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TAM 150: How to talk to girls in a night club

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Today’s podcast we talked about how to open sets in a high energy night club. We also discussed the importance of not being outcome dependent and how outcome dependency can negatively affect your interactions. One important

segment involved the use of qualifiers as true screening tools and not just PUA technique. Lastly, we talked about how change her mood when your target is negative.

JAKE:  Yes, so the last time, I think the last space I went to a high …. club with my friend. Yeah, at first, I mean it was, it is still hard for me to open such in that kind of make high enters club and… I think me to understand what I need to do in the future like I should be more, more authoritative and more forceful and yeah, I don’t, I do not have like a specific passion for.

JAMIE:  Well what’s real about what you are saying Jake is, I understand where you are at? Even if you are not asking a specific question and I like how I just kind of pause for a second. Your kind of just diagnose yourself a little bit. That you needed to come in with a little more energy right, that’s what you said basically.

JAKE:  Yeah that’s what I said.

JAMIE:  Ok, so let me, let me do two things for you here. I think we’ll, I think you’ll find helpful. There’s, some truth to that, for example but first let’s start with the core here and you, you’ve heard this before. So, I’m just going to remind you something here. Remember your job is to come in with more energy then they’re at, does that’s sound familiar?

JAKE:  Yes, it is.

JAMIE:  So, if they are dancing, drinking and they’re going crazy to music. You come in there with opinion opener that’s not going to happen very well, that’s not going to go very well, you following me?

JAKE:  Yes.

JAMIE:  Because you are taking their energy down, you need to be offering something more that’s your job. Still with me?

JAKE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So, the first things you need to, you want to be you just want to be aware man. You know like what is the environment, what is you know what is the scene, what is the objective of this scene. If everyone in there is drinking partying and dancing you better be offering them something at that level if not higher. So that’s the first thing to consider.

JAKE:  Right

JAMIE:  So, depending in what you are opening with at a, at a high, sounds like you are opening at a high energy night club. You are in a high energy night club let me, let me ask you this. What did you open with? Who’s your opener or what did you try at this high energy night club?

JAKE:  I said to, “Hey guys and so most of them didn’t, they responded” and later.

JAMIE:  Ok.

JAKE:  I became more forceful like “Hey!” and I grabbed her hand and yeah that’s, lets drink a drink and I brought her to my table and I did {INAUDIBLE}

JAMIE:  And it worked?

JAKE:  Yeah it worked, I was surprised.

JAMIE:  yeah don’t be surprised I mean that you’re, you’re kind of, and again it’s great to kind of listen to you. You’re kind of almost, you are starting to see the idea is longer term. You are, you have some tools to really help diagnose yourself here and you recognize the first time. You are not really offering a lot of energy right but the second you are coming much more energy, much more authoritative and that’s really kind of your you know on the spot lesson. It’s like you must offer more than what is currently in front of them, if you are not you are just, you are just not going to get what you are looking for.

JAKE:  Yeah but I’m kind of wondering what do you mean by “giving more energy” like…

JAMIE:  So, so for me…

JAKE:  Is it being more…

JAMIE:  Let me give you the most, let me give you the most classic example. Again, if the girl is dancing on the dance and she’s, she’s dancing going nuts on the dance floor and you come in there with like an opinion opener she’s going to be like “What the fuck you asking me about? Who lies more men or women” I’m dancing, drinking. I’m moving my body and sweating on the dance floor. I don’t give a shit about your opinion opener” you following me? In that case you’d be offering less…

JAKE:  Yes, I do.

JAMIE:  You’d be offering less than the energy around you. Those type of, that type of opening is not going to work, nine out of ten times it’s not going to work. Because you are offering what…

JAKE:  Right.

JAMIE:  You following me?

JAKE:  Yes, yes, I do.

JAMIE:  So, so, so that’s the first one to consider. It’s like when you Aare opening to girls in these highs, especially in these high energy environments that’s where we must be very aware you’re opening girls here are you offering more than what’s already in front of them. If the answer is no, and your opener is not doing that, whatever the opener is. Well no surprise their man, you are just not going to get what you are looking for. Now in a second…

JAKE:  Right.

JAMIE:  … You almost self-diagnose yourself, what’s great about that is you recognize like this girl is paying, she’s dancing she is here to drink and dance and that’s it. And if I’m not offering drinking or dancing she just, she is not, it’s not going to work. And you recognize that and you kind of went right to it. So that’s the difference. I want you, because you, you know you want to be more aware of that kind of going forward. So, there are two things to look at. One is you know what is the environment, what is she currently being offered and are you going to open with something that is offering more and in your case, bring her to your table. You know getting drinks “Hey, let’s do a round of shots” you are offering energy, which is what they want.

JAKE:  Ok.

