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  1. #1

    Newbie here, experiencing freezeout or 'ghosting' from a girl after sex. Help?

    Any advice and even criticisms are welcome as I am still somewhat on a learning curve, but here is the background:
    Girl just split with her ex a month ago, I split with mine a month ago as well. She openly admits to me that she misses him, but toxic relationship. She also openly admitted missing being in a serious relationship. Here are the sequence of events:

    1. Came across a long time girl acquaintance at a bar two Sat nights ago, we chatted had a few drinks.

    2. By the end of the night, after plenty drinks, I apparently kino'd and touched her ass (she liked it, more on that later).

    3. I then kissed her before she left (she did not resist).

    4. Her ex ended up being there to pick her up (she asked him to, prior to us kissing), and saw everything that happened.

    5. He went all up in my face and got pissed, I apologized politely, him and her moved on (I was already pretty lit at that point as well, my mistake).

    6. Sunday noon, I fb messaged her with a smiley face wink.

    7. She responds right away saying "haha how are you, etc." Then small talked.

    8. Next day I messaged her again joking "u recovered?" Then we chatted with more detail regarding sat night. She asks what was up with me touching her butt sat night, i told her i was just having a blast, she says "i know", and i joked, etc. and we addressed the kiss. i just said that I did not see anything wrong with it. And she AGREES. and she says that helped her finally get rid of her ex out of her life. We chatted more on emotional level, she says she misses being in a relaionship, ended the chat good til night, she said it was nice chatting with me today.

    9. We chatted again next day, at night she was having wine while we were messaging, and she mentions that someday 'someone' will see the good on her, i said 'maybe' and she says 'yes maybe'. She also says that for a strong woman she gets overwhelmed like this sometimes. We said goodnight, good chat.

    10. She asks me to hang out friday night.

    11. Came to her place, had drinks , went to the same bar we met last week, made out, she opened up to me saying that she is worried about me still being roommates with my ex. I aknowledged, listened to her stories, and was respectful. (Note: she openly told me that i seemed a little nervous and jittery, and politely told me to just relax, I was nonchalantly joking about how that is how i am).
    We went back to her place, made out again and went to bed tired, no sex.
    I forgot to bring condoms and joked about it nonchalantly. She also joked about how I already assumed that we were going to have sex (maybe she felt hurt or 'easy'? about that?). Anyway, we made out a little. more in bed, although i was a little bit rough and bit her too hard, my bad. Overall good night, we fell asleep, made out again a little in the morning in her bed before i left.

    12. Next day, she kept messaging me, and chatted with me relentlessy, very interested more than before, and she even joked 'dont forget to bring condoms' before she even asked if I would like to hang out again tonight. She even offered to pick me up. I agreed, but said that my uber budget is capped so i'd need a ride back in the morning (not sure if i got too demanding or entitled with this). She said she has no problem picking me up and dropping me off. We agreed, scheduled pick up.

    13. She picked me up and we got stuff from the store including wine, then relaxed at her house watching tv while she showed some of her pictures from the past when she was in the navy. As we were drinking on the couch and her cuddling with me, she says that she is 'liking' me. She says she likes me because I am intruiguing and cute (she mentions me being intriguing more than once, that she could not figure out whats in my head, those are her words).
    We then went to bed and had sex (it may not have been the best since it was our first having sex with each other, a lot of adjusting positions, me being to rough biting which she did not like, etc.,).
    This is embarrassing, but as we were adjusting in positions she joked "your p*n*s doesn't like me", we lauhed a little but not sure if that affected her a lot. I proceeded to finger and make out, and she had more pleasure during the fingerings, she even aaid that I got strong fingers. I said because i am a musician. We later on got tired, from two long days, and she said goodnight sweetie, we kissed and went to bed. I saw her take a tylenol PM, and I then asked one (not sure of I was demanding again or 'entitled.')
    While we were sleeping that night, I noticed that she did not cuddle me and was not touching me, maybe just because she was tired? Or was in comfy positions?

