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TAY 163 : How to talk to a girl you like a work

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Today’s podcast we talked about how to use pick up when dealing with co-workers. We also discussed dance floor game and inner game techniques.

JAMIE: Rock and roll, man! I know you had something on the form about I think it was you have something about gaming the people at work and if you want to talk about that or if I’m confused about that one, but, anyway, your show, man. What can we discuss today?

JAKE:  Yeah! Can we discuss about that?

JAMIE: So do me—okay. Good. Do re-familiarize me with your situation and we’ll discuss it.

JAKE:  Ah, okay! So one of my co-worker is so intent for me and she’s cute, smart and funny and actually I became friends with her already, and I used some of my DHV stories and some sound bites, like buying temperatures, and yeah! I think I become more careful because she’s my co-worker and I need to see her every day. So, what would you do in this situation?

JAMIE: You’re into her, correct?

JAKE:  Yeah! But these days, honestly these days, I’m thinking of like, moving on or right giving up her because a few days ago she said, she has in relationship with her boyfriend for like three years.  And she considered that she might get married with him. So right, after I heard that I think it may not be a good idea to flirt her still I’m curious what would you do in this situation?

JAMIE: Okay, so we have a few interesting point it’s actually came up with a call we had three hours ago in a different way. By the way when that one gets released it’s an awesome call by the way, so make sure you’re still keeping up with the podcast, okay?

JAKE:   Okay.

JAMIE: Because, a lot of it is very relevant to you. All the times it’s the same questions it’s asked in a different way that could be of value to you to hear it a little bit  differently because it’ll help you click, again, because you’re hearing it differently, but here’s the thing, first thing first, I would be very careful, one, I would be very  careful to invite any conversations.

JAKE:  Okay.

JAMIE: That talks about her current relationship. I will not talk about it, I would not bring it up, I will not bring up any topics that in all in anyway invite her to talk about this things. I’ll give you a good example, if you were out like and you met  this girl and saw her with this guy who you suspected might have—there might be something there don’t ask them about it, don’t ask her about it. Well like almost act oblivious, incredulous like nah, they’re not together like, “Hey! So do you guys know each other? You guys are friends, right?” You’re not, you don’t want to bring up topics that you’re going to get her thinking, oh, yeah. I’ve been with this guy for five years, maybe I shouldn’t flirt with this new guy I just meet. So, you don’t want to introduce anything that’s going to get her intellectualizing or getting her in her head. You want her just enjoying the moment with you, you want her thinking of nothing other than the fact she’s having a great time with you, right here, right now, present in this very moment. Understand?

JAKE:  Yes. Mm-hm.

JAMIE: So, don’t ever introduce any topic that’s going to get her thinking about relationships or anything of that sort. If she tries to even bring it up like, just find ways to discourage it or just get on something else. Do not allow her to talk about relationships with you. You don’t ask her, definitely don’t ask her about what’s she’s doing. Makes sense?

JAKE:  Yes.

JAMIE: Often times women will start talking about this stuff for many reasons, none of them—none of which you should take seriously. One, women love drama they do, we all kind of like drama on our own way, but like oftentimes you’ll have this girl has a very flirtatious texting with you, but she’s dating somebody but she’ll still flirt with you. Why is she doing that Jake? Further reason is it gives her a charge, you’re laughing she gives you a charge,  she’s just enjoying that charge she’s getting from having this flirtatious back and forth with you, right? So it’s—there’s many way that like people just in general almost like f*** with themselves like, “ Oh, I got this guy, he’s been with me forever maybe I should make it work.” It’s like they’re not really take it in even themselves that seriously. So, I would be, I would take that with a green assault. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not, but you can’t it is not going to help you to worry about with, you know, what she’s telling you, what she’s thinking; just f***ing live in your world. Go for what you want to go for and go based on her reactions not what she tells you.

JAKE:  Oh, okay!

JAMIE: You following me?

JAKE:   Yes.

JAMIE: You’re mind fucking yourself by worrying about what her outside situations. In her head, in reality, she might be really thinking something like, god! This guy is so boring. I am really not excited by it, but I’ve been with him for five years maybe I should try to make it work. People rationalize themselves in their life, so if that was really the situation you won’t be as concerned would you because you know she’s actually bored with the guy. Do you understand?

JAKE:  Okay, yeah!