JAMIE:  Yeah there’s another thing that you, that you really kind of tapped into and you might not be fully aware of what that is. You know, I’ll tell you a little story here. Because I think you’ll kind of highlight what you are doing here. There are some values to opening with like authority, like real base in your voice and from listening to you know the times I’ve had you on these calls you are a little and again keep in mind Jake I’m getting one version of you here. I don’t, I’m not actually seeing you open right. But my impression…

JAKE:  Right.

JAMIE:  …Is that you are little soft-spoken right. Now if you are a little soft spoken that’s not what women are attracted to. For example, I can do you know a very straight forward direct opener. But coming with such energy and authority that I’ve a good chance to get the job done. Do for example I’ve done this many time where I am on the street and I will just get in the way of you know my target. I’ll obstruct her path and will say hey I just had to introduce myself. You seem like great energy. I’m Jamie it’s nice to meet you”. But I will come in with the energy of like, “Hey I just had to come over and say hello” even though my choice of words I just had to do it. I could not help myself. So, I’m coming in obstructing her path very forcefully not, not physically. But very clear and direct you know like, like I’m not half asking it. I’m in there; I’m in there like to win it. You know like, I’m not going “Hey guys really quick” I’m going “Hey, I just couldn’t help myself. I had to come over and say hello” I’m obstructing her path, I’ve certain base in my voice, certain type of tonality and that’s what gets people to stop.

JAKE:  Right, right.

JAMIE:  Not that in between shit. So, what you are noticing in this scenario…

JAKE:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  The other thing you’re, I just want to highlight for you is yes putting that type of, putting that type of conviction based like in your voice like that. This is an important moment; I want you to pay attention “I just had to come over say hello “for you to do that with your presence and your voice that makes a massive difference. Because what they are looking for, they are looking to see if you are really can groan with this presentation and the guy that really believes in himself is not half asking it. He is just very clear, he is in her way “Hey! I just had to come over and say hello. I’m Jake it’s nice to meet you” But it’s not that in between which most guys do. Where the girl walks by and he is like, “Hey guys… hey quick” he is not, he is in between land, he is not sure of himself he is kind of talking kind of softly and that in between isn’t going to get her to stop.

JAKE:  Right.

JAMIE:  So, you learned a great lesson and kind of did it yourself but I just want to help you recognize the importance of what you are getting there.

JAKE:  Ok, thank you.

JAMIE:  I want to tell you one last thing here, just because… I’m going to hit from a lot of angles and I want this to be because it is a very important lesson for you. The first time I did my boot camp in 2011 Jake a year later I got to assist James Amador at training. Now when I met the guy I didn’t know who he was at all, I mean I saw him from the show. But here I am in South Beach with this guy, right. Now at the time you know, if you, if you’ve seen the show the pickup artist you know back them James was in a great shape. You know, he was very into the community and you know back then he still had a presence for sure but he didn’t have the same.

Look we all have our ups and downs; he didn’t have the same, quit the same level. You know he wasn’t as built and just much of an opposing presence as he was you know back in the show, which is fine. Because that is really going to emphasize what I’m about to tell you here. So, here’s when we are at South Beach I’m with this guy I’ve never met before, a master picks up artist and he turns to me on our car ride and he goes “Jamie want to hear what my opener is?” and I said, “Sure man” I’d love to hear what your opener is. So, I’m not just here to teach, I’m here to learn because this is an incredible opportunity. He said my opener is I go “Hey” I snap my fingers and point down. That’s his fucking opener Jake. “Hey!”  Yeah, I started laughing too right, are you fucking for real? I mean I almost was just didn’t believe him like really. I’m thinking all these boot camps to learn how to fuck shout like a cave man and point my finger down, right.

But here’s the thing, alight we got out of that… And he told me this, it works eight of the ten times. Right, and when we got out of the car I was blown away he did it as, he probably did it about ten times and I couldn’t believe how many women stopped what they were doing and walked over to talk to him. It was incredible. Now here’s the thing, I now saw it with my own eyes and seeing is believing but that didn’t mean that I believed that I could do it because I don’t have the same presence as him. He is much taller than me, he’s even then he is still more built then me. So, I’m like “well that’s really incredible” But that doesn’t mean I think I can do it.

But then he taught me exactly why that works and this is also going to teach you why what you did is an important thing to not forget about. He said to me, he was, here’s the secret Jamie when I say “Hey” I put such voice, such base and tonality, such strength into what I’m saying. What I’m almost saying without saying, not verbally but at least with my presence is “Hey if you don’t stop I just might beat your fucking ass”. Now he’s not of course saying that for real but it’s like when someone actually kind of almost like, like a police officer goes “Hey stop!” you hear that, you hear that power. You are going to holt, you don’t even know what’s coming up next it’s just like “Wow” “Wow ok.”. I guess I need to stop. So, the idea is you are putting such stretch in what you are saying that you are almost snapping her out of state and you are kind of almost commanding her to give you a second. You got to want to be clear, you are not actually saying I’m going to beat your ass if you don’t stop, but the power of your voice is getting her to stop.

