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  1. #1

    Your opinions about my job adviser

    Hey everyone,

    First of all I'm french so I apologize in advance if I make errors in the english language. Sorry in advance for the long thread.

    Last year I moved out in a new town and since I was studying for an academic contest (after having finished my studies) and looking for a job at the same time, I was called to meet my job advisor in february (2017) to help look for jobs. It was a meeting between her and three jobseekers, one of which was me.
    She was kinda flirty in her body language with me and she only asked to me to keep her posted regularly by mail about my situation. She didn't ask it at all to the other 2 jobseekers. She also said "I will send you smoke signals so you send me emails" while giggling. And she also gazed in my eyes with a big smile for a few seconds while there was complete silence in the room. I think the other 2 jobseekers must have felt it. Anyway, I didn't send any email.

    One year later, another meeting was planned for february. While me and the other jobseekers were waiting for her in the waiting room. When she arrived to call us, she only looked at me. Then, in the conference room, when we were presenting our situation one at a time, again she only asked me to send her emails to keep her posted. We were 6 or 7 jobseekers but she only asked me. Then she said that she would send emails too, that we could be on the phone later on and she even said, in front of everyone, that I could send emails at 3 in the morning! She wasn't as flirty as last year but it seemed to me that she insisted on sending her emails. The day after, all the jobseekers who were at that meeting received a summary by email and in mine she wrote "We agree that our next exchanges will happen by mails". I didn't know that I agreed to that but anyway.

    A week later I received my results for my first exams and I sent her a mail about having succeeded my first exam. My mail was a bit too long. She answered with a shorter mail and by congratulating me and seemed genuinely excited for me (exclamation points here and there) and she said good day at the end (it is an important point for later).

    A month later, I received the results for another academic contest and I also passed the first exams. I sent her an email to tell her and i asked her if she needed to be posted only about important events or if she wants to be kept posted even when nothing important has happened (to gauge her intentions). She responded at 9 pm (?) with "Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!" and she said that she was so happy for me, that I can pass the final exams, that she crosses her fingers for me and she said "not to hesitate to continue these exchanges EVEN IF I THINK I DON'T HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS".
    So I answered with a mail that was also a bit too long but I made 2 mistakes. The first one is that I told her that I will send her another mail in one month (to appear nonneedy) but I really think now that it was a mistake because it is too long to wait for one month. And the second mistake is that I might have teased a bit too hard because I said "Next time I have good news and you use lots of exclamation points, I'll have to mock you "
    She didn't respond so I started worrying that she might have been offended by my teasing and by me planning another mail in one month.

    A week later I had an excuse to send her an email so I could know if she was pissed off. In the mail I told her at the end "I thank you and I wish you a good day" She answered my mail in a rather short, neutral and professionnal way and she did not wished me good day. To me that was a signal that she backed off. I responded with a thank you and I told her that since she knows everything, she could asked me if she wanted any other information.
    I don't know if she was neutral and professional to communicate that she's no longer interested or to show me that she was disappointed that not only did I teased her hard but I only planned the next mail for one month since she wanted to talk more often.

    So the next day, I sent her another mail to apologize for having teased her if she took it seriously and told her that I was only joking. She responded within 5 minutes to tell me not to worry, that she had a good sense of humor, that she wasn't offended at all and that I should not apologize. No "good day". However, after saying that I shouldn't apologize, she let the 3 small points to let me know that she waited for a response.
    I told her that it reassured me and I would have felt bad if she took it the wrong way since she was very happy for me about my exams and that her mail pleased me. I also tried to be a bit cocky&funny by saying "I also have a sense of humor without bragging like I always do but I would have felt bad if you took my joke seriously"
    She didn't respond.

    So what do you guys think?
    I know she did a lot of efforts at the beginning so we could talk by emails. In the 2 meetings she only asked me to talk with her by emails (even at 3 in the morning!) but it seemed like she backed off a little bit now.
    Do you think she's letting me know that she's now disinterested or do you think she was just tdisappointed by my planning the next mail in one month and my teasing?

    Thanks for your opinions and your advices.

    Last edited by ascofield; 04-12-2018 at 12:28 AM.

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