Today’s podcast we talked about objection handlers and how to stack forward after a potentially awkward moment. We specifically talked about how to deal with shit tests such as “Are you a player?” or “I heard that line before.” Also we talked about the importance of going for an instant date whenever possible or at the least a move.
JAMIE: Okay, Mike. Rock and roll, man. What do you got?
MIKE: And so—I went out last night and I opened a few sets actually, using materials that I learned, and every time I went into a set I got the expected responses to the opener. The hey, guys, opener; wait for them to respond and I’d go away. And a couple times, this happened a couple of times; the first question that they asked before I can go on was that if I’m a player? I couldn’t understand why they keep asking that question?
MIKE: I kind of laugh it off though. And then in a couple of other situations after opening, right way, they are like, oh can I take our picture? So, and then they kind of disappeared after that, and other instances I would go—
JAMIE: Let’s talk about those first actually. Let’s not jump all over the place. I think that’s actually good opportunity. So first one, are you a player? Player, can you take a picture? So, I’m—tell me if I’m wrong on this one, I’m going to assume, you want to know how to kind of, you wanted some ideas on how to handle that? Did you kind of lose the momentum on those the ones like are you a player?
MIKE: Well, yeah, I kind of laugh it off and but yeah, basically, I couldn’t get past that or they were just kind of dissipate going back to what they were doing. I want to understand.
JAMIE: These are great opportunities because what you can do is the ideas, you know we have we come into our conversations with objection handlers for everything. Like, for example it you start conversation the girl says right away, Oh my GOD! I’m sorry it’s nice to meet you, Mike but I have a boyfriend. You might have an automatic objection handler such as, really, you just meet me, and you’re all ready telling me your problems? Do you have these go, so for example, if you do get ones like that–
JAMIE: By the way let me tell you a little something here. I mean I don’t get it very often but you know it’s almost like it’s almost like women go on autopilot every so often, all you’re going to have a girl ask you those type of questions like, or say something like, oh I’ve heard that before. Now here’s the thing, Mike might stuffs very original, like I know she’s not heard of it before, so like, but I’m ready for that. If the girl sees, oh, I’ve heard that line before. I might say something like, oh, my god, it’s so fantastic because I totally forgot what comes next, can you help me? Or like, but these are things—
JAMIE: That I’d be ready to say. But anyway, to your one, if the girl says, are you trying to pick us up? But you say, actually if I was trying to pick you up, I’d probably do something like this, and walk over and actually pick her up off the ground. Hey, are you following me?
JAMIE: That’s one. If a girl said specifically, are you a player? You can try some stuff like, oh my god, hey, yeah. I do actually. Have you seen this? And just pull up an app where you play or something. Like for example, there are some really cool apps out there, have you ever played this before? And I have a really cool app that I’ve download called Dream Moods. Technically you’re not playing a game per se, but you’re kind of playing with… it’s a dream interpretation app, have you ever seen it?
MIKE: Okay. I haven’t.
JAMIE: Well, the idea is if she goes, are you a player? Say, absolutely. You don’t deny s***. The idea is you play into this things with, you react to her playfully, you don’t deny it. If anything, you can exaggerate it. So, for example, absolutely, oh my god! Have you played this? And then you show her something, and then you basically a pretty much like just a kind of yeah, yeah, yeah-ing her, as if what she’s saying is stupid and you are just having fun. So you’re showing—the key, Mike is to be not reactive, and have fun. And not let her kind of screech tires, you know hold everything. Yeah, just keep the momentums going. You add some levity and the way you do that is you have pre prepared objection handlers. So, if she said, are you a player? Absolutely! Oh, my god! Have you played this one before? And you show her something. But the ideas of what you’re showing should be actually interesting, or cool, or bring up a topic of its own. So, for example I would say, hey! Oh my god, yeah! Absolutely! Have you played this before? I would show her this dream app, and I would just go into this conversation about this dream I had recently and what it told me. Are you following me? So, another was you’re giving no attention—
JAMIE: To all. You’re giving no attention to all this stupidity that she just brought into the conversation. You’re talking to her as if she’s like your 10 year old niece. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome. Check this one out. Get it?
JAMIE: Does that make sense for you, or do I, should elaborate on that more?
MIKE: Yeah, I know I get it. I just play along with it.
JAMIE: Yeah, it looks like I play along.
MIKE: So completely change it.
MIKE: And use change of frame, right?
JAMIE: Yeah. Change of frame, like she’s your 10-year-old niece and you’re just kind of… she’s a kid, you know like you’re treating her like your little niece, like whatever. You know like you’re being stupid here. Let me control the conversation here. Are trying to pick me up? Absolutely—actually, if I was trying to pick you up I’d probably do something like this. Pick her up off the floor. Is that a line? Actually is that your line asking me if that’s my line? You just have all these like objection handlers to just make it playful and keep it going. Clear?
MIKE: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I got it.
JAMIE: I gave you several. Write it down specifically. If she asks you if you’re trying to pick her up, see, well, if I was trying to pick you up I’d do something like this, pick her up off the ground. If she asks if you’re a player say, absolutely. Hey, have you played this before? Sure cool app, that’s kind of something fun and interesting. I would recommend the app Dream Moods, because it brings a really interesting topic about dream interpretation.
JAMIE: If she says, is that a line? If she says, is that a line? Say well, is that your line asking me if that’s my line? Get it? So the idea is you’re just, you’re making her sound like that’s her line that she says that to everybody. So, you’re turning right back on her.
JAMIE: Does that kind of cover you a little bit?
MIKE: Yeah, yeah. I know this is great.
JAMIE: Now, now, now, here’s the next key. Now you handled her objection, you’ve added some levity, you’ve kind of disarmed her little bit. The next key Mike is to have what your stack forward is going to be, so you can do in that kind of situation you’ve stacked forward to a pre—I’m not a big fan of opinion openers. And the reason for that is because as I’m sure you’ve gone so far, opinion openers can work in principle if you really believe in it or if you’re really curious about that topic. You following me?
MIKE: Yeah, yeah.
JAMIE: But in this case, this one is the only times I seldom use pre-prepared opinion openers to keep the momentum going. So I might say, like for example, I had a girl… she actually accused me using pick-up lines but it’s kind of funny. I had pick—I approached her direct and I was talking for about three or four minutes, she’s coming on kind of strong, and she says, she goes, you know? This is what’s interesting about you. You haven’t asked that really, you’re saying these very clear straight forward things but you haven’t asked something that I think you should have asked. Now Mike, I knew what she was referring to. Do you know what I’m referring to? It’s that she’s basically referring to—
JAMIE: That I haven’t even asked her if she had a boyfriend. Like I’m coming on strong but I’m not asking her if she’s even available. And I again, again, you do this enough times you kind of see certain patterns you know emerge. So what I said to her when she said to me or essentially insinuated that I should be asking her if she’s even available. I said well, actually, I’m not even hitting on you. I said I’m actually seeing if you’re worth hitting on. That’s another objection handler by the way. But then what I did from there is then I went for a pre prepared opinion opener and I’ve said, hey, while I got you here let me get your opinion on this, and then I went into an opinion opener. That is when the only times I personally like to go into a pre prepared opinion opener to keep the momentum going because the key is you want to have your objection handler to handle her, to control the frame also Mike to add some levity, right? If you make her laugh, you can keep it going. But then from there you go to keep the momentum going. You can’t just let it pause, you can’t just sit there on your little nagger objection handler, you want to have a stack forward. So that’s when a few times that I will use the opinion opener just to keep the momentum going. Does that make sense?
