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TAY 162: How to build your inner circle

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Today’s podcast we talked about inner game techniques. This included mindsets as well as pre warm-up exercises. We also discussed steps to creating or expanding your social circle. Lastly we talked about how to approach walking

sets during the day.

JAMIE: Hi, John. Yeah, let’s go into the details. Tell me about the one that’s kind a most pressing that we can talk about. The kind of highlight some opportunities to improve.

JOHN: All right.  So, the most common scenario I find myself in is, I would make eye contact and establish a connection there and from that point on, for some reason, I don’t felt like going up in starting a conversation.  I’m not sure exactly if because of I’ve been talking so much and being tired.  I couldn’t really understand why I didn’t feel like going up and starting a conversation.  I didn’t really think it was approach anxiety, because if it was then I wouldn’t have made the eye contact and I also receive response like they look back and the one I gave a smirk smiled back so I knew that the IOI’s were there but I just didn’t feel like I had no energy to go up and start a conversation as I log.

JAMIE: Okay.

JOHN: And that’s more, and it goes into other parts of my life, too. That part of it is just the urgency or the desire to start a conversation.  Even though I know what I’ll be in it, I’ll enjoy it.  It’s just that for some reason I just don’t start it and I don’t know why.

JAMIE: Okay. So, if you think about the one you have specifically mind that we’re talking about right now, were you legitimately interested?

JOHN: I was, yeah.

JAMIE: Okay. So, let’s see about this here for a second here. You’re genuinely interested, you’re getting IOI’s and you’re just not doing anything.

JOHN: I think part of it is because maybe it’s the environment, it was an airport and it’s mostly during the daytime and I’ve really haven’t practiced during the daytime, mostly at night.  So, maybe it was just the different environment than the usual night clubs or what the night scene presents itself. Maybe then it was self-limiting I might be mind f**king myself so to speak.

JAMIE: Okay. Let me ask you this question first. I know you know this answer. But, let’s just see how fresh it is. What would be your opener in that kind of scenario, go by yourself at the airport, you get an IOI.  What would be your default opener in that kind of scenario?

JOHN: Well, because it is an airport, it’s kind of easy I would just kind of guess where she’s going to, travelling to perhaps.

JAMIE: Well, give me that, you know, I’m a big fan of the word for word. I don’t like the generality so, word for word. What would that opener be?

JOHN: I would, sorry.  Let me guess. She’s going to the West Coast.

JAMIE: Going to the West Coast?

JOHN: Yeah.  If I know she’s going to it I’ll say. “Let me guess, you’re going to the West Coast?” There something in those leds.

JAMIE: So, let me guess, you’re going to the West Coast?  All right.

JOHN: Yeah.

JAMIE: How do you feel about that opener? Do you like it?

JOHN: Not really. I mean, I feel it’s kind of weak.

JAMIE: Okay, and there we go. So, that’s the first part that I’m going to talk about with  you in a second.  Let me just…

JOHN: So, one thing I like to make clear is that, I haven’t really gone to the routines that we discussed that I would after the class because I’ve been on the road so much.  So, a lot of it has to do with just that it’s a lack of preparation and organization, mental organization on using the openers that work.

JAMIE: Okay. And there’s some trick to that. Let me ask you this question. So from Sunday to Sunday from last week, how many sets have you opened?

JOHN: Let me think. None.

JAMES: Zero, okay. Now that’s the problem then.

JOHN: Yeah.

JAMIE: You’re not opening, there’s probably a mix of a few things happening there and so the, I didn’t feel like it, we both know now is complete bullshit because you know what’s your goal, what’s your goal in a weekly basis minimum?

JOHN: Fifteen.

JAMIE:  Fifteen, you’re getting zero so there something there that’s not quite equating. I can kind of buy, I could buy maybe one day or one set, you’re kind of little, just a little off… off a little bit where you can give yourself that. I never want this to be to such a degree where this is a job you’re not enjoying it. If you let a whole week go by, you’re getting zero then there’s something else that’s the problem. It wasn’t that you just didn’t feel like it, fair?

JOHN: Yeah, yep. That’s fair.

JAMES: Okay. So now let’s look at your opener first and foremost. It’s very important, it’s very important that you know what your default opener should be. You feel good about it because the problem is if you have too many openers to choose from then you don’t say anything because you mind fuck yourself. Oh my God, what am I  going to do with this scenario, what’s the foolproof  opener here? That’s one pit full. You know the other so, you want to be clear what your opener is and you want to feel good about it. So we first kind of go through you know what was going to be your opener there. Let me guess you’re going to the West Coast.

JOHN: All right.

JAMIE: You mainly are a little, and that’s not really even the opener that we ever gave you, just for the record.

JOHN: Yeah. It’s not supposed to, yeah. I kind of, yeah.

JAMIE: So, and again, I want to ask you a question first. We actually have someone on the call here, Mr. Cassidon, and Cassidon will tell you straight forward how much he suffered or pay the price for not following the rules. You’re given stuff, you’re  given things that will work, it’ll simply matter if you do it. If you reinvent the wheel or you kind of veer off the path, well you’re going to pay the price for that, you understand? That’s why to be—

JOHN: Yes.

JAMES: Rigorous and disciplined about what your material is. Now here’s an example of what your material could be and it could be for universally applied in that specific scenario at the airport. Granted this in not something that everyone does, man, but that’s the path you’ve decided to, the journey you decided to embark on you, you’ve decided to do something that is a little different that most people. So let’s talk about what your opener could have been, a solid one that you can use in a scenario including at the airport. You could overturn and say, hey I just want to come over and say hello. You seemed like you have great energy. Remember that one?

JOHN: Yep, yeah.

JAMIE: It’s a very solid opener that will allow you to open up anybody, anywhere, anytime including in airport and just for the sake of asking you. Just to say how universal that opener is again just repeating what you went through in the Boot Camp, with that opener not have sounded appropriate being where you’re at? It would make sense, would it not?

JOHN: Yeah, it would. Yeah.

JAMIE: Of course. So my question for you is why are you floundering around with your opener? You know what it is. You got to be solid about what that is because if you’re not that’s why your quiet. Make sense?

JOHN: So that, I think what I had more to do is this lack of practice and repetitions. I haven’t been keeping up with my goal. I’ve got a few good conversations here and there, but it’s nowhere near this end part we set I agreed that I would go for so a lot of it is lack of muscle memory and repetition I’d say that’s how you get better. Right? Yeah.

JAMIE: And that’s true. And here’s what I need you to do for the next week. I need you every day you know consciously starting your day, before you leave your house ask yourself, what is my one opener? You got to have that kind of fresh that will start—remember this is a momentum game, man. You got to get to start strong.

JOHN: Yeah.

JAMIE: So for you to get started strong, well, that requires you to know what your step one is. What is your step one? Your opener. You got to be solid about what it is. You can’t allow yourself to doubt because you don’t know where to begin. So you pick one and you stick with it and you use it all the time so this way when it’s the moment of truth, you don’t flounder around. I mean just imagine you’d taken the time before you left to go to the airport and said okay, what’s my, you know it’s kind of make myself feeling good, let’s get myself in state what’s my one opener? Hey, I just want to come over and say hello. You know, you do seem like you have really great energy. Boom! Take off.

JOHN: Yeah. You bring up a good point. You mentioned get yourself in that mind in that state. That’s the hardest part for me to do, so is securing that one opener the answer into getting in that state or is it something else?

JAMIE: Well having a one opener kind of already in your mind ahead of the time. That’s going to get, that’s a doing—if you want to use the brain gem analogy, that’s just doing your warm-up sets. The warm up sets require to kind of get your muscles warmed up, to stretch. By you thinking it in advance before you even leave your house, what is your one opener, you kind of doing that warm up, that mental warm up? What’s my opener? What’s my follow through? What’s my observation, my transitionary statement? It takes literally 30 seconds to think what it is. Just do that quick warm up.

JOHN: Right.

JAMIE: So before you leave your house you get discipline. You get okay, what’s my one opener? What am I going to transition to. And I know my one opener. You know what, I just have to come over and say hello. You seem like you have really great energy. You know you have this West Coast vibe. You already know in advance what those steps are going to be, right?

JOHN: Yeah.

JAMIE: So everything I just did for you right now took all of 20 seconds. So you have to get in the habit of doing this consistently before you leave house.

JOHN: Yeah.

JAMIE: Okay. So that’s the first thing for you to start doing. Every day, when you leave your house to seriously, 30 seconds, to ask yourself what is my one opener? And say it out loud. Then ask yourself, what am I going to do in the transition too? Say it out loud. Go through it just one time. If you remember in the training and even in the routine stack class, I kind of went through how important it is to record yourself and to practice even in the Boot Camp we filmed you, right? Use that kind of things—

JOHN: Yeah.

JAMIE: You need to do just to get yourself a little warmed up before you go out. So this is something you needed to do every day before you leave your house or wherever you are at. And again it will take you all of a minute to just quickly repeat just to make sure you’re fluid and you’re ready. Make sense?

