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TAY 160 : Don’t give up when talking to girls. Here’s what to do.

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Today’s podcast we talked about how to get back out there if you lose momentum. We also discussed some good sources for canned material. Lastly we discussed some AMOG techniques.

UPGRADE: I kind of lost momentum with the, it’s not like haven’t had time it’s just, I don’t know, it kind of died for me so I started back up again and get some momentum going because I get the boot camp in four months, so I want to do as much as I can myself before then, so I have something to build on.

JAMIE: Okay!

UPGRADE: Yeah! I was a, I don’t really know if I have a question or not?

JAMIE:            Well, let me ask you question then if I may?

UPGRADE: Yep!

JAMIE: When you say lose momentum, what does that really mean? Give me more details in how you are losing momentum here?

UPGRADE: Yeah! I think haven’t been out in public two to three weeks. The last time I went out to it didn’t go very good. It’s like, I went up to a set and then I couldn’t even finish my opener and they kind of turned away from me and they went to another side and I opened them, but then I couldn’t build any attraction or interest and then on the third set there was the same thing. I wasn’t even done with my opener before they kind of lost interest, and then I don’t know. Then I didn’t feel like opening anymore that night, and then they kind of took me a while or has been taken to that for me to go out again.

JAMIE:          Okay! So, let talk about that a little bit. And this is actually… I have—I saw Jake is on the call and I think tonight’s call might just be one of the most important you guys have in a very practical way potentially if you really, if what I tell you resonates with you, I think the potential impact is going to be incredible. Now, and Jake this is going to prefer to you in a little bit here as well because you send me an email before about approach anxiety and really just having a little bit of thing in kind of getting your energy up and getting things going a kind of stuff. So, here’s the deal, you know all these things we’re talking about, I mean it sounds like for you, maybe in the beginning, Upgrade, but this one’s you got going where you kind of give up, where you’re like f*** it.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Which you would agree that is a type of approach anxiety or fear?

UPGRADE: Yes! Yeah. I think it is.

JAMIE: All right, so here’s the thing and this is important for you to know first and for most, every single person that I’ve ever seen come through the front door not to the top coaches in the world,  they’re not immune to what you’re going through.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: You’re not alone on this one, man. Everyone has those periods. It’s like kind of that two steps forward one step back.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: The first thing I understand is that is just part of the process. I’ve had that myself and not just one time, numerous times. It’s just I understand that I just have to keep pushing and then you kind of you know when you’re frustrated that’s when a breakthrough is near. You know what I’m saying?

UPGRADE: Yup!

JAMIE: But here’s the most important thing I want to tell you a very practical way and this is really going to hit on—Jake has a question I think he’s going to ask because he emailed to me. He was like saying he’s kind of losing momentum and well, not momentum but kind of suffering from approach anxiety sometimes in clubs. And he’s like what would I do? Does it mean I need to take another boot camp? Right? That’s what he’s thinking. And then you don’t need to. This is actually, the boot camp prepares you for your words, you can feel confident about what you’re going to say. But energy,  getting rid of or alleviating approach anxiety, that’s a complete different topic and really, boot camp doesn’t really address that. It does in a way because it gives you the confidence of what to say.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: And knowing that what you’re going to say has a very, very good chance to get what you’re looking for, but it really doesn’t hit on the idea of creating energy and momentum and almost create this furnace of energy within yourself, so I’m going to tell you something you have already heard before, but I think you really need to hear it one more time.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Or maybe you need to hear it in a different way here because I know you’ve attended the Tony Robbins’ programs before.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE:            Did you know, Upgrade, that fear is physical?

UPGRADE: No. I don’t think I knew that.

JAMIE: Fear is physical. How you’re feeling right this second when you and I are speaking, or how you’re feeling right at that moment when you felt that approach anxiety that was directly—

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE:            Related to your physiology.

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE:            So here’s what I’m essentially trying to tell you. If you’re not feeling good, and you feel anxious or fearful, look at how you’re fucking standing, look how, oh, it’s not just how you’re holding your body and how you’re moving your body.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE:            So you just standing there doing nothing and you’re not saying anything to anyone and couple that with your posture sucks, there’s no power in it well that’s going to be a very clear indication of why you feel the way you do.

UPGRADE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:            You following me?

UPGRADE: Yep.

JAMIE:            I bet if you’ll look back on that night all those things I’m telling you about were probably terrible.

UPGRADE: Yeah, probably yeah.

JAMIE:            Okay now, how do we solve that? Now you’ve been to Tony Robbins UPW. Let’s see if you can—

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: That core and this works, dude, it works. It f***ing works. Tell me if you remember or as best as you can remember, what do you think Tony Robbins tell you about how to address that?

UPGRADE: Just to stand tall and keep my head up and the shoulders back and breathe from there.

JAMIE: You—

UPGRADE: That’s the things I can think of right away.

JAMIE:            These are all true. You’re correct in every one of them but I’m going to say—

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: It in a different way to really hit—

UPGRADE: Okay.

JAMIE: My point home here. You want to change your state or make a radical change in physiology? Go f***ing running. Go run you know f***ing start like singing in the car, do something radically different to what you’re doing currently. Stand tall—

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Stand strong, breathe deep, feel strong, f***ing move your body, go f***ing dance for a couple of minutes or something. Do something to get your physiology powerful.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE:            Because you know after you’re done with the run or doing something very physical, it actually would not be hard at all to go approach women because you’re just so hyped up.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE:            Understand?

UPGRADE: Yep.

JAMIE:            So whenever you’re feeling like that the antidote is addressing your physiology because if you’re feeling that that’s because your physiology sucks. If you’ve been stagnant—

UPGRADE: Yes.

JAMIE: For too long, you haven’t been saying anything to anyone, you just stand there you’re not moving, you’re hunched over; something is f***ed up. Understand?

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE:            So do the opposite. A radical change in physiology that’s how he would say it. Make sense?

UPGRADE: Yeah, it does.

