  are not things you intellectually discuss. It’s not like, hey, Jennifer, I think we should be intimate. I’ve made this PowerPoint presentation I want to show you.

JEREMY: Right!

JAMIE:            Here’s slide one, on a certain guy. . .  slide two . . .

JEREMY: Yeah. Apparently.

JAMIE:            It’s an emotional thing. So you want to do is next time you’re with her, don’t ask, just like give her a hug and kind of like linger for a second. Why you smell really good. Maybe kiss her on the neck. Don’t talk about it just do it. Understand—

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            That she might need more time to become comfortable but just like what we were talking about before. If you kind off escalate a little bit, you kind of kiss her on the neck. And you’ll make her feel comfortable and make it roll off, like, you do smell really good. Like what are you wearing?

JEREMY: Got it.

JAMIE:            You kind of deepen your voice but I think what you really need to push is the affection. Just don’t talk about it just do it? But also allow her—

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            To be comfortable. If she rebuffs your overture just allow it to be. But don’t let that stop you from coming in again like, oh, my god, you really smells so good.

JEREMY: And don’t react. Because I’ve done that and that doesn’t work. You’re right.

JAMIE:            Don’t react to it, intellectualize—allow her to feel comfortable with you. Allow yourself to have fun with it. There’s a great—

JEREMY: Yeah.

JAMIE:            Phrase from a very spectacular coach, and he’d say, change their mood not their mind.

JEREMY: Hm. I like that. I like that.

JAMIE:            Change your mood physically; you smell, wow, you smell so good. Hug her. Oh, my god, baby, I can’t let go of you today. You do stuff like that. And then again if she—

JEREMY: Right.

JAMIE:            And then if she rebuffs your offer, just roll off and then come back. And then you smell really good. And hold her hand.

JEREMY: Right.

JAMIE:            Just keep escalating and doing until you kind of you get her comfortable, just keep on doing it and allow her to rebuff you as many times as she needs to get comfortable. And throw a lot of humor in there.

JEREMY: Yeah. Got it. This is like. This is great!

JAMIE:            You can make her laugh, you can disarm her.

JEREMY: Uh-huh. Okay.

JAMIE:            So humor—use humor to disarm her and just be physical. In much more go for the affection.

JEREMY: Okay. Go for affection.

JAMIE:            Dude, don’t just settle for cuddling. Kiss her like kiss her on the nose. Oh my god you smell so good.

JEREMY: Yeah.

JAMIE:            And then if she accepts it go for more. Dude, she’s—

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            Your relationship with her, she wants this. She’s looking for you to pave the way so she feels comfortable and secure.

JEREMY: Right. And that’s what I didn’t know what to do.

JAMIE:            Security. You got to make her feel secure, that you’re not going anywhere. That she can trust you but also at the same time don’t do too much cuddling. Start really reignite that flame man. But you got to do—

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            That by allowing yourself to put yourself out there, allow yourself to be rebuffed the first time and you know just come back in, just keep doing it and if she kind of turns you down temporarily. It’s cool then come back in.

JEREMY: Right.

JAMIE:            And if she just make it kind of playful.

JEREMY: Don’t take it personally.

JAMIE:            Yeah. Don’t take it personally. Add humor. Like I knew, oh, my god. This is one sexy knee. Oh my god, can I kiss your knee. Oh my god, it’s so sexy. I just loved the way it’s shaped. You know just make it fun and playful.

JEREMY: Yeah. You’re right. Exactly.

JAMIE:            But the ones that your not really been hitting on the five love languages is the affection piece.

JEREMY: Yep.

JAMIE:            Not cuddling, affection. Like you know really trying to get some kind of intimacy going and just allow her to kind of push you off as many times as she needs to do to let her know you’re totally okay with it. You’re going to make your time. A hot make out sessions is good enough for tonight if she’s going to let you do that and she will! She wants to; she wouldn’t be in a relationship with you if she didn’t want that. She wants you to make her feel comfortable. That she can trust you, that you’re really attracted to her and that she’s the number one—she wants you to make feel that way. So you need to go about it two different ways than what you have been doing for. The affection and the humor, that’s going to be two ways for you to make some real head way in your relationship. Don’t talk about

JEREMY: That’s definitely right. Don’t talk about it.

JAMIE:            Just do.

JEREMY: Yeah. All right. That’s just huge. You’re exactly right. This is exactly why I have everything else covered but the affection part that was… I get it.

JAMIE:            Be a flexible communicator, you’re always that. It’s not personal. She doesn’t feel safe.