JOHN: Yeah.

JAMIE: Now to get yourself feeling good so you’d feel you want to talk to people? There’s a lot of ways to kind of go about that and it depends on the person individually. For you, even just speaking to you now, don’t take offense, your energy is a little low, right. You just sound kind of like you’re here and I give you credit for that, that’s awesome. But you’re just you know, you’re kind of talking to me. You’re just kind of ahhh. I’m just going to allow myself to just be lazy, and you know what I just didn’t feel like it this week. Dude, you’re playing that part even with me now on the phone. Make sense?

JOHN: Yes. Yeah. I am more in that state than more often like that. So that’s the struggle. So how do I get out of it?

JAMIE: There’s not one way, but there’s a few ways and these are the things that you just have to try. We can’t just try one time, man. You have to try them consistently. So one of the best things to do is get physical. Get in your body. Like before you go out and experience the world, go for a f**king run. It doesn’t have to be long. It can be for 15 minutes. Do something physical, go for a run, go for a bike ride. Are you following me?

JOHN: Okay. Yeah.

JAMIE: That alone, getting physical, getting the blood flowing, you’re going to think differently. Literally become a better person because you’re creating these chemical reactions in your body. You’re literally becoming a more powerful, more confident version of yourself. So these are the kind of things you have to do because you understand what the outcome is. So, literally you’re getting ready to kind of go about your day, make it a practice. Go for a quick run. It could be 10 or 15 minutes. Say your routine stack as you’re driving to wherever you’re going to. Rehearse your routines out loud. Just on your way to whatever you’re doing. Then when the moments happen, one, you’re going to feel good about what you’re going to say because you’ve already reminded yourself what your opener is. Two, you’re going to feel good because you’ve done something physical to get in your body and you’re allowing kind of neurons to start firing. These are the kind of things you have to do in a very disciplined way. I promise you if you do this every day before you leave your house, you will definitely speak, you’ll definitely start engaging with many more people, because you’ll feel good about yourself. You feel good about yourself, you feel good about what you have to say, but that’s what you need to start doing because it’s a—you understand what the outcome is going to be if you do those things. Make sense?

JOHN: Oh, yeah.

JAMIE: Okay. There’s another thing you can do to. Again, I’m just giving you ideas. You have to try the once that work for you. I like actually, I might have a few funny videos that I watch. And no matter how many times I see them they still make me laugh, right. So I bookmarked them. Then before I even leave my place, I’ll watch one. It takes three minutes, gets me laughing, gets me feeling good. Again, that will help release endorphins. It’ll create a motion. Make sense?

JOHN: Yeah. Okay.

JAMIE: Find a few funny videos you like, too, that’s another idea and then before you leave your house, just watch one. Watch a quick three minute videos, there’s so many YouTube personalities these days. Pick one you like, and just watch it. It takes 3 minutes and again you’re creating a new state for yourself physically. These are the things you do because you know what the outcome is going to be.

JOHN: Yeah.

JAMIE: Being certain or being in a good state is not something you hope for. It’s something that you know you can call upon anytime you want but you have to follow these processes to do so.

JOHN: Okay.

JAMIE: Okay? I want you to do that every day for the next week. Before you even leave your house or to work, we’re talking things will take you just a couple of minutes in real impact your life in zero minutes cause there’s a lot of things you can do kind of the same time. You’re driving to wherever you are going. Dude, you rehearse your routines out loud. You should go for a run anyway, man. It’s good for your health. But you know what?

JOHN: Yeah.

JAMIE: If you want to be like this crazy nut multi-tasker, as you’re doing your little jog on the treadmill, maybe kind of review some stuff and be careful of course.

JOHN: Right.

JAMIE: Don’t be klutzy and trip. But if you’re doing like jogging kind of review your day what you need to do, being kind of mentally start to prepare yourself for work stuff as well. There’s ways you can kind of consolidate these types of practices with things you need to do anyway. But the most important thing, man is you’re prepared before you leave. You do, before you start any activities you do because you know that outcomes going to be. Okay?

JOHN: Yeah, okay.

JAMIE: To do that for the next week, come on the next call and then tell me your experiences after doing them, discipline. I say commit for the next 7 days and just see what kind of experiences you get but I promise you, you will definitely move one step further in the direction that you want to go.

JOHN: Okay.

JAMIE: Okay? Sound good?

JOHN: Yeah, make sense.

JAMIE: All right man. So to everyone else on the call, I see few people on here. The call is being recorded as of right now. So I might call you something a little different. Hopefully, you’ll know whom I’m speaking of. The second person I saw come on Joe, if you’re there can you hit your mike? Again, I’m not saying your full name. There we go. Awesome!

JOE: Hello.

JAMIE: Hey man, ah so, yeah. You’re go. What’s been your experience like the last week?

JOE: It’s been pretty good. I’ve been doing a lot of day game mostly. Came up with a couple of questions.

JAMIE: Okay.

JOE: All right. Well, basically it’s like and I heard what you just said that’s all kind of applicable to me too about getting in the right state and opening so I’m going to work with that. You know a lot of times what I do is I’ll open and I don’t really feel comfortable using a lot of gambits at this point. Some kind I’m just using an opener and then getting into a cold read and then maybe a transition into something situational then riffing because a lot of times in day game I just, I don’t feel comfortable saying, you know, running the ESP gambit or something like that right off with somebody who’s not even giving me IOI’s and so I’m kind of there just riffing and kind of just keep riffing and enjoying it to get IOI’s and then go from there but I’m sort of working with the transition of guessing what her job and hobby is. And just that’s sort of my default transition after the opener and cold read and I’m just sort of riffing. And I didn’t know if there was like additional recommendations, you know, or not as far as gambits to use or anything like that.

JAMIE: Okay. Let’s talk about that for a second. So as far as riffing, you have to  understand at this point that what we’re doing is essentially a type of sales, a type of social sales. You’re literally selling the idea of you to a complete stranger, make sense?

JOE: Yes.

JAMIE: So if you’re trying to be an incredible salesman, it’s really make, do you think the best salesman in the world riff and kind of wing it?

JOE: No, no, probably not.

JAMIE: So riffing just conceptually is a horrible, terrible idea.

JOE: Right, right!

JAMIE: Get it?

JOE: Yes, oh yeah!

JAMIE:  Now you can still use routines purposefully in a strategic way in a different environment.  Like for example, the one we’re just talking about with John.  John, by the way, I’m going to send you something.

JOHN: Okay.

JAMIE: Remind me, I think this could be really applicable for you because it’s going to hit with something else that I think is also important.  I just turned at it, it’s a side note. But anyway, Joe, for you, your instinct conceptually just a terrible idea. So, in John’s example, his first opener is, hey, I just want to come over and say hello, you seem like you have really great energy. Does that sound like gimmicky?

JOE: No, no. And I’m—

JAMIE: Yeah. So not at all, so you being, maybe, a little self-conscious to your certain routines thinking that it might sound like an ESP routine. I get that, I’m not telling you to use ESP routine in the middle of a grocery store. I agree, but there are other routines that would be appropriate for that. And when I say routine, by the way, routine is by definition, just something you do over and over and over again.  It doesn’t necessarily need to be a gimmick. Make sense?

JOE: Yeah!

JAMIE: For example, I’d had an opener at the grocery store yesterday. And, and at a certain point when I realized she’s, it’s very clear, she’s  enjoying the conversation, I just transition to, hey, I know this might sound a little crazy but as I’m about to go grab a bite to eat, why don’t you  come join me? That is a routine.  The routine is understanding at a certain point in the conversation, a certain high point in the conversation and the routine is to, is to get her to move with me somewhere. Understand?

JOE: Yeah.

JAMIE: You can use routines that are more appropriate for that. You can save your ESP stuff for like a different type of environment, like in grocery store, you might want something else.  But I want you to be okay with the idea of using routine. There are just some routines that are more dating friendly.

JOE: Oh, yeah! I feel like I’m okay with using them. It’s just like I don’t know what routine to use.

JAMIE: Okay!  We’ll, let’s talk about one specific here. So you have a type of cold read, where you’re guessing her job. Let me hear how that cold read goes.

JOE: I would just say, what it’s, I mean it isn’t scripted out but basically I would  say something like, you know, let me guess, you’re a nurse, so you love power walking. You know just something like that.

JAMIE: Okay!  The problem with something like so specific like that is that, it can come across as weird.  Let me guess, you’re a nurse that loves power walking at 2 o’clock in the afternoon right after lunch. It kind of stupid, huh?

JOE: Yeah! They can take it away.

JAMIE:  So, you have to be careful of that. You want to be kind of more general where it doesn’t sound so like you’re trying to be some kind of psychic or something, you understand.

JOE: Okay.

JAMIE: Well here, I’ll give you a better example.  When you tell me, if you think your cold read or this cold read will be better. You know you seem more of the artist type than the business type?

JOE: Yeah. That seems a little more complimentary.

JAMIE:  And it’s also very scale able. You can take that in a lot of directions.