JAMIE:            It’s so simple but it takes discipline and you know this and by the way I mean you know I take very good just records of my own personal development over the years and I’ve watched myself is I’ve had these different kind of revisiting of certain things or like what I’m telling you right now is something I had kind of is well as I though and knew that shit that something I had kind of address myself where I realized I just wasn’t doing what I was told, what I know to do, what I know works for fact.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE:  So, you have to force yourself to again change that, put a radical change into your physiology if you want to start to feel good and if you have that, amazing feeling you’ll see you’ll feel almost unstoppable but you have to—

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Force yourself do that, that’s why even before you go out a great thing to do is go for a run first. Go for like a run.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Listen to some music. Get yourself all charged up. Get yourself physical, man. And you’ll notice when you go out, at least for the first hour or two, you’re probably going to do really, really well. Now what happens sometimes, sometimes you open up a bunch of sets, you got a good momentum going, you’re creating like this following of sorts and then you let it die.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: And then it’s really hard to get it back going again. What I’m trying to bring to your attention here is a sense of awareness of what needs to happen. You need to again create that radical change in your physiology because your physiolo—like I said fear, fear is simply… it’s physical. Simply a product of the way you’re standing, the way you’re moving, all those things. So you got to change that and that’s it, that’s your solution.

UPGRADE: Yeah, I hear you. UPGRADE:

JAMIE:            Force yourself to do it, okay?

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE:            Is that helpful?

UPGRADE: Yes, I will. Yes, it is.

JAMIE:            Okay, good. Chris, you’re the one who suggest this time so I think you should only be rewarded by going next.

CHRIS: Okay. Great! Yeah, this work for me but I’m actually come off the holiday, I’m almost in the same situation as Upgrade as we just discussed. Like we discussed in the last VIP call, I have been doing ten you know kind of approaches pretty consistently every week and now you said move it up to fifteen.

JAMIE:            Uh-huh.

CHRIS: But over the holiday I only did five I was on with my family, I didn’t get to do anything, and a big part of me and my struggle has also been the approach anxiety so I was writing down as you’re speaking to Upgrade and know what I just started walking around and I passed up sets and I don’t talk to people that is, kills my mood and just makes it so much worse.  But I think one thing that I’m a little bit nervous about is just working on the new lines and scripts that you’ve given us.

JAMIE: Uh-huh.

CHRIS: That are, in my mind a little bit more aggressive, at least compared to what I’ve been  doing and I don’t know, it’s just like, I don’t know what else to do except for just you know, I got to force myself through it, I was just going to, kind of step to that anxiety and step to that fear and that’s kind of where I’m at, it’s just a little bit still stuck with the approach anxiety, ready to move up to have a next level of scripts that you’ve given us and probably also at buff up my quantity each week as well.  But aside from that, not a whole lot of new developments from the last time we spoke.

JAMIE: So no specific interactions to go over?

CHRIS: Nothing in particular, I mean it’s all been pretty consistent and I’m still been using the lines I’ve learned in the boot camp, you know that, best friends tests and the  oh, no, no, is cheating kissing and best friends and the… whatever came up to that.  But, it’s kind of hit and miss. Some of them go really well and then some days it’s just like a total flop, no one wants to talk to me but it’s just kind of back and forth.

JAMIE:  Okay!

CHRIS: Right.

JAMIE: Well the one thing that’s really going to help a lot is what I just told Upgrade, Chris. So, you know, you got to find a way, you got to be aware how closely connected your state is with your physiology. And if you’re not feeling like talking to people, the quickest way to address that is address your physiology. And that can warm up process that, you know, those are the kind of things that you can do that to help that, okay?

CHRIS: Yeah.

JAMIE: Now, one thing I want to talk about here because I want this to be very practical for you are the five that you did and you said some went well and some did not.  Tell me about one of the one’s that went well. How far did you get?

CHRIS: There’s two the opener and then two of the follow up lines we did in the camp. There was a couple of girls we just crossed paths and I just did kind of did of the  usual, like, you know, quick question, do that is kissing cheating routine and I said it went well because they’re receptive, they were laughing, I did the group girls, good girl/bad girl tests and they laughed and say oh, no we’re both good  girls and whatnot but, I mean overall it was friendly but then I kind of hit the lone and I don’t know where to go. I know that’s where the extra scripts and the DHB stories come in, which is, what I’m trying putting together is that stories and, that actually kind of does bring up the question if you could give an example of making what a DHB story would be after you say, like, the East Coast, West Coast vibe.  Say, the girl says she’s from the East Coast and then I’m supposed to launch into a DHB story, right?

JAMIE: Right! You saw those emails I send you. I send you a bunch of examples from the routine stack class, you saw those, right?

CHRIS: I did see them.

JAMIE: Yeah! They’re, those were examples, that’s exactly those are the kind of things you use. The only difference is in your segue say, oh my god, get this, my friend from blank and you just connect it making it sound like that those stories had to do with something having to do with that location. So you could take, maybe all of them, I think one of the stories has this girl that you stayed on for like, the phone like 10 hours with?  I think I included that one, does that sound familiar?

CHRIS: Nope, but…

JAMIE: I promise this though, I gave you like three, I promise you at least one of them you could easily make it sound like the person who is the main participant in the story besides yourself like your, like you could easily change it up so that person is from the East Coast or from the West Coast. You know you can make up whatever sh*t you want but this actual DHV story, that’s what you’re truly asking me here.  Actual DHB story just look at these examples, those are perfect! Make sense?

CHRIS: Yeah.

JAMIE: Yeah, all you do is take those stories I sent you potentially and just make it sound like it’s relevant to that area. Like oh, my god! Get this from my friend in New York, just came in and we took a trip together to Cancún, right? Okay, I know I did send anyone for sure about going to Kaaba or Cancún. Is that one sound fam—it’s a very short one?

CHRIS: Just found it, yep!

JAMIE: Okay, so in that example, if you said you have an East Coast vibe, she says, yeah, actually I’m from New York. See oh my god! Get this! So, my friend from New York? We just went to Kaaba or Cancún story. There you go! Do you get it? What we’re talking about is actually a very simple bridge, you just make it sound like that location is relevant to your story because it’s relevant to the person that’s in your story or where you went. So in that case, you make it sound like that story, you went to Cancún with your friend from New York, and that’s how you connect New York to the fact she’s from New York, too. Make sense?