MIKE: Yeah. Okay.
HOST: So that’s so, sometimes you’ll have these various opinion openers that you may use just to keep going. Another example I’ll do, if a girl says, yeah, again, are you trying to pick me up? Actually if I was trying to pick you up I’d probably do something like this and then I’d do the little routine I just told you. Then from there I might say, hey, actually why you’re here? I just moved here from you know from New York so where, you know, where do you like, you know what are some good things around here? You know or I have a friend in this thing, you might go on something like that, that’s kind of not necessary straight up opinion opener but you’re still engaging her in a normal conversation just to keep the momentum going for a little bit. It makes sense?
JAMIE: So these are, but these… so the eyes so the key have objection handlers and these are great experience as man because it’s getting you, it’s getting you prepared so because these things are P. It’s getting you prepared I’m giving you a ton of objection handlers you can use and then the next key is it’s your job to keep the momentum going. Try doing an opinion opener; just have an opinion opener right after that one. Hey, while I have you here, let me get your opinion on this. Boom. And then keep them going.
JAMIE: You think that will be helpful for you?
MIKE: Yeah, very helpful. Yes, I wrote them down. What about the pictures scenario because that one… a of couple times they asked for pictures and the second time it actually happened I had sort of returned the favor and then we took a group photo together and then she was with her friend and her friend was like, no, this is not right. And then she pulled her friend to get away. And they just kind of left.
JAMIE: Instead of asking instead of them for you know you to take a picture, do the same thing. Hey, while I’ve got you here, let me get your opinion on this? So you just completely segway in to just a normal conversation.
MIKE: Until we dismiss there but to take a picture.
JAMIE: You could, if you want to have some fun. I mean that would not be wrong. Hey, I will in a second but before I do, let me get your opinion on this real quick. You could absolutely do that.
JAMIE: Where, you know—
MIKE: It could seem like that.
JAMIE: What’s that?
MIKE: No. I was just saying it seem all they wanted was to get their picture taken and then leave.
JAMIE: It will be that’s just their perception until you prove them wrong. Remember, you know we do live in a judgmental world. People are judging you very quickly that might be all they had in store for you first but if you show value I mean let’s exaggerate this for a second. Let’s just say right afterwards they saw that you are…
MIKE: Hey! Where?
JAMIE: What’s that?
MIKE: It wasn’t me.
JAMIE: Okay. Let’s just say they saw that you were clearly connected to whatever venue you are in, right? Like maybe even own the place or you’re the top promoter whatever. If they see that, their perception is going to change. You following me?
JAMIE: There’s only that perception right away, right away you might be an average looking guy. Right away you might have no extra perceived value, but you can change that very quickly depending upon how you present yourself so that’s your… so however that opportunity showed up well, whatever. That’s your opportunity so you can change their perception by offering something interesting. I will encourage you just to try and see what happens. You’ll have an experience and that will show you that will show you what I’m talking about.
JAMIE: And remember, Mike, always have fun with this stuff, man. This is an exact science. You know come in to this like you’re coming with some really powerful tools but at the same time, don’t have your ego so attached to the outcome. You know like you know just have some fun here. I’m going to throw the opinion open right out there right from the beginning you know just to see what’s going to happen. Like let’s just try something, but in principle you know the idea is we’re trying to control the frame. You’re trying to control the direction of where the conversation goes and regardless what their initial perceived, perception of you is you can always change that. You’re really one like—if you can make the girl laugh, you’re in. And when I say you’re in what I mean is you’ve at least open up a door to have a couple minutes with them. All you going to do is make her laugh and she will listen to you for a few minutes. That’s it. That’s all it takes. It’s actually not that complicated.
MIKE: Yeah. And the cold read does that. It’s just exactly that.
MIKE: All the mind read. Best friends then, the girls I’ve built. It does that every time.
MIKE: Okay, okay. And I know, when I went to the boot camp, I saw you do this. How do you feel if the attachment is kind of far away?
JAMIE: Yeah, I mean well, the key is like right when that friends comes in, just introduce yourself quickly and engage with the group. Trying to, trying to disarm them. Now, now if you do that and the girl still being like a little bit of a pain in the ass, you know then you kind of playfully challenge her a little bit. Well the ideas of course is just be quite normal like, hey, I’m Jaime, nice to meet you. How do you guys know each other? Again you’re just trying to control the conversation. The key, is not to let yourself just stand there; let them kind of just talking kind of leave you out. Right away just introduce yourself. Hey, I’m Mike. I’m Jamie. Nice to meet you. How do you guys—how do you know Jennifer? And get them engaged in that way. If she still tries to pull away, then you kind of, maybe then you can have some fun, say, wait, hold on a second. What are you, the take -away friend? Is she the reason why you’re still single? Then you can do stuff like that. But at first try and just be polite and friendly.
JAMIE: Does that make sense?
Jaime: He is engaged right away, just be a friendly, sociable guy. Remember you’re not showing your hand yet. You’re just being, you’re just offering, you know you’re just offering some fun conversation, nothing more, nothing less. But after you do that, and there being, and this new friend is being almost outright impolite, then you can start clowning her a little bit, like, alright, wait, hold on. Are you the take away friend? Is she the reason why you’re still single? You play with her then.
JAMIE: All right. So awesome. Is that good for today?
MIKE: Yeah, yeah. That’s perfect.
JAMIE: All right. Wonderful. So hey, KC. Some time I didn’t see you man. Can you hear me?
KC: Yeah. I can hear you. Can you hear me?
JAMIE: All right then. Yeah, I hear you just fine. Let’s do them done hear what you got going on. Tell me? We haven’t had you in a while, so it’s nice to have you here.
KC: Yeah, it has been. It been a minute man. Really just been grinding, you know working in course with the kids.
JAMIE: Yeah, I hear you.
KC: Then I’m out on a few dates now. Got a few, you know ladies, but, one of them I’m in the middle of having kind of back out of it. I’ve saved it. Have you some of the things that I’ve learned and read about so far and have some stuff that become shared with me. It’s worked. My confidence is back, it’s been a little easier, I guess as I try to, never been out there, the one about ten to fifteen a week as in like just doing openers, just doing trying to move through a full set just because I don’t really have the time. A lot of my stuff is kind of day time. They gain things and as I meet people. So I tried to take advantage of when I’m, because of my meetings in different places and served in different places and boards, there’s a little bit of status they kind of come to some of it and so I recognized that and I tried to take advantage of this. So it’s been a little easier but at one party, there was kind of just the cold approach to somebody I didn’t know.