JOE: Yeah.

JAMIE:  Make sense? You’re being so specific. The danger with being too specific is in my overly done example, you can come across like a little weird.

JOE: Okay.

JAMIE: But one thing I’ll be very clear with you, Joe, is it, my, that little cold read I just did there about her job, that’s a routine I used over and over again. I’m not trying to wing it and be extra clever. You have to understand most people today, the y don’t reward you for being extra clever, they reward you for being fun and playful and almost childish humor.  The guy who is so clever and intriguing, you know that’s a little tougher to really pull off.  But if you can make somebody laugh, that’s a much better way to go.

JOE: Okay.

JAMIE: Does that make sense too?

JOE: It does.

JAMIE:  But my main point I’m trying to get at you is, be very careful with your cold reads. If it going to do about her job, don’t get so, well, let me guess, you’re  a nurse who wants to jog at 2 o’clock after lunch, knowing that she’s going to have a dinner later on that  night with her boss, am I right?  I guess, just going to come across as very try hard and kind of little weird.

JOE: Right.

JAMIE: So why just try something a little bit general, playful but general, scalable, something you use over and over again. It’s proven. The danger is trying to be too creative with the stuff. Like for example even when I’m speaking with John earlier, he is trying to take from openers, he’s trying to kind of mesh something together. And I’m going to go to Cassidon, in a second because I think he’s really valuable to listen to for you guys, because Cassidon did Boot Camp. And Cassidon, it’s been about nine months, since he attended, now he’s having some really great successes. You can see him on the forum posting, I speak to him quite a bit but it took him awhile, and he’ll tell you first hand, one of his biggest problem was, he just wasn’t following the model. These routines are proven they will work. The only way that they will not work is if your delivery is off, and that’s okay because when the delivery’s off you can keep practicing that.  But if you play around too much with words, well then, there are too many variables and it’s really difficult to understand where you are going wrong.  So, one of my recommendation to you is pick the stuff that works. Stay with the routines and get good at those.  Once you get good at those and you have delivery, then you can kind of start trying to see how you do in creating your own routines.  Okay?

JOE: Okay.

JAMIE:          And the last thing I want to mention for that I think would be valuable is, if you want to riff, if you want to call it that, even though you already know my feeling on the idea of riffing, do it with some kind of purpose where you know at a certain point, she’s enjoying your conversation, try and move her somewhere.  Be aware enough to say, hey, I’ve been sitting here on the f**king cereal aisle for 10 minutes, it’s time to do something. Get her number. Get her to move with me somewhere. You know, at least be purposeful, you got to escalate. That’s one of the most important things. Because if you sit there too long, she’s going to get bored.  It’s going to be kind of weird, just for the sake of the fact like, okay, it’s been an hour we’re sitting here on the cereal aisle, where are you going with this?  Understand?  So, discern. So, if you’re going to call it riffing, or riff  purposefully where you know at a certain point, if a high point in the conversation, you are at least going to try do something with it. Make sense?

JOE: Yes.

JAMIE: Okay, good.  Let’s give Cassidon a go, because I think Cassidon will have some—Cassidon, are you there?

CASSIDON:  Yes, can you hear me?

JAMIE: Yeah, I hear you just okay. Do me a favor, just for the benefit of John and Joe,  just give us a quick two minutes of your experience of not following the routines and riffing, and just reinventing the wheel, man. Tell us how pleasant that was for three months where you just weren’t following what you were given.

CASSIDON: It wasn’t pleasant at all, man. For me, my thing, my biggest… one of my sticking points was meeting an arrogant. The coaches don’t know what they’re talking about, you know, I know better. I’m going to try it this way. And that just wasn’t working for me. When I really, in my world breaking point was when, I finally decided to start following the model, strictly and verbatim and that’s when my results start coming, man. So, I would advise anybody who’s veering off from that, not to do it. You know, stick well where it works, stick with what’s proven, I mean that’s my favorite term now, what’s proven.  You know what I mean so.

JAMIE: Mm-hm.

CASSIDON: Damn, that’s my experience.  Very painful and a waste of time.

JAMIE: Love it!  All right. Good. Again, Joe and John, it’s to your benefit here. This is somebody that is, you know, been involved with this in a while, took up his Boot Camp  nine months ago and for awhile he just wasn’t  listening and you know you pay the price for that so, get the delivery first. Once you have the delivery then you can be Mr. Be Clever about it, but, in the beginning, try and be disciplined in following how these goes, okay?  Cassidon, you have a topic you want to go over?

CASSIDON:  Yes, sir!

JAMIE:  All right, man.

CASSIDON: All right, so, I was basically wondering what is a way how—

JAMIE: Oh, Joe, by the way, if you could mute your mic, because you’ve got like a background  coming from where you are, if that would be okay. Thanks, man.  Go on Cassidon.

CASSIDON: Okay, so I was wondering if there’s, what is a practical powerful way to have strong inner gain and what are some steps that I can do on a daily basis, or maybe before I go out to really apply that concept?

JAMIE: So, for inner gain?

CASSIDON: Yes.

JAMIE: Well, there a lot of things you can do. What are you doing right now?

CASSIDON: Well, I ask myself the right questions. What is the worst that can happen? I also ask myself what’s at stake? And I go over my routine stack before I go out and also every day. I was also wondering if there was anything else?

JAMIE: One thing you can start to do, it just kind of and this is actually from our VIP videos. There’s one were we have James Matador Channing, and he says something incredibly insightful. I don’t know if you guys have all watched the you know kind of caught up on the videos, but there’s one, it’s really good to remind yourself of and John if you’re still there, I think this will be really good because I’m going to send you some information on this but our bottom line is start to redefine your interactions in the world and what certain things mean for example, some people feel that the fact that they feel fearful or approach anxiety, that there’s something wrong with them like I shouldn’t be feeling this.

Why we have to go through all these crap to get myself feeling good, why do I feel fearful? There’s nothing wrong with that. You know fear, is a innate human quality you’re always going to feel it at some level. The best guys in the world at this still get fearful and I think James’s mad or really mad, he’s like just get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, your understand? So, you find if you still in your experience Cassidon, you’re reminding yourself of certain ways of thinking of things, right? Certain thing you’re trying to really embed and embrace and internalize. Well that’s on doing it and find some new ones and one of my favorite ones is what James Matador said, it’s like I’m just going to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. I understand the fear is never going to disappear so, instead of fighting it, I’m just going to embrace it. I’m just going to do it anyway. Make sense?

CASSIDON: Yes, that does make sense.

JAMIE: So, my advance to you is, what you’re doing is great. By the way do you go, did you do something physical before you go out? You go running, bicycling, you do something physical in nature before you go out and open?

CASSIDON: As a matter of fact, I need to start doing that more often. I haven’t been doing that recently.

JAMIE: That’s something you should be doing all the time because literally when you start doing something physical: lifting weights, cardio; it doesn’t have to be that long. Your body starts to release chemicals. You literally start to become a more powerful version of you. So when you say, what else can I do for my inner gain? Or what I would really say is what is the final outcome? Well the final outcome is if you feel good, just do it. By you engaging in a physical activity before you go out you’ll get a lot more of that final result you’re looking for so, two advice: start running, jogging, bicycling something physical before you go out, do it consistently and the number two just keep building on your repertoire of inner gain methodology.

I just gave you one of my favorites; I’m just going to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Fear is never going to disappears so, I’m just going to embrace and again watch the videos, so watch the videos in  the VIP area but there’s a really good chat, really good you know talk that James does today. He kind of really goes through his thought process so I’m just being okay with it but you know first thing is, is to be okay with the fact you do feel fearful. It’s never going to completely go away and you’ll start to know some more you just  kind of like you’re at peace with it. You’ll just start embracing, it is what it is so, you know what I’m just going to do it. That’s clear or I repeat?

CASSIDON: Yes.

JAMIE: All right, man. Let’s give Adam a go. You there? Adam, can you hear us or no? Okay, let’s give, Al a go.

AL: Hello! Can you hear me?

JAMIE:          Okay, Adam is that you?

AL: No, it’s Al.

JAMES: Al! Okay, yeah. I hear you just fine. Rock and roll, man.

AL: Good so, things are going better. I, last week, I think two weeks ago I was a bit sick so I couldn’t do anything, but then in the last two weeks I went out a couple of times, I think I’ve talked to maybe… and I’ve done fifteen of them maybe about eight to ten sets with active, using the routines stack. Sometimes I sway off the routines stack if I’m enjoying the moment. Most of the time I try to—I would say 50%  are straight stray off and 50% I do a strict routine stack and I push as far as I can remember the stack and so things are going well. I’ve got a couple of numbers they turned out to be flakes but there was a positive interaction.