But the power of your voice is getting her to stop, it’s just like if you tried this walk around the street and you went “Holt” or “Stop” these are very powerful words. So, what he taught me there is that you know, he taught me the whole real power of delivery and presentation and even just saying something like hey you say the right way with enough authority, people are going to, people are going to stop dead in their tracks because they are going to basically, they are going to get the idea that you have something very important to say. Like “Hey your shoes are untied” “Hey don’t step on that whatever”. So, it’s very important what you learn there, don’t forget that ok.

JAKE:  Ok yeah.

JAMIE:  Was that helpful to you?

JAKE:  Yeah it is, it is helpful.

JAMIE:  Ok is there anything else that sparked for you? I didn’t want you to pass over that because I know from going through, I may have been through the same experiences as you man. I didn’t fully appreciate how important of lesson that was until later, so did that spark anything or is that, is that, do you feel good about our little conversation?

JAKE:  Yeah, yeah. I, I feel pretty good but do you like, like gaming in high enters club. But I still feel to do it like medium energy club.

JAMIE:  I will do the high energy stuff but the, the stuff is not quit as hard. Like you should be experimenting with everything, but the lower energy stuff, day game, lounges. You are going to have a lot more long-term success because in that places your routines are really going to over to shine. Right, that’s where you don’t need a drink you can just be this incredible intriguing interesting guy, who has something to offer that’s way beyond anything else there you are not competing so much with the environment.

JAKE:  Alright.

JAMIE:  And people are going, because its slow down a little bit. People often take more of a time to get to know you. So, my point is like, I know that ill have more successes in kind of slower environments lounges or day game. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to still try on the high energy environed because you are getting the main benefit with the high energy stuff, one of the main benefits is you just targeted rich. I mean there are places I go to a lot that honestly, I’m not going to have nearly the number of women with the low energy environment, so the mid-range. That high energy environment, that’s where all the beautiful women go. You’ll have so many women to speak to, it’s incredible, you are just, you are just not going to duplicate that in places that, that you know the lower energy environments. So that’s, that’s the problem. All the, all the beautiful women you really want to speak to you know at night, they are going, they are going to the high energy night clubs, that’s where they are going. That’s the problem.

JAKE:  Ok.

JAMIE:  So, it’s kind of like you know there’s more masses and there’s going to be more opportunities, there’s going to be more practice. But, there will be, there sometimes will be a little bit more challenging for the reasons you know you and I are discussing.

JAKE:  Right.

JAMIE:  So, I’d say you know, keep do a little of everything. I mean you know get you day game in, get your lounges you know get high energy night clubs. They all, they all have something to offer in different ways.

JAKE:  Ok, yeah, I will.

JAMIE:  Alright man. Jennifer?

Jenifer: Yeah?

JAMIE:  Hi

JENNIFER:  Hi.

JAMIE:  Are you ready?

JENNIFER:  I am ready.

Jamie Alright, do you…

JENNIFER:  So

JAMIE:  Let’s do it.

JENNIFER:  Yeah. I opened the step tonight in the gym. So, I like, I set up these fitness goals and one of them is to be able to do the split.

JAMIE:  Alright.

JENNIFER:  And they are difficult, in case you haven’t tried and painful. So, I was like…

JAMIE:  Sure.

JENNIFER:  They are, I was like on in that and I was like trying to do it and I saw under the corner of my eyes some guys watching me and you know they were watching me for quite some time and I was like “Why don’t you come over here and make yourself useful” And I needed help so for some to push down my shoulders. So, I asked him to like would you push me, push down my shoulders for this. and then you know after that we kind of talked and I told him that like you know I had, I had another fitness goals but I couldn’t really get the maker of that and he is like “Oh let me show you” and then he showed me that exercise and shared it for a bit and I was like “Well you seem like a really cool guy. I love someone that goes to the gym. I’m going to go for a drink later?” and he said “No.” and I know you said to, like when someone says no you don’t just accept it, you just take them and go there. But we were in the gym, so for me to be able to take him and go someplace I would have to pass through the guys locker room. So that wouldn’t be possible.

JAMIE:  Sure.

JENNIFER:  How could I have turned that around? And actually gotten it without doing that.

JAMIE:  Ok. So sure, I got all the details correctly.

JENNIFER:  yeah.

JAMIE:  So, you are prating the splits.

JENNIFER:  yeah.

JAMIE:  You see a guy that is watching, you ask him for his help to push down your shoulders and then you went immediately to “I’m going to go get a drink in a little bit”?

JENNIFER:  No, no, no. We shared for a while…

JAMIE:  Ok.

JENNIFER:  … and then he is like, “What are you doing?” I said “I’m doing this… I have many fitness goals. Then I have this other exercise” yeah. That is hurting me.