JAMIE: All right.
KC: And went out a little bit here recently and hanged out and kind of did some things for me for my birthday, so she want to move a little quicker than what I needed to kind of back and off back. The other two was just kind of taking it easy. But what I do alone and so the cold approach was not leading or controls the set. And we’re just really trying to control the set in that conversation how to, you know with my own questions and maybe a little bit of a DHVs here and there with some stories and all. So really kind of trying to learn that part and also when I do see a woman that is out cannot come down the pedestal. So this is just somebody else, you know just anybody, any woman that I’m talking about. When I see a very gorgeous woman, I’m trying not to put her up on a status on a pedestal that is so high I’m not able to take us clearly of the swift or swoon on my feet to think how to you know kind of set self. That’s about it man.
JAMIE: Well what I’d like to do here KC is and you know that its good, I hear some good alluding to some fun and success you’re having. But really what I want to do to give you something really work with is you know, if you’ve been in the last few weeks like maybe a cold approach that did not work out really well, because that’s kind of like we’re taking a second go with Mike. I want to take you through one where I can give you some ex—I can help you get some next steps. Can we talk about one like that? That would be very… I think that would be valuable for you. Because that’s how we grow, right? And you know why think, what I think about, let me share something here a little bit.
This I think would be beneficial for Mike as well. You know again I want to remind you guys, you can’t take this stuff too seriously and sometimes people will quote unquote, “get the better of you” because for a reason you’re just not fully prepped up. Who knows, right? You always have to come at this almost like a kid almost like this excitement like one of the s***s even going to work. You know, you have to you can’t take this to seriously. Yeah, you move forward purposefully but at the same time you know allow yourself to just kind of enjoy the process and not be so hung up on whether you get that success or not. So you know with that said, know why your thinking KC, I’m always in a state of learning and the guys that I learn from who have been doing this f***ing ever. Like I do dude, like I know those guys.
They are always in a state of learning, they always have new situations like ohhh, make this a better way to handle. Even the other day I was in a grocery store and I love talking to people just randomly like I just, you going to start, you have to love that with what we do. And I’m talking to this girl you know in the proto section and she starts telling me like I just need some comment about what she’s looking at various protos. And she goes, I said to her you look like you’re just very at peace. And she was, because I do a lot of meditation. And now I decided to kind of have some fun with her and I said some kind of cheeky lines to her and this didn’t go off very well. Just so you know, KC. I go, really, who do you study with and she’s like, I don’t know, she just do my own thing and like please I want to know who your master is. You know I’m having fun with her but in the end it didn’t go very well and that’s okay because remember you know it’s you have to, the only way you get better is if you make mistake.
You have to make mistakes to get better, life has to be challenging. If life was not challenging, well then you wouldn’t f***ing appreciate it when things finally go your way. So you have to go to that. These are all always opportunity to grow. And that’s really what I want you for you here, is I want to help you grow. I don’t just want a pat in the back like tell me what didn’t go so well so we can work a truce and can do better the next time.
KC: Okay. Well I can’t think of all the details of all the things that were said because sometimes it’s just kind of step on the fly.
KC: But I will like you know I’m out and this has happened more times than really what I’m used to.
KC: So I’m out you know maybe in a restaurant and I’m talking to the waitress and the waitress’s nice. And I’ll flirt with the waitress and I understand that they get in on or could be anywhere so this has happened a few times. I’m talking to the woman and you know, hey, hi. I’m KC. Good to meet you. It depends on what she is doing if we are at Starbucks I may say something about a drink, have you tried that before? You know it’s like the new drink. I see this unicorn drawing, what do you think about that? You know whatever.
So we’ll chat just for a hot second about that and then I’ll go in to like you are you buying this coffee for somebody else? You taken this to the office or something like that, you know. Come here often? And because I know I don’t have a lot of time so I’m in line or something. And to fast forward to what happens with some of these situations whether at Starbucks or a restaurant, I will get to the point of getting the number and then I remembered what you said about trying to set up the date beforehand that’s hard to do when it’s sort of quick but at least in my mind it’s hard to do when it’s quick and you standing in line or at a lunch meeting or something like that and I don’t want to leave the company that I have at the table too long.
Have gone to the point who I have gotten the number and would then three, between three to five hours I’d send her a text and I try to say something cheeky because I try to plant something funny you know what I’m saying. Hey, it’s the guy you know who’s been dreaming about the unicorn drink or whatever. This whatever to try to have some fun like you said but try not to be corny either but still try to be funny. Hey you always so friendly with strangers like this and whatever the case is and man I haven’t gotten any response from her or one other time I did get a date.
JAMIE: Al right, let’s stop there because you brought some really good topic. I don’t want you go too far before I get to say something. As I was writing notes down as you’re speaking a couple of things to mention here. Now remember the main it sounds the main question you’re going to ask is, when I meet people like Starbucks or whatever and I’m engaging in very light small talk and it’s only last for 2 minutes or so, I want to improve so it sounds like what you’re saying, I want to improve the conversions I’m getting and get more women actually responsive to me.
KC: That’s true.
JAMIE: Am I hearing you correctly?
KC: Yeah. But even when I get the number I want them to respond to—
JAMIE: Yeah, Yeah. I get it. So the question it sounds that you have is, when you met this woman for a very quick moment like in a Starbucks.
JAMIE: Get their number or whatever it is, you’re looking to improve the responses you’re getting like your texting them, oftentimes you’re not getting a response you want to get more or you want to improve that—
JAMIE: So you could actually get to see them again.
JAMIE: It’s sounds that kind of rolled up together. Is that correct?
JAMIE: Okay, so now I wrote notes from everything you said so far so let’s talk about few things here. Now remember, KC, what’s happening which she’s doing here from the moment she meets you till the time she’s starts getting messages from you, she’s thinking on her head something along lines of a couple of things. Does this guy present value to me? Is he the kind of guy that I would want to get to know? Do I feel like I can actually engage in a conversation with him? Do I feel like it would be fun, playful, and easy? These are the kind of things that you want to give her in that experienced. Right?
The lesser reference she has of you, the less she feels comfortable and she’s going to be actually have a good time with you, the less likely she has to agree to a lunch or dinner. But if she feels like you just seen like to have this wonderful energy the more likely she is to say the results like, you know what? There’s something about him. F*** it let’s do it. You following me?
KC: Yeah. Yeah.
JAMIE: So she is essentially doing it in essence that she is doing a value valuation of you. That was she’s doing. She is kind of sizing you up and saying, is this guy worth putting any energy into at all And she’s going to based that depending upon her small interaction with you. So let’s talk about what you did here or things were doing and how to improve that. So, when you meet her in the line you’re asking questions like, are you ordering coffee for someone else? Do you come here often? Right. Let me ask you a question. Do you think that adds value to her day? For example a question like you come here often is there anything it all that’s entertaining or engaging about that?