CHRIS: Yeah, it make sense.

JAMIE: But the story itself, there you go! There’s your story and it’s short, sweet, and right to the point.

CHRIS: Okay, cool!

JAMIE: Is that helpful?

CHRIS: Yeah, sure! That’s helpful.

JAMIE: Okay. Now, the thing I don’t want to omit something else you’re kind of alluding to here, so after you did you look like the good one, you look like the bad one, you did that part? And you kind of floundered a little bit, is that what happened?

CHRIS: It’s kind of that and then at that point I just kind of blank and I think, oh okay. I’m going to get the hell out of here.

JAMIE: Okay, so that’s the real thing you did to come on with these calls with because that’s how we push you forward. So, you remember one of your first qualifier is, so, what do you do around here? Please don’t say model. You remember that?

CHRIS: Yeah.

JAMIE: You got to force yourself. You see, when you do the sets and get kind of stuck like that, that’s okay, man. Chris, I think it’s awesome what you’re doing, these are new tools, these are new ways of speaking. This is not, this is different, right? What I want you to do is when you get into the situation where you get kind of stuck and kind of forget where to go, which happens to all of us by the way, I’ll be lying if I say I didn’t happen to me from time to time especially my warm up sets, oh okay, cool! That’s what I need to do and that’s fine. So after that first one, if that happened that you want to push yourself into a set immediately, knowing that next set after you look like the good one, you look like the bad one, and then you kind of go into your little mini story. After that, your first stack will be, so, hey! So, what are you guys doing around here? Please don’t say model. You have to force yourself to be that next piece. You following me?

CHRIS: Yeah.

JAMIE: So I would challenge and again, I think it’s great what you’re doing, but I would challenge them. It went good to not so good. If you’re not pushing every time you got to—

CHRIS: Right.

JAMIE: You got to push to where you really do get stuck not because you got—not because you don’t know what to say, that’s okay, that’s kind of part of the warm up process. But got stuck where you tried to do something, and then she objected it, and she’s like go f*** yourself. Right? Then we have something to talk about, right? So, the idea is you push these new things that you tried and then, maybe you don’t get a good result? And then that could something we could really to talk about so you can prove that the next time. One thing I want to tell you right now is if you were, if you got stuck because you forgot what to do, well, okay! Not a problem. Re-familiarize yourself. Ask yourself after the set was done, what did I omit? What did I forget? What would have been next? Oh, okay! So, hey, what are you guys doing around here? Please don’t say model. Then you make sure you get into set as quickly as possible with that awareness that that will be you’re next step.

CHRIS: All right.

JAMIE: Does that make sense?

CHRIS: Yeah, it makes sense!

JAMIE: Yes, so go back. So here’s what I do for now, don’t get confused with the routines stack class a little bit here. Like for right now, what I want you to do is go back to the original boot camp stuff for a little bit, and, and push it where you’re doing the whole thing. You have several qualifiers, just for that alone and I just gave you one of them that you would use, and that keeps the interaction going. You didn’t get one of your kiss closes from that routine—from the boot camp like, follow the boot camp at first and then slowly, once you’re really pushing these things, start to incorporate some of these more custom things.

CHRIS: Yes, mm-hm.

JAMIE: You know what else you can do to make this, Chris, to make this easy for you? Here’s one of the approaches for now, stick with the boot camp, for now, like meaning like use those openers, also you sound good, too. I’ve listened to you, I was with you in person so you sound good when you do man. So do your openers, do your little buying temperature routines. Do that! Stick with that! Then, go on to the qualifiers that you got from the boot camp and then if you get stuck conversationally, and you’re in the midst of conversation, rapport building, and you need something to do then ask one of my qualifier questions. That always keeps things conversationally, so you can use it to supplement on what you have to qualify but also keep conversation going. This way, it’s not too much of a jump. I would keep practicing with what you have for now and then use at least for now use the qualifiers as a way to continue your conversations if you get—if  you feel like you’re running out of sh*t to say.

CHRIS: Okay.

JAMIE: This way, it’s not too much of a jump and then it’s just, it only adds to in a very nice sequential way to what you learned.

CHRIS: Right, yeah. That’s true.

JAMIE: That’s I would do for now because then you’re only going to move forward you’re not going to move backward but very important is its okay, man! If you have a set where you get stuck and you forget its fine. It happens to all of us. But the most important thing is that if that happens, ask yourself, what should I’ve done next? What would have been that next step? And then go out and do it again, open up. That’s when you need to keep your momentum going because at least your energy will be up. We all know it’s one of the most exciting things having a conversation with a stranger. After you have these conversations, your energy is probably pretty decent, so that’s the time and hit another conversation as quickly as possible.

CHRIS: Yeah.

JAMIE:            And then knowing how to move forward the next time.

CHRIS: Okay!

JAMIE:            That’s what I want you to do, man, because that’s what’s going to really push you. What you’re doing right now is just having a little laugh with people but you’re not pushing it. The whole idea to 15 sets is you push your conversations as quickly, you push them as far as you can, begin the qualifiers, “Hey, you know, it sounds a little crazy. I just met you but, let’s grab a coffee.” “Hey, we’re going out for drinks later, come join us!” You push it. That’s the whole idea of 10 to 15 sets or specifically, 15 sets.

You try to take them as far as you can. The other set, the one you told me now, I think it’s great but that would not, as far as I’m concerned? That wouldn’t count. What counts is you push as far as you can with whatever constraints are in place.

CHRIS: Okay.

JAMIE: Because that’s what going to give you an experience. Some of them might not very well Chris, but you learn something. And you’ll be all coming to these calls and really fuel an awesome conversation where you can really get a real hold of what needs to happen next. But now I feel a little bit better about our conversation personally, I don’t know if you do, but I feel better about it, because I think now you have a real next step for yourself.