JAMIE:  Ok.

JENNIFER:  And then he is like “no how are you doing it?” and then he showed me how he did it, then I did it correctly and then I said that.

JAMIE:  Ok and you, and you said it as “I’m going to go in a little bit” or you said, “I’m going to go right now”?

JENNIFER:  Later, because you know we are in the gym. Maybe want to shower before, before. So yeah like in a few hours.

JAMIE:  And you, and you made it sound like it’s something that you are going to do anyway?

JENNIFER:  Yeah, yeah. I did.

JAMIE:  With some friends?

JENNIFER:  I didn’t mention friends, I said I was going to go for a drink and asked if he wanted to come. Because I was afraid like if I said friends that he would be intimidated or maybe if he said yes then I would have to produce someone that I don’t have. So yeah.

JAMIE:  Ok and then he just out writes it “No”, no, no anything beyond that or just no?

JENNIFER:  No, it’s like, you know trying to make up some excuse that he had to go. You know it’s not “No” but he didn’t actually basically say “no” but it was no.

JAMIE:  Ok, ok. So, I mean, I mean here’s the thing to this stuff right you know. Sometimes you are not going to get success.

JENNIFER:  yeah.

JAMIE:  I mean in that, in that scenario. You know remember I’ve told you from the very beginning very utterly you know, there’s always a certain number of a number sell on it right. So

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  … in that case you know, that might just be what it is. I mean if you, you be…

JENNIFER:  Yeah

JAMIE:  … in it, I mean you’ll have a drink. You want {INAUDIBLE} says no. it’s kind of what it is to some degree. It’s kind of like, if you are asking for, to see if they have a quality and you are qualifying them and then “hush” guess what they don’t have that quality right.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  You don’t have a little confidence, you don’t have a certain type of sense of humor and they fail. Part of the job for you right, is to say, “Well that’s not I’m looking for” So it’s not really them rejecting you. It’s you rejecting them “Hey this is what I want. I want someone who is spontaneous, who’s willing to get a drink after whatever’s it is and just workout and wants also to have a balanced life and they like to do things and be sociable” and “Oh you are not that guy”. Trust it. So there’s always going to be an element in that and its and I want you to know it, I want to, I want to reaffirm, it’s totally ok if you have those. There’s always going to be a little bit of that.

Now the thing, one you might not totally like that answer but that just kind of comes with the territory a little bit. But the good news is the thing I want you to focus on because I like to. Only have a sense of some ideal perfection but at the same time I want you to understand you have a certain control that bosses at the same time. Because the truth Jennifer you can get, there’s any guy in the world in the right circumstance you could get them attracted to you, that is, that is a fact. whether it, you know maybe you aren’t in the right environment, maybe that individual person likes to meet people that in their social circle, maybe there was, there’s some variable there that for that person you weren’t able to address I promise you there’s an environment, if you met that person there. You could’ve gotten him attracted to you following me?

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So, the thing to think about and in, in our world to just make this kind of little clear. You know we say all the times if you don’t get attraction, look at the other stuff that he did. Look at you deep {INAUDIBLE} look at the way you qualified, look at.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  … stuff that led up to that final over true because if you ask someone for example “Hey are you a good kisser?”  And they say, “I’m not kissing you” it’s not, it’s not that they wouldn’t, it’s just…

JENNIFER:  yeah.

JAMIE:  …it might have been something that you didn’t do very well leaning up to that moment.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Right, so there are two things to consider here. The first one is in some ways is a good, a good thing to reaffirmed but this is not ever meant to be perfection. rejection a lot of ways serves you, you know where you learn something you are not meant to, you are not meant to be compatible with everyone. So sometimes it’s going to happen. Sometimes you are going to meet people that just don’t have what you are looking for they don’t have the level of spontaneity that you desire and that’s ok. So

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  good to reaffirmed that but from the other end, I want you to look at what you did prior to that. Like let me ask you if you were going to take a guess, prior to you mentioning about the about the drink.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Is there some aspect of leaning up to that where you, where you think you might have been little not as solid. You know was either, you tell some story, did you, is there something you know just based on your gut instinct that you didn’t do as quit as good of a job to get attraction?

JENNIFER:  Yeah probably there was.

JAMIE:  What do you think that might be?

JENNIFER:  I’m not sure maybe we like just focused too much on like gym exercises, I don’t know that he was just trying to be polite.

JAMIE:  So that’s a good question, did you? So, you just, when you were talking for a little bit were you just talking about the gym and exercises?

JENNIFER:  No, just like we kind of drifted from that into goals. But I didn’t like to have any, I didn’t present any DHV stories because now I was kind of tired physically exhausted and I was like…

JAMIE:  Ok.

JENNIFER:  …. at the end of my exercise, so I was just like I did something.

JAMIE:  Ok alright. So now, now I think we are getting somewhere. Because I…

JENNIFER:  Ok.