KC: Not she might also probably been asked the same question whenever you say that to someone.
JAMIE: Yeah. Ever ask the same question there’s no value there? Dude you’re not offering anything. At least talk about the unicorn drink or something like that has something creative behind it, but the question like, do you come here often? That is an empty question there is no value coming from that. It’s just it’s almost like your saying to her I’m just going to let words coming out of my mouth without really thinking about what I’m giving you.
JAMIE: You following me?
KC: Okay. Yeah.
JAMIE: So you wanted to is you want to shift from asking questions to making statements. You want to add value not suck value. Asking questions is sucking value. Do you come here often? You have been coffee to someone else? What’s your favorite coffee drink? That sucks in value. Giving values talking about things, offerings. Oh, my god! Did you know this place has the most amazing dark chocolate graham crackers you’d ever had? They are… This are talking about stuff you’re offering something, you’re giving her something. You see the difference?
KC: Yep. Gotcha.
JAMIE: So first thing is because remember when you text her, she’s evaluating in her head. Does this guy seem to be giving [inaudible] value? F***ing value. Asking about your questions isn’t helping your cause. Following me?
JAMIE: Do you want to change a little bit? A lot of you want to ask questions by the way whoever has their… a mic on with all the background, if you could turn that off or KC, that’s from you while I’m talking, you turn your mic just on mute while I’m talking. Just because it’s a little distracting if that’s you.
KC: It’s not from me.
JAMIE: Okay. Whoever else’s there, if you could turn your mic on mute when you’re not talking that’ll all be awesome. That’s the first thing. You want to go from a state of sucking value, asking questions to giving value. The only time you want to ask questions is if you know in advance KC, you’re only asking a question because you have a story or some kind a stack forward that you’re going to move to another words it’s simply bridging the opportunity you give value. That’s the first shift you want to make. Make sense?
KC: Man that was heavy. Absolutely. Wow.
JAMIE: Beautiful. So now, I give you a great example of a statement that you can make over very quickly that gives value. You start talking about the unicorn drink and she responds very favorably and you say, you know what? You just seem like you’ve really great energy. You have this West Coast vibe and now you’re making statements, you’re making cold reads, you’re making assumptions about her and she’s more likely to respond back to that. That’s called giving value.
KC: Okay. Because even if she’s not from the West Cost she’ll say, no I’m not from the West Cost I’m really from Mid West or whatever the case.
JAMIE: Yeah. Exactly.
KC: I got her man. Okay!
JAMIE: KC when you, I know you are taking a break shortly with us but when we resume with our program, I told you we have a brand new, and this for anyone else listening, we have a brand new area for our special VIP virtual boot camp group where we have actual footage from our boot camps, and KC what that will do when you come back, you have actually access to actually watching some of the videos directly from our boot camp, and you’ll actually, these routines, these types of value giving statements, you’re going to have an influx of them. You’re going to be able to do a full download of ways to just give value and really spark a conversation. With these, another way to put that is, these are sound bites; sound bites are way to kind of get her for the respond back to you. But again it’s just some example of that. You start talking, she smiled, she’s makes a good energy, you know what? You seem like you’ve really great energy. You have like this West Coast vibe. You know so things like that. Make sense?
KC: Make sense. Makes a lot of sense, Jamie. Thank you!
JAMIE: Now, I want to add one last thing. This is really key and by the way, I don’t know if I’ve emphasized this as well as I probably should have in the past. So, anyone listening here, especially when you have a small or you’re on limited time or somewhat, right? That you got somewhere to go, she’s got somewhere to go and you’re with her in Starbucks for like two minutes. At least you try to do this. Always try if you can and if you can get it in an ideal world, KC, you go for the instant date. Hey! What are you doing right now? I’m doing nothing. Awesome! Yes! I thought we could sit down for a cup of coffee over there? Come, join me. That would be the idea state. Whenever possible you always, always, always, always, always go for the instant date. You following me?
KC: Gotcha! So fabulous. One question?
JAMIE: Yeah. Go on.
KC: So, when we sit down, am I, do I still add value statements and doing cold reads so that she can be the one doing the talking and not asking question?
JAMIE: Well, you want her to ask questions, asking question is awesome! Because if she asked you questions, she’s just giving you permission to give even more value. That’s actually great.
KC: Right! But I’m still…thing we…
JAMIE: Oh, usually, yeah.
KC: I’m not…
JAMIE: Yeah. You should get in a habit. Like you can get a habit in general like from beginning to end as much as you can shift to making statements not asking questions.
KC: Gotcha! Okay!
JAMIE: And like 80- 90%.
JAMIE: And if you’re going to ask a question, be prepared to talk about that topic. So, at least there’s a balance and we should not be asking questions for the sake of asking question.
JAMIE: You should start with this. Ask yourself when you, right when you ask the question ask yourself, is there value added here? Am I giving myself the opportunity to now talk about this topic? If the answer’s no, if the answer’s no, for example I question, hey! Are you getting coffee for someone else? If you’re not going to talk about who you are getting coffee for? Then why the f*** did you bring that topic up, you know what I am saying? Yeah. That’s right. You get it.
KC: So, don’t ask question just…
JAMIE: All right. Yeah! All right! You understand. So, think about that and that’s how you want to recalibrate, how you conversate with people.
KC: Gotcha! Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, okay!
JAMIE: Now, last couple of things, Gam, I just want to hit this home here. You, again always find out what she’s doing. Hey! Where are you off to? If she’s not going anywhere, she’s there for vacation, whatever, and you have a time too, always try and get an instant date with her. An instant date doesn’t need to be complicated. Hey! I was just about to sit down with my cup of coffee over there? Come join me. Don’t ask, just f***ing assume it. Now, in certain situations you might not have like for—I’ll give you an example. So, I open up a girl on the street two days ago and we started have a really good conversation kind of corner of blank and blank, right? About three minutes in to it you can tell, you can’t keep someone on the street forever you eventually have to do something about it. She told me in the conversation that she had somewhere she had to go.
So you know what I said to her KC, I said, hey, are you walking that way? And she was, yeah, I go great I’ll join you for two blocks. So I’m already giving her false time constraint saying, hey, KC, I’m just going to join you for two blocks, but at the same time KC I’m creating, forcing her move. So what I’m doing is I’m extending the time I’m going to have with her. And just the fact the moving somewhere with her makes that much solid for her. Because now it’s not just some guy she talked to for two minutes on the street, it’s also some guy she talked to for two minutes on the street and walk with her around the neighborhood a little bit. I am, I’m much more solid to her now. You following me?
JAMIE: So, the sequence is after you open, try and get a small move in there and the example at Starbuck, a great example that’d be. Someone like, hey, I’m kind of enjoying this. Just join me for a second you know like I just want to know a little bit more about blah, blah, blah! And just take it a couple steps, you know over to the right or left or whatever. I’ve done it all the time. I meet girls like at the mall or a store and hey, you come over here. You come stand here with me while I just look at a couple of colors of shirts, whatever. I will get, I will convince her just to move like maybe 10 feet away, but in our head it’s not the same exact conversation anymore.
