This the final part of a three part series on dealing with rejection that was inspired by the #notJustHello debate on Twitter. If you haven’t read the first two, be sure to check it out part one here and part two here.
It actually isn’t that hard to approach a person on the street in a non-threatening way. The problem is that most guys are out looking to satisfy their egos so badly that they never take into account the feelings of the women they are trying to approach.
So here are five things you can do to avoid getting rejected on the open:
1. Never invade their personal space – A crowded nightclub where everyone is packed almost shoulder to shoulder has a completely different feeling that walking down the street, through a mall, etc. Give them sufficient space when you open – especially during the day. Don’t be one of those creepers that reaches out and grabs a woman by her arm as she walks by, or that tries to pull her headphones off, etc. DO NOT lean in, get too grabby, or otherwise make her physically uncomfortable.
2. Approach with a friendly smile and something positive – The most typical forms of street harassment come from guys cat-calling, shouting derogative comments, or generally making very obviously misogynistic statements to women. I honestly don’t know how these guys think that this will actually make a woman more receptive, but you see it all the time.
Guy: “Hey sweet cheeks, wanna come home and party with me?”
Girl: *Pretends she doesn’t hear in the hppe that a slew of yet more mysogenistic bullshit won’t follow*
Guy: “Fucking bitch, I would fuck your pussy until you screamed!”
That’s not an exaggeration above, I have seriously seen this exact scenario play out.
This is why our indirect method of opening is great, because it avoids the typical reactions that a woman will have to the average guy trying to approach them, while also giving you something actually meaningful and engaging to talk about.
3. Know when to take a hint – If she’s not interested in talking to you, it’s YOUR JOB as a social artist to pick up on that fact and act accordingly. Persistence can be attractive, yes, but not knowing when to stop is dangerous.
Paying close attention to her body language is a good way to pick up on what she’s thinking/feeling. If she is giving closed off body language (arms and/or legs crossed), looking away from you, and/or her feet are pointing towards an exit, chances are pretty good that she wants out of the conversation.
4. Tell them SINCERELY that it was a pleasure – If you approach a woman and she isn’t interested, or if you’ve struck up a conversation but she won’t give you her phone number, etc, simply smile and say “Pleasure meeting you, have a great day.” and walk away. Remember the rule of Pick-up Artists: leave them better than you found them.
5. Never make her feel trapped or cornered – Most men don’t know how scary it is to have to deal with the unwanted sexual advances of someone who is bigger and stronger than they are. But imagine for a moment that you’re in a prison cell, and just as you are about to walk out to the common area, a hulking, tattooed, BEAST of a man walks in and blocks the doorway. He’s being nice at first, but then he tells you he thinks you’re kind of pretty, and asks if you want to spend some time alone together. You want to tell him that you’re not interested, but he has easily a hundred pounds on you, and he still won’t let you leave. What would you be feeling at that moment? What kind of panic and fear would race through your mind in that situation?
Sadly, this is what most women feel when approached by a strange man. Why? Because so many creepy, uncalibrated assholes have put her or someone close to her in a very similar situation. Is that her fault she feels this way? Not one bit. If attraction is not a choice, then neither is fear. It’s the fault of every guy who should have know better but did not have the social intuition and/or empathy required to not put her in that situation.
As Venusian Artists, it’s our job to make sure that a woman never feels that way. You should never block a door. You should never even block the path that she’s walking along. She should ALWAYS feel like she’s safe to leave whenever she wants.
I’m sure there will be some sexually frustrated guy on some website who will go off about how I’m “championing for women” in this post or something, but the fact is I LOVE WOMEN. I’ve lived with two girls for 5 years, I have more close girl friends than guy friends, and I’ve dated a substantial amount of beautiful women. In my eight years in the game, I’ve learned more about the terror and danger of being an attractive woman in the 21st century than an average man will ever even dream about learning in his entire life.
It angers and frustrates me that the women in my life – women who I love – have to deal with this very real problem of creepy guys harassing them on the street and making then feel unsafe. I can’t speak for the rest of the PUA community, but as Venusian Artists it’s our job to preserve the comfort and sense of security of every woman we approach.
We owe it to the women we love to be better than the average guy. We have treat them with the same respect that we would provide to our wives, girlfriends, sisters, and daughters. We have be smarter, cooler, and savvier than all the other assholes out there. And part of that is a) ensuring that they never feel uncomfortable talking to us, and b) to handle rejection like a mature, high-value man.
Women deserve better men. And Venusian Artists have the knowledge, skills, and understanding to be better men. It is our responsibity to live up to that expectation. AND INSPIRE OTHER MEN TO DO THE SAME.