I think I have to check one more number and see if it melds to a date or not or it’s a flake. The dates are rescheduled. I just have to figure out if you know she will respond to my text or not, so I’ll see about that. That by yesterday. Interesting thing is with like nags initially when I was still trying to use them, I was little uncomfortable. I’m beginning to get more comfortable in the process. There’s a little bit of a learning curve that I’m going through and I’ve noticed that the way I use the tone of voice makes a big difference for me, so if I not confident or if I’m intimidated by the girl sometimes it portraits out in my voice, but you know I’ve had positive reactions and I’ve had no reactions. In fact it’s kind of funny.

I think maybe I have a problem with the way I say it or maybe with the way it’s heard because I’ve used that, you blink a lot of couple of times and people hear me say, you drink a lot which is kind of funny. And then they’d look at me, really like, oh, that’s awesome! But I actually corrected and they have the reaction I want, I almost see… oh I forgot. There was one interesting set that I had. I didn’t know how to react but I’ll ask you for your opinion on it. The attraction went well. We were kind of in the stage of getting her to qualify herself, so I asked her, what you’d be want to be when you grow up and don’t say princess, and she was insulted by the word princess. And I think it had to do with her, she was just like duh I appreciate that. And she was very, very—it was a very angry look in her face. I’ve never seen anyone do that before.

I’ve done that gambit many times already and it’s always got a good reaction but I’ve never seen someone get angry and so I waited and paused, and I look at her. Let some tension build and then she wasn’t responsive so I just say noted, and then I can see something else, stopped at something else. But that was interesting. When I was looking to my notes I say what could I have thought of, the only thing I thought of when I was looking at my notes from previous meetings was while you are in a really nice moment, which one of the lines have you’d used but I don’t know if that would be applicable in that particular context. So what are your thoughts on that?

JAMES: So, what did she actually… how did she actually verbally respond to you?

AL: She was angry. It was like how do I put this… she, I could tell she was angry. She says I really don’t appreciate that in a very serious voice and I don’t know the context of what like happened, why she doesn’t like the word princess. Because when I mentioned something about, we were talking, we were joking around after a bit later and I say, yep, don’t call your princess, we know that in a sarcastic way and she was like everything else was fine and I was like okay. I didn’t get into it with her because I don’t want the conversation dragging into a negative but for some reason she didn’t like the word princess and I don’t know why it is but it has never happened to me before and I’ve used that gambit like, I don’t know a hundred—not a hundred times but like a lot.

JAMES: I’m going to assume you delivered that in a playful way. I mean I’ve heard you, you I met in person, so, would you agree that you probably said it in a way that was playful for most people, most people would have perceived—

AL: Yeah, yeah. I’ve never ever, I’ve gotten laughs before, I’ve gotten smiles before.

JAMES:         Yeah.

AL: But I’ve never ever, ever heard that reaction. But it was interesting because it will see a learning experience like, oh! Someone react this way. What is my compose suppose to be? What’s my thinking throughout this? Do I just say noted or respect and move on, because I wasn’t going to apologize. I really just feel like I didn’t do anything wrong and I wasn’t really sorry, so I’m not going to apologize, but I don’t say that either, so I don’t know how to react. And that’s what’s I’m most unsure about and that was the only thing that I can’t figure out at this moment in terms of my set, all my sets.

JAMES: So, I’m going to give you the benefit doubt you did deliver it playfully. Again I’ve heard in person and I’m going to assume that nine out of ten women would have taken it the right way. So the thing I actually think is more important to focus on is rather than worry about the what I could have done here per se, I just want to reiterate some things I think is more important. One of the most important things is to having that willingness to walk right that Brad Pitt type of, I have so many options I don’t need this one specifically.

AL: Right.

JAMIE: To work out that having that willingness to walk, being willing to playfully challenge nag even if that means you lose the set. Having that mind set of mentality, is incredibly powerful and ultimately in end will serve you. Are you following me?

AL: Yes.

JAMIE: You’re not meant to connect with everybody. Certain people have serious issues, man. Certain people have like real issues, I mean I’ve opened up enough in my years, I‘ve come across the people like they’re just angry not… they’re just not pleasant people. You’re going to have that inevitably from time to time. So, great! I just meet another person I’m not going to connect with that’s kind of the way, I think of it?

AL: Got that. I’m going to write that down.

JAMIE: So instead of worrying about or thinking how could I’ve handled this better, think of it this way—you’ve handled it perfectly! You just scream for somebody who has some issues, somebody who takes himself too seriously, somebody who doesn’t have a good sense of humor, somebody probably you wouldn’t want to spent more time with. Remember the whole point and you kind of alluded this a little bit in qualification. Isn’t part of the point of qualification, one of the main points just to truly screen to see if that person in front of me, somebody I’d actually want to get to know?

AL: Right.

JAMIE: And what if I screen them to see what they have going for themselves other than their looks, so what they wanted to be they grow up, but please don’t say princess. What if I screen for that and they’ve nothing to offer? Would that Brad Pitt of you just accept that?

AL: Nope!

JAMIE: So what good is all this stuff if you’re not going to also allow her to fail? So I think that’s actually—

AL: Yeah.

JAMIE: Something more beneficial for you to focus on. You’re screening them, if you think about the qualification starts right from the beginning because if you think about you qualifying her for right from the beginning to see if she’s fun to talk to. Does she have a good sense of humor? To see if she’s playful and adds energy to the conversation and if she doesn’t well, she fails. Hence that’s the reason why you’d say something like: well, someone takes them self a little too seriously. Are you always like this?

AL: Yeah.

JAMIE: Are you starting already? You might say something like that because she is already starting to fail, get it?

AL: Yep. Yep.

JAMIE: You’re not meant to connect with everybody. This is the part of this process is the screening process. Some of the best sales people in the world also are screened to see if that’s somebody they want to work with. I know what I’d do, I’ve had people they call Venusian Arts something like, I don’t see myself working with you, you seem like you’re going to be too difficult, like you’re not going to enjoy it, you’re just going to be a pain in the a**. So the best sales people in the world are also really screening their potential clients.  You get it?

AL: Yep.

JAMIE: I think that’s, I think the most important thing you’re not meant to connect with  everybody, you don’t have to worry about having the perfect thing to say to everybody and certainly you’re just not going to connect with and that’s actually good for you and this whole thing is a screening process. The thing to more focus on the fact that she failed and you actually did perfect by just note to self this girl kind of, we’re not going to connect a long term and I’m just going to continue having fun just for the sake of doing it but I’m already noting she takes herself just a little too seriously and I’m not just telling her that, I really mean it.

AL: Got it!

JAMIE: Is that helpful?

AL: Yeah, yeah! That is, that is!

JAMIE: Okay, good!

AL: Things that I’m going to work on because I’m aware of it and I just need to push myself a little harder. I get nervous when I’m in a public area and I don’t have somebody around me meaning like a friend or a social group or use this one person I’m hesitant to make the move unless it’s a walking target. I’m hesitant to walk up to somebody and sit down because I have a fear of like someone, people noticing me doing it and then paying attention, and I just have to take active steps to get rid of that. I know that nothing’s going to happen.

JAMIE: Hold on! Stop right there. The same thing we’re just talking about and this is going to really benefit everyone listening here.

AL: Yeah.

JAMIE: Take steps to stop it and not feel that way that’s never going to happen. You will always feel some level of trepidation or fear, that’s the truth. It’s never going to fully disappear. You’re looking, it sounds like you’re seeking something that’s not achievable. So rather than trying to get rid of it and be like, I’m just going to find a way to—you know what, I say actually accept it like I’m always going to be a little nervous or a little fearful or feel a little approach anxiety. So rather than fight it and resist it I’m just going to accept it. You and I had a great conversation about acceptance and those kinds of things so—

AL: Right.

JAMIE: I want you to look a little differently here. Instead of fighting it accept it! Like you know what? This is a little weird and I’m going to feel a little anxiety about it, but you know what? I’m just going to embrace it, I’m just going to do it anyway.

AL: Got it! I’m going to feel comfortable.

JAMIE: If you start to feel comfortable on being uncomfortable that’s one of the best advice I can give you as well. Let’s always look for a solution on how to get rid of something that really you just can’t get rid of completely anyway. You can do it, you can definitely do things to alleviate it like the running and stuff like that will get your energy up, right? Do you—

AL: Right.

JAMIE: I’m sure you can attest to once you open up two or three sets your adrenaline is pumping, so it almost nulls the fear you felt beforehand. That’s great! That stuff works. But don’t think that the fear disappeared. It just isn’t as great as how good you feel because you just opened up three sets. It’s not like the fear disappeared.

AL: That is…

JAMIE: Yes?

AL: Yep! I’m pretty happy so far pushing forward and doing the right things I wish I’m always, sometimes I’m beating myself up in the head for not going for more either because I get tired or I’m ready to go home, or I’m sleepy or something, but, I’m making, I’m also I need to focus on making, appreciating that I am making great positive steps and there is also slowly sliding out of the shell.

JAMIE: So you’re making great steps and I’ve already seen glimpses of your work ethic. I know you’re doing great. Just keep focusing on celebrating new things you’re doing, accomplishing, pushing yourself towards it and I guarantee if you will look month on month on what you did over like, say the last week, not just what you did, what you put yourself out there for, but also what you accomplished I guarantee it’s a lot it significant step beyond even a month ago. I know that from ever meeting you. Dude your work ethic because you’re doing things, you know try not to beat yourself up over things you aren’t quite ready for, yet.