She’s making the actual commitment to the conversation a little bit more of a commitment. She’s now moving with me, she’s now making a conscious decision to keep the conversation going and moving me to continue that conversation. Do you see that? Psychological commitment. She’s not just talking to like, I going to go. She’s now saying, okay! I will take 10 feet over; I will walk 10 feet over to the left and continue this. That is a type of psychological commitment and if you get that going you’re now making a solid interaction because again you’re not just some guy she had a couple of polite words with. She actually went out of her way to talk to you for a few extra minutes. Get it?
And that’s what you always trying to do even if you can’t get the instant date. And you know because of your time constraint or hers. And we skip that, hey! I going to notice here and you mean to tell her like, hey! Before you go, I am going to ask this. And just move your body like a lock her and move her kind of to the far right of the Starbucks. And like, hey. I’ve heard about this before you go. And then keep the conversation. Make sense?
KC: Yeah, makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
JAMIE: That will make those numbers a lot more solid.
KC: Cool. Okay.
JAMIE: Maybe you go from 5% to 40%. Not a 100% but you’re out to go out tremendously.
JAMIE: And you understand why right everything I told you make sense logically correct?
KC: It’s adding value.
JAMIE: You are adding value to it and you’re creating psychological commitment. Remember in the situation I’ve given you by moving her, she is now committing more to the interaction, she didn’t just have a couple of words in just like whatever this guy is right here. She actually made a decision to walk ten extra feet with you, to walk around the block with you, to sit down or do something that is more of a commitment to talking to you. That makes the interaction more solid in her head. You are not just some guy’s she shared a couple of polite words with anymore. Do you understand that?
KC: Yes. It becomes much easier to have the second interaction.
JAMIE: That’s exactly correct!
KC: Like a different one.
JAMIE: You’re building a yes ladder. This is like sales, you’re building yes ladder. Hey want to hear my stupid opener? Fantastic! Hey can I do eight 2 pieces. Great! Wonderful! Tell me about yourself. Where are you from? Awesome! Hey! What… Step over here with me for second; tell me more about blah… blah… blah…..Fantastic! Hey, Let’s meet up later! Wonderful! The more you get her to say yes, the more—the easier it is to get that next yes. So the psychological commitment is the very key thing. That whys you always want at the very least get a small move in there before you let her go. Even if you’re under a time constraint.
KC: Wow! Okay. Cool.
JAMIE: All right. Sorry! In case you didn’t get that I have Gam on a… Gam are you there?
FANTASIA: This is body achieved.
JAMIE: Who is it?
JAMIE: Oh! Fantasia, man. Yeah. Go for it. Your turn. Because you know our personal development podcast the one I know you want to really, the one you’re really interest in, we’re going to do wealth building, and other things. That’s the next call for, but far away. This is our social dynamics dating sciences call. So anything happening to do with that, go for it.
FANTASIA: Okay. You actually, I have a couple of questions to ask you. The first one was like, my business values [inaudible] in the other column is really [inaudible] If you could remember that right?
JAMIE: Yeah. I can. Yeah.
FANTASIA: Yes. I could ask the questions related to the.
FANTASIA: So, I mean I just wanted to know, I mean Jason some really challenge here. Like now, I don’t know what exactly is happening there. You know this is a new place for me and is it possible if somebody knows that, you somebody knows exactly why I have [inaudible] What I think my [inaudible] somebody saw my computer and he or she has seen that mighty mover has some you know content related to this leeway stock and I think very [inaudible] then I’ll go out so I have something [00:40:27] in place. So what do we call the people on [inaudible] source?
JAMIE: So your question, is it possible that this girl you work with, has somehow one seen that you had on your computer, some kind of material having to do with pick up and if that’s the case how do you handle that ongoing at work and if you might see these people out. Is that you question?
FANTASIA: Yes. Yes.
JAMIE: Okay. So here’s the first one. This is, now when I tell you like a lot of stuff is easier said than done. So you just have to take—you just have to move forward with faith what I’m going to tell you here. In your lifetime you can’t worry about stuff like that, I mean whether she saw or not, you and—okay, whether she, let’s just say she did see it, hypothetically. Okay. If she saw it, would you agree that she’s probably more likely made a judgment about you? This guy is blank kind of guy. Or would you agree that if she saw it she probably has judged you in some way? Correct?
FANTASIA: Definitely, yes.
JAMIE: Awesome. Now if that’s true. By the way I’m assuming the worst case scenario, I actually doubt that that happen, but if she did in this worst case scenario that your building in your head, and by the way that’s what you’re doing. You’re building drama in your head, it’s not real. But if that was true and she did seen the stuff in your computer more likely than not she’s has made a judgment about you. We both agree so far. Right?
JAMIE: Okay! So if she has made judgment about you, let me ask this question. Is there any way, is there anyway that science has, is there anything in science has come up with where to this day and age, in the year 2017, is there way that I can change your opinion about me? Is there way that I can change, can I touch a part your body, can I say something to you? Is there some type of technology that’s been created that I can change your opinion about me or your judgment about me? Is anything like that exist in this world today?
FANTASIA: Not that . . .
JAMIE: So the point is… the point is you can’t worry about that. You have to learn to just let go. You know we have to learn in life is you can’t get away with judgments. Whether you’re kind of a like living, working in a small town, or if you’re in the public eye, people know who you are? People are going to judge you. You can’t get away with that in this life. You following me?
JAMIE: You might as will accept that. If you can be someone like Taylor Swift, who’s probably one of the most talented female artist of all time. You go on in her twitter feed, go on wherever, you know. People are always judging her. You don’t have, you have no talent, and you’re terrible. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like everyone gets judged. You might as well come to the fact that certain people, you’ll always going to have people that do not like you, that judge you, that label you, whether it’s this girl at work or not. There’ll be somebody or mortal people that don’t think the best of you. You following me?
FANTASIA: Yes. Yeah.
JAMIE: So therefore, you can’t worry about it. Because all that happens is by you worrying about it, you’re only hurting yourself, you’re draining your own energy worrying about something you can’t control. So my answer to you is, you can’t worry—you have to learn. This is great; this is actually an awesome opportunity for you. It’s an awesome opportunity to just let go. Because whether it’s her or someone else, you will never escape people judging you and to this day and probably never ever, is there a type of technology or technique where you can change someone’s judgment on you. There is to believe, better they believe. That’s the most important advice to have from you. Are you following me?
FANTASIA: Okay. Yeah.
JAMIE: Just learn to let go.
JAMIE: whether you’re Tailor Swift or just you, or a president, or a leader, a business… someone or multiple people are not going to think very highly of you. They’re going to judge you. You might just as well have to learn to accept that. And the reason why I tell you that first and foremost because right now what you’re doing it is in your head living this drama where you’re creating stress for yourself worrying about something that you can’t do anything about. There’s a Buddhist philosophy, I’m trying to remember as best as I can here, it says that—it says who creates pain for people is trying to change what is unchangeable.