JAMIE: Do yourself a big favor don’t concern yourself with whatever her relationship situation is. You just go for what you want to go for and you just base where you’re at based on her reactions to you.

JAKE:  Okay! Yeah, that makes sense.

JAMIE: So if that was the thing holding you back I won’t worry about it. I mean, well if  she’s that dedicated whatever she’s not going to do anything, so you can kind of proceed forward in a way that’s really not that big of a deal. So, first thing I would do If I were you, assuming you’re really interest in this girl and assuming you really cannot put too much weight in to what she tells you or whatever and you’re just going to test the waters, first see how comfortable she really is with you, get her to come out with you, get her to meet up with you, get her to meet up with you and your friends, get her out of that work environment. I don’t know if you’ve done that already, have you done that?

JAKE:  Yes. Yes I did.

JAMIE: Okay, good! So if she’s doing that she clearly is interested in you at some degree. I’m not saying necessarily in a romantic sort way, but she clearly enjoys your company because she’s going out of her way to hang out with you outside of work, that’s awesome! Once you have her outside of work she is, she has basically told you that it’s okay to explore some kind of a friendship. So, to kind of test that a little bit with like some flirtatious speak is really not—there’s no risk there. Remember the whole idea is you have objection handlers that can handle that. For example, if you ask her if she’s a good kisser and she’s like, “Oh, I’m not kissing you, Jake!” You could because—

JAKE:   Yeah.

JAMIE: You ready to handle, you could hold a very strong frame like, “I didn’t say you could I just wanted to see how confident you are in your kissing ability. We are friends, right? I’m just curious about you and your dating world.” You can told a very strong frame that doesn’t mean you’re actually trying to kiss her, you get it?

JAKE:  Yeah.

JAMIE: Do you maintain that? She can never, she could not and will not get uncomfortable with you because it’s about the fact that you ever frame and you maintain it. Now if you fold over and you like, “Okay.” Then she can tell her friends, “Oh, this guy, Jake you know, I was kind of friends at work and he hit on me and I got really uncomfortable.” Now you’re f***ed. But if you maintained that you’re just doing things to have fun and test her, now of course, you know, in the back of your mind what you’re doing, but if you maintain it that you’re just there to have fun, test her, be playful, be flirtatious, not really giving a shit which way it goes and you maintain that? You’re going to be pretty safe. The most important thing is your ability to handle any sh*t test or objections, but if you can do that, you have a strong frame and you have the words to do so like an example, I just gave you, you really kind of risk free because worse that happens is you handle it playfully, assuredly, you know, like that this is what’s really happening here, you know. You’re not going to have any problems.

JAKE:   Okay.

JAMIE: It’s only if you respond with something like, “Okay, So I should hit on you,” now you’ve admitted it, now your folding in on her frame, now it’s getting a little uncomfortable and weird, because you want to prepare, but you understand that that’s not, that’s what you don’t do. So as long as you’re prepared to have this type of flirtatious conversations you have your objection handlers, you’ll be just fine and it’s just testing the waters and if you keep doing it enough eventually she’ll probably cave into you a little bit. Now if—

JAKE: Right.

JAMIE: The reality she really is in love with this guy and is going to get married and live happily ever after she will draw a line at a certain point which is not a problem because again you have your objection handlers. You can still have your pause with the deniability that you’re just having fun and I promise you, she’s not going to stop hanging out with you because you’re still a fun guy, you’re still respectful.

JAKE:  Right.

JAMIE: You can be friendly and flirtatious where it’s not a big deal. She’ll still thrive and enjoy that at some level, but if she’s really going to be with this guy she’ll draw the line. I have a felling it’s not the situation. It probably something like where she’s almost rationalizing to herself why she should make it work for example, maybe she’s in her 30’s since, and she said well, you know  I’m in my 30’s I should find somebody to settle down with. Those aren’t the words of someone who is actually excited to be with who they want to be with. That girl is really still fair game she’s just hoping someone better comes along, maybe that better person is you.

JAKE:  Right. Mm-hm.

JAMIE: These all makes sense to you?

JAKE:  Yes. It makes sense.

JAMIE: Okay. So that’s what I would do if I were you. Avoid this type of intellectual conversations or discussions about her, who gives a sh*t. It’s not—let her figure that out on her own silo and don’t be that person for her to confide in and talk, let her handle that herself. You just take action along the lines of what you want if she rejects that—

JAKE:   Okay.