AL: Yep! I appreciate that and on a positive on a more positive note, this is not, this does not count as a set, but I got laid two days ago. That was more of a coworker experience but that has nothing to do with my active said practice.

JAMIE: Good for you. Good stuff! Okay, Adam, I give you another shot if you can…?

ADAM: Yeah! Yeah, can you hear me now?

JAMIE: Yeah! There you go, awesome!

ADAM: Yes! Sorry, technical difficulties. So, my… man I tell you what? I’ve had incredible last couple weeks. It just, it’s been incredible, so a couple things before I get to my issue I just wanted to say, man, I actually called a few times and that is, I’ve always have an issue with night game and being able to pull from night game, but I actually, I did it, man. This stuff? It works and I just got to say again,  I’m super pumped about this, about what you guys are doing for me man, so I appreciate this calls, it’s really been able to help. One of the times that I did pull, I was actually really in a bad a kind of a bad mood.

I enter the night being in state and then I had a couple of experiences that kind of I allowed it to, I allowed these experiences to kind of shake me up but I kept just kind of moving forward and kept doing my thing and I ended up pulling and I really it was one of those things where I was like, well I hope I don’t, I just I was like, I hope I don’t have a bad night but I decided not to have any expectation on it and just keep moving forward and keep opening and working through sets and man, it worked out awesome! So I’m very happy about that. My question is, I have I’ve been getting a lot of number closes and however and all, I like make out with girls and I’ll get the number close and I’ll take pictures with them and text them right away and text them the picture or whenever.

But my question is I’ve noticed that probably only one out of four of five of those girls will actually respond to my text messages later on. And so, I don’t know, how to gauge that,—that’s where I’m at right now. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. As far as like what I should be working for I would think that you know my goal would be one out of every three should probably respond. It’s kind of what I’m thinking and but is there anything that you that I can do that is going to increase my chances, like is there a routine that I can do that’s going to increase my chances of actually getting them to text back?

JAMIE: So this is another one that James Matador actually said really well, you know like one of your goals, Adam, is to hit rapport out of the ball park, okay? So how do you do that? You want to give her the feeling that she could talk to you forever and how do you do that? Well that’s simply, well not simply but one of the ways you can do that, and you’re going to do the routine stack class or let me think here, you’re doing it in February, right? Familiarize me here, you’re doing the routine stack class in February did… I’m a little confused here.

ADAM: Yeah. We were talking about doing it in February, yeah.

JAMIE:  Okay! All right. So in that you’re going to get some qualification questions. They’re going to be specific to you or what you’re looking for and that’s going to serve a few purposes. One it’s going to elicit to see if she has the things you were looking for. It will give you the opportunity to reward her for her genuine self and for the things of course you want but the other part is this is going to allow her to really share herself and she’s going to say to herself, “Wow! I understand now why this Adam guy is so into me. He knows A, B, C, D, and he really likes all this things about me. I feel like I can talk to him forever. So your ability to elicit these things from her, and qualification is a great way to do that. If you do that properly and you really give her the feeling of understanding of why you like her so much beyond just her looks and she feels like she just jump right back in a conversation and start talking to you about whatever funny thing or whatever interesting thing you guys are talking about in person, that’s when you get more return calls. And then it sounds—

ADAM: Can I chip in?

JAMIE: And then it sounds so much about the buying temperature the evening and by the way on that note, out back, that also applies to you as well because you mention about flakes? Flakes are simply more often than not just girls you spoke to that they might have liked you, they might have thought, wow, this guy’s really cool, attractive, blah, blah, blah—but and he’s calling me but what am I going to  talked to him about? So being prepared in this conversations not riffing of what type of topics you’re going to bring up and ask that allows you to really give yourself the best chance to really get to know her and let her feel like she’s got to know you where she feels like she will just jump right back in that conversation that’s really what you want to give her. So that’s your goal.

Now sometimes the truth is, Adam, sometimes you’re going to have, you’re going to be limited there to especially night, man. You open like a three set and two f***ing seconds later the friend comes over and the friend just doesn’t allow things to unfold even in the girls interest in you. Sometimes you’re going to be a little limited in time but we simply be aware of what the goal is. The goal is, is that we already have this type of conversation pieces you’re going to bring up so you can really have the best chance to create real rapport. Sometimes you’ll be able to do it, sometimes you won’t and if you’re not able to, well then sometimes you’re going to get the flake but at least you’d be aware of why you got the flake you get the flake because you weren’t able to establish rapport or she feels like she can do is jump right back in the conversation like she has so much to talk about with you then you’re going to get a lot more responses.

ADAM: Gotcha. Man I love that, that’s incredible feedback. That’s exactly what I was looking for. Thank you.

JAMIE: Good stuff, man. And again that really relates to what you and I are talking about as well, so hopefully that would be helpful to you, too. So, Jennifer, you there?

JENNIFER: Yes. Can you hear me?

JAMIE: Yeah. I hear you just fine. I know you and I spoke the other day.

JENNIFER: Yeah.

JAMIE: And what can we talk about?

JENNIFER: Well, can you hear me by the way?

JAMIE:  Yeah, I hear you loud and clear.

JENNIFER: Awesome. No, well it’s kind of the same thing but that I have this, it’s like I feel like I come to a standstill when it comes to my personal development in this field. And it’s like I need to do something not today because it’s late Sunday night over here but like I need to do something tomorrow or like it’s I really need to push myself out of this comfort zone and I think like once I just take that first step it would be so much easier to continue, you know what I mean?

JAMIE: Okay. I think—

JENNIFER: Nom I was like asking them?

JAMIE:  Oh! I’m so sorry, say that again?

JENNIFER: Oh, go ahead. No, what I was asking for like if you could like name something it would be like challenge me to do and so I just needed out of this dance stand it would be so much easier to just like continue from that, if you have any ideas?

JAMIE: Well, you came up with one that you’re working on we already discussed that so I’ll just kind of leave that because you know what it is.

JENNIFER: Ah, no.

JAMIE: I challenge you do, I mean a lot of your ability to progress in life is based on your routines like we’re not talking verbal routines, your just things you do. The way you kind of you know establish your daily events, right? So maybe there’s another place and again I understand your situation or maybe there’s another place and again I understand your situation, or maybe there is another place or maybe you can establish a place or some kind of group where it just organically allows you to network more you know.

In your field for example. Maybe you try become some kind of an authority at something or you start to try and like arranged talks or I don’t know, I mean you have a lot of credentials so maybe you can find a way to leverage that and to maybe create something for yourself or maybe there’s other groups of other like-minded people you can kind of sort to try and join enjoy or look for those. I’d maybe try to explore other versions of that same path you’ve already laid out for yourself other kind of networking groups or else.

JENNIFER: Yeah.

JAMIE: And then maybe if it’s not one that’s already there maybe you can see you creating one. Like I mean if you’re in a place where if you live in a place where it’s kind of sensitive socially where you know everyone kind of knows everyone or in your situation you maybe find kind of some safe houses for example.

JENNIFER: Oh, yeah.

JAMIE: I know like where I reside there are areas not far away where it’s almost like its own town. Right? And that’s one of the benefits of living in a big city which you know you have access to some big city life. Maybe you find a different area you have to travel a little further or some of those spot where it’s kind of almost it’s almost maybe more like a tourist or something.

And you have a lot of tourism over there so maybe there’s that option but maybe just a little bit of brainstorming for yourself like some other just a see if you can create some other outlets you know, create your networking opportunity. You find other network of opportunities. Maybe there’s an area where a lot more tourist go that you can go to. Just kind of a like a brainstorming suite, you know. There’s no rush here like you did a lot of work for some time.  That also I would do kind of like I was talking about earlier. Redefine things for yourself a little bit. Not everything is fucking pick up, just because you talked to somebody and said hello it doesn’t mean it’s pick up. It just means you’re being social. You can absolutely talk to a stranger and say, you know what? You seem like you have a great energy without any outcome. You can do that. It’s in your head.

What your agendas. You can have no agenda so there is nothing wrong with you being in a coffee shop having a coffee and just talking to somebody for the sake of talking to them. I mean, the truth is if that person was unattractive to you, you think nothing of it but because they’re attractive, now you’re putting in your head that it’s pick up, but it’s not.

So a lot of it is in your head. It’s just redefining social interaction and what their meaning is. I mean, if you did this, you could do the same exact thing that you’re now calling pick up. The only difference is it’s someone you’re attracted to, but if you say the same exact thing to somebody that’s not attractive all of a sudden it’s not pick up anymore. Make sense?

JENNIFER: Yeah, it does.