One, you have the clarity the 15 sets where means you push them, it’s not just “Hey, opener, bye.” it’s “Hey, opener take as far as I can based on what she tells me when I get information.” That’s what one set count says. And then two, if you lose your round one, it’s fine, but open up one as quickly as possible and with the awareness of what you need to do next, that’s the real outcome from this conversation here as far as I’m concerned. Again, I don’t feel the same way but that’s how I feel that now you got something good.

CHRIS: I do feel the same way, I mean it’s in kind of motivating, I guess next time I got to come with at least a story to tell.

JAMES:             Yeah, have a story to tell and hey, you can always, again I don’t want to over complicate, leave the routine stack classes what it is for now. Still build your DHV stories on the side because it’s always going to be who have extra stories.  Use the qualifiers and the qualification process as like just extra conversational pieces, but stay with the core and then sometimes Chris, the easy thing to do is just, you know, if you know the conversation is going good, and she’s enjoying herself and you said, “Hey, so how did you guys know each other?” or, “Where you off to?” Or whatever. Once you know what’s she’s doing, and you know she’s not really doing anything really particularly? You got that information piece, from there just, “Hey, you know what I sounds little crazy, but I was going to grab a cup of coffee as well as a bite to eat. I was going to get a drink, come join me.” Try to get that instant date.

CHRIS: Okay!

JAMIE: Even she says no then you’ll have a real experience, you will know where this really going. And it will get exciting for you because when you start having no’s frequently, it’s f*cking awesome. Dude, someone who is a complete stranger a few minutes ago is now joining you for coffee, lunch, a drink or whatever, that’s what should you really pushing towards. And again it’s not complicated just simple awareness of saying to yourself, “Okay, this girl is clearly enjoying my conversation, she’s laughing. I’m simply going to seize the momentum here and offer her something to do and often times they’ll go along with it just for the fact that you’re doing something no one does. Meeting strangers are exciting. You’ll be surprised by how much success you’re getting once you start doing that, so, you don’t have to have a complicated life by simply awareness, “Hey, she’s enjoying this. I found out she doesn’t really have anywhere she’s going particularly? F*ck it, I’m just going to offer something and see what happens. And remember you’re offering something you’re about to do anyway, so, you don’t lose anything, there’s no value loss, you just, ”All right, it was nice to meet you. Bye.” That’s it.

CHRIS: Yeah.

JAMIE:            That’s a good outcome for you, that’s something to push for through over the next week or two.

CHRIS: Yeah.

JAMIE:            Go for those instant dates, not—just do what you are doing right now but when you feel the conversation like maybe five, seven minutes into it; its kind of little bit of a high, get her, bring her, get her—hey, let’s do a round of shots; let’s go get a drink; let’s go get a coffee. Offer something. Seize that momentum and try and cultivates something with it.

CHRIS: Okay.

JAMIE:            Doesn’t need to be that brilliant. That will work a lot more than you think.

CHRIS: Okay, great!

JAMIE:            All right! Jake, you there?

JAKE: Yes, I’m here.

JAMIE:            Good, man, so, I think you already heard a little bit of my answer as I was talking to Upgrade, right?

JAKE: Right.

JAMIE:            So, that’s answers a lot of your question and again, I’m happy to go into it further, but it’s funny like I was going to kind of mess with you and say “Yeah, man. You need to do at least two or three boot camps before you’ll be where you want to be. But that’s not really what the problem is here but you know—

JAKE: Right. Yeah.

JAMIE: If you were having problems with your routines or problems with your material, that’s one thing, that’s refinement. Not that I think that’s an issue for you but that would be something where someone needs kind of maybe more work, right? You know, kind of cultivating stuff, but the issue is approach anxiety related then—and by the way guys, everyone listening here, if you send me emails, I’ll send you a link to a phenomenal and Jake, you specifically here, because you ask about this. I’ll send you a link to a phenomenal video, that really explains the whole connection with fear and physiology, and the understanding that, if you’re fearful, that’s because your physiology sucks. And the quickest way to get out of that is a change in physiology, a radical change. I’ll send you a specific video but those are kind of things that you need to start doing, Jake, when you realize you’re feeling fearful, that’s because your physiology isn’t very good. And the great thing is, you can do something about that. So once your body posture is strong, powerful, head-up, shoulder’s back, chest out, you’re moving like that’s why a run is such a great thing to do. Just gets your endorphin going, gets your body so physical. Yeah, I mean, go for one, man. Go for a run for 15 minutes and see how you’re feeling. Say you know if you ran to a girl right now, would you open her? You probably would just because you feel like that runners high. Your energy just on the roof! Are you following me?

JAKE: Yes.

JAMIE: So, when you’re not opening, that’s because you feel your physiology is in the ground as opposed to what I just said. So you understand how you’d address that next time you’re not feeling good or you’re not opening or you’re feeling fearful, look at your physiology. You need to change that immediately. In other way also that I’m implying is just, that’s why we say over time just get talkative, start speaking to people, say hi, how is it going. Just say hi to people for the sake of doing it. That’s another form of this, where you’re getting yourself very grounded in your body, getting yourself being physical, creating the physiology of someone who’s confident and is courageous. Get it?

JAKE: Right, yeah.

JAMIE: That’s what you need to work on. And next time you feel the other way, well that’s a need to be addressed ASAP.

JAKE: Okay.

JAMIE: Does that answer your question or do we need to kind of delve into that a little bit more?

JAKE: Actually I have another question as well.

JAMIE:  Yeah, go for it.

JAKE: So I have, most of my friend—all of my friends are known PUA and when I go out with them, they just listen. I speak something over and over again. And I felt this, I don’t know, I felt weird by myself because they think I have something, I don’t know I cannot really say, I’m practicing PUA to them.  Have you ever talked your friends’ about this stuff either?

JAMIE: Only a very select few are aware of my connection with this stuff. So and I have a few friends like they absolutely have no idea what I am involved in.

JAKE: Okay.