JAMIE: Just be prepared to handle it playfully where it’s not a big deal. You’re getting her out, outside in the work environment; you’re in a pretty good position, man, because clearly she enjoys your company, so just test the waters and be flirtatious most importantly. If she objects what she very well mind she knows that you know she has something going on in the background. Just act like it’s not a big deal like you’re just having fun, you’re just being playful, just who you are.

JAKE:  Okay. Great!

JAMIE: Did that address your question fully?

JAKE:  Yes it is!

JAMIE: Okay, good! Dylan, you there still?

DYLAN: Yeah! I’m here.

JAMIE: All right, man. Rock and roll!

DYLAN: My issue is like social anxiety. Whenever I’m in the moment in like after coming up with things to say. I have a plenty of routines stacks I could use. But when I am there, in the moment, it’s like that things already paralyze my mind and I can’t think of anything to say, so I get stuck in the questions game. It’s just—

JAMIE: Right.

DYLAN: One thing I want to know, is there anything I can practice or do that will help me with that?

JAMES:         With the approach anxiety?


JAMIE: Yeah! Dylan, I wish you were in the last call. The last call was awesome! We addressed a lot for that topic, but happy to go over it again, so there’s a lot of thing you can do. One of the quickest one’s you can do, let’s see, let me get a pen to draw a line, like, you’re going to write this stuff down, Right, Dylan?


JAMIE: Okay, first thing you do, or let me ask you if you do this now. Before you went out and knowing you’re going to try to be sociable, do you have any kind of physical activity? Do you have a time you jogging for like 15 minutes? Do you lift some weights? Do you…?

DYLAN: Yeah. I could lift.

JAMIE: Okay! Make—lift, jog… do something physical before you go out because what happens is when you do that your body starts to release chemicals, right? And—

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: With that said you literally become a different person, you know, you’ve more just energy, your body is releasing in line with the physical activity you’ve doing, so you’re just going to fell good. You’re releasing endorphins, right? That’s the first thing you do.

DYLAN: Yeah.

JAMIE: And you’re doing that now, okay. Second thing you can do is once you step out of your house, see most people, one of the reasons why some people have a hard time is because they try and go from zero right to 60 without starting to apply pressure on the gas. You should go zero, ten, twenty, thirty—not just go zero to sixty like you’re on a Tesla or something, that’s going to be very hard to do, so you need to come up with a warm up process. There’s a lot of thing you can do, first one and the exercise I gave to the gentlemen on last call was every time he goes out for day game, every day when he first goes out I want him to say hi to the first like ten people he runs it to. Just get in the habit of saying, “Hey! How are you?” You don’t have to go any further than that because guess what, man, if you say, hey, how are you to ten people and then you run to the girl you want to speak to, I promise you, it’s not going to be quite as intimidating because you already are kind of warmed up. Do you following me?

DYLAN: Yeah.

JAMIE: So I want you over the next seven days do the same thing. When you leave your house, even if you’re not planning on being sociable, I want you to get in the habit of just talking to everybody. I want you to say hi to ten people just, “Hi, how are you?” You don’t have to worry about the being interesting, you don’t have to worry about having anything further to say, you don’t have to worry about continuing the conversation, you can leave it at just, “Hi, How are you?” “Good.” “Great!” “Awesome!” “Have a good day!” Do that ten times each time you go out. I promise you.

DYLAN: Okay!

JAMIE: You’re going to have an experience you’ll see why I had you do that.

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: Because you’re right now, you’re going from like, or I’m out the game… And hour  goes by, you don’t do anything, also you’ve seen her and were like, f***. Make sense?

DYLAN: Yes, sir.

JAMIE:          Yeah. You going to warm yourself up a little bit and everything you can do. There’s another activity, ever heard of the mystery newbie challenge?

DYLAN: I don’t think so.

JAMIE:          Try this one, next time you go out you can do this during the day, whatever. Just go to find enough strangers and you say, “Hey, did you know that Elvis Presley used to dye his hair? What color do you think his natural hair color was? Blonde isn’t that odd? It was nice to meeting you.” And then just walk away you do that three to five times a day or when you’re trying to get yourself warmed and primed. Can you just imagine how much better you’d feel after doing that five times with a bunch of strangers?


JAMIE:          You see what I’m doing here? I’m forcing you to do certain activities to get yourself warmed up which you’re not doing enough of that as of right now.