JEREMY: Yeah. Not personal.

JAMIE:            She doesn’t feel safe. She doesn’t feel safe. You got to give her that so.

JEREMY: For sure you’re right.

JAMIE:            But at the same time get the affection going like show her how attracted she is to you allow her to kind of move with the pace. Get a good make out session going. And you’ll be the one who’s stop it. Oh my god, honey this is too much for the night. I can’t take it anymore. Like whatever.

JEREMY: You’re right.

JAMIE:            Yeah turn on and let her know you’re there to stay.

JEREMY: That’s cool. Great.

JAMIE:            Jason, do you want to add anything on that?

JEREMY: Thanks for being helpful, man.

JAMIE:            You’re very welcome, man.

JASON:           Yeah.

JAMIE:            Jason, do you want to add to that?

JASON:           Yes. So I’m going to come in from a more abstract level. I don’t know if you’ve heard of that, if you’ve read that book, it’s from David Deida. Something, I could send you a link to it.

JEREMY: Please, yes.

JASON:           But basically it talks about really embracing your masculine energy.

JEREMY: Okay.

JASON:           See in a relationship to me, I liked to be kept on my toes. I like that constant challenge or else I get bored.

JEREMY: I kind of understand. Yeah.

JASON:           I like the constant challenge and tests I’m like oh, looks like a new exciting little thing to do. So I need that and my question to you is, it seems like you’re putting in all the work.

JEREMY: Yes I am.

JASON:           You’re trying to make it happen. What is in it for you?

JEREMY: I don’t know. I guess—I do love her. I do feel  my… I feel that… that’s a great question. I don’t know. \.

JASON:           I might drill you a little bit more but not to the point where I’m like bum you out but just a couple of questions to keep in mind after… the whole—this whole concept it’s like what I found is that you can’t put everything out at once because it can get overwhelming for her and she won’t know how to handle it. So as like the masculine energy you are more of like the grounding force where you’re there, you’re the safety zone, you’re like the whatever you want to call it you know. I call it a grounding force and its basically you have that communication set in place that when she comes to you it’s a safe zone and when you’re with her its coming from a place of like no pressure but more of like we’re here because we want to be. Both of us.

JEREMY: Right. Okay.

JASON:           So this is something that I personally do with all my relationships is, I give them the opportunity to leave at any point.

JEREMY: Okay.

JASON:           And I make it pretty clear like, hey you know this is my beliefs, these are my boundaries, this is what I like and dislike.  And I like you but I’m pursuing my higher mission in life, where I’m going to put in the effort if I really care about you but if I feel like you’re not matching me, that’s where it starts psychologically messing with your head.

JEREMY: Yeah. No, I’m there. I get it.

JASON:           See from your situation, I dealt with something similar but I don’t want to project what I did and what happened but you know basically sometimes you get in this point where you still love them and care about the person, but another part of you is like is this really the person?

JEREMY: Right. You’re right. Yeah and that’s the question I’ve asked myself like is this, you know I cheat her, I’m her strength. Like is this the person that I want to be with right now or am I just scared of being alone?

JASON:           Mm-hm. And—

JEREMY: And I don’t know if I can answer that.  I don’t know. Because she does touch my heart in a lot of ways you know and so its very hard question for me to answer I guess.

JASON:           And that’s why I say I don’t want to push into it but—

JEREMY: Yeah I understand.

JASON:           I think the question you really got to ask yourself is if you can detach yourself from that situation and pretend for a moment that you never knew her. And that you were, you had no ties because basically when you enter a relationship, it take you into this agreement between the two persons where your like, okay this is a side of me that’s kind of like fit the relationship. And then this is the side I’m going to bring out and I had to kind of suppress this side of me because it’s going to make me uncomfortable… did, does this kind of make sense?

JEREMY: Uh-huh . Yeah.

JASON:           So then you really have to ask yourself like have I given up something of myself that is my core nature just to be with this person? Because my personal philosophy is I want people in my life that are going to bring up.

JEREMY: Right. Of course.

JASON:           So that’s there—

JEREMY: Yeah. Your energy.

JASON:  Yeah.

JEREMY: And no she doesn’t do that. No. I that’s one thing that we share energy which is that’s one thing that I guess probably keeps me from coming around is the energy that we share. And maybe I’m making, maybe she should be more of a best friend in a way than a girlfriend, you know what I mean.

JASON:           And you could take it there.