JAMIE: And they never asked anything. You might feel weird but it’s kind of in your head to some degree. I’ve never had anyone ask me anything about why I keep saying the same story over and over again. But if they did, I just say that, “Hey, come on, look around, we’re in a bar, we’re here to have fun and be stupid.” so I just like to say the same thing just to see what happens. You can kind of make it sound like a game. You can make up whatever excuse you want. They’re not going to, they’re never going to say “Oh, don’t lie Jake, I know you’re a pickup artist. I know you took a boot camp! Don’t f***ing lie to me. I see that f***ing Facebook expression. No one’s going to know. Nobody cares.

JAKE: Yeah. That’s correct.

JAMIE: I know your mind’s fucking with you like and I do by the way when I say this, I’m not saying that I don’t understand what you’re saying, I went through that as well and it is so important like it’s just, what if another girl hears what I’m saying and she hears me say the same thing? What if my friends hear me over and over again? What I did is just kind of focused on, if it did happen what would I say? So I just kind of addressed that a little bit. If my friend did say something like, “Why do you keep saying the same story over and over again?” I’ll say “Because I like it. I think it’s funny and I’m here to have fun and be at a bar and just be childish and stupid, so I think it’s funny telling the same shit to some, every person I speak to”.  You make up whatever you want. They’re not going to know.

JAKE: Okay.

JAMIE: Does that make sense?

JAKE: Yeah, maybe I also reacted, overreacted to it.

JAMIE: It’s okay. I’ve been through that before. I went through this kind of mind games. It’s kind like all these inner mind games. Like insane thing can happen, as far as what you tell women. You can tell the same thing over and over again. And like, oh, my god, what if that girl over hears me and she says, what are you saying? He used to same line with me too! The truth is, Jake, nobody cares. Nobody’s listening to you.

JAKE: Right. Well we don’t compare that shit. No one, I mean, I think I’ve heard, dude, I’ve been doing these calls and coaching for long time, it’s very rare. I hear somebody who says, “Oh, some girl actually did over hear me and called me out on it”. I have heard it before but maybe twice in like four years? It’s not often then, so, that fears really kind of irrational.

JAKE:  Okay, right.

JAMIE: But even if it did happen, again just think what would I say if I got called on it? So, for example, what if you have one where you said “You’ve a really good energy” and then you told to another girl, you have very good energy. What if, when the girls overheard you and say, “Wait a second, you just told me that I have really good energy,” you could say there “Was it too hard to believe that many people here have good energy?” Like you’re kind of ruining it now…You know, you could play a little bit. You know, but you’re your main pose and liabilities, is it too hard to believe that there are many people here that just have a good vibe, common, relax! Like you just got to play with it a little bit and just make it sound like it’s kind of normal, you know what I’m saying? It’s mostly about how you hold your frame and you believe it’s normal.

So your friends were saying, you know, I just like to mess with people, I just think it’s funny saying the same sh*t  over and over again just to see how people react. It’s a game I played with myself any girl over hears you not that she’s never going to say anything, say, you know everyone has good energy. Some people have good energy whatever. Now, your energy is not as good as it was before. Let’s get your energy back up, let’s go get a drink. You can play with people and in your head, you can kind of mental rehearse it. Just so you’d know what you’d say but the truth is, it’s, nobody cares, nobody’s really listening. No one says anything and if they do, just think of some playful, stupid thing you’re going to respond with, but that’s what I would say personally.

JAKE: Mm-hm, yeah. I think you’re right. Uh-huh.

JAMIE: So, does that answer your question?

JAKE: Yes, it is.

JAMIE: All right, good stuff, man. Let’s see here. Upgrade, do you want to do one more? I know you didn’t really have anything tonight. You can pass if you want, but I’m—

UPGRADE: I got a quick question. For right I introduce myself. If you have really quick, something that I can say kind of to peak their interest before going into like a longer routine. Kind of like, I’m thinking something like, the best friends test that is really kind of short but if it’s only one person. Do you have any suggestion?

JAMIE: Are you like… you’re looking for like a mini routine or a sound bite? What are you looking for here?

UPGRADE: Yeah, like I’m in a routine that is—

JAMIE: After you introduced yourself?

UPGRADE: Yes.

JAMIE: Have you been doing—by the way, it’s a good question for you guys through on the call here. Upgrade, I’ll start with you here, have you actually started doing the boot camp lessons? The un-lockable content in our VIP page?

UPGRADE: No.

JAMIE: You need to start doing that.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: I’m going to tell you something that’s actually on there. Start doing those because that’s eventually a ten week virtual boot camp, at least the seminar portion.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: So, I mean, I’m just going to give a quick example. I know this can be a right one for you, but we kind of discussed this a second ago. You know, if you want a kind  of a or maybe a little bit of a segue something kind of as a little bit of a sound bite, maybe can have a little bit of routine. You could say, so, hey! What do you do around here? Please don’t say model. So the idea as you doing a qualifier—

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: But you—it’s kind of a added with a little sound bite where you can end up, Please don’t say model oh, my god!  You’re kind of having fun with her saying, please don’t tell me something stupid or just retarded. So that, so one is a quick little sound bite, it’s not long, what you’re asking for, it’s funny, playful, but also opens up the door on what you do. And then also opens up the door where you can stack forward to what you do, okay?

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Start going through the—does that answer your question?

UPGRADE: Yes, it does.

JAMIE: Okay, start going through the… unlock that content because only a lesson, you know, yes, start going through the content.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: And you start to see like interesting routines. Ones I think you’ll really like.

UPGRADE: Okay. Perfect.

JAMIE: Okay.

UPGRADE: Yeah.

JAMIE: Chris, are you still there?

CHRIS: Yep, still here.

JAMIE: Have you started going through the boot camp content? And I know you are going to—it’s going to look very familiar to you.

CHRIS: Oh yeah! I have what we got from the boot camp. You sent me the, what’s it called, the step class notes? And I haven’t read them out, I go through them every day. It’s just a matter of going out and utilizing them in the real situation.