    14. Next morning, im between snoozing alarms, she got up on top of me and we had sex, and switched from woman on top to missionary, finding that sweet spot (again, not sure if that was pleasant to her or not). Embarrassingly enough,she did not scream not orgasm even last night (im disappointed in myself for this). I fingered her again and she seemed to enjoy it, and we napped a little bit with her cuddling me. She was very tired from the day before, like me.

    15. Later on that morning she then all of a sudden jumped up from bed, put clothes on. I did so as well. Then she grabbed her keys and told me 'are you ready?' I was almost taken aback by this, and a little surprised.

    16. She seemed irritated. But we went out to the door and she hugged me from behind and kissed me from behind. She then took me home but she says she is really tired, and she is coming over to her lady best friend's house to chill. She was quiet on the drive. I was too. She touched my hand once but that was it. Then when she dropped me off she just said 'bye' with a tired/upset look on her face. I said bye but gave her a kiss. Then I got out of the car. Later on she immediatelt posts a meme/gif on facebook, poking about how easing back into dating sucks (animation of a man trying to enter a jump rope session and tripping all over.)


    17. That whole day she never initiated a chat with me. At around 8pm at night I messaged how are you doing. And she just said shea fine, still at her friends place. Than asked how i am. We chatted a bit, but it seemed all small talk to be honest. She said that her friend remembers me and that a year ago i told her friend that she is pretty cool. I gave vague answer that 'well, thats not a lie.' Towards the end of the chat, i asked if her bruises healed from my bites, she said no!! And said that she does not like it by the way. I nonchalantly said i respect that. She reaponds with a smiley. Then she said goodnight.

    18. Next morning, i was surprised, she messaged me 'good morning sunshine.' We had a good chat throughout the day. But this time i gave some space and long intervals between responses. I did not get back to her until night time. I posted a status update on facebook that i am at band rehearsal. She 'liked' it and so she messaged me 'hows it going?' (After hours of me not messaging her). We had a good chat, she seemed sweet to me. Then later on said goodnight sweetie. I responded sweet dreams beautiful. She responded with a kiss smiley.

    19. Next morning (tuesday) i said goodmorning, we chatted, but seemed like small talk. She started to become a little distant or distracted. After giving her space/time intervals before reaponding at night, i reengaged, she then said how it going. I said just got home and how are you. She says that she is feeling 'not so' hot because of the leftovers she ate. I said shes fine, she says 'im sure', i said i have those days too, and sent her a meme saying 'youre hot' (not sure if this is too much validation given to her). She says that i am such a sweetie. I tried to break rapport by switching topic saying that i am checking out an apartment that my sis remmended the weekend or next, she says that is great. I said i'll still need to see the place. No response.

    20. Today (wednesday), absolutely no messages from her at all. Did she ghost or slow-fade me? And if so, is it because she felt that she was being too forward, or is it because she got turned off at some point?

    Any thoughts and any advice on what i could have done wrong, and what I could do better next time please?
    I have decent value and social proof due to being in a band and her seeing other girls say hi and vhat with me at the bar. And generally good at humor.
    She did admit though that she notices me being jittery at times, but not sure if that is the main issue.
    She has two kids, divorced for years, joint custody.
    Her ex bf is the second guy she's 'dated' after being single for years, per her words.
    I appreciate al your thoughts in this since I need to learn to be better. My heart is torn but i know this is just a case of oneitis.
    Thanks in advance.


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    452
    wow, brother you're really reaching out for help and that's a good start. I noticed you pay a lot of attention to detail, which could be very charming and effective if used in the right way. I would say try your hardest to tame your demons my friend, easier said than done but it could be done. I say this because I notice some self doubts you had, and don't get me wrong we all have those from time to time. It would benefit you to assume the sell and be your most confident self. What I mean by assume the sell is think to yourself she wants to f*** me, she likes me, why wouldn't she want a guy like me. Get in the habit of talking to yourself in a positive way and having a good relationship with yourself. This will in turn become infectious to other people, in your case this woman.being cognizant of detail is good, but don't get to obsessed with it, especially small things that might not even mean anything for example:"she started to become a little distant or distracted" maybe she was having personal issues at home. Keep in mind that what a woman does isn't always a reflection of you but sometimes it's just logistics... Maybe she had a cousin who had a bad accident and she just didn't tell you about it... you never know.