JAMIE:  I want you to be ok with not being perfect, because no one is perfect. But at the same time, I want you to really kind of go back in that interaction to see what you might have missed. So, let me make sure now I understand this correctly or you opened, he helped you at the split, gave you some guidance, also made, gave you advice. Then you talk about goals but then that was kind of it.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  … for the most part, correct?

JENNIFER:  Yeah it was.

JAMIE:  And he doesn’t, he doesn’t know and I know, but he doesn’t know the defend value offer in your life as far as what you do other things you have going for yourself. You are well travelled; you didn’t get into any fun playful stories where you made him laugh. It doesn’t sound like there’s necessarily a fun conversation, it sounds like…

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  …You just talked about working out on some goals but nothing necessarily fun, where he laughed and had a good. It doesn’t sound like you guys shared a moment where you guys were having fun together per say.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Is that an accurate…

JENNIFER:  That is accurately correct.

JAMIE:  Is that an accurate assessment?

JENNIFER:  It is.

JAMIE:  Ok, good. Now we are getting somewhere because remember when the biggest….

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Remember one of the…

JENNIFER:  Yeah

JAMIE:  One of the biggest high value thing is, if you, if you can show yourself to be someone that is entertaining, that is fun to be around makes people laugh. Because remember the easiest way to escalate is to make that person laugh and disarm them. I’ll tell you from a my perspective, I could meet a woman that maybe is kind of like, I’m like “Albright you know she is ok” but she starts making me laugh and she has this kind of like feistiest about her, she can become very attractive very quickly and I would say…

JENNIFER:  Yeah

JAMIE:  … 99% of guys will attest to what I’m telling you here. But so now if you think about that and you look backwards, you probably didn’t really show him that kind of side of you. Could that be a fair assessment?

JENNIFER:  Probably not.

JAMIE:  Ok.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  And then and that, and that, and that is what you are missing on. I’ll give you an example.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  The other night I was at this venue and, and I was talking to, I was with you know a good friend of mine and then I met this other acquaintance and he had three attractive women with him. I tried to open one of them and her initial response to me was, was not good at all. So I transitioned to kind of fun version of like, I’m like “I got this impression of you that you have an exceptional sense of humor” but I’m kind of playing a little bit because the truth is she didn’t sound like she had a great sense of humor at all and she kind of smirked a little bit and then I went into a buying temperature piece, to elevate her emotional state, to  make her laugh, to make her have fun, recognize that she didn’t see any value in me. I’m just, I’m a normal guy she is not having fun with me, there’s really nothing there even though we have mutual friends.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So, understanding that, understand that you know one of the first things that I need to do is disarm her show her that I have value that I can, I’m a lot of fun to be around that’s the first thing I got to bring to the conversation.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So that disarms people, that opens windows of opportunity so you look back in your conversation, you know it was a cool interaction, it was nice but there’s nothing it wouldn’t make him really want more is from a conversational perspective.

JENNIFER:  Yeah

JAMIE:  You get it?

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  So the take away for you from what I’m getting so far is again just kind of the reaffirmation like people are there to have an appropriate time they are there to enjoy themselves you know…

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  I know you are at the gym but the same time the, the, the quicker you can show that you are just as fun, playful, feisty you know fun person to hang around. They are going to be like “Uh I want more of that”.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  That makes sense?

JENNIFER:  Yes, it does.

JAMIE:  So your awareness is the future when you are having a conversation you’re like “Ok, I’m talking to this person but I’m not really injecting fun playfulness” you bring out a buying temperature piece to kind of do that “Hey I just learned some day it’s going to blow your mind”.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  The chair fun moment and then you bring up something, you make him laugh, you make him enjoy himself.

Jennifer. Yeah.

JAMIE:  Does that make sense?

JENNIFER:  It does.

JAMIE:  Yeah, so just hopefully it gives you a little bit more clarity. So, I think you got…

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  … two, I think you got two lessons from that. You know…

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  One, I want you to know there’s going to be sometimes in the future where there’s nothing you can do about it. Its’ because of logistics, might be because their emotional state. Sometimes you are just going to fail for the sake of failing but other times and this is probably one of those, you just, you just, you just, you missed an element and you probably knew at some level that you are just kind of talking rather than enjoying each other’s presence. Is that, is that helpful?

JENNIFER:  It is helpful.

JAMIE:  Ok, any, any follow up questions from that?

Jenifer: No, I think you nailed it pretty good.

JAMIE:  Ok good. I, we had to talk about it a little bit you know and my first inclination was like “hey I just, I never want you to be too tied to an outcome” but at the same time there’s definitely some improvement points here. I mean I know from my own personal, from my own personal point there are many women that I met in my life that really didn’t hit it for me first. But either they have some incredible athletic you know something they are into that is really fascinating or they are just so fun and feisty and playful and there’s something about them. Like I’ve meet a number of women like that and they become very attractive very quickly. I mean….

