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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    4

    Fear of vulnerability and failure

    I hate to say it because it sounds so stereotypical but I'm a 20 year old virgin. I can be very charming (I can really buy temperature with girls and got couple of phone numbers and humour/cockiness) and I was also being said that I'm generally a good looking guy but there is one big problem. Half a year ago I met a girl that completely changed my mindset about my priorities in life (->see post: "falling in love and PUA"). What I basically want is something so absoulutely pathetic and basic that I actually feel embarassed to mention it. It's just love and a feeling of security and being accepted. That tiny spark of light when you look into the eyes of that one unique person that can light up your little world only with a smile (true oneitis). But here comes the problem. To get that I have to be man enough to lay down my ever worn armour and show my true self and feelings. I have to trust and from my experiences of this world thats something I'm afraid of (behind my fear lies what I actually want). I hadn't an easy childhood but thats not an excuse I know. But thats what drives me mad because when I tell the truth about my past I get laughed at because I'm still a virgin ("loser") and get judged by it although to the largest part it wasn't my fault! As if it wouldnt be hard enough to get the needed recources and to resist against people who try to destroy and hurt you. Life to me is like a never ending fight against obstacles. All I want is to lay once beside the woman of my dreams and feel fullfilled and falling calmly asleep.

    Here's the question: Shall I lie about my past and pretend when I meet such a unique girl with the risk of never getting true love, or shall I be bluntley honest from the beginning with the high and well known risk of failing (pre-selection, S&R values), laughed at and getting judged by it although it doesnt represent my current life and mindset?

    I'm feeling a little bit like the guy from the movie "good will hunting" plus I hate to evoke in public I'm rather a reserved controlled kind of person very unimpulsive.

    By the way I'm really making progress now. I've moved out, I'm building very good everyday habits with habitica, I'm going to dance lessons and planning to learn how to cook and do some other things Neil Strauss did. I want to socialize more and be represented on social media (S&R values, pre selection) although thats something I was afraid of so far because of enemies and bullies.

    Last edited by Felix Storm; 11-05-2017 at 04:38 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    622
    Hi Felix,

    We do not teach or advocate lying. Ultimately that will take you down the wrong path.

    However, you do want to be strategic about when you start letting her behind the curtain. Start small and work your way to the deeper things as the relationship progresses.

    Vulnerability and willingness to emote is an attractive quality yes.... but in the beginning don't lay all your cards on the table (so to speak).

    So specifically on the first date you wouldn't want to get too deep about your challenging childhood. You might tell a few 'coming of age' humor stories. But if there was any abuse or 'fucked up shit'.....that save for several months down the road.

    Do not lie. First date keep it more light and playful. Over time as you can start to let her in.

    Jamie
    Director of Operations / Coach
    “Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.”
    ― Bruce Lee
    “As one advances, one does not accumulate but eliminate. The height of cultivation is really nothing special. It is merely simplicity; the ability to express the utmost with the minimum. The more complicated and restricted the method, the less opportunity for expression of one’s original sense of freedom. Though they play an important role in the early stage, the techniques should not be too mechanical, complex, or restrictive. It we cling blindly to them, we shall eventually become bound by their limitations.” - also....Mr. Bruce Lee

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