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: All sudden when you talked to that girl you really want to speak to it’s not quite as big of a deal anymore because you’re already—it’s like you know in your head you been, you just spoke to the last ten people, she’s no different. You’re just interacting with her just like you would anyone else to some degree, you get it?


JAMIE:  Next thing the next thing for you to do to really approach anxiety. Let’s see how solid you are with your opener, what is your wonderful opener?

DYLAN:  There—the one I used most common is, so what do you guys do around here and don’t say modeling. That usually gets them talking.

JAMIE:          Okay. So there’s a problem with that. It’s not bad because it has some playfulness to it but you have to understand that’s not really an opener, it’s a qualifier and that’s an important distinction. You know the qualifiers, right, Dylan?

DYLAN: No. I mean read about it but I didn’t know there’s like the difference between that and an opener.

JAMIE:          A qualification question is basically a screening question. Does the parallel I can give you is if I’m a perspective employer and you’re the perspective employee and I’m interviewing you, I’m going to ask you screening questions. Hey, Dylan. Nice to meet you! Tell me a little bit about, oh, I see you worked for Home Depot. Tell me a little bit about your time at Home Depot? That’s a screening question depending upon how good your answer is I might give you a check mark. Oooh, this guy has good answer to question one and if you have a good interview with me I will hire you. I make an offer to you. Make sense?


JAMIE:          That’s exactly what qualification questions are. Qualification questions essentially are screening questions. I want a, b, and c in a women. Do you have it, yes or no? Of course we don’t ask it in a way that it sounds like an interview, we ask it where it will sound playful and fun. Get it?

DYLAN:  Yes.

JAMIE:          So when, so here’s the problem. When you ask a screening question or qualification question if you have no value yet they’re really not going to make a lot of effort to answering you a lot of times. It’s kind of like if you went to a career day with a lot of perspective employers and you see all these incredible companies there: Home Depot, Facebook, Microsoft, and you see all these like incredible perspective employers to work for and so I come over to you but I don’t have a name tag on, you have no idea who I work for and I look at you and I go, “Oh, Dylan, so tell me a little bit about yourself?” You’re probably not going to take me too seriously. You’re not going to spend a lot of time with me, like who the f*** are you? I got Microsoft over there to talk to; I got Facebook to talk to. Why should I waste any time at all with you versus if you also knew that I’m a director at Google, oohh you’re going to be at a state of attention? You get it?


JAMIE:          So the model is you first open? You demonstrate value, then get IOI because you did a good job, the indicators of interest. Once you get those indicators of interest then you can start screening or qualifying knowing that you’ve shown value so it’s in her best interest to give you good answers. The difference is if you don’t show value you don’t do the model property, open, buying temperature, or A2, or  demonstrating value, and then qualifying; that’s when you get, she like, “So, what you doing around here besides model?” “The girls, I don’t know, just hanging out.” That’s a sh*ty answer but you’re getting that because you didn’t do a good job at demonstrating value.

However, if you demonstrate really great value where she knows this guy is a man who has a lot to offer, he’s interesting, he’s funny, he knows everyone here at the bar. He’s is clearly the life of the party. You’ve demonstrate value one way or the other. You drove up in a Ferrari. Whatever it is,  if you did a good job with that and then you ask, “Hey, so what are you do around here and please don’t say model.” She’s going to give you a good answer because she has a reason to do so. You’ve demonstrated value to her so she can see why it’s in her best interest to actually give you a good response versus I don’t know I just hangout. Get it?

DYLAN:  Okay, Yeah.

JAMIE:          So in the model and you get one here to reinvent the wheel, right? You first open, you demonstrate value then, you qualify. Then what do you do around here and please don’t say model, that’s a qualification question.

DYLAN:  Okay.

JAMIE:          Now you can open with a qualification question if you have demonstrated value, you pull up in a Ferrari and you know she saw you, you might get away with that. If you are in a lounge and you know she saw the fact you know everyone there or you have a table or something that’s another way demonstrating value, you can get away with that. If you are a very good looking guy, six foot something and you know you have that presence and you could, sees you looking at you giving you IOI’s from across the room, yes, you can get away with that. The most important thing for you to understand though is like you want to understand why the model works. You understand the underlying workings of why that sequence works so for her to qualify herself to you or answer your screening questions you have to demonstrate value first so just be aware that what you’re doing is not really an opener, it’s a qualification question.