JEREMY: Exactly and that’s why I made this thing, I was journaling and I say, well, I’ll give this like six months of just doing focused on her and like do everything I can and see where it heads at that point. If I’m not happy, but I don’t know if that’s the right way… that’s just I wish it’s not what I came up with.

JASON:           Yeah, well anyone has their own right answer and it’s up to them to find it. Everyone makes their own life path. You know but here’s the thing, if you’re putting in all this work and then she’s not returning it, I don’t know about you but I question myself I’m like, is it me?

JEREMY: Right. No, that’s exactly how I feel. Right,

JASON:           And then I stepped back and I looked at it like, well, this girl really like me for doing the same things this girl likes me. So then I got to the conclusion where I’m like okay, it’s not me its actually pretty 100% it’s her. So whatever I did what I had to do, and yeah I still missed her, I still cared about her but its more my, what my purpose was in life and did she fulfilled my purpose because remember you don’t owe her anything.

JEREMY: You’re right.

JASON:           Now as far as fixing it and whatnot, you know the relationship it’s just like what Jamie says, this constant like push and pull you kind of like create tension and then back off. You got to challenge her and flirt all the time. You got to think it like what you did to seduce her and meet her at the beginning that has to continue throughout the relationship so…

JEREMY: Right.

JASON:           That aspect dies, and you fall into complacency, that’s when people feel weird and they don’t know why.

JEREMY: Oh wow. I’m writing it all down.

JASON:           But I make the concept like its…

JEREMY: Yeah. I know. I completely get it. You’re right. And that’s exactly where at. We’re both complacent she’s complacent and I’m complacent and I’m trying to make it un-complacent.

JASON:           Write this down. The book is I recommend also, there’s a video in YouTube called Tony Robbins, Heal your relationship no matter what. It talks about the style of communicating between males and females where he explains how it’s a completely different style of communicating.

JEREMY: Okay.

JASON:           So I’d recommend that video.

JEREMY: Okay. I’m in this. I’m going to write it down.

JASON:           I’ll get something really quick.

JEREMY: Okay. I wrote it down. I’ll check that out after this. Thanks man. I’ll do all the things that you said. Both of you. Jamie and Jason. You guys are awesome. I was lost until this phone call.

JAMIE:            Yeah. You have some good stuff too. I think you’re going to have a great experience from trying out what we just talked about. I just want to add one last thing.

JEREMY: Well, yeah.

JAMIE:            I’m going to… This is just an assumption by the way. This is not a technique. I mean I know you kind of well at this point, Jeremy. I mean you’re started to go out there dating and you’re having some fun. I really… I really think you do want to make this work. I think you’re only in my impression I can be totally wrong because you sound like you’re sound like you’re second guessing yourself. Well maybe we’re better off as best friends. You know, I think you did make a real decision from a place of power that you did want to try to make this relationship workout. So it sounds like and again I could be wrong here, it sounds like the only reason why you’re kind of doubting yourself now, it sounds like you’re just a little frustrated.

JEREMY: Yeah.

JAMIE:            And the frustration sounds like it’s almost what—the decision you made. The decision is that you do want to make it work but you’re frustrated and now maybe I don’t want to make it work because how long do I want to endure? You know what I am saying?

JEREMY: Mm-hm. Exactly.

JAMIE:            That’s what it sounds like so I say get back in there. You have some new things to try.

JEREMY: Okay.

JAMIE:            Come in there with an open mind and an open heart. And give it your best shot, but you know don’t let some frustration cloud what the decision you’ve made for yourself.

JEREMY: You’re right. Yeah!

JAMIE:            You know, as long as you see there are some ways to come and move forward now with that said..ahh, I don’t want to say do this indefinitely at a certain point you say look I’m giving in my all here and this person is not giving me anything back. It is so important you might still say, and I’m not saying you’re here yet. I think there’s really some great stuff to try. I can appreciate why you know, your partner is not opening up to you. She’s just doesn’t feel safe. Anyone will tell you they don’t feel safe, they’re not opening anything to you. You know what I’m saying?

JEREMY: Yeah, I can get it now. Yeah.

JAMIE:            So make her feel safe. Like you know do these things we talked about. Now if you do these things and I didn’t say it because I don’t want you to even think this in your head but I’m going to, at a certain point you have a time line where you’re like okay, I’ve given it my all. I mean, I want this relationship to work out and I’m just getting words for another six months, yeah at a certain point you’ll say okay. There are hurt beyond a point that I’m able to help.

JEREMY: Yeah.