JAMIE: Yeah, I’m just going to re-emphasize here. I don’t want to over complicate for you. Stick with what you got right now from the boot camp. And just kind of, I would just focus on the, for now, just focus on the qualifiers and as just conversational pieces if necessary. Because otherwise, you might get overwhelmed and I don’t want you to do that. Kind of for the same reasons you said before, do not have a million openers, have one because otherwise, you get in your head, and you mind f*** yourself. So right now, you have an opener from the boot camp. You’ve done it a number of times, you delivered well, I’ve heard you, and you’re relatively comfortable with it so stay with that one for now. Just you see other staff is kind of conversational pieces, okay?

CHRIS: Yeah, definitely.

JAMIE: So, what I was actually referring to though, in the VIP area of your VIP membership when you log in, have you been in there recently?

CHRIS: Not recently, no.

JAMIE: Okay, you need to go in there. One, one of the main thing we got actually here, we have un-lockable content now that is on the right side and that un-lockable  content is actually from you boot camp, remember?

CHRIS: Yeah.

JAMIE: You’ll actually enjoy listening to that. So, you actually have the video footage from there and it is spread out over 10 weeks, okay?

CHRIS: Okay.

JAMIE: So, you go in there, hit the unlock button, and the first lesson will be unveiled, and it would be good for you to revisit some of that stuff and just keep it simple coz the danger is you get too much into information overload, you’re complicated, and then it creates some approach anxiety. Keep it simple. You have your opener. I don’t want to mess with that for now, just stick with what you got from the core and just slowly add those conversation pieces. So it’ll be good for you to get the kind of to your… just kind of your core stuff. Hit that unlock button and start going through it. It’s a phenomenal addition to our VIP area.

CHRIS: Okay, yeah. I’ll definitely check it out.

JAMIE: The other thing I’m going to offer to you guys as well, this is—I’m including this as  part of VIP monthly subscription, you guys can, if you want to once a month, you can send me some stuff from your routines, you want email it to me, and I’ll give you some feedback. Now, like a full routines stack overhaul, but you know, Jake had just take me up on this before where he’ll send me stuff, and I’ll see some very clear improvement points, and I’ll just kind of bring it to his attention. So, if you want to send me something to keep you working forward and doing your stuff, but it’s also great opportunity, just another feedback group. You guys have so many feedback groups right now in the VIP program. You have these calls, you have—you can send me your routine stack once a month, and I’ll just briefly go through and see if I can see any obvious stuff. In top of that, you guys post on a form, and you send me direct link to your form post. I’ll make sure it gets addressed. Maybe not right away but within a week or so, okay?

CHRIS: Cool!

JAMIE: So you guys have a lot of resources and again, just make sure you’re 15 sets a week are done in there and then you pushing them. You’re making yourself uncomfortable to some degree, okay?

CHRIS: Okay.

JAMIE: Anything else, Chris?

CHRIS: No, I think I know what I need to work on.

JAMIE: Boom.

CHRIS: Thank you.

JAMIE: Good stuff, man. Jake, one last one for you and then, if you want, and then we’ll close up shop for the night.

JAKE: Well, can you tell me about your story like, when you’re practicing this game?

JAMIE: What? What part of my story?

JAKE: Did you also have like—

JAMIE: Okay, go on. Sorry.

JAKE: Could you… did you have approach anxiety as well?

JAMIE: Absolutely man! And it’s something like I’m saying before, it’s been a two steps forward, one step back. I’ll address them and get better and then I’ll lose a little momentum and then, oh, like, okay.

JAKE: Okay.

JAMIE: What am I missing here? What was I doing before that I’m not doing now? What needs to be added next? This has been a real self discovery, man, but I absolutely went through my periods where, I wasn’t doing at the level I know I should have been doing, and really the only blame is that would be approach anxiety so I’ve absolutely dealt with that stuff, man.  Like that’s why, I tried to be hard on you guys. Like, keeping you guys to what you need to do, to get an experience, to learn; at the same time I am understanding that I’ve been through all these stuff, man. Like, everything you’re listening to from me is my own first-hand experience of the training and also dealing with these plateaus and barriers. So everything I’m telling you is from dealing with the sh*t myself.

JAKE: Oh, okay.

JAMIE: Jake, the best of them have dealt with approach anxiety. I’ll leave it at that. When I say the best of them, I really mean the best of them.  So, and I’ve witness this stuff. So, nobody’s super human.  Everyone has like their whatever, but you find mechanisms and processes to alleviate the approach anxiety so it becomes less and less of a hindrance.  And that’s a combination of mind sets and strategies like they getting physical in your body, things like that.  And the more of these things you incorporate, the more you’ll find yourself consistently doing what you need to do or want to do.  But dude, I’ve gone through several periods where approach anxiety was getting in the way a little bit. And I can see approach anxiety like even if I open up some of this man, I open up three sets but then I saw one that I really wanted to open and I was quiet, I can see the approach anxiety even if I  happened to open three sets within the hour. If I didn’t open the one I wanted that’s approach anxiety. And I’ve had plenty of those in the past that’s kind of ask myself like, dude, why did I not say anything here? What was I thinking? Who’s holding me back? What do I need to do in the future? So, you’re not alone, man. Anybody who tells you they don’t do that shit, or they haven’t kind of work through it is full sh*t.

JAKE: Okay.

JAMIE: But again you can become much more consistent about that so. I don’t think that answers your question but it sounds like what you were asking.

JAKE: What?

JAMIE: Did that answer your question?

JAKE: Yes, it is.

JAMIE: Okay.  Yes, the two steps forward one step back, man, thinking like that, you’re going to have plateaus. They’re inevitable. You just got to be kind to yourself, patient with yourself. And understand like this is part of the process. One of the best definitions I’ve ever heard of a master.

JAKE: Mm-hm.

JAMIE: A master doesn’t get angry when the power stagnates. It is recognized, okay it’s another plateau, okay. Here I am at another plateau, I’ll work through it. And you just understand that’s just part of a process. And the ability to dealing approach anxiety—

JAKE: Yes. Yeah.