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE:          So to fold an opener be something like, “Hey, I just saw you over there I just want to come over. You know, you seem, like you’ve really great energy.” Or a more condense version of that, “I just want to come over and say hello. You guys seem like you’ve great energy. I’m Jamie, nice to meet you.” That would be a opener or “Hey, you’re totally distracting—

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: “I don’t know if it’s that dress or the high heels but am I had to come over and say hello.” That’s an opener. It’s simply engaging somebody. It’s not meant to get attraction, it’s meant to just get the conversation going and it end at the same time if possible differentiate yourself and if you can offer some level of value whether it’s if you’re asking an opinion opener, you’re offering some kind of interesting, fun, playful question. But even if you’re saying something that is kind of normal but you’re choosing different words that alone can offer value to you want it in some way engaged them to the level where they like kind like okay I don’t know if I like this guy yet but he’s interesting, but an opener is an engaging… it’s just a way of engaging that’s it. Qualification comes after you demonstrate value and you’ve gone indicators of interest showing you she’s interested at some level then you can do that otherwise prepare to get really sh*ty answers many times.

DYLAN:  Okay.

JAMIE:          So that’s another thing you can do to get rid of approaching anxiety  Be clear with your openers and one of the openers you would give because we can go direct and just be clear about what your intention is would be just like the one I gave before. Hey, I just wanted to come over and say hello. You seem like you have a really good energy, you seem like you’ve great energy. Pick for the words. I’m, Jamie. Nice to meet you. I’m, Dylan. Nice to meet you. That would be an opener.

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE:          Okay?

DYLAN: Amen.

JAMIE:          The only thing you have do to produce approach in anxiety is to be clear on what your opener is. When you’re clear on what you’re going to do, It’s not as fear provoking, okay?

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE:          One last thing. Redefine how you look at your interactions. Right now we’re talking about being fearful or feeling approach anxiety as if there something wrong with that. Feeling fear is an innate human quality, Dylan. You’re never going to get rid of it, never! You’re going to be all to sometimes alleviated or almost kind of nullified because of other things you do. For example, you have the experience where you opened up three sets very quickly maybe the first one you have totally blown out then you did two more then by the third one you’re having fun and now you’re feeling good. Now so it’s so much easier to open up other people. Ever had that experience?

DYLAN: Yes, I have.

JAMIE: Beautiful. Now focus on that. If you really look closely on how you felt then, the fear or approach anxiety not necessarily disappear, you just nullified it because you feel so good from the other things you’re doing. Understand? For example, you just—

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: If you allowed yourself to be quiet then talk for an hour the fear would also be the dominant feeling in your body. So the fear doesn’t disappear. So I want you to think about the following. Feeling fearful or approach anxiety is totally normal. It’s never going to disappear. You can do things to alleviate it, do things nullify it, or get yourself in state as we call it, but it’s actually not going to disappear. So rather than beat yourself up over the fact you feel fearful, create a new relationship or the way you look at fear or it just a normal thing so, rather than resist it just embrace it.

You know what, the classic phrase—feel the fear and do it anyway. That’s the whole point of the three second rule. The whole idea of the three second rule is you don’t mind fuck yourself. You’re just like, “All right, I see here. Let’s do it.” So you just force yourself to do the action. A common myth people have is people think they have to feel good to do something. That’s not true. You don’t need to feel good to do it. You just do it anyway. You feel the fear and do it anyway. So you don’t need to wait to feel good before you open up people. It’s like f*** it. I feel a little fearful, I’m just going to do it anyway. I’m going to dance with the fear. I’m just going to accept it’s there. So if you start to look at that a little differently, like think there’s something, rather than think there something wrong with feeling it, instead embrace it. Make sense?

DYLAN: Okay, yeah.

JAMIE:          I’m going to give you—have you been going through—have you gone through James Madator has a video where he talks about this or something like… this is in the VIP area. Someone asks him about, does he feel approach anxiety. You remember this question?

DYLAN: Not particularly.

JAMIE:          Well the VIP videos by the way are to be something you watch many, many times. I’ve seen this gazillion times and I’m still blown away by how insightful they are. There are no question goes timeless best thing out there and when you go back and you revisit what I’m about to tell you here, you’ll really appreciate how insightful this is. And someone asked James, he’s been doing this longer than anybody, does he ever feel approach anxiety? Does he feel the fear of speaking to a stranger? And his answer is absolutely yeah, I do. But I don’t, yes I do. It sounds I’ve been trying to get rid of rather I become comfortable with being uncomfortable. Think about that for a second.