JAMIE: So I would look to, and again these were things I explore, too, it’s like it’s always looking to redefine the world around me and what interactions in what interactions of things mean. I can go talk to a stranger and can be pickup, I can talk to strangers can be social that’s up to me. I can beat myself up over things, the fact that I’m fearful or I feel anxiety sometimes. I can say no, it is what it is. I’m just going to go with it, this is a little different, and it just kind of it is what it is. So redefining what pick up is and being social is, that’s something worth exploring, too and questioning yours—and asking yourself, is this really pick up or just things sociable?

You can also add other thing you can do, too.  Here’s another idea that’s then—okay, I’ve one really good idea for you. Here’s what some people I know do that they are really good at it. You could find one bar or restaurant, or lounge, or something like that, that you just start going to regularly. Where people just start to know who you are, right?

JENNIFER: Oh, yeah.

JAMIE: Like, oh, Jennifer! And you go there regularly, where you talk to everybody. You talk to the servers, the wait staff, the bartenders. They just start to know you, and you get in the habit of just being sociable with everyone there. Well if you’re like that with everyone there, and everyone sees, all the patrons can clearly see that people know you and you’re like this to everybody? And then you talk to a patron or a stranger, who just saw you talking to everybody, is that really pick up? Or is that just being sociable?

So that’s another thing to do. That might be one of your best bets action, just find one place, you really like going to. The food’s awesome, you love the atmosphere, and you just become a regular there. You go there all the time and you let people know who you are. And you’re just sociable with everybody and then that gives you, “excuse” to be sociable to everyone who walks in there. I know people who are really good at that, they just find one place that their, that’s their place and everyone, they almost create this VIP persona. That’s it. That might be a great suggestion for you. But I brainstorm a little bit this week. I think the last option might be your best one.

JENNIFER: Yeah, I think that’s it.

JAMIE: Because you can do that very quickly, you just right now, today it’s, “Hey! You know what? I like this place. It has great food, I like the people there, I like the atmosphere, I can work there. I could just multi-task. I could work there, I can go to my computer, I could research, blah, blah, blah. And that’s going to be my place, and I’ll start going there very regularly, for lunch, dinner, and whatever.

But then you go out of your way to just have conversations with people. No one’s going to think anything of that. And you never know, you might every so often meet somebody that is really worth escalating it but then is that really pick up or just the fact that you put yourself in a very sociable environment and all of a sudden three weeks later you really meet  legitimately someone who’s f***ng awesome. And I don’t really say that’s pick up, that’s living life. That’s how life goes.

JENNIFER: Yeah, it is.

JAMIE: So I think that I would do the… I would try the last option because you can do that this week. You can start that tomorrow, just pick one place and start going there all the time. Is that helpful?

JENNIFER: It is helpful. I’ve been thinking about that it’s like the exact opposite of my problem.

JAMIE: Good, okay.

JENNIFER: Yeah.

JAMIE: Beautiful. Let’s see who else we got here. Mike, you there? Mike, can you hear me?

MIKE: Yeah, can you hear me? Yeah.

JAMIE: Yeah, yeah! Hear you. All right, fire away, man.

MIKE: Well, I’m not had the chance to try any of the new material. I wanted to make a dive in.  Done maybe four approaches in the day in the life. I’ve always got a night of no fear. At day, I was a total opposite, it would like take me an hour to psych myself up to talk to someone. I have one situation where I approached immediately but this was a girl who was selling fishes, seashells in a stall so, you know, I’ve had an excuse to be there. I was able to like talk away, straight away like, I mean I have tame efforts. I don’t have to psyche myself up.

I was very conscious of being in public during the day and the second thing I wanted to go over was Two times I walk alongside with someone, and I was like  you know, walking on the street talking away at them, but I sort of felt like I was barraging them with questions: What are you up to today or may name’s away from… not really elaborate in the conversation so how do I improve out there?

JAMIE: Okay. So, I have two questions, two topics. First one is—

MIKE: Approach anxiety?

JAMIE: How to deal approach anxiety, being self conscious when doing pick up during the day and the second one, I have this walking along the street, asking questions—

MIKE: It’s like elaborate during a conversation.

JAMIE: Feel like you’re barraging people with questions. How do you improve that? Is that correct?

MIKE: Yeah. Elaborate the conversation.

JAMIE: Okay. So the first one, Mike, were you on the call for—have you been on the entire call so far?

MIKE: Missed the first 15 minutes I think?

JAMIE: Okay, hopefully you caught some of this here but I’m going to, I’ll review a little bit. A lot of you feeling that approach anxiety whether it’s during the day or not, doesn’t matter. You have to start to redefine, you know, how you look at this world and I need to psyche myself up. What do you mean you psyche yourself up? Psyche yourself up is as if I can’t do it until I psyche up? Instead of feeling like you need to psyche yourself up, start to be like you know what, this is a natural innate thing here. Fear is a human quality like, and rather than fight it, I’m just going to embrace it. I don’t feel comfortable with talking to a stranger here but I’m just going to do it. I’m just going to force myself to go about it knowing that it’s going to be there so be more, start to be more fearful of what will happen if you don’t do it.

Living a life of not living at your potential that’s something to be afraid of. But for you to think that, for you to feel like you need to psyche yourself up to get rid of fear, something that you can’t get rid of, you can’t get rid of it. You understand that?

MIKE: Yeah.

JAMIE: It’s never going to disappear. Doesn’t mean you can’t do something about that though, Mike. The secret is to redefined things. There is nothing wrong of fear. It’s an innate human quality instead just embrace it. Now there are certain practices you can do to get yourself kind of warm up a little bit and here’s the first one I kind of put your attention here. You know you’re about to go out, you know you want to do some day game, well don’t just wait for the big moment and see here it is oh my god I want to talk to her. What I’m going to say I’m not doing anything blah, blah, blah. Get yourself primed. As soon as you leave your house starts saying hi to everyone. You’re walking down the street, someone walks by you, say, how are you? Hi! How are you? Just fucking say it ten thousand times.

MIKE:             Warm up.

JAMIE: Yeah. Dude, say hi to everybody. Yeah. People walking. You might just actually be pleasantly surprised you’re doing this. But you’re not doing it for them you’re doing it for you.

MIKE: All right.

JAMIE: Because if you do it, if you say hi, how are you to ten strangers, ten people you don’t give a sh*t about, knowing that eventually you’ll see somebody that you do want to speak to. You’re going to be so much more primed to speak to them. It’s like a typical warm up process.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: But I would almost guarantee you’re not doing that currently.

MIKE: I don’t know if it is a good or a bad mentality, but sometimes I tell myself and it’s sooner or later you’re going to make a decade of stuff, it’s going to happen and just accept that fact you can’t connect to everybody straight off, the sooner you accept that fact the less of sh*t you’ll give.

JAMIE: Okay.

MIKE: So, that’s a kind of hang, I don’t have a mind at night but during the day I like I am conscious of what’s going on. I know unless someone’s close to say they are not aware that you’re like doing pick up during the day.

JAMIE: Well, let me ask you in just a different way here.

MIKE: Like I did in the past, you know. …

JAMIE: Imagine you left your house 12 o’clock in the afternoon, you’re going about your day because it’s a Sunday afternoon and imagine the first ten people you walk on a coffee shop you say hi to everybody. You have a little conversations to breeze to  that you don’t give a shit about really, but you’re just like you’re just being sociable, you know, hey, how are you, how’s your weekend, what you’d do? And you’re not really thinking about how interesting you sound. You’re not really so concerned about your questions or your conversation ability. You’re just trying to be bold and you’re talking to everybody. Imagine you said, hi, how are you to 10 different people. You say hi to people in the line waiting for you the people that are 60 years old; you’re waiting for the coffee, you see someone sitting beside you, right behind you, you say, hey, how’s your day going? Then you see a really hot girl, then you talk to her. Is it really going to feel so weird?

MIKE: No.

JAMIE: It only feels weird because you’re going from 0 to 60. But if you already get yourself driving and you kind of go from 0 to 20 to 30 to 40; it’s not that much of a stretch to do it anymore, because it didn’t feel so weird. It only feels weird because you’re going from no activity to like, “Oh, wow!”

MIKE: Yeah. If you build enough of the conversation with random people but you’re not like put me later, that you’re interested like if you go direct and states right away  or you’re attracted to this person and that’s why you came to talk and then you’ve put yourself, right—you put the fear right there, that you might get rejected but if you go like indirect and you’re talking to people and you know like they build it up.

JAMIE: I know.

MIKE: If you’re not putting yourself through the fear of rejection or being conscious of like you’re chatting someone up in public. So, I’m thinking that’s it’s better to build up and…

JAMIE: You sound like a very analytical guy. You’re philosophizing yourself. It is good. You sound like a very analytical guy, you’re philosophizing.

MIKE: Yeah. I’m just saying the thoughts in my head.