JAMIE:            But when you said that to yourself, Jeremy, they’ll taking full ownership of the communication. It’s still actually, that’s still not blaming them. That’s still saying, hey, you know, I didn’t have full control here. I’ve not been able to communicate with you with all the A, B and C and D I’ve done, so maybe I need to give them some space. That’s not giving up by the way. It’s just saying, hey, I just got the wrong stuff to get the result. I as a coach also have some clients who I’m like this person has some stuff that I just can’t be able to fix for them. They need to go to some more pain first.

JEREMY: Right. Oh, wow.

JAMIE:            Or I’m not able to help them at the level they are at. So, it’s not that I’m giving up on them, I’m just saying, I just understand that they need to go through some stuff first and I just need to let them go and they will contact me when they’re ready.

JEREMY: Right.

JAMIE:            But, I, don’t mistake it’s not like I’m giving up on that person. I’m just, I just recognize that they have to do their own inner healing first. That’s not the same as judging them like, oh, they’re wrong. They’re f****d up.

JEREMY: Right.

JAMIE:            I’m not saying that.

JEREMY: Of course.

JAMIE:            I’m just saying that. I’m simply saying that they have some stuff they need to do themselves first and then they’ll be open to what I have to say.  So, sometimes your relationship there’s only so much you can do. You know like. But it’s not blaming them, it’s actually respecting that they have some stuff they need to attend to themselves first.

JEREMY: Right.

JAMIE:            But try those stuff first. I think you’ll have a good experience actually from what we’ve talked about. If you’re persistent and you have an open mind and you don’t take it personally. I think you’re going to make some good headway. Personally.

JEREMY: I totally agree. And like you said, if you do those five love languages and there’s still no response, like at that point its time to make a decision then but till then like commit and do the work and not g with the frustration. I get it. I have some good stuff, man.

JAMIE:            Just remember here. Jason, just one last thing and I’ll be done.

JASON:           Yeah. I just want. Yeah.

JAMIE:            One last thing. Do what we always tell you man, don’t—focus on this as you go through this as you go through this which might not be so pleasant. I know it’s probably not you’ll be—

JEREMY: Very frustrated.

JAMIE:            I want you to keep on remembering this. No matter what happens or does not happen in this relationship you’re still getting something. You’re still improving yourself.

JEREMY: I know. Yeah.

JAMIE:            You’re still learning things that could be leverage in the future. Whether it’s with her or without her—

JEREMY: Yep.

JAMIE:            You’re becoming a better stronger person. So you’re not stagnant you’re still, you’re making progress. Do you understand? You’re not losing time here.

JEREMY: Yeah! That’s what I’m stoked about. Like you said the push and pull stuff is like things I need know anyway so it doesn’t matter—

JASON:           Yeah.

JEREMY: If I worked with her or not. It’s going to work with somebody.

JAMIE:            No matter where you’re coming out you’re winning.

JEREMY: Right. She’s just the test person. I’ll try something of that.

JAMIE:            Yeah.

JEREMY: Okay. I got it, man. Perfect.

JAMIE:            Yeah. Jason.

JASON:           Yeah. I just wanted to add, when I said like when I got you the question in the other set what are you getting out of it? Do you really want to be with her? I’m not suggesting that it’s more of like to get you thinking in both directions.

JEREMY: I totally. I got that. It made complete sense.

JASON:           And then..

JEREMY: From her perspective is that what you’re saying? And for my perspective. Been kind of like instead of me being in my body kind of hover above it and might look at this interaction without attachment, without a bias.

JASON:           That was the next thing. Do not let frustration control your decision making process.

JEREMY: Yeah.

JASON:           It’s better to take a moment. Take a deep breath and actually detach like you said and look at the situation objectively.

JEREMY: Yeah. That’s what I need to do.

JASON:           And then the next thing the book is called the Way of the Superior Man.

JEREMY: Okay. Hold on. Book. Way of the Superior Man.

JASON:           Yeah. Check out that book and watch that Tony Robbins video.

JEREMY: Okay. Fantastic. Thank you so much guys!

JAMIE:            You’re welcome. All right. Yeah. Awesome chat and well will speak soon Jeremy. And Jason, thank you very much. Awesome, awesome stuff.

JEREMY: Yeah. Thank you so much guys!

JAMIE:            Have a great rest of the weekend. Happy Easter. And speak to you soon.

JEREMY: Happy Easter, man.

JASON:           All right.

JEREMY: Thank you. Ba-bye.

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