DYLAN: I had now that you said that, I have actually seen that.

JAMIE:          Well, I want you to really think about what I’m emphasizing for you here because that’s the goal. It’s not to get rid of the fear it’s just become comfortable with being uncomfortable. Okay, let’s get and do it anyway.

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE:          Those, all of those things together are wonderful techniques that will help you out. The last one in some way might be most valuable because rather wait for feeling or feeling good you won’t need to feel good to do something. You just do it and if you do enough times it will give you a freedom that most people don’t have.

DYLAN: All right.

JAMIE:          Good?

DYLAN: Yes, man. I appreciate it.

JAMIE:          You’re welcome.  Do we have anyone else on the call? Okay, Cassidon, you’re here right?

CASSIDON:   Yes, sir.

JAMIE:          All right, man. You got one more from I know you’re on earlier. Do you have another topic we can discuss?

CASSIDON:   Yep. Okay so I was wondering. I often hear you say a lot of times, she’s not here for intellectual or philosophical conversation. So on the dance floor so I was wondering where’s…first of all I was wondering if that was pertaining to the routine stack and second I was wondering how do you go about affectively gaining on a dance floor?

JAMIE:          Okay, so, I got the how they go about gaining on the dance floor, what was that first part you said?

CASSIDON: The first part was when you say she’s not there for a philosophical/intellectual conversation.  I was wondering if you’re referring to a routine stack.

JAMIE:          What I mean by that is like she’s not there to have discussion with you. She’s there dancing, having fun, drinking, listening to music. She’s looking for as much value and in entertainment and fun as possible. And if you’re going to offer anything that’s less than where she’s at, she’s not going to be interested. If you need to come over and say, “Who lies more, men or women?” when she’s dancing, drinking, listening to some incredible DJ playing, you’re like—you pulled the screeching tires routine. You totally—just like a buzz kill. You understand? So you’re there to offer at least the same level of energy of where she’s at and no, really no discussion or opener is going to equal her dancing, drinking, and listening to music. So loosing preposition.

CASSIDON:    I got it.

JAMIE: I mean, just imagine for a second. A girl dancing, having fun, drinking, laughing with her friends, there she’s grinding up with her friends like how girls like to do to attract attention and then you come over, “Hey guys, real quick. Who lies more, men or women?” You should get the f*** out of here, essentially because you’re offering less than where she is at. So when I say that, that’s getting you to recognize psychologically, like the reality of the situation. You’ve got to offer more than what she is currently has or people always looking at trade up. Dude, it’s like a girl has kind of plans you’re offering something better than what she’s got, she will find a way to hang out with you, just kind of human nature to some degree. So the dance floor is like a great example of that. You better offer something more than what she’s got. She’s dancing and doing those kinds of things. You know I just want you to be aware that you have to offer more energy than what she’s currently experiencing, that’s all the point in that. Make sense?

CASSIDON:    Yes, it does make sense.

JAMIE: Okay. So that’s the dance floor gain that sounds something to be handled on the phone call conversation. Your calling back again in a few months, that’s more of an in person thing.

JAKE:   Ah, okay. I got it.

JAMIE: Right. So hold off for that one a little bit. Mean time, hey, if you know how to dance, that’s phenomenal. I mean that a quick answer to that is if you actually knew how to dance or at least make yourself look good on the dance floor. One great thing you’d do is just start dancing with everybody, be that guy who just clearly there to have fun. I mean, if your target can see, you’re just dancing with her friends, you’re dancing with your friends, and you’re just kind of all over the place, you’re just that forces of nature guy, or by the time you come over to dance with her, she’s no reason to think it’s anything more than what you are doing with anyone else. You generate social proof and you’re just showing yourself to be the focal point, the center point of attention.

You understand so that is one thing you can do to kind of get yourself in there. She should have no reason to believe that’s anything more than you just having fun, the next thing you know, you’re getting all close on her, you’re kind of grinding on her and stuff and she’s like wondering, is he hitting on me or not? You’ve got her warmed up to the idea of you just because she can see, your way of thing is being sociable, fun, guy, nothing more, nothing less. So that is a response to what you want to know. But again, more stuff can be handled in person.