JAMIE: What’s the right way to look at the world? I want you to try something, I want you focusing on something different here. Instead of having these mental discussions to yourself, I just want you to get into some new practices and just have an experience and see how you feel. I want you to try this. This week for seven days, everyday you go out for seven days I want you to say hi to everybody.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: I want you being conversation for the sake of being conversational. You don’t need anything for me you just… you can say, hi, how are you, without any follow through. And I want you to just talk to everybody. Every time you leave your household, I want you just doing that. Have a minimum of ten of these a day. Hey, how are you? How’s it going? How’s your day been? Hey, how’s that candy bar? How’s your coffee? Just, I want you talking to ten strangers a day. There doesn’t have to be a follow through. You don’t have to go any further than hey, how are you? But do ten a day.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: And see how you feel. See if you don’t have an experience because right now you’re too in your head. You’re philosophizing yourself. Get out of your head and just start doing some things that will serve you. You will notice that when you actually speak to the girl that you want to speak to, it’s not going to feel so weird when you’ve spoken to ten people before. It only feels weird because you are going from 0 to 60 without like you know that gradual speeding up.

MIKE: All right. Okay.

JAMIE: Try that. Can you do that for seven days?

MIKE: Yep.

JAMIE: After 7 days, email me what your experience is.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: That will help your day game for sure. We can talk about it later. The most important thing I’m trying to do for you is getting you out of your head. Where instead do something that will give you a practice, that will give you a much more of an opportunity and a feeling that it’s totally fine to do.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: Okay?

MIKE: Yep.

JAMIE: Now, the walking around the street barraging people with questions, questions need to be strategic. The only questions you should be asking or questions where you’re fully prepared to talk about that answer. For example, you’re going to ask a question like, “Hey, what do you do?” You should be prepare to talk about what you do and if you’re going to ask where you’re going to, you should be prepared to talk about where you’re going to and where you going to better be a good story. It better be entertaining. It better be something to offer value but the idea is you don’t want to be, you do not want to be to introduce the question train. Question should be only introduced strategically. So, the point I’m getting to here is if you’re asking questions you don’t need advance that that question is simply being introduced for the purposes of giving you segue to talk about your story. Whether you’re not going question after question anymore, are you? You’re doing a little question, you’re probably not giving a sh*t about what their answers are going to be. You’re doing it purely for your own purpose of telling a story.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: Right? I think you and I talk about this before where you had a lot of segues to go where you talked about where she traveled to and then you talk about your travel to New York or America or something like that, right?

MIKE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Where you have some travel stuff like that. And we talked about that but the main idea is okay, the main idea is you’re going to ask question about where they’ve traveled too because you all ready have a story you want to tell. Now, we had a different separate discussion about the quality of those stories, that not what I’m trying to get at here. But the idea is good. The idea is you ask a question because you have, you’re simply looking for a way to segue to what your story is. That’s how you get out of that. So, in advance have maybe 2 questions you’re going to ask and most importantly, know it’s story that’s going to segue to. So, if you’re going to ask for where she’s off to, not that I would necessarily ask that question, but if you had a question you came up with just have an entertaining stack forward you’re going to move to. The idea is your story is you want your story to be so good and interesting and intriguing and funny and humorous that she starts asking you  questions like, “Who are you, where you from, what do you do?” But so my final advice to you is think ahead of time what your questions are. Ask them strategically, purely for the purposes of knowing that they are going to allow you to stack forward to a story or gain or something of value.

MIKE: Okay, and if I start walking with someone down the street and they’re walking alongside me, should I stop or like try and stop them and then stand and talk there, or should I continue walking or is there something I should feel today?

JAMIE: I mean—

MIKE: Because I’m really mannered.

JAMIE: You can walk with them at first and then if you get enough of a momentum going then you can kind of naturally organically stop them there. You know, you might not be able to do it right at first but you get a little of a vibe going. If you can make them laugh, that’s the key. If you can make them laugh, you can get them to do things. You can get them to stop.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: So, the key is to show as much value as you can as quickly as possible. How do I define that? Make her laugh.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: Laughter is like the ultimate opportunity to escalate a conversation.

MIKE: Okay, good stuff.

JAMIE: So, let’s go down like—I just want to do one last thing for you. Let’s go down the example of maybe a routine stack you do. So, let’s just say, you’re walking on the street with this girl. She’s walking right next to you. You just had a casual chitchat for about 45 seconds. You might then say, “You know what? You just seem like you have a really great energy. What is that? What do I call that? That’s called a cold read, all right? You’re just making an observation.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: Are you following me?

MIKE: Yeah.

JAMIE: But notice that is a routine I do consistently. I do that, knowing that that is going to be my cold read I’m going to introduce very quickly in a conversation. So just imagine for example, you’re walking on the street, some girl’s walking along beside you. You make some casual funny comment, she laughs, and after she laughs you say because you’re ready to say it, “You know what? You seem like you really have great energy.” Are you following me so far? Can you also imagine doing this?

MIKE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Then imagine she smiles. Almost no one’s going to frown when you say something like that and then, what if you then said, you know you have this, I know this familiar with your part of the world where you live but the equivalent here is I might say, you know you have this West Coast vibe, you have this East Coast vive, you have this Midwest vibe. Are you following?

MIKE: Oh, you make a statement instead of a question.

JAMIE: Exactly.

JAMIE: Now, if you make an assumption, if I make an assumption like that, again imagine  I’m doing exactly what you’re doing here, what do you think is going to be the response? She’s probably either going to confirm it or deny it, agree?

MIKE: Yeah.

JAMIE: But after I made that statement why am I really making that statement? I’m giving my excuse to tell a story about something relevant to that observation. Hey, get this story, something about the Midwest, maybe a friend visiting from the Midwest. Maybe the last time you went to the Midwest. Story about something about visiting the West coast or someone I know who visited me from the West coast. Some relevant story. So doing these things knowing what might follow through is going to be. But can you also imagine if you did what I just gave you, that it might seem very organic and natural.

MIKE: Yeah, definitely. It’s worth a try.

JAMIE: So, take the equivalent of that and make your own version for your part of the world. You have this blank vibe story, then imagine as you still walk with her, now you start telling a story but it’s a funny story, that’s engaging, it’s making her laugh. If she’s laughing, could you almost imagine that you’d have the authority to just stop and she’d probably stop too just because she’s having so much fun talking to you.

MIKE: Yeah,

JAMIE: And there you go.

MIKE: Yeah, I kind of will try that out.

JAMIE: I mean I’ve an example from the other night. When I was out, I’m walking back from like a venue and there’s group of girls about four or five of them and I overheard one of them say this topic, so I just kind of made a comment based on what they said, a fun playful comment. I got them laughing, boom! “You know what, you guys just have great energy. You have this blank vibe.” That’s exactly what I did. Then once I went to my story, something that’s really interesting, funny stuff, I had the whole crowd of them, like four or five of them, all gathered around me, listening to what I’m saying, and they started to compete for my attention but just as story connected with that vibe, that I said she came across like. That’s all I’m doing. And once I know that their interest, their enjoying themselves, and I stop, they’re going to stop too. There might be a meter or so into this story, once they’re clearly laughing and engaged, I mean, think about this when like you’re going to walk away when someone’s telling you a story that’s  making you laugh, you’re not want to hear the end of the story, are you not?

MIKE: Yep.

JAMIE: The thing is while you’re walking you try to hook her with your story, but that’s is why you practice these stories in advance because you know you have a damn good chance to kind of reel it in a little bit. But following this sequence will make things a little bit more consistent for you. When you’re walking on the street, make a fun little comment, “You know what? You have a really great energy. You have this blank vibe.” A story that connects to that observation. And then you just work on your story. Make your story good. If you’re not hooking her, that’s when you need your story needs to work. But now, all’s end guess what you’ve done, you’re no longer asking question after question after question. You’re asking questions but they are really purposeful questions. You’re questions, they’re simply giving the excuse to talk about what you want to talk about. Make sense?

MIKE: Yeah.

JAMIE: All right, man. Is that something like a good next step for you?

MIKE: Yeah, yeah. I’ll get work on that as soon as possible.

JAMIE: Good, man. Yeah, and don’t forget your assignment for the week, for the next seven days, talk to ten strangers a day. It does not have to be anything more than “Hey, how are you?”

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: By the way, do you know the mystery, newbie challenge?

MIKE: I probably left that years ago, I just can’t remember…

JAMIE: Maybe it’d good for you to revisit that.

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: It’s a way basically you go up to a stranger, just go to a stranger, you don’t necessarily have an introduction and say, “Hey, did you know that Elvis Presley, used to dye his hair?”

MIKE: I’ve used that one lots of times.

JAMIE: Okay, well I want you using it for mystery’s purpose. Which is simply for having the experience and doing it to people just for the sake of doing it with no follow through. The idea is after you’ve done that you just leave. Say, “It was a pleasure meeting you,” and you walk away. If you do that ten times, combined it with, “Hey, how are you?” It’s not going to be weird anymore to talk to strangers during the day. You’re going to be out of your head. You’re going to be more in a flow, okay?

MIKE: Okay.

JAMIE: Sound good?

MIKE: Yeah, excellent.

JAMIE: All right, man. Mr. Upgrade. Last but not least.

UPGRADE: Yeah, hi.