JAMIE: Dealing approach anxiety in different forms of it, different scenarios of it. These are all just different plateaus, it’s like, okay. I’m done with these type of situations and I don’t know her problem with that. Like for example, I’m great in a coffee shop, I’m great in the lounge but I’m not opening in a night club. What’s the problem here? That’s an example of plateaus. Because you can still look back and you’ll go, and wow dude, I didn’t talk to f***ing anybody. And now I’m talking to… now I’m like, talking to everybody, I’m like a raw word of energy in coffee shops, lounges, and all these places. I’m doing sh*t I never did before. But, in a night club, I’m not doing anything. Why is that? That is still a plateau. It’s not approach anxiety to the level that you had before. It just got to another level and when it reaches other levels you’ll find new problems. But it’s just like in life, man.

JAKE: Yes.

JAMIE: Problems never end, there’s always going to be problems. Difference is higher quality problems. Like, so, the promise you’re experiencing now, the different types of approach anxiety, are way—of a much more higher quality problems I’m sure than they were before. Like you send your email, you’re really doing good in certain places your just not, you’re just a little shaky in night club.

JAKE: Yeah.

JAMIE: But I promise you, you’ll work through it. So, take some of the stuff we talked about tonight and let it simmer a little bit and put it to action and see if you’re not start to push yourself a little forward.

JAKE: Okay.

JAMIE: But this will not be the last time you’ll experience such a plateau. So, what happens next time—

JAKE: Right.

JAMIE: Just be accepting of it, all right. Yeah, I’m another level.  New problems, let’s see how to work through this one.

JAKE: Yeah.  I like that.  Good, yeah.  Two steps forward one step back.

JAMIE: Yep. Miguel, you there by any chance? I don’t know if you called in or not.

MIGUEL: Yeah, yeah. I’m here.

JAMIE: Oh, f***in’ A, dude. I told you to announce yourself, so… All right, let’s go to yeah… Let me give you a shot though, but, good stop Jake. Fire away, man. Let’s do, anyone else who needs to drop off I’d understand you can come and go as you please, this will be our last questioner of the night. So, but yeah, fire away, man.

MIGUEL: I had a little funny situation, I was going through some few openers bottom box in the mall with two sets and things like that and they were pretty good opening. Then I went to a night club and it was like a different environment and then I start shooting the opening day. Hey, the kiss cheating if the girlfriends kiss a girl cheating or what none. And you know. A lot of set they open and I was using like one set, talking to one set to open basically another one but I was stuck at a certain because after the opening I just couldn’t make in some much I don’t have all my stack routine pretty much jam packed. The funny thing of the whole thing is the, I was talking to a few set and all that but I said nothing jump off that because I don’t have stack but then I was leaving the night club one of the bouncers come to me and said “You got to stop what you’re doing” I said what is that? I said “Did you just back off of what you doing.” I said I come to this gathering to enjoy myself, to socialize and talk to people, what’s the problem? Says you just go back off I don’t know he couldn’t even say what was the problem. I said did I disrespect everybody? Just back off.  It was just such an idiot the guy. I think I probably was talking to one of this guest or something you know he couldn’t even say why was you know and I ain’t disrespect nobody. Nothing. I don’t know. And that’s what happened.

JAMIE:            You know next time you say this phrase you ready? Write this down.

MIGUEL: Uh-huh.

JAMIE:            Cool man. You got it?

MIGUEL: Yeah.

JAMIE:            Cool man. That’s it. You just kind like its dismissive. Be polite. Sound polite. But hey, cool man. Like I smile, all right, sounds good. Cool man. And that’s it. So what you’re doing here is just being polite, you still kind of smiling about it you’re not being confrontational but your words are basically like go f*** yourself essentially, you’re an idiot.

MIGUEL: Yep.

JAMIE:            But the prompt for him is you’re not outright being confrontational so you can’t say anything. You know there’s going to be people like that, man. And anything you do in your life there’s going to be haters are going to hate, right? They’re going to be people, there are just going to want to rain on your parade or criticize you or whatever and the key for you is to find ways to deal with this people to disarm them if possible but more importantly just not to give a shit and just kind of like yeah, right that’s great, cool man nice speaking to you. You know you just let the kind of roll off and when you’re the thing to recognize when you’re dealing with someone like that is just like you don’t owe them anything you’re not doing  anything wrong and you know be polite like be respectful which you’d be doing. But at the same time you don’t owe them any explanation.

MIGUEL: Absolutely.

JAMIE:            So [Crosstalk 00:50:47]I don’t think this one James Matador that’s won the best phrases of all time in my opinion for like just go f*** yourself like you know or whatever kind a technique.

MIGUEL: Yeah. Yeah I guess I probably talk to he’s girl or something you know; I don’t know, I don’t know why, you know.

JAMES:             There’s a good chance you talk to somebody that might not be his girl but someone he’s interested in and you know that’s why the guy is doing what’s he’s doing because he is coolest or maybe, maybe not but there’s a good chance so likely, more likely not you talked to somebody he’s interested in. probably not his girl because probably maybe will be more clear. Probably he’s interest in or a friend that he actually like.

MIGUEL: [Crosstalk 00:51:40] I hear.

JAMIE: Yeah, that’s good chances likely but don’t worry about that. Whatever that is, certain people are just not very pleasant and they’re going to challenge you or going to criticize you or try and stop—

MIGUEL: Yeah.

JAMIE: you from what you’re doing, you don’t owe them any explanation. People like be respectful you know but you don’t need their approval.

MIGUEL: I don’t know. Absolutely not!

JAMIE: Cool man and that’s it so next time that’s all I’ll do.

MIGUEL: Yeah. And I wanted to see if I can get some like the stack material. I’ve been listening to the things but I just I think I need to read something it’s easier to learn something [Crosstalk 00:52:27]

JAMIE:            I won’t read too much you have an incredible amount of resources in the VIP portal. Have you been going through the step by step videos?

MIGUEL: Yep. I do.

JAMIE:            Okay well as you’re listening to them the once you like just write them down and  use those.

MIGUEL: Of course.