CASSIDON:    Perfect!

JAMIE: Okay?


JAMIE: All right! So Jake or Dylan, I’m giving you guys one more shot if want to talk about maybe one more thing before we cut off? Cassidon, I know you’re worth the one we just had so these guys aren’t here all the time, so let me give them one more chance if they want, either one?

DYLAN: Well, yeah. I’ve got a question.

JAMIE: Okay.

DYLAN: Who is this we’re talking about like being at a dance floor and stuff? Well, I go to frat parties a good bit and there’s a lot of dancing and like he said you don’t want to ask philosophical, intellectual questions to girl like that, but what would be something proper to say while you were there? What would be—what could you talk about?

JAMIE: Like at a—just a social gathering with like people that you know?

DYLAN: Well, it’s like these frat party has a dance floor.

JAMIE: Uh-huh.

DYLAN: And it involves drinking, getting hammered and dancing. But you know like could you even run a routine stack? You know while you’re there, or would it… what would be something that occur like with the people there. What would be proper to say coz I’ve got routine stacks it just seems like I would only say them if I was hanging out with Elon Musk or Bill Gates or something. I just—something proper in that kind of setting while you’re there.

JAMIE: Yeah, absolutely!  I mean just keep in mind a routine stacks is simply that by definition it’s something you just do routinely so the only difference is certain routines like the more appropriate for certain environments. But absolutely you can use a routine stack if it’s an appropriate one. And then you haven’t done the boot camp and all other stuffs yet, so you’ll start to build more of that especially as you kind of work with this more closely in person. But there is definitely, I’ll give you some kind of starting point just you at least you kind of work with. So at this frat party where you meet various girls in local, one of the sororities or whatever. You’ve got the routine stack that starts where you make some kind of little kind of opening comment and then the very first thing you do, is you make… you do a cold read. And you might say, “You know what, you just seem like you have really great energy.” Okay? Now.

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: That is a routine Dylan, that’s just something I do over and over, and over again. So that is a routine. And if you can imagine yourself, can you, or let me ask you actually. Could you imagine being one at one of these fraternity parties and you see this girl from one of the sororities that were invited, and she’s not right next to you per se but she’s 7 feet away, and she’s drinking, just having fun, and laughing. She seems to be having a great time. What if or could you imagine, you walked over there and say, “You know what, I just have to come over and say hello. You just seem like you really have a great energy.” Can you almost imagine yourself doing that?

DYLAN: Yes, I could imagine it. But actually doing it would be horrifying.

JAMIE: Okay. Let me ask you in a different way then. Do you think that there would be… do you think that saying that in that kind of scenario just built for you, does it sound appropriate? Does it sound like it make sense in that context?

DYLAN: Yeah. It does.

JAMIE: Okay! And that’s my main point. So the answer is yes, absolutely. And if I did that which I would, that would be the beginning of my routine stack. That’s what I would start with. “You know, I just had to come over and say hello. You guys seems like had great energy.” That would be the beginning but that would be something I’d say routinely. Routine isn’t necessary a big gimmick. It’s just something it could be a line, a sound bite; it could be a cold read or something you just do over and over again in a certain type of situation. So that would be an example of a routine stack where the beginning one that I would use personally in that kind of scenario.

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: Make sense?

DYLAN: Yeah!

JAMIE: So by then you go from there. So did that answer your question or is there more to that? I mean you ask kind of like a little bit of general sense like routine stacks and stuff. As long as you have one that is appropriate for that kind of scenario, like for example, I might have an A2 buying temperature P’s that’s kind of fun, playful and require some participation. But that buying temperature routine might not be appropriate for grocery store like I do this fucking crazy ESP routine over by the cereal aisle, understand that?

DYLAN: Yeah.

JAMIE: But that.

DYLAN: Yeah.

JAMIE: ESP routine might be really great and appropriate for a bar. I’m going to have the principles are still the same? I’m still going to open, I’m still going to demonstrate value and then I’m going to transition. I’m going to always follow the same sequence no matter where I’m at, whether I’m from a fraternity party, I’m at the grocery store, or I’m in the street. The sequence is always the same, the only difference really is that the routines or the elements I would use at each phase, I’ll just use different ones because its more appropriate. And get the grocery example is the best one for you there. I’m not going to do an ESP routine by the Cheerios, I’ll do that in a bar. But I’m going to use—

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: Going to still use something equivalent, even if you’re at a fraternity party. I’ll give you an example. I could in your situation, open up with, I just have to come over and say you know, you guys just seem like you have really great energy. And one of the two girls looks at each other and I’d say, “Wait a second, are you guys best friends? You guys make the same facial expressions.” Basically what I’m doing here Dylan is I’m going into the best friends test. Are you familiar with that?