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  … it’s the same thing, as soon as a girl makes me laugh and kind is a little like feisty playfulness, I’m like “uh alright. I’m kind of curious to see where this is going to go” So

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Your job you know is to you know to offer that if you know, and if you know it’s not there, that what you have these buying tempter routines. You could force it in there, again this girl and the opposite scenario, this girl doesn’t think shit of me you know and she has a, she has a crappy attitude.

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  I’m like “Alright, lets break that attitude. Let’s change her mood not her mind” Have you heard that phrase before?

JENNIFER:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  I’m sure I’ve mentioned it to you before, right?

Jenifer: No.

JAMIE:  This is not from me, I’m not quoting. This is from another VA coach “Change their mood not their mind”. When someone has a bad attitude or just kind of a little bit of stick in the mud, recognize that and you know you have these tools these buying temperature pieces to elevate their emotional state or to change their mood, but you can change their mood you can then get them to do what you want them to do. Sound good?

JENNIFER:  Yeah it does.

JAMIE:  Alright awesome. So, Mario I see you are, there right?

MARIO:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  Ok.

MARIO:  I’m here.

JAMIE:  Just so you know we are going to have another session at, in two hours that the other time. Sorry it was a little confusing there, its, yeah, I had it for six pm, sorry three pm Pacific Standard Time, which is three hours from now. But I saw enough people were kind of confused and I’m like “Fuck I’ll just do another session”.

MARIO:  yeah, I mean for me it’s just like over here its already 10pm.

JAMIE:  Ok, yeah lets, lets rock and roll man.

MARIO:  Alright, hi again and hello also to the female listeners. So last time we spoke we were talking about some inner game aspects.

JAMIE:  Yeah.

MARIO:  So, to, we were talking about emotional state and the success followers and sort of success comes from within, right? And by listening to this, what you were eluding to are our principles. I hear out some principals to guide you to guide the strategies and the so called outer game the strategies, they always embattle certain principals and this time I’d like to ask more specific questions and give a re hash on what I’ve been doing.

JAMIE:  Ok.

MARIO:  So, engaging with people, I wrote down the principals and some sort of techniques, which I’ve been using. For instance, the opener which you or to engage with people which you told me in the second Skype conversation. It was something like “Hi there” you told me distracted me for this x and y and I don’t know why and I’m so and so and I want to see if there’s more to you that meets the eye bla bla so on. This was the structure right and I’ve been using this one consistently and this had, has been worked out and for one on one scenarios. So also like the talk about which scenarios I’ve used before or which, not scenarios which openers I used before and for instance we concluded like opinion openers they embed certain principals and you can use them but the ones they do not really resonate do one self. They are like “Oh shit” and they won’t motivate you.

JAMIE:  Correct.

MARIO:  Right?

JAMIE:  Correct.

MARIO:  I’m just doing, are hash to get to my question.

JAMIE:  That’s ok if you, just forward the question. I can always go back if I need to.

MARIO:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  I rather you just go to the question, I’m with you though.

MARIO:  Ok, so for me it is to have more strategies when there are different group scenarios and do it consistently and how to like you’ve mentioned this before, to deal with rude behavior. I once did like there was an obstacle and the targets o to speak wasn’t, wasn’t, wasn’t rude but just a friend. So, what I did was something like I have no problem with your friend but you are like a total ass, a total asshole. So, and that coughed like and she was blown out and her friend laughed at me and I won over the whole group but I’d like to have also some strategies with rude behavior and you were like I think what you mentioned be accept it. What this very hot girl did and you were lie teasing her and saying, “Hey you got great, great sense of humor.” And those are certain, certain situations to have some contingency plans when people get rude. So, my two questions, the contingency plans for rude behavior and having some sort of strategies for engaging people in a group. I can, no something I can use which resonates with me and which not just for one on one scenario.

JAMIE:  So, ok so as far as something that resonates with you. Well I’m not you, so I can’t guarantee this is going to resonate with you. I can only give you, I’m a facilitator here. I give your ideas, you just simply must try them and see which ones you like.

MARIO:  Yes.

JAMIE:  But I can give you some ideas and I can also talk to you in terms of principals and the principal if you feel good about it, will allow you to really embrace this stuff. But you, you bottom line is that you got to try this stuff, even that another opener you gave before. I’ve given this cabby out before I’m sure which is, I can’t guarantee it’s going to be the perfect opener for you. All I can show you is, if it’s the principals it will work and from there it’s up to you to try this to see if you feel good about it right?

MÁRIO: Yes.