JAMIE: The great news about that is they’re not just being told to you, man. They are being delivered for you. So you actually having a real context so that’s a really great place to start just go to those videos and the routines you like just do them like you’re just being demoed for you.

MIGUEL: Okay.

JAMIE:            That’s a better place to go than the book. Promise its nice when you take—I’m just telling the book is awesome the only variable is you might not really truly understand the delivery, see might not delivered properly that’s very, very important.

MIGUEL: Okay.

JAMIE:            The other thing I would do to and I ask as well have you hit that we added the phenomenal addition to our VIP portal which is the Virtual Boot Camp essentially says lockable, un-lockable content. Have you seen that?

MIGUEL: I watch the first one.

JAMIE:            Okay, all right. There’s a lot—

MIGUEL: Yep.

JAMIE: Of routines in there so same thing. Go through that routines you like, write it down, you’re listening to be delivered you know so take this stuff from there, that’s a better way that’s a much more efficient way to begin.

MIGUEL: Okay. I’ll shoot that I’ll shoot that this week.

JAMIE:            Anything from your particular interactions maybe that didn’t go so well, forget that bouncer idiot but anything from in your interactions maybe you want a kind of, kind of go through a little bit.

MIGUEL: Basically if no one reject me or turn me off. Actually in most of them I was the one like running out of things to say you know, maybe one she says “Oh I got to go.” Something like that. They was in the mall and the mall I was asking I was say I have a conflict on I need a female opinion, I don’t know what to give, my  daughter for a present and she wants a tattoo. What do you think about that?  And they start going on and off and we keep the conversation but then as the time that have to start delivering my DHB says when I got stuck you know and I said all right! Bye and I’m the one basically running away you know.

JAMIE:            Okay, and by the way I’m not got to say the full name but we’ll just say Erren, are you in the call? I saw an email from you that you’re in the call. You there? If you are say, hello! All right, so let me, so here’s the important thing here. So when you say it’s the same thing as that with Chris, we talked about I got here and no one said no one objected but you just ran out of stuff to say.

MIGUEL: Yes.

JAMIE: That’s okay but we need to start doing is you need to ask yourself what would be my next step? Right? What would be the next thing I could have said to keep that conversation going? Now in your case, just to keep it simple I want you to go through the videos. Once you go to the videos you’ll get a lot more of what that next thing to say the thing is you haven’t done a boot camp yet so you don’t have the same knowledge that Chris has so a good one was the one we just admitted ago where a good segues after you do the opener and they’re having a little fun with you to have a little kind of chit chat. To a certain point just say, “Hey, so what do you guys do around here, please don’t say model.” That would be a qualifier and just like away to segue into asking what she does as well as being able to talk about what you do. So that would give you a way to transition from just a random conversation about an opener into a much more personal conversation.

MIGUEL: Right.

JAMIE:            Makes sense?

MIGUEL: Yeah. Absolutely!

JAMIE:            I think you’re doing good. The thing you see, the thing you’re talking about is basically, in its own way the same thing I was just talking about with Chris. It’s kind of like he’s talking and then they went well but in reality they did not go well because if you’re not pushing it to where either you get something or you get rejected, then that is really, that’s not really where I want you guys to go and that’s not what you should want to be, you should be wanting to push these calls, push these interactions as far as you can so you learned something. I mean if you ask you her to go get a drink with you or go to another bar and she says “No” then awesome then you come back in this call and say “Hey this is what I ask” and she said “No,”  what was I missing here? That’s going to give you really great opportunity to learn.

MIGUEL: Gotcha.

JAMIE: And after grow so that’s really what you want to—dude, how about this. I’ll give you a good—I’ll give you a great assignment here. Here’s what I want you to do. If you ran out of shit to say, if you ran out of shit to say next time this is your default. Your default is: just ask her to do something not for her phone number if you’re in a bar and you ask her, you say, “Hey, let’s go grab a drink.” Get it? That would buy—

MIGUEL: Yes.

JAMIE: You time not to mention it’s, if she’s been spending five, ten minutes with you, more likely than not enjoying the conversation at a certain degree so if she goes to you to the bars she’s not going to ran off so quickly, she’s shown that she is enjoying the conversation to a certain degree and even if she’s, and even the conversation is not wonderful for the next few minutes you’re trying to kind of get your bearing, the good news is you bought yourself another 5 to 10 minutes and you’re now making a more personal conversation because you’re no longer just some guy that did an opener. You’re not some guy is now she’s having you know she’s sharing a moment with having a drink. So here’s your default. Next time you ran out of sh*t to say, just say, “ Hey, let’s go grab a drink at the bar.” Or let’s go do blah, blah, blah.

MIGUEL: Done. Okay that’s sounds very good.

JAMIE:            Okay. So that will give you again that next step to push towards.

MIGUEL: Okay.

JAMIE:            Okay?

MIGUEL: Okay. That sounds good to me. I’ll try that definitely. Thank you, Jamie.

JAMIE:            Yeah, no problem. You’re very welcome. I’m going to give Aaron one last shot. Is there anyone else on the call? Let me come to like this. Is there anyone else on the call, there’s a phone number, they code them like that that is not announced themselves. Anyone else? I believe there’s one more person on here. Okay. All right. That’s it, guys. I thought like one more person kind of go through but I guess that would be all for today. Great call, guys. I hope you each got something that kind of push the next level you know I mean just like the conversation I was having with Jake. You have to appreciate. You know learning never ends. You’re always going to just accept the fact that these plateaus happen but that’s the great time to appreciate how far you’ve taken yourself, you were able to do things you’ve never, you weren’t doing before so might be little frustrating on one end or on the other end celebrate. You’re doing stuff, you’re having certain situations you don’t have before, these are again higher quality promise. I think all of you guys are doing fantastic but I think we have each been given something to push to the next level so with that said, I’m wishing you guys a Happy New Year and—

MIGUEL: Happy New Year, Jamie.

JAMIE:            Yeah, you guys are all going to kick ass in 2017, and we are all going to keep pushing forward and having some really phenomenal experiences..

 

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