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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011

    How to build a deeper connection after sex

    Hi guys

    I'm gonna need a quick advice on this one.

    First date with a girl turned out to be great - I took her to the movies, then for a pizza, then for a cocktail at my place, we ended up kissing at some point and long story short, she stayed the night at my place - with everything that it includes.

    She acted like she was really into me and nothing went wrong. However, at some point in the middle of the night after sex, she told me she was not really looking for anything serious for the moment. I told her to just not plan anything and wait and see what happens, she was really okay with that. So she knows it was not a one-night stand in my mind.

    Thing is, I would really like to keep her and have this transformed into a LTR.


    I don't feel like the emotional connection between us is too weak, but it might be, especially considering that I usually build a deeper connection before having sex, which was not really the case here.

    Thanks for any advice, anything that would tell me what to do or not to do.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2013

    How to build a deeper connection after sex

    I would think the only solution to your issue is... time. I was going to recommend keeping things right where she wants them and being patient, but then I rememberd the "Cat and String" theory.

    You might have better success being available to her... but not quite always available. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I think you should probably keep yourself balanced between being emotionally in and then out of reach for her. I'm sure you'll find a few good opportunities in conversations to pull the string away so she chases it a little. IOIs calibrated with IODs I suppose.

    Keep rolling your game... just with a longer term strategy.

  3. #3

    How to build a deeper connection after sex

    Here is what I would do in this situation:

    1. Do not initiate text contact or any contact with her.
    2. After about 8 to 9 days, send a hilarious text with a final words that say "How's your day going?".
    3. Then suggest an activity and go on a real date and do something super fun. For example a ride on a ferris wheel or something that is fun. When you propose this activity you have to be humorous.
    4. Kiss and drop her off at her place. Do not bring her back to your place to have sex. Basically she has to sense your withdrawal.

    Repeat the above for a few dates.

    When a girl asks you to slow down, you double slow down. Scratch that. You triple slow down. You withdraw.

    But when on date, you have to be super fun. The activity has to be just awesome. When on date, talk about stories, and build the connection. And of course keep it hilarious. Keep some travel stories in your back pocket and some good comfort material.

    The key is to not contact her more than once every 8 to 9 days, and do not contact her on a friday or saturday. She must get the feeling that you are busy doing other things.

    I recovered from this exact situation before. Just slow the heck down! Be a challenge. You have to act cold by not contacting. Then you have to be hot on the date by being super fun. That combination does the trick. One won't work without the other.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2011

    How to build a deeper connection after sex

    Thank you guys for your help.

    This is not going to be easy but the game is still on ! I was actually trying to come up with a list of tips to keep attraction going and/or to maintain control in the Relationship after sex or so, and I opened a new thread concerning it, if you have any tips to add.

    Thank you anyway, I'm going to act as you advised me to.

  5. #5

    How to build a deeper connection after sex

    Hey man! This is Igor from Brazil, nice to meet you.

    Another thing you could do is try to create an anchor on her (from Neurolinguistic Programming). For example, when I am having a nice moment with her, or after the first time we have sex, I always say to her:

    "Hey, how are you feeling right now? Are you feeling happy?" (wait for her to say yes). "Are you feeling confortable?" (Yes) "Are you feeling secured?" (Yes). "So, get all this feelings and put them safe here" (point an object she always wears, for example a ring or a necklace she loves). "Whenever you look at this ring;necklace;object you will remember what you are feeling right now."

    Most of women I did that always use that object and remember me while looking at it.

    Try it and then tell me if it worked for you!


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2013

    How to build a deeper connection after sex

    First make sure if she wants to have sex or not. You don't wanna force it. If she does then one thing you can do is pay more attention to her after sex and even during sex. Nice warm breakfast when she wakes up would definitely work in your favor

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