Following up on my last article about 5 mistakes men make on Tinder, I came up with another 5 common mistakes that men (PUAs included) tend to make when trying to figure out how to meet someone from Tinder.
Taking it too seriously
A very large percentage of women will tell you that they only use Tinder for fun. While I’m sure that a smaller percentage of those women are lying and really are hoping to find a quick hookup, or maybe even meet an interesting person in their area, most women do not take it seriously at all. To a lot of women it’s basically a glorified HotOrNot.com, where people just vote on who’s hot and who’s not. Too many guys spend hours and hours on Tinder every single day, scouring people’s photos and reading their bios and taking every match (and every match that doesn’t message them back) too personally.
Most women aren’t on Tinder to find the love of their life, and not many are honestly out there looking for a random hookup. Tinder is a fun way to flirt, find the occasional hookup, and maybe meet someone interesting. It’s a great place to practice maintaining a conversation, flirting and being cocky-funny, and your text and phone game. But this is not where you are going to meet your next girlfriend, and for the amount of hours you can spend on it, it’s not even worth your while to spend time on it that could be better spent in the field.
If you’re just getting started on Tinder, my advice is to literally “Like” every single person for a while. You don’t have to meet up with them or move any match you get beyond a conversation in the app, but every match you make is an opportunity to practice your game. Once you get good at moving the conversation from the app to text and phone calls, then you can start to be picky about who you spend your time talking to.
Responding negatively to rejection
When using Tinder (or any online dating platform, for that matter), you have to keep in mind that any attractive women is going to be overwhelmed with matches and messages from guys. Hundreds and hundreds of guys. She’s not going to message back every single guy that messages her. And yet all too often I hear story after story about some creepy dude who called a girl a “slut whore lesbian” because she didn’t message him back fast enough. Don’t be that guy. If the girl isn’t interested or stops messaging you back, just move on and keep finding yourself more matches.
On a related note, some women, even if you match with them, won’t message you back at all. And I’ve seen chat histories where the guy will send dozens – seriously DOZENS – of messages trying to get her attention. It’s one thing to be persistent, but it’s a whole other thing to not be able to take a hint when she hasn’t messaged you back. Some guys will just relentlessly message the girl day after day, saying anything they can to try to get the girls attention. This is a sure fire way to get yourself reported and banned – and also probably posted on a Tumblr somewhere.
Waiting for the girl to message first
This almost never happens. A lot of girls simply refuse to message guys first because too many guys instantly think that it means she’s “down to fuck”. You have to also consider that any attractive woman will receive dozens, if not hundreds of matches, so they want you to at least be confident enough to make the first move and message her first. Having said that, I like to wait at least a few hours after I’ve gotten a match, as it’s likely that she has received at notification that you matched with her at the same time and you don’t want to look TOO eager.
Not moving beyond the app
Too many guys end up in conversations with their matches, but never try to move beyond any sort of interaction beyond the Tinder app itself. Use Tinder to build attraction and qualify a little. And once she’s qualified herself, suggest a meetup and/or exchange numbers.
You have to gauge where you are with her when moving out of Tinder, however. Try for it too soon and without her “earning” it by qualifying herself, and you’ll appear too eager and maybe a little creepy. Wait too long and you’ll end up as just a text buddy that she’ll enjoy flirting with when she’s feeling lonely or insecure but will never actually meet in person. The perfect time is when you’ve spiked her buying temperature and she’s qualified herself to you. Get her to that point as soon as possible (without being a creeper, that is). Then, you move on to phone game as you would any other set.
Sending that dick pic
There was a lot of discussion last year about why anyone in their right mind would send a picture of their dick to a woman as a means of impressing her, and my personal take is that men who don’t know any better do exactly what would turn them on if the roles were reversed. And since most of us would be pretty enticed if a woman sent us a topless photo right after matching and asked if we wanted to hook up, this is what AFCs think is what is going to work with women. Sadly, this isn’t the case. Behavior that would turn a man is not going to turn a woman on. So if you’re thinking of sending a dick pic as a way of impressing her, consult this handy flowchart: http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6910070/should-you-send-that-dick-pic
Tinder is a fun way to practice chatting with girls and you can certainly get yourself some dates and even the odd SNL, it shouldn’t be taken too seriously. It is by no means a substitute for actual real life in-field interaction. The easiest way to meet women is to go out and approach them. That said, I personally found it a fun way to test gambits for an upcoming update to my phone game app, since once you’ve made a match, you can basically work it like text game.