JAMIE: Like for example if you aspire to have a life without pain then you’re going to get pain. Because life has challenges, life has adversities. So for you to hope for a life that’s challenged free is impossible and ironically you’re going to experience pain because you’re going for something that’s just not possible. Instead being of fearing challenges, instead of fearing pain, instead of fearing judgment, instead you embrace it as an opportunity to grow. Imagine how powerful you’d become if after a while you owned yourself to such a level that it didn’t matter to you anymore. You knew people are judging you but you just didn’t give a s***. Can you imagine the smile in your face you’d have if you really started to believe that?
FANTASIA: Oh yes. Yeah.
JAMIE: Just think about that.
JAMIE: This is an incredible opportunity for you, let go, man.
FANTASIA: Very important thing. If the moment [INAUDIBLE] Then know the purpose and the essence but you know somehow things are getting made up in my mind so—
JAMIE: This is a great spiritual practice for you to focus on because there is an incredible reward for you if you were able to improve upon this.
FANTASIA: Yeah. Okay.
JAMIE: Now I want to give you the practical, now I gave you the most important part actually. That’s actually my most important advice for you. The second part is I want, when you engage these people, I want to give you some techniques. Now when you see these people, what’s very important, we have a methodology in what we do, and this isn’t just in pick up by the way. Every—by the way, anyone who listens to this calls this is probably the most powerful type of person development there is. You’re not just reading s***, you’re doing it. You’re forcing your brain to rewire itself to be this new individual. It’s incredible for sales, for pick up, for whatever.
So with that said whatever the techniques we use or mind sets are to be nonreactive. When you’re nonreactive, when you show people that you’re not affected it takes away that charge. You see, if you ignore, let’s just say this girl does judge you or this individual, but if when you see her, you talked to her as if nothing is wrong? And even if she responds to negative energy you almost act as if she’s completely normal? You’re not giving it energy. Negative energy only grows when you respond to it. Negative energy only grows when you acknowledge it.
So one of the techniques we do is being nonreactive, we dis-acknowledge that negative energy. If you’re listening to the call earlier, Mike was talking about girls giving him s*** test. Are you trying to pick me up? What we do is we don’t even acknowledge that. We don’t give that s*** test energy if you think about it. That’s what might happen—that’s what you’re talking about what might happen at work or if you run into someone from work outside of work. They might s*** test you. They might throw negative energy your way. So what you do, what we do is we dis-acknowledge it. We act like it doesn’t exist.
So in the example I gave Mike before, a girl says, are trying to pick me up? The technique we do is we dis-acknowledge that negative energy or that s*** test, we respond with some like, well actually if I was trying to pick you up, I’d do something like this and you pick her up off the ground. If she gives you negative energy and she says, is that a line? We will dis-acknowledge that energy and allow levity and say, well, actually, was that your line asking me if that was my line? So you’re dis-acknowledging the negativity. The technique I want to give you or reaffirm from you is I want you to have these types of techniques so that you’ll recognize it when someone’s throws negative energy your way, you disarm it with levity, you disarm it with humor.
FANTASIA: Oh, yes! Yeah.
JAMIE: If you can make… this is one of the biggest keys of all time pick up, or social arts, or sales, or anything. If you can make somebody laugh, you can get to the next step. Whatever that next step could be, if you can make somebody laugh you disarm them. And if someone brings negative energy your way, if you don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist. It only exists if you acknowledge it. So you’re—so what I want you to do is I want you to start looking this as an opportunity for you to grow, for you to develop. If you, if someone bring negative energy your way, I want you to engage in a spiritual practice if you want to call that of not giving that negative energy, any energy back or acknowledging it, and instead adding humor. Are you following me? And if you focus on this—
JAMIE: This is your opportunity to grow and develop yourself; it’s actually going to be in a weird way almost enjoyable for you.
FANTASIA: Oh, definitely, yes. Yes. Yeah! I am feeling of taking some…
JAMIE: Does that make sense?
FANTASIA: Definitely! Yes! Yeah!
JAMIE: These are the things I want you to do. First and foremost, I want you to recognize the absurdity of trying to avoid life without judgment. People are going to judge you. Release! Just let go. You’re not going to get away with it. With this girl at work or whatever you might as well let go. Pain and suffering in Buddhism philosophy comes from striving for what is not attainable. What you’re going for life without judgment is not attainable, it’s not realistic, it’s just not possible.
Instead, you can look at this as a positive thing. You can look at this the way to really center yourself and not be so concerned about something you cannot even control anyway. Second, you’re going to start when people throw negative energy your way you’re going to practice not acknowledging it. Just like in pick up, you’re going to practice not acknowledging her s*** test. You might be saying, Coo-coo, hey, I going to go get some help. I’ll be right back. You’re not even acknowledging it. You’re not being mad. You’re not fighting it. You’re not defending yourself and by the way, don’t do that.
Do not defend yourself. That’s a type of acknowledgment. Just like, just, Coo-coo, hey, I got to go. I am going to go get something. Oh, my god, have you seen this? Sure funny YouTube video, whatever. Don’t acknowledge the negativity. It’s like again, great analogy it’s like your ten… one of our coaches Al, says this really well. It’s like your ten-year-old niece. I your ten-year-old niece was s*** testing you. Would you really care?
JAMIE: No! You like, yeah, yeah. Awesome! Let me show you this. You would totally dis-acknowledge the stupidity. That’s what I want you to do. I want you to treat this individual, really visualizes this. Treat this individual as if she was your ten-year-old niece. If it’s your ten-year-old niece you wouldn’t give a s***. You’d say, yeah, yeah. Cool. Let me show you this. Following me?
JAMIE: That’s the technique. And the other part is to add levity and humor, if you can make them laugh, and you can disarm them, you can get to that next step. Is that helpful?
FANTASIA: Sure. Sure it is. That’s very helpful.
JAMIE: All right. Good. So I think… do we have anyone else on the call who’s not gone yet?
FANTASIA: I’m sorry?
JAMIE: Jay is that you?
JAY: Jay. Jay, I called in. yeah
JAMIE: Okay, yeah. Awesome! So Jay, let’s give you a go, man. And again, to everyone listening, we have another call immediately following this one, for our personal development program which will be relationship building, sales, wealth, health; that’s going to happen right after this call. So even if we hang up, just dial back in because will do another one. That’s for, we want you know we want, you know we awfully guys be just a full personal development program. So the non pick up stuff will happen right after this call. But anyway, Yeah Jay, go for it, man.
JAY: Just a real quick one. I was—I’ve been letting some steps get away from me without opening and so it’s just like, I have to be, I was sort of self diagnosing like yeah. I need to be like ready to do this you know, because it’s like I’m letting them pass by and stuff so I was like I was rehearsing my stack, did it like five, six times. And I started doing the mirror too, which helps that and so like before I go out, you know, so even if like dating or whatever and so that seems to get me a little closer to being ready so it’s actually do it. So that’s what my mind thing. That’s it man.