JAMIE:  So that’s, this, that’s the idea. So as far as your way to engage people, you know one of the biggest mistakes you know a lot, the other companies will just say do. They trying to get people to have a million openers, you know what we try is, we try to give you a lot of options you can chose from but in the end, you want one. You know you don’t want, you don’t want in your head to mind fuck yourself when you have so many options and then in the end of the day you see the girl and you don’t say anything because you are like “Oh my God do I do A, B, C, D, E, F…” I mean, you just, it will overwhelm you. So, you pick one right. So, one you can use, you can use to engage one person, two people, three people it doesn’t matter we just be this “Hey guys I just had to come over and say hello.” or you can say “I just had to come over and introduce myself. You guys seem like fun. I’m Mario nice to meet you”.

MARIO:  I didn’t get the part artistically.

JAMIE:  That’s ok. “Hey, hey guys I, I just had to come over and say hello” or you can say “I just had to come over and introduce myself. You guys seem like fun.”

MARIO:  Right.

JAMIE:  Or you could say “you guys seem like, you guys seem like good energy. I’m Mario nice to meet you.” So then well the difference there is that if its one you say “Hey” if its multiple you say, “Hey guys” So just you just change the enter up, we call that the enter up “Hey” or “Hey guys” where you initially are getting their attention, you just have your singular or plural based on the size the group. That’s, that’s it it’s the same opener.

MARIO:  Right.

JAMIE:  “Hey guys I just had to come over and say hello. You guys seem like fun. I’m Jamie its very nice to meet you.”

MARIO:  Alright.

JAMIE:  Ok and then even the other one “Hey you guys are totally distracting us” you know same thing, you can use this in a group “Hey you guys are totally distracting us.” I don’t know if its reason one or reason two. But I just had to come over and say hello. See pick one so that will allow you to engage you know one person, two, three whatever the size is, does that make sense?

MARIO:  Absolutely because what I’ve been using like I haven’t, I haven’t had when I opened recently where I didn’t have the structure. I was just in thermometer and it was, those were situational openers the way it felt and I was just talking and then I was, I was in. So, and it worked naturally but I know from having a structure sometimes when your mind goes blank and once I used an opinion opener, I really didn’t care about the opinion at that time. But I {INAUDIBLE} I did me introduce and {INAUDIBLE} and it got me in and had some. I had like, I had just used that ones and the other opinion opener which I, that’s the reason why I’ve been using them so much because I just cared about the opinion once. So, for me opinion openers are, it can be good when you legitimately have an opinion for instance…

JAMIE:  Yeah, I wouldn’t do, I just wouldn’t depend on that.

MARIO:  Yeah…

JAMIE:  I mean you, you missed it by a minute but you would’ve unneeded from and again this is the last-minute call. I wasn’t supposed to have this at three o’clock, so I’m just doing a bonus session. But I was speaking to Jake a few minutes ago and we kind of went into just a little bit here. You can take something very simple like the first opener right. “Hey, I just had to come over and say hello. You guys seem like fun. I’m Jamie it’s nice to meet you” If you came in there with that level of energy look at the words in the choosing Mario “Hey, hey guys I just had to come over and say hello” listen to the way I’m saying it, “I just had to….” it’s almost like I’m saying, “I couldn’t help myself.” Now if you paired your energy with the words.

MÁRIO: Yeah.

JAMIE:  You can almost imagine the kind of energy the kind of energy I’m coming in there with. Imagine for a second Mario, I see two girls like in a relatively which I’ve done before many times. Jake was asking about this before there’s this one place I like to go too, it’s not quit a night club but its definitively a high energy environment. It’s almost like kind of in between bar night club and you got to, you got to open with something significant. So, I will see girls walk by and I will obstruct their path and say “Hey I just had to say, I just had to introduce myself. I’m Jamie its very nice to meet you” I’m obstructing her path, I’m coming in with conviction, I’m also speaking a certain way like reflecting my presentation. The kind of presentation that would be along lines I just, I saw you, I couldn’t help myself, I had to stop and had to stop you guys and say hello. So, my voice, my tonality, my presentation is inclined with those words which equals energy. But notice that’s a very simple opener you get it?

MARIO:  Yes, absolutely.

JAMIE:  So, the main thing I wanted to re end\phases because it’s one of the biggest mistakes for people is they over complicate the opener, just have one and just use it repeatedly. That opener will work, it’s simply a matter of your energy and your delivery and if, and if it doesn’t work it’s because your energy or delivery was off that’s it.

MÁRIO: Yeah.

JAMIE:  It will, that is, that is a, that is a guaranteed opener to work meting delivery is your only option.  Now from there she could which this comes to your next question. She could or someone in the group could respond negatively. That, I’m not, so that’s always a possibility which is ok, it’s not ideal. But if the girl responds negatively or the target responds negatively, again, that’s going to happen not so frequently actually, but when it happens the idea there is that you these, these negs or kind of objection handlers. You already have a peppered to handle that ok. For example, you open and the girl says, maybe the obstacle says “Oh my God its girl’s night. It’s just me and her talking bla bla bla” You could respond to her neg, you could say something like “Oh my God that is so cute” your nose wiggles when you speak. You following me?