JAMIE: Dude, I’ve been seeing some of your post in the forum. You sound you’re having a good time, man.

UPGRADE: Yeah, that was really fun.

JAMIE: Good for you. You deserve it.

UPGRADE: Yeah, thanks. It kind of felt a little bit like kind of winning on the slot machine that in the way that it’s fun when it happens but it kind of feels that there was too much luck and too little skill. But I hope I’m going to get more skillful so it happens more times.

JAMIE: Okay, I would only say to that kind of the same thing I’ve said a few times here. There’s always good, I mean, again you redefine things a little bit here.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: There’s always would be some element of a numbers game, man.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Like this isn’t perfection. Even as you get better and better, there’s always going to be sometimes where things are lucky, right? Like for example, lucky like the girl I’m speaking to is actually by herself, she’s not with anybody, is that luck?

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Or is that a fact, or is that reality that I’m opening up a lot of people and I’m giving myself the opportunity to meet this girl who’s by herself. I don’t know what the truth is really. I would argue to say that this is a skill, it’s a skill that you actually apply, that allows you to have more opportunities that improves this numbers game.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So, I don’t know man. Maybe years ago, you would have not even talked to this person. So, is it really luck?

UPGRADE: No. That is not.

JAMIE: You started saying here so, there’s always going to be some element of a numbers game. This is an exact science, but I want you to think about the things you’re doing that you might not have done normally.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: You’re eventually going to do it with the right person.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Give yourself some credit, man. I think I saw that post, I thought it was pretty solid.

UPGRADE: Yeah, it was. I had a great time that night. And I had really good energy and I was in like a perfect state. And its—

JAMIE: Boom! So, what the thing is how can you duplicate that more often? Start looking at what you did and—because you can recreate that.

UPGRADE: Yeah, that’s what I’m going to have to do. Just keep recreating that state and go from there. So, I got a question though for you. We got these a lot of temporary employees at work right now, and that’s going to be there for a few months, and I met some of them when I was out about a week ago in the evening. They were kind of a grouped and they asked me if I wanted to join them. They were going to go to a bar and then I say, yeah, I’ll come, and they weren’t sure where to go. So I told them that I know some places. And I think there were seven of them, and there was one moment that I was really, really cute that I wanted to talk to and I really talk to everybody because they’re all, all of them were very open and talked a lot. But at some point I got to talk to this woman one on one and it felt like we’re hitting it off but at the same time she had a guy that was there with her that it looked like they have something going.

JAMIE: Mm-hm.

UPGRADE: And when I was talking to her one on one, I kind of asked really directly about that, about she, if she was really in to that guy. And she told me that they have been dating for like years but at the same time that she wasn’t that into it. And I kind of follow that up with a story of somebody that I met and that we’re in the same situation. And she said that yes this woman, she’s with this guy and they kind of together but she told me that she’s really not into him.  But it was really calm, she feels like really comfortable at that time. Just kind of to give her feedback that it happens that way. I felt like that I cannot fit it off with her in a way that I thought maybe at some other later time that I would be able to go out with her. And then the next week I was chatting with her on one of these, we got this messenger thing at work. And I suggested to her that we should, I didn’t really say go out, that wasn’t that obvious but I said that we should get together and do something. And she said it wasn’t a good idea but we did chat a little bit before then and she seem kind of open to chatting.

JAMIE: Mm-hm.

UPGRADE: And I was wondering if yeah, where to go. If it’s like a dead end or if it’s just that she gives me some initial resistance, and that I can ask her out again? Or what do you think about that?

JAMIE: It’s not a dead end, I mean like you know.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: There are always like shit test and various things. You know I think the first thing I would say is it would be easy to kind of mind f**k yourself when you meet somebody and kind of assume that they’re on a date. Assume that the guy might be blah, blah, blah. Don’t assume that stuff.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Like get more in the habit with saying, hey, how do you guys know each other? Always act like you’re incredulous to whatever that relationship may or may not be.

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: Once you get her starting to think about what she’s doing and she’s in her head about it, then you’re much less likely to get her to be in the moment with you.

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: If you start, yeah, there’s a guy I’ve been dating on-off for 10 years. Yeah, I guess I probably shouldn’t flirt with you in front of him. You know you don’t want her to be thinking like that.

UPGRADE: No.

JAMIE: It’s better to just high jack her mind you know, get her, when I say high jack her mind I mean, you’re just enjoying the moment with you. Don’t let her intellectualizing who she’s with, and what she should be doing or not doing. Just get her to enjoy herself.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So you know, act like you’re also oblivious to it. Hey, how do you guys know each other? Beep in the same time aware but let her tell you, oh, we know each other from blab, blah, blah. And then if she doesn’t say anything obvious then you assume it’s a go.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: But don’t have this, try to get away from these intellectual conversations about, oh, seems like you guys are dating. Oh, yeah. We’ve been dating on-off for five years. Well, I remember somebody use—don’t get into those conversations.

UPGRADE: Oh. Okay.

JAMIE: So you remember this one from before I’m sure. When is the best time to have coffee with somebody?

UPGRADE: Right now.

JAMIE: Right now.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Why, because it’s not a big deal. You’re doing it anyway. I think the same thing should be practiced especially with someone you work with, someone where you’re not quite sure where they truly stand. All the times most people are not very comfortable with being very clear, importantly they try to be friendly, whatever.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: But behind your back they are saying, oh, you know, I know this guy is kind of hitting on me, I’m not really feeling it, blah, blah, blah, blah. So the loop service you get, and how they actually feel might not be the same thing.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: And then the way you really know is when you actually ask them to kind of meet up with you, blah, blah, blah. That’s when you get the truth. Such as it’s not a good idea.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Now so and you want to be a little careful with people you work with.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So it’s suddenly like you’re good with this person. You just have to kind of assume you can kind of hit the reset button a little bit.

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: So the best way to go back by is, next time you’re doing something?

UPGRADE: Yeah?

JAMIE: Like you’re going to blah, blah, blah… and you’re about to do it anyway like, hey we’re going to happy hour later, come join us! That’s when you invite her. Hey, a few of us are going to happy hour later, come join us. First, if she say that’s not a good idea that’s f**king stupid and even if she say that—

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: It’s like you’re doing it anyway. So either something you’re doing anyway or something you’re about to do. Even if you were about to grab a cup of coffee, you’re going to leave the building, get a breath of fresh air, message her and say, hey, I was about to go to whatever across the street, get a breath of fresh air and grab a coffee, come join me.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: That’s not a big deal. You’re doing it anyway. For her again, for her to say some like it’s not a good idea, was it not a good idea to have a cup of coffee? What are you? What the f**ks wrong with you?

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: That would not make a lot of sense. So, just keeps doing stuff like that and in the mean time understanding, it’s simply a matter of time. You’re only one experience away from her changing your mind, Upgrade.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: All she needs to do is be in another situation with you where it’s like you, her, and another friend were all sitting, you’re making everyone laugh, and all of the sudden he’s reconsidering.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: We are emotional creatures. It doesn’t take a lot to get someone to change their mind as long as you don’t—as long as it’s not a big deal to you and you’re not all reactive. It’s time to go. Do you want to come? Not a big deal. All of you again. So it’s not over I would try and create one of those opportunities, either the next time you’re doing something with other people that’s the best thing cause it’s in the group.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Because a bunch of us are going to blah, blah, blah for a drink, come and join us bring your friends or go across the street to go and grab a coffee. Hey, I was going to go across the street, get some fresh air. Get a coffee, come join me. Oh you, don’t want to come, I’ll be going anyway, I would do something like that.

UPGRADE: Yeah. Okay. That should look good.

JAMIE: And it really is not over. I mean I have that confidence in you and I also want to tell you the truth. You’re only one experience away from changing her mind.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Whatever ideas she has in her head can be changed as soon as she’s hanging out with you and you’re making her have a good time.

UPGRADE: Yeah. Okay.

JAMIE: Also and she’s like, know what? Dude, this happens all the time, Upgrade. Why, he’s actually really cool. Wow, I really had a good time with him. He’s fun and playful. It’s just how, people always… dude, I’ve had so many women in my life. They liked me one day and   didn’t like me the next or didn’t like me one day and the like me the next. It happens all the time. Why would it be different for you? You can absolutely turn the ship around.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE:  Use one that we’ve teach you about how you do it.

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: I want to think to peoples having like a reset button. You can hit that reset button a million times as long as you don’t over blow yourself out completely.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Where you think you’re rude or something. Clearly she hasn’t think that so you definitely got another shot.

UPGRADE: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Very good!

JAMIE: Okay? Did I miss anybody? Did everyone have a chance to talk? I assume so. Okay, awesome call everyone! Hey, just so you all guys know, I’m doing another call at 6:30, so that’s two hours from now. Feel free to join if you like. But otherwise, awesome call and also I’ll expect everyone else in two weeks, okay?

MIKE: Alright, take care.

AL: All right, thanks. See you then.

CASSIDON: Thank you, Jamie.

JAMIE: You’re welcome.

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