JAMIE: So do you want more techniques on how to get more ready or what can I facilitate for you here?
JAY: Oh, yeah, I mean, if you have like a technique or two on getting ready that’d be cool, other than that, that’s all.
JAMIE: Okay. I will say this Jay. The way you get the most value from these calls again and I know you know this is to come on with specific scenarios because it’s a specific scenario where, you know, we can actually work on those techniques and I get it. Part of it was you’re just not opening enough and that’s, you know, something you’re trying to work through. That’s awesome. But the irony is, is if even when you only have say one set over the last week by we talking, by you and I talking through it, by me giving you something. You really feel good about thinking like wow, that’s actually going to work or this is good or this will help me. The irony is that’ll actually help you open up more sets because the more confident you are about your skill set, the more often you’ll open up and talk to people. So it’s actually—
JAY: Right, yeah.
JAMIE: It’s actually irony is, I get you’re not opening. The part of the reason why you’re not opening is because there’s some blocking you that’s allowing you to believe that you’re not going to get what you’re looking for. There’s some kind of blocks there and the idea for you is to recognize those blocks are, and to eliminate them. And one of those blocks, I know this about even you’re telling me because I’ve been through those s*** man, like don’t think of anything—anything that I’m telling you here I’ve been through that myself or I’m still going through it at some level, right? It never fully ends, right? We are all students learning.
When you feel really good about what are you doing, when you know you’re like f***ing top notch, you’re not so quiet anymore. But when you’re not talking that’s because at some level, you believe you’re stock somewhere, or you can’t do something, or you’re not going to be able to handle certain scenario. For example, maybe you open up a single sets all time but you don’t open up three sets. Why don’t you do that? If you really search inside your mind, you might find that something in your mind has you believing that three sets are too difficult. But what if you and I had a conversation about the three set that did not go well and I gave you some insights on how to make them happen.
Well, what’s going to happen because now you feel better about it, you’re going to open up more three sets. So the irony is, by you blank through a scenario that did not work so well, you’re going to open up more three just because you were, you feel more confident about your ability to make it happen. You following me?
JAMIE: That’s why it’s important to come in with specific scenario. So I’m still giving you a chance to come up with one, but I want to give you some more techniques first to kind of get you in a good state. One thing you can do too which I really like doing, I got this from a YouTube personality. It’s actually pretty brilliant. When you first go out for the night or during the day, I like day game a lot, just start complimenting people. You know, just say hey, you know what? I just had to tell you, you looked really nice today. Don’t do with an agenda, do it because you really mean it, but start complimenting people. And by the way, I’m not just saying girls. Compliment guys, compliment couples, compliment people where you have no f***ing agenda at all. You’re going to make them feel good, they’re going to make you feel good, and if you feel good, you’re going to open up more people, you’re going to open up with people you want to open. You’re following me?
JAY: Right, yeah.
JAMIE: So complimenting people is really great exercise to get yourself feeling good and in a state.
JAY: Okay. Yeah, I got a scenario.
JAMIE: Good. Go for it!
JAY: There was a, like a one set, just like walking at the park, digging, and I started doing my stack material, and I’ve actually I’ve been improving it because it’s like I’m finding a way to deliver it that’s more… that’s like actually fun to me to actually deliver the stuff so… But at that time, I was feeling like a little awkward while I was delivering the different parts of it to her and I wasn’t getting like the last drummer. She was standing there talking to me but she’s positive I wouldn’t be the last and so the first thing I thought was well, maybe I should move the nag up and experiment with that. But I think my thinking on the topic is basically like that I’m doing it, delivering it in away that’s more fun to me and so, and actually like smiling more. And that’s sort of the part of the revamp and also, basically stopping them in the place like you’ve got some kind of hand motions to understand hey, you know.
But, so that’s basically the scenario. I was talking to a girl and I was delivering the parts of the routine, I’m like she wasn’t laughing or stuff, but, and I was thinking, first, I’ve move up the nag, but my second round of thought on it was like I just really work on delivering the stuff in a way that’s like more fun to me, and so that’s kind of where I’m at with it. I don’t know if that gives you a more solid scenario.
JAMIE: Is this some idea you’d like us to talk about?
JAMIE: So okay, let’s… huh?
JAMIE: So let’s talk about some of those things then. Remember, we’re all different world unique beings, right? Well, I find funny you might think stupid or vice versa. You following me?
JAMIE: Some people are extroverts, some people are introverts. We’re all different people, we all present ourselves differently, we all have different periods where you know, where some people they get comfortable very quickly and some people take awhile. Remember, when the biggest IOI’s is not her laughing or playing with her hair. Just the fact that she’s still standing there. Remember, she could, Jay, she could go walk away any time but she is choosing just to listen on what you have to say next. You have to give credit for that because that is an IOI of sorts. You following me?
JAMIE: And then promise, you don’t want to judge her based on how she’s reacting to you because remember, she’s an individual. She’s not going to react the way you do or maybe the way your friends. She’s just a different person. Just because in your world, you’re judging it because she’s not laughing doesn’t mean she’s not interested. Following me?
JAY: Okay, yeah.
JAMIE: So one thing I want to bring to your attention is don’t judge. Yeah, it would be great if she’s laughing, it would be great if she’s playing with her hair, but don’t necessarily judge it because you don’t really have a reference for her. You don’t actually know for sure if what she’s giving you is not in her world an awesome IOI.
JAMIE: Does that make sense?
JAMIE: Because I promise when you judge it, then all of a sudden you’ll start to get panicking, you start to do things that really are not calibrated. For example, through a nag, a nag is a tool you use when it is appropriate. A lot of people don’t know this. Nah, they throw at nags because they think should do according to the book they read but they’ve never done training like you’re doing. So they don’t know you know you try. A nag is tool you use when appropriate not for the sake of doing it. You following me?
JAMIE: The promise if you see the way she’s reacting to you, she’s not laughing but you judge her, Oh she’s not doing blah, blah, blah. Well what’ll that do is it will cause you to make an emotional reaction where you start nagging her which is essentially punishing her when it’s not even appropriate because she, again in her way, she’s giving you IOI’s. I’d be very careful about that. What you can do which is ideal—Instead is using fun loving sound bites which are kind of almost open for interpretation which have a good chance to make her laugh. For example, let’s just say you opened, and you’re talking, you’re doing your routine and she’s standing there, and she’s not really smiling or laughing but she’s standing there, why don’t you just kind of pause for a second and said, you are a character. Anything this woman . . .
JAY: Right. Right. Yeah.
JAMIE: You’re getting on here? That’s not a nag. It’s just a fun level sound bite. It’s a fun sound bite to get her emotionally react to you.
JAY: Just like a fun little tease thing.