DYLAN:  Yeah.

JAMIE: Right.

DYLAN: Yeah.

JAMES:            Now I’m not telling you to use the best friend test in fraternity party because you know it’s a close knit circle to some degree. I wouldn’t want you to use a routine that’s overly publicized. I’m just giving you an example that you could absolutely and should use an appropriate routine stack from various scenarios, so you would have something.

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: Equivalent to that there. But you can use that all day, assuming you’re in a different country no one really read the book, The Gain. You could do, I mean I have friends of mine that live all around the world that do the equivalent of best friends test everywhere, because no one f***ing knows. Especially you could consider the fact that the book is like ten years old now, so it really doesn’t even matter. But again, just for the, just took her on a side of caution because I’m you know it’s a little bit of a close knit group to some degree. Maybe not use that specific routine, but as long as you understand you could absolutely and should have some type of routine stack for that type of gain.

DYLAN: Okay.

JAMIE: Clear?

DYLAN: Yes, sir.

JAMIE: All right, beautiful! Jake, you have one last you one you want to go through before we cut for the day?

JAKE:   Yes, I have one. My question is like ambition is one directional piece, how do you express your ambition to girls?

JAMIE: How do you express your ambition to girls?

DYLAN: Yeah, ambition. Mm-hm.

JAMIE: Just to be passionate about what you are doing, or you’re going? It’s more about you, being really excited about your future, what you are doing to yourself and the things you are experiencing. I mean that as far as—I mean let’s just say for example in your work, you had an opportunity on some kind of presentation or something for someone. And you really saw this really big opportunity to take your career or business to whatever next level. Well, you would just parlay then, “Oh, my god, you’re not going to believe what happen to me today. I got to present to blah, blah, blah.” It’s just that you sound excited about what you’re doing in your life. So she hears your ambition base on how excited you sound about what you are doing. “My god, I’m going to Cancun next week, check this out! Blah, blah, blah…” you’re just excited about the opportunity you have in your life and you talk about why you’re excited to do so. You’re just almost enamored with your own life and the opportunities you’re getting and the doors that are being open. The best way to show your ambition is to sound enthused, and motivated, and just excited about the prospect, that’s it.

JAKE:   Oh, okay. Because sometimes I talk about like my long term goals to be civil, to express my ambitions, but I think it hits like seven or six out of ten. Some people think it’s too serious.

JAMIE: Yeah. I mean be… So precautionary note on that especially with someone you’re first getting to know. The guy that’s going to get the girl is not or 9 out of 10 times is not going to be Mr. Passionate, intense guy. It’s going to be playful, childish, stupidity guy. You know what I’m saying? Someone who’s just fun, playful. So when you’re telling me stories. Especially you kind of showing your ambition. Still make sure there’s a good element of humor involved. Don’t be so intense and passionate that you omit humor.

JAKE:   Okay.

JAMIE: The most important thing is the fun is, the story is fun, playful, humorous, and makes her laugh.

JAKE:   Okay.

JAMIE: When you start talking about your ambition, but make sure the core of the story is entertaining, otherwise, “Yeah. That’s great, Mr. Intense guy. I’m f***ing having a drink, I don’t really want to hear it.”

JAKE:   Yeah, okay!

JAMIE: Does that answer your question?

JAKE:   Uh, yeah! It is.

JAMIE: Right, good! All right guys, good call. I’m doing another one tomorrow at 6:30 eastern standard time. You guys are all welcome if you’re around, otherwise I’m seeing you all in two weeks, okay?

JAKE:   Okay!

JAMIE: Again. Just to—

DYLAN: Thank you.

JAMIE: Repeat, 6:30 eastern standard time, tomorrow one more VIP call. But otherwise I’ll guys invite two weeks from now, okay?

JAKE:   All right. Thank you, Jamie!

JAMIE: You’re welcome, guys!

JAKE:   Thank you!

CASSIDON:    Thank you.

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