MARIO:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  And by the way that would be a great and it’s a very well that neg is well circulated to some degree but it works and almost no one, almost no one is going to call you on that one. Right! So, the reason that neg works well we did another episode by the way where Al went into this into detail, one of our coaches and he explained it, that’s why it’s good to go through all the podcasts. Have you, have you caught up yet?

MARIO:  I was following the podcast but those very brief like cuts out of the whole conversations. So, I was…

JAMIE:  Yeah but just, just keep going through them and we are improving them now where they are going to be a lot longer. So, so you’ll have less of those interrupts but they still go in succession so its worth, trust me it’s worth your time to keep going.

MARIO:  Yeah, I’ve, I’ve been listening to one where you were talking about when the girls says, “Its girl’s night out” Because it’s obviously just bullshit because otherwise they wouldn’t have gone out to meet some other people and I think you talked about this being the frame. So not accepting the frame of people, of girls having a girl’s night it’s just like I’m interested but I’m not, I’m not being relative to this you just go and the way you deal with the situation can, you can yeah. You can come out as a winner, some sort of a rejection ender. I’ve been using just over the phone so far but when they get like, when they start cursing or something or like I’m first and for most those are not people who I want to be with. But when they offend you and then I say, “Oh I love being offended” and then they burst out in laughter, that’s what they normally do and say, “I love you” or something like that. But first when it’s very intense can get to your emotions and like I’m not sure if I would have handled it like in person, this situation but like I was like just like “Ok” principal do not respond to this and stay cool and humor is a very solution rejection handler and yeah.

JAMIE:  Well let me… These are all great points. I just want to keep this very simple for you, you have one opener. That one opener will allow you to open a single set, a group set doesn’t matter. Agreed?

MARIO:  Agreed.

JAMIE:  Beautiful. Now if they, if one of them objects to you or gives you some bullshit whatever, I also want that to be symbol for you too. vaster majority of time you can just turn, kind of turn that person a little bit and say, “Oh my God that’s so cute.” your nose wiggles when you speak, what’s going to happen there is, you see you must be careful. That other podcast again it’s good to have these continued conversations because you must be careful, the one thing you don’t want to do is you don’t want to necessarily debate her. You don’t want like “No, that’s not what you are here for. You are here for this” you know. You must be careful about that a little bit.

So, use these kinds of quick sound bites to get your point across. Now I want this to be very simple for you, so this little sound bite or neg, what is great about it. You’re not directly addressing her, you are not debating with her whether its girl night not girl night a bullshit reason, a real reason. You are not debating with her, you are simply throwing a little sound bite out there which takes her attention off you ND it gets herself conscious and thinking about herself and that’s where you want her to be. Because now she is no longer thinking about you, she is like “OH my God does my nose really wiggle? Is there something in my teeth? So, you are making, you are taking her off her little pedestal and you are making her a little self-conscious so she eases up a little bit and stops being difficult. And what you do then is you just stack forward as if, as if you know kind of all systems are going. Because remember one of your main mindsets is this, if she gives me an attitude it can’t be on me because I’m fucking awesome. So, must be something in her own head you following me?

MARIO:  Yes.

JAMIE:  So, you continue onward as if dude there’s, you are almost incredulous to it. It’s like dude she, there’s no way they are not enjoying my company so it must be her issue not mine. So, what you do there, you just, you just, she interrupts “Oh my God so cute your nose wiggles when you speak” stack forward continue as if nothing happened.

MARIO:  Yeah.

JAMIE:  That would be, that would be a nice easy succession on an open and if someone interrupts or whatever that, that would be a wonderful way to handle it. In a way, you can do repeatedly.

MARIO:  Also, what I’ve been using like different structure now, so would {INAUDIBLE} One structure you gave me, either groups one on one then like sometimes opinion openers which I just have as a, as a I have knowledge about ok. But what also works and when I am teasing, when I have a teasing attitude for instance yeah, to come and talking and nagging people but there is you must be very susceptible to the situation and of course you can only do it like with people with high self-confidence. So yeah, so starting with neg something or would, would I also like…

JAMIE:  Don’t, don’t, don’t! Did you say starting with a neg?

MARIO:  Yeah to, to engage a neg with a tease.

JAMIE:  Yeah, be, be very careful about that one neg is a tool. You use it if necessary you know if you open somebody in a very pleasant and nice and warm to you, it makes no sense to punish that. So just be very careful you know about, about using negs unless it’s necessary, it’s all I’m just giving you ok. A neg is a tool that you use when necessary. So, if its, if the girl is being warm and friendly, be very careful about that. Ok.

MARIO:  Ok.

JAMIE:  Because otherwise you might neg yourself out of the set. Is that helpful?

MARIO:  Yes, it is.

JAMIE:  Ok good.

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