JAMIE: Yeah exactly. That’s, well that would be ideal not a neg. You don’t want to punish her for being engaging. And again if anyone is listening to this call here, why do we going to do this stuff? You’re interpretation of what you think these authors mean I mean I’ve been very lucky, you know tough guys in the world and I’m still working with them, I’m still learning from them. I love this stuff. It’s amazing. You don’t want to read books and just being in your little silo. You need this feedback mechanisms otherwise you’re just not going to f***ing get anywhere. So instead of nagging, you know, you see all of these sound bites to elicit an emotional reaction from her. Don’t punish her when a punishment of sorts is really not appropriate.
JAY: Right. Yeah.
JAMIE: Give her that sound bite. You’re a character. What the f*** does that even mean? Make sense?
JAY: I can hardly get the word in come on. I get the… Just a fun…
JAMIE: Don’t overdo. You’re such a character. I know this thing you’re hot . . . .You’re a character keep it short and sweet.
JAY: Right. Right.
JAMIE: Don’t explain yourself too much. Don’t explain your sound bites. I did a coach call you issue [inaudible]. He has an opener who explains what he’s doing. Hey, I went to call and say hello, but can you come over here, I’ll regret it later. I mean this dude is doing this 10 minute f***ing opener like just a line. Just like, hey, I just wanted to come over to say hello, you seem interesting. Simple. Don’t explain your material to people. Don’t—get out of the habit, the director’s cut version, she doesn’t need to know the play by play why you’re doing what you’re doing. Just you’re a character. There’s something about you then just back forward.
JAY: Right. Yeah.
JAMIE: Is that clear?
JAY: Oh yeah.
JAMIE: Okay, one last thing and then we will start the next call. So you’re trying to smile more that’s great that adds some good feeling, some chemistry in your own body which is cool. You going to be careful though because smiling in essence is submissive. You want to, like when you tell me your friends, you want people to see you smiling having fun that’s important. But when you’re talking to people, you want to be careful where you’re not smiling to try to get a reaction from her. I’ll give you a better example of that. Be very careful, do not laugh at your own jokes, it’s a terrible, terrible habit. A lot of people do that and that’s really reaction seeking behavior.
It’s like you’re laughing at your own joke, it’s almost like you’re saying, come on don’t you want to laugh? Well, you don ‘think this is funny? That’s submissive, that’s reaction seeking. You don’t want to do that. Be very careful about being too smiley when you’re in set. You’re just being you, you’re just talking, let her laugh or smile and let back kind of facilitated. It’s like you rather she laughs first and then you laugh with her. Don’t laugh before her almost saying, oh don’t you want to laugh? Well, you don’t think this is funny? So let her laugh first and then you laugh with her. Let her determine what’s funny. Don’t force her to find it funny. So be careful because smiling in itself and essence is a submissive behavior.
JAMIE: It’s like you smile at people hoping they’ll smile back at you. Be a little careful about that like if I’m, even if I’m in a playful and interesting conversation on people, I have a more of a neutral expression on my face because I’m not trying to force them to smile too. I will let them smile first then I might smile with them for a second. I just want you to understand at least that smiling in essence is a submissive behavior.
JAMIE: I mean if you’re… think of this. If you’re like the big wig CEO, you’re not necessary smiling to everybody. You’re the f***ing top guy. You’re smiling when you’re f***ing the analyst one who’s trying to get hired and trying to get promoted in the company. That’s who’s smiling, walking around in the office, usually. Typically it’s the walker be the secretary, who’s hoping to get a raise or get noticed not the f***ing big wig CEO. Are you following me?
JAY: Right yeah.
JAMIE: They are thinking like the big wig CEO, you don’t need to be, you’re just value, value, value. You don’t need to offer anything like really extra. You’re the high value guy; so I’m not saying smiley smile. You just have to make sure you’re smiling from a good place, you’re not smiling because trying to get her to smile too. You’re not smiling because you’re trying to force some kind of feeling, just offer with your good energy. You can still offer wonderful positive energy without being all smiley about it.
JAMIE: You can still be an individual, like hey, when I speak, when I… as I’m speaking to you right now, do you think I’m smiling as I’m talking to you?
JAY: No. I would guess not.
JAMIE: Think about it. Just listen to my voice. You think I’m smiling?
JAMIE: Okay. But let me ask this question. Do you—does it sound I give a s***? Does it actually sound that I’m trying to help you?
JAY: Yeah. You do Yeah.
JAMIE: Would you say I’m bringing you warmth? There are certain points in this call did it sound like I’m bringing you warmth into this conversation like I’m actually trying to pu your, myself in your shoes and trying to offer something to ultimately help. Does it sound like that?
JAY: Yeah. I got it.
JAMIE: Off course. So you don’t have to… you can bring in great energy, playful… you can even be playful without smiling about it. You know. So I just wanted, I just want to add that distinction.
JAY: All right. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah.
JAMIE: Hey, again, smiling is not a bad thing. It’s kind of like buying a drink for somebody. You absolutely can buy a drink for woman if you’re buying it, if you’re doing it from the right place. You offer to buy, if you open up with hey, I want to buy a drink. Well what is that? That is needy, that is approval seeking, that is, maybe not approval seeking per se, but that’s I’m trying to buy their friendship. I’m trying to buy their attention. Coming in right away, offering to buy them a drink? Well that’s almost like me saying like hey, you’re spending more than my time let me buy you a drink and spend five minutes with me. That is, that’s me putting that person [inaudible] to me. Does that make sense?
JAMIE: But what if I have a great conversation going. She’s with me for 45 minutes and she’s clearly engaged. She’s been with me for 45 minutes and after 45 minutes I’m like dude, let’s all do a round of shots, and I’d buy a round of shots for my friends and her. Am I now buying her a drink to win her over? Or am I just doing it being sociable and adding fun and value to the fact that I’m buying for everyone any way. You see the difference?
JAY: Yeah, I do.
JAMIE: Everything in context, smiling is a great thing. You should smile. You should feel good about yourself. But be careful that when you smiling because you’re trying to get them to smile. Don’t buy a drink—
JAMIE: Because you’re trying to get them to do something. You do because you want to. You do it adds, because it’s just, it’s something you do with your friends anyways. You do it for her too because she’s showing herself to be adding value to the conversation. She’s been a great company. F*** it let’s go grab a drink. I’d buy a drink for my friends or her or anybody that adds value t my life. So everything in context I just want, there’s no harder fact, there’s no black and white here. Everything has to be made contextual. Okay.
JAMIE: All right. So is that good? Is that helpful?
JAY: Yeah. It is Jamie. I appreciate it.
JAMIE: You’re very welcome. So guys I’m going to hang up now. Anyone who wants to join in the new, again this is a bonus for you guys. And anyone who’s listening here, this is part of our personal development program. So I’m going to start the next call, I’m going to hang up here and then anyone who wants to join to ask questions about or things they want to talk about with relationship building, like it could be family, friends, it could be if you want a long term relationship, wealth, health, anything of that sorts, just dial right back in, okay? Okay. I’ll speak to you guys whoever wants to join in about two minutes. Okay. Thanks guys