  3. #3
    she freaked it out when it felt like you were clingy/ forming a relationship is my position. I am new to this but have had similar issues

    great sex amazing fun then boom gone

    what I realized was is I hung around to long afterword and it got real relationshipy to fast


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    623
    it sounds like its just been one day

    if i read that correctly (that was an exceptionally long post so i skimmed it)

    so seems like you just need to relax

    1 day is not ghosting

    take it like an IOD

    if a girl gives you a small IOD, you give her a small IOD

    in other words when she finally responds, take your time responding back

    also id recommend you slow it down a bit, your not her BF yet, allow the relationship and communications to progress organically

    rather than text 'good morning' every day, its a good habbit to text or whatever when you actually have value to add, like a joke, a story, something of value

    Jamie
    Director of Operations / Coach
    “Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.”
    ― Bruce Lee
    “As one advances, one does not accumulate but eliminate. The height of cultivation is really nothing special. It is merely simplicity; the ability to express the utmost with the minimum. The more complicated and restricted the method, the less opportunity for expression of one’s original sense of freedom. Though they play an important role in the early stage, the techniques should not be too mechanical, complex, or restrictive. It we cling blindly to them, we shall eventually become bound by their limitations.” - also....Mr. Bruce Lee

  5. #5
    New to the forum but, I have been doing pickup for a long time in between LTRs. When I first got into pickup, I had a lot of misconceptions of game, of men, women, and society. The more I experience and work on self-knowledge, the more the veil of illusion fades. I had this conception that women just want marriage, LTRs, and are super emotional after sex. A lot of this could be farther from the truth.

    I've picked up and pulled girls before from the bar. One of the girls I picked up and got her number about a month ago. She was texting, telling me she likes it "hard and rough." More details about being tied up and some other weird shit. Then, nothing. GHOST! She completely disappears. Either no response or one word answers via text. What doe s guy do? Next her. Sure enough, I run into her at the bar, and she is up on my shit, I end up pulling her back to her place, and we hookup. Sure enough, her "I was busy" lie is debunked to running into playboy/alpha/ex bf. Something alike. Women never ghost for no reason. Equate it to the bigger better prize. I pull not because of great game. It was timing and she got dumped or replaced by someone hotter.

    When I was in my twenties, I would try to rationalize why women do what it is they do but, at 30, I haven't got the time to analyze stupidity. I don't know. I don't want to know? She disappears? Great. More time to do pickup. There are younger girls 18/19/20/21. Men do not have a biological clock. Our paths with respect to fertility differ. She disappears, so be it. Let her go. Don't look back. NEXT SET!

    https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine...ladies/308654/

    This article will debunk much of social conditioning, society, and the pedaling of victimhood. The article debunks a woman, late twenties dumps her boyfriend to "find herself." Translation? Sloot gonna sloot. Today, she is old. She cannot get the ring and she has not ideal suitors.

    Society is promoting this PC culture, gender neutral, promo for 'sloot gonna sloot' and single mother victimhood. You are hearing it pushed from guys like RSDMAX. Its horse shit. Do Not Buy It.


    For the life of me, I am in search for the sort of woman worthy of dating exclusively, and my life experiences has emphasized the importance of YOUTH. I never could quite articulate what is so special about YOUTH in a woman, at top form sexual market value (SMV). Then, I heard Jordan Peterson depict youth as "unlocked POTENTIALITY."

    You date the woman who is on top form SMV, dedicated to you, and no ambiguity. You don't turn a whore into a house wife. You don't commit to the girl skiing down cawk mountain and cratering her SMV. This is what society promotes. House of cards/Breaking Bad/Shameless/HIMYM/Stranger Things among a variety of other tv shows all of which Hollywood is attempting to normalize. Lead female cucks the male lead. Husband has cancer, brb fucking my boss!

    You can't be half a gangster! A girl ghosts you, she is doing you a favor